Q: Our grandson, who will be graduating from college in June, is in love and wants to marry his fiance after he gets a job. They have been dating for three years. As most young couples do, they look forward to a lifetime of happiness with each other. As we know well, that does not always happen.

Our grandson has asked us what we think are the most important aspects of a relationship that will affect their marriage. What do you think?

A: I believe the most important factor is mutual trust. If you cannot trust your lover, your chances of having a happy and successful relationship are low, and you are more likely to end up separated or divorced. Without trust, there is always that suspicion. Trust precedes love!

To mitigate lack of trust, one habit that has proven successful for couples is ongoing and honest communication of your feelings, fears and needs. Know and understand what each other does and why each other does it.

They may need to compromise and come to an agreement. They should talk and talk and talk it out. And they should remember that nothing is static — things can change frequently. Factors that are always on the table and need to be discussed are money, sexuality, children, careers, faith and health, plus many others.

A successful and committed marriage requires thought, work and responsibility. Now is the time to get to know each other well and understand what makes successful marriages work.

Neither men nor women are born to live alone. Finding someone to love and love you back is worth the challenges. — Doug

RETIREMENT COMMUNITY WOES

Q: I recently moved into a retirement community and I've found the environment uncomfortable, as there is a large divide between people. The older residents aren't very welcoming, and sometimes they bully others. It's not what I expected when I moved here!

What can I do to avoid this behavior?

A: Although we tend to think of this cliquey sort of behavior as juvenile, you can, in fact, find it in any age group. Every community has its own culture, and it can be difficult to figure out from the outside. It's rough to find this kind of dissent after moving there.

Some of what you're feeling may be a sort of culture shock, and hopefully you will adjust and feel more comfortable with a little time. However, bullying is a recognized problem in many retirement communities.

It's difficult to force change upon others, and many seniors are especially resistant. See if you find yourself acclimatizing. If the bullying is pervasive, consider approaching the community staff to explain specific behaviors. Most communities have a code of conduct.

Look for others within the community to form friendships, as you're likely not the only person who feels alienated. Join in communal activities and look for common interests. Although every environment has its downsides, look for the positive elements in your new home and make the most of them.

Give yourself time to adjust. If you still find the community hostile, you can try somewhere else. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.