Dear Annie: I used to be in a battle with my husband because he insisted on sleeping with our dog and cat. We had a Jack Russell terrier that used to sleep in bed with us, plus the cat.
While that was fine before we had our oldest daughter, afterward it was not OK. I allowed the dog and cat in our bed for a month after moving our daughter to her crib in her room right next to ours. What would happen, though, is that any time the dog would lick her paws or shake, I'd jump awake thinking the baby woke up. Same thing with the cat; as she'd jump on or off the bed, it would scare me awake. I couldn't get any sleep!
I asked my husband to keep the animals out of our bed at night. Even though he wasn't happy about kicking the dog out of the room, he still did it.
As far as baths go, I give her baths at least once every month or every other month, and I wash her bedding a day or two after her bath.
This situation doesn't need to be permanent. I am thinking about proposing that we work out a schedule on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays for the dog and cat to sleep in their own beds. Along with asking my husband to give the dogs baths more often, I also think he should be washing the bedding more, since he has more free time than I do. — Not Dog Tired Anymore
Dear Not Dog Tired Anymore: The idea of a schedule and asking him to wash the dog more often is a good one. Compromise and finding the middle road usually work out for the best when there is disagreement over an issue. They say that whenever there is a conflict about something — and an agreement is reached — if each party is a little bit disappointed with the outcome and a little bit happy, then it was the right compromise.
Dear Annie: After my father's suicide, I learned about grief from the inside out and quickly discovered that I had known nothing at all when viewing it only from the outside as an observer.
The most helpful resource I found was the book "Understanding Mourning" by Glen Davidson. He shows how grief is typically a two-year process, not a two-week one. Yes, that is highly inconvenient for most people, especially in our fast-paced "give it to me now" culture, but it is what it is.
You cannot hurry it any more than you can hurry a sunrise. — Knows Grief Well
Dear Knows Grief: I am so very sorry for your loss and want to thank you for the book recommendation. I hope it helps others heal their grief, and, for those who want to comfort the grieving, I hope it helps with patience and perspective.
"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].
Photo credit: Claudia Mañas at Unsplash
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