Our 20-year-old daughter has been involved for two years with a young man who smokes, drinks too much, is controlling, quit school and can't hold down a job.

He has no car, so our daughter has to do all of the driving back from college to see him every weekend. In no way is he the kind of potential son-in-law we would have hoped for, but it is looking as though this boy may be in our daughter's life for a long time.

Because we have objected to her relationship with him from the beginning, we have very little contact with him. More than anything, we want to maintain a good relationship with our daughter, whom we love. We would never want her to have to choose between him and us — we know we would lose.

How can we deal with the worry over her making a life-altering mistake if she marries him? Is it hypocritical for us to try to accept this loser in order to keep close to our daughter? Why would a girl from a nice family choose a boy with such different values from those she grew up with? — Disappointed, Sad and Worried

Dear Dis: You are wise to imagine that you'd be on the losing end if you made your daughter choose right now. Tolerate the creep to the best of your ability so that you can maintain some kind of relationship.

I suspect down the line she will tire of this man's negatives, because a jobless drinker, who is also controlling, will not wear very well. (Then try hard not to say "we told you so.")

As for why she's made this choice, there could be a million answers. High on my list would be rebellion, Fixer-of-Broken-Persons syndrome and masochism. Let us hope she learns that women are not reform schools, and also that the jerk is only her starter husband. — Margo, futuristically

MULTITASKING IN THE LOO

Dear Margo: The company I work for just moved up in the world, literally. We now share the top floor of a high-rise with three other businesses.

We've all been neighborly thus far except for one person: a new mother from one of the other businesses who uses a breast pump each afternoon in the floor's shared ladies room. I'm all for making the workplace friendlier to moms and would never complain about this except that she also uses her time in the restroom to make business calls on her cellphone.

Our ladies room is on the smallish side, with four stalls, tiled walls and a narrow wash area, so sound is not absorbed. Since the person on the other end of the line must be able to hear if someone washes their hands or flushes a toilet, several of us are uncomfortable using the restroom when she's in there — but we're divided on whether we can say anything in this delicate situation.

I think that because she is in there for a fair amount of time each day, and because we have no way of knowing how long she'll be breast-feeding, there must be a polite and respectful way to ask her to refrain from multitasking in this one area. A ladies room is not a phone booth. — Stumped on the Top Floor

Dear Stump: I have a straightforward solution. This new mother has picked the most discreet and appropriate place she could think of. She is not pumping at her desk or in the reception room. You, on the other hand, cannot be expected to forgo washing your hands or flushing. Those noises are the price she must pay for multitasking in the loo.

In other words, make no effort to tiptoe around your ladies room. Do whatever you would ordinarily do. There's a slight chance this woman may catch on that the noise of her machinery and her phone conversations are imposing on the rest of you. — Margo, considerately

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. To learn more about Margo Howard or to read features by other writers, visit creators.com.