Q: I am getting concerned about my daughter-in-law and her relationship to our son. They have been married four years now and have had no problems until the last six months. We are not sure what is happening. Lately, at our regular family gatherings, she has been flirting with our unmarried son. She spends most of her time laughing and chatting with him, and both of them appear to be enjoying each other's company very much. She even criticizes her husband in front of us. An outsider would think that pair was the married pair. After a couple of drinks our daughter-in-law really lets us all know how much she likes her brother-in-law. What can my husband and I do?

A: It's time to address these issues, before the family relationship gets more dangerous. It may well be that she's naturally flirty or teasing your unmarried son to make his brother jealous. Given that this is recent, try to figure out what has changed between the couple so that you can help your son. Talk with both sons and tell them you don't understand what's going on. Is the married pair's relationship suffering, and why? Is it time to see a marriage counselor? Is your son's wife not getting enough attention within the family? Does she flirt with other men at other social occasions? As you say, the relationship appears to be a problem. Let your unmarried son know that you don't understand his participation. You may not understand all of your son's marital issues, but it's important for him to maintain his relationship with his brother. — Emma, granddaughter

COURTING WOES

Q: I'm a lonely widower who would like to find another good woman to love and have as my partner. I've been dating regularly for the past six months, and believe I have found one I'd like to marry. However, I don't think she is as interested in me as I am in her. We don't have similar backgrounds, and like most people, both of us have baggage. I want to do everything to encourage her that I'm a good choice. How can I convince her I'm her man?

A: You need to let her know how lucky you are to have found her. As you begin to know each other better, whether she responds affectionately or not will indicate if she's seriously interested in being with you. In the courting process, your conversation and the things you do for her allow her time to evaluate what kind of man you are. Some psychiatrists believe that we fall in love because we look for people who complement us. As none of us is perfect, we look for someone who balances out our flaws and virtues, because then we both feel complete.

Be patient — women take more time to size up a guy. Health, age, family, finances, location and other issues will inform her decision. Both of you should ask yourselves what you're looking for in a relationship, and whether your interests match or whether you can compromise. What she says will help you know why she isn't as committed, and if this will change. — Doug

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Brendan Adkins