Dear Margo: I recently went on a trip with several friends for a "guys only" weekend. Since we were staying overnight, I shared a room with one of these friends, "Bob."
He and I and our wives are very close friends, having vacationed together. I decided to bring some very personal pictures of my wife with me. For me, two days away from my wife is a very long time. The plan was to make sure the pictures were in a safe place at all times.
Unfortunately, I consumed more alcohol than I should have and left the pictures out. Before I woke up and realized what I had done, my friend had already seen the pictures. Initially, I was in a state of shock — I couldn't believe I had exposed my wife like this.
Eventually, my friend and I got into a pretty detailed discussion of our wives. At some point I realized that I actually liked that he saw my wife like that. Several months have gone by, and I can't stop thinking about it. I'm not sure why, but I want my friend to see my wife like that again.
I've come close to asking him if he wants to see more pictures of her, but I stop myself. He seems to be uncomfortable with the situation — maybe even a little remorseful that he told me so much about his own wife.
My question is this: Is it normal that I want to "show off" my wife? What is it that makes me want to do it? — Exhibitionist?
Dear Ex: Let us call what is behind your new urge a kink. Different things turn different people on. Your newfound interest in show and tell sounds a little regressive, but there you are. I will tell you this, however: Should your wife ever get wind of this, your life wouldn't be worth a plug nickel. — Margo, psychically
WHEN HE NEEDS A TV IN EVERY ROOM
Dear Margo: My 32-year-old husband has been playing computer war games for more than two years now. He has also installed a TV in nearly every room.
He started this behavior about six months before we got married, which made it very difficult to get his attention on wedding details. Also, a few months after we were married, I found out I was pregnant. This seemed to increase his many hours watching TV and being online.
After I had our son, I honestly thought he would adjust his schedule to find time for his family. This, disappointingly, did not happen. Now our son is 9 months old. When my husband comes home from work, he'll hold the baby, but he either watches TV or plays on the computer while doing it.
When the baby cries for his attention, he is ignored. The same goes for when I leave the baby with him. A few times he claims to have "forgotten" to feed him while I'm gone.
I've told him we need to go to family counseling and was given a resounding "no way." Our family, marriage and home are all in second place to his entertainment, and I've tried everything short of leaving with our son to make him see this is unacceptable. Can you help? — Neglected
Dear Neg: Given what you outline, I think a proper response to "no way" is "goodbye." This is an immature, self-involved and perhaps game-addicted person you are talking about, certainly not someone who is clicking on all cylinders.
If he will not recognize and try to get help with his deficiencies, I doubt that you would want to invest more time with a man who is neither a responsible husband nor father. Good luck with Game Boy (or without him). — Margo, pessimistically
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. To learn more about Margo Howard or to read features by other writers, visit creators.com.