Dear Annie: I am embarrassed to admit this at my age, but I feel like the kid left out at recess. I am in my late 40s, married with kids, a steady job and a calendar that looks full from the outside. But inside I feel lonely.

I have plenty of "friendly" people in my life. We chat at school pickup, at work, in the neighborhood, and everyone says, "We should get together soon." Yet somehow those plans never happen unless I am the one organizing, texting, reminding and following up. If I stop being the planner, everything goes quiet.

On social media I see group trips, girls' nights and birthday dinners that I am not included in, even with people I thought I was close to. I tell myself to grow up and stop caring, but it still stings. I start to wonder what is wrong with me that I am always on the edge of things instead of really in them.

How do I stop feeling like the backup friend and either find real connection or make peace with the way things are? — Always Almost Included

Dear Almost Included: First, stop treating yourself like the understudy in your own life. You're not the "backup friend."

What you're seeing is less judgment toward you and more a reflection of other people's habits, comfort zones and sometimes plain old thoughtlessness. It stings, but it's not a verdict on your worth.

Keep inviting when you genuinely want to, but stop chasing. Put your energy into the people who show up, not just the ones who post. Try joining a class, book club or volunteer group where the structure makes it easier to deepen friendships.

The right people will not need constant reminders that you exist. They will be glad you do.

Dear Annie: My name is Claire, and I feel embarrassed even writing this because it sounds so small compared to what other people deal with. But it's eating at me.

My best friend, Jenna, and I have been close since our 20s. We used to text all day, swap stories about our kids, and take turns showing up for each other when life got messy. Lately, though, I feel like I'm the only one reaching out. If I don't text first, I won't hear from her for weeks. When I do, she answers with a quick "Crazy busy!" and then posts photos with other friends that same night.

I finally asked if I'd done something wrong. She laughed and said, "No, you're fine," like I was being dramatic. I don't want to beg for attention, but I also don't want to quietly lose someone who mattered to me.

How do you handle a friendship that's fading when the other person insists everything is fine? — Missing Jenna

Dear Missing Jenna: You're not dramatic. You're noticing a change, and changes hurt, even when no one did anything "wrong."

Start by matching her effort, not to punish her but to protect your peace. Stop auditioning for a role you already earned. Reach out occasionally with something warm and specific, like "Miss you. Want a quick coffee this week?" Then let her answer with her actions.

Also, don't confuse social media with a seating chart. A photo is not a verdict. If Jenna is drifting, make room for other friendships without slamming the door. The people who value you will make time, not excuses.

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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