Dear Margo: I am a student in middle school. A boy (let's call him Ken) on my bus is, well, a nice way to say it is obnoxious.

To explain: He's a bit "chubby." He will say or do anything to get attention, but mostly it's spouting ridiculous things, but you can't help feeling sorry for him. He's usually the target of bullying by the "cool" kids (by cool, I mean stupid).

I overheard Ken saying his father is in jail. A friend, "Kelly," had the bad luck to sit by him. First, he licked a candy wrapper and rubbed it on Kelly's hair! Then, he slammed his backpack into the poor girl.

Another friend of mine, "Bob," told me that Ken threw Bob's math book and calculator in the garbage. The day before that, Ken looked me straight in the eye and had the nerve to call me lesbian.

Are there ways my friends and I (as well as the whole bus) can deal with Ken? — Annoyed and Confused

Dear An: You seem on the verge of understanding what's going on, so let me pitch in. This obnoxious, troublemaking kid is fat, made fun of, bullied and ostracized. Can you imagine what it must be like for an overweight kid — especially in your age group — who doesn't fit in and has a father in prison?

His behavior is meant to get attention and also reflects his deep unhappiness and insecurity as an outsider. A constructive way for you and your friends to deal with Ken would actually be to befriend him. It will take time, but if you all decide to make his life better, not worse, I'm pretty sure his behavior will change . . . and you and your buddies might even feel better about yourselves.

Dear Margo: I have a strange question. I'm a married woman in my 40s, and every fall, my husband takes a hunting trip with friends and male members of my family. I have always been very good at entertaining myself, and, in fact, look forward to this time alone each year to just hang out, read, eat junk food and watch movies that I know he would hate.

The problem is that while he's gone, my phone seems to ring off the hook. My friends and female family members won't leave me alone. They constantly want me to come over and hang out, or go out for dinner, and I really, truly, just want to be alone. I don't know how to get this across without insulting the people I care about. I've tried not answering the phone, but then they get mad because I was out when I said I didn't want to go anywhere (this is usually my mother's reaction), or they think I'm afraid to leave the house empty, so they come over and "visit."

I'm almost tempted to check into a hotel next year and tell everyone I've left the country. I've learned to deal with the people at work who think something is going on because my husband goes away without me (our marriage is fine, thank you), but don't know how to avoid the yearly ordeal with my family. — Loved to Death

Dear Loved: Unfortunately, you have the famous "they mean well" problem. I would suggest that a week before the next hunting trip you e-mail/call/write all these well-intentioned people to say that you appreciate their wanting to keep you occupied while your spouse is off with the boys, but you want to use his time away to watch movies, eat potato chips, and just veg out and recharge your batteries in solitude. Tell them to think of your private vacation as a silent retreat in your own home . . . but if you do get lonesome, you'll definitely call them.

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.