Dear Annie: I have a best friend whom I love dearly, and we have been close for years. She is funny, generous and has been there for me during some difficult times. But lately I have noticed a pattern that is starting to wear on me.

Whenever I try to tell her something about my life, she interrupts before I can finish and somehow turns the conversation back to herself. If I mention a stressful situation at work, she immediately tells me about something worse that happened to her. If I share good news about one of my children, she jumps in with a story about her own family. Even when I am upset and really need someone to listen, I rarely get more than a few sentences out before the conversation becomes about her.

Recently, I was trying to tell her about something that had really hurt my feelings. Before I could even explain what happened, she interrupted and spent the next 20 minutes talking about a similar experience she had years ago. I went home realizing she never even asked how my situation turned out.

I don't think she is deliberately being selfish, and I would hate to damage a friendship that means so much to me. But I'm beginning to feel invisible.

Is there a kind way to tell her that friendship needs to be a two-way conversation without making her defensive? — Looking for a Listening Ear

Dear Looking: Good friendships need room for both people to be heard. Your friend probably doesn't even realize she is doing this, so when you bring it up, do it with plenty of kindness and without accusing her. You might simply say, "Sometimes I really need you to just listen before we move on to something else."

A true friend should care enough to hear you out and make an effort.

Dear Annie: My adult son is in his 30s and works as a teacher in New York City. He is hardworking and responsible, but his salary is modest, and living in the city is expensive.

From time to time, he asks me for financial help. Most recently, he wanted money to help pay for an expensive weekend getaway with his girlfriend. I love my son and enjoy being able to help him when he truly needs it, but I am starting to wonder whether I am making it too easy for him to spend beyond his means.

I also worry that he feels pressure to keep up with his girlfriend's expectations. There always seems to be another nice dinner, gift, trip or special experience he wants to provide for her. She seems lovely, and I do not want to blame her, but I sometimes wonder whether he is stretching himself financially to make her happy.

I want to support my son without interfering in his relationship or making him feel judged. At the same time, I think he needs to learn to live within his salary.

Would it be wrong for me to tell him that I am happy to help in a true emergency, but I am no longer comfortable paying for vacations, gifts or other luxuries? — Trying to Help, Not Enable

Dear Trying: Loving your son does not require financing a lifestyle he cannot afford. It is perfectly reasonable to help with a true emergency and say no to vacations, gifts and other extras.

You can be kind and firm at the same time. His relationship and spending choices are his responsibility, and learning to live within his means may be one of the most helpful gifts you could give him.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

Photo credit: Christina @ wocintechchat.com M at Unsplash