Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.
Dear Ann Landers: I am getting married next year to a wonderful guy. His mother passed away when he was very young. My future father-in-law never remarried, but he has had a "significant other" for about 18 years — it just happens to be another man.
My fiance is very close to his father's partner. He says it is like having two wonderful fathers. Would it be proper to put his partner's name on the wedding invitation? My fiance says that his father would marry his partner if it were legally possible and that his name should be on the invitation. I don't want to embarrass anyone by making a public announcement of their living arrangement, but neither do I want to offend my fiance by not including this man. How can I diplomatically resolve this? — Fiasco in L.A.
Dear L.A.: Significant others, whether gay or straight, should not have their names on wedding invitations. Your father-in-law's partner will be very much in evidence at the festivities, so he should not feel that anyone is hiding him. To put his name on the wedding invitation as if he were a spouse would, in my opinion, be improper and invite a lot of criticism. Don't do it.
Dear Ann Landers: I have two sons. My older son, "Randall," is unmarried. Last year, he had to give up his apartment when his lease ran out, so for several months, he lived with his younger brother, "Eddie," and his wife, "Gussie." I accidentally overheard a conversation and learned that Randall and Gussie were having an affair.
I immediately told Eddie what was going on. He promptly confronted his wife and brother. They confessed everything.
Now, all three of them are angry with me. Eddie finally has started to speak to me again after months of silence, but Gussie still won't talk to me. That doesn't bother me much because I never liked her. Meanwhile, Randall hasn't said one word to me since the affair.
Was I wrong to tell Eddie about the affair? I couldn't bear to see my younger son being made a fool by his wife, and I didn't think it was right for Randall to be involved with her under any circumstances. It breaks my heart that my children are so upset with me. Is there any way to fix this? — A Sorry Mom in Iowa
Dear Sorry Mom: While your moral stance was understandable, you created a great deal of animosity, and it will take time to repair the damage. You owe an apology to Randall, Eddie and Gussie (even though you don't like her). I suggest that you drop a note to each of them and ask for forgiveness. This should serve as a lesson to you. Vow to carry no more tales. Sometimes, they kill the messenger.
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