Dear Margo: My husband and I were married for 15 years. He is a fine arts painter; I am a cabaret singer. I took day jobs with health insurance, borrowed money from my parents and deferred having a child until he became successful. The minute he did become successful, he ran off with a 22-year-old. (He's 48.) I filed for separation.

Here's the thing: He keeps saying I am his "soul mate" and "the only woman he will ever really love" and that she is "not important" to him. When I asked if he was taking her with him on a business trip to China, he said "no" — even though his travel agency had mistakenly sent me the receipt for both their tickets. When I asked if he was moving in with her, he said, "Not exactly," and moved in with her the next day.

I am 44 and an accomplished woman who still models. I was a big social asset to my husband because I get along really well with people from janitors to royalty, all of whom we met on his climb upward. She is kind of dumpy, extremely dull and whiny. And he swears he's not in love with her. (However, he's taking her to Russia on his next business trip.)

I still love him. I'm an idiot, right? He's going to stay with his Lolita, and I need to accept that he's a lying, cheating weasel and move on. Everyone says "it's just about sex," but we had great sex and lots of it!!

Is there a chance this thing will blow over and I'll have my happy home back? I feel like an idiot for even asking, but I really do love the guy. — First Wife with a Club

Dear First: A 22-year-old, huh? These babe hounds give me a pain. You must remind yourself that this guy, whom you essentially supported — in every way — until he made it, has traded you in for a cupcake who is dumpy, dull and whiny . . . all the while telling you that you are his soul mate and the only woman he will ever love. Oh, and the babe is "not important" to him.

There is something wrong with this story and something wrong with him. If "this thing" blows over, I would think twice about taking this lout back. Should he keep after you, tell him he made his decision and to live with it. — Margo, categorically

The Girlfriend'$ Intere$t

Dear Margo: I am concerned about the young woman my son has told us he wants to marry. We are quite well off, and this girl seems very materialistic. My son is in business with my husband, and the about-to-be fiancee has talked about their future together in terms of houses, trips, jewelry, household help, etc.

I know that saying something against a child's romantic interest usually backfires, but I am distressed by this girl and unsure about what to say, if anything. What does this sound like to you, and what do you suggest we do? — Anxious Mother

Dear Anx: Your situation reminds me of a witticism I read somewhere:

Something old,

Something new,

Something borrowed,

Something seven carats.

You are correct that parents' efforts to put the dead hand on a child's choice are most often unsuccessful. (Don't ask me how I know this.)

In your situation, I would remember one of this girl's more telling remarks, repeat it to your son and mention that she seems exceedingly interested in money. I wouldn't beat it to death, but you will have at least put your apprehension in his mind. What he does with it is his business.

Truly, you could talk yourself blue in the face about your fears that she is a gold-digger, and it wouldn't do a bit of good if his mind is made up. — Margo, respectfully

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.