Dear Annie: I am starting to feel like my whole life is lived through a screen, and I am ashamed to admit how much control my phone seems to have over me.

I am 42 and married, with two kids in middle school. On paper, things are fine. In reality, I spend more time scrolling than actually living my life. I pick up my phone "just to check one thing," and suddenly 20 minutes are gone. I sit on the couch next to my husband, "Matt," both of us on our phones, barely speaking.

My kids, "Betty" and "Gregory," roll their eyes because I tell them to limit screen time while I am sneaking another look at group chats, news and social media. I tell myself it is how I "stay informed" and "keep in touch," but it feels more like hiding. I compare my life to everyone's vacations, remodels and promotions, and then I feel worse, so I scroll more.

Some nights I look up and realize I have spent the entire evening looking at other people's lives instead of being present in my own home. I miss reading books, taking walks, even just being bored. I feel constantly distracted and oddly empty.

I do not want my kids to remember me with a phone in my hand more than my face. How do I break this habit and actually be present in my own life again? — Scrolling Away My Life

Dear Scrolling: First, take a deep breath. You are not the only one looking up from a screen wondering where the evening went. And you are not a bad parent or partner.

You are right that this habit will not fix itself, though, so keep it simple. Pick a few small rules and stick to them. Maybe no phones at dinner, no phones in bed and no phone for the first 30 minutes after everyone gets home. Put the phone in another room, not your pocket.

Turn off nonessential notifications, and move or delete the apps that suck you in. Then decide what goes in the empty space, whether it's a book, a walk, a show you actually watch or a board game with the kids. Boredom is not a failure. Being bored makes room for real life to show up.

Tell your family your plan: "I don't like how much I am on my phone. I'm going to work on it, and I'd love for us to have some phone-free time together." They may roll their eyes, but they will notice.

Put the phone down for 10 minutes tonight and look at the people you love. That is the feed that matters most.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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