Q: I have a friend who is intelligent, competent, and knows proper etiquette, but takes jobs that are totally beneath him. He said he wanted a career and not just a job, so he took the real estate course and got licensed. He got in with a small real estate company, and then became so fearful that he stayed with his minimum-wage job and didn't do anything to practice in real estate.

I've always supported his actions, but I kept suggesting he move forward with his plan. He got so upset that he now avoids me and we were close friends. It upsets me to know he could more with a career, but because of fear and insecurity, wastes his life. How do I help him?

A: No one can directly help a person who doesn't want help. Your first step is to have a heartfelt conversation with him, apologizing for pressuring him (even if you think your comments were not that strong). Though he took a major step to take the real estate test for licensing, he may have felt safe taking it thinking he would fail. Passing likely surprised and scared him, because now he has no excuses to not advance to the next step.

Your supportive comments were clearly meant to motivate him, but for a self-doubter, your positive approach reaffirmed his fears. Every step in a business plan requires decision-making, and with that comes risk. Each choice to make offers another chance to fail, as well as succeed.

Accept that you can't change your friend, nor can you build confidence by complimenting a person whose insecurity and low self-esteem have been building for years. To soothe over his reaction, apologize to him, explaining you were excited about his passing the real estate test and that you're not sure why he has shied away from you. You can also email him a list of books focused on entrepreneurship and starting a business, or send him a book to get him thinking.

Reinventing Yourself, How to Become the Person You've Always Wanted to Be, 20th Anniversary Edition (Career Press 2017 $15.99) is a fascinating and informative book that uses numerous real life experiences to prove how a fearless approach to life can improve one's career and future. Author Steve Chandler compares one's spirit to a "low flame inside us just waiting for the pump to bring oxygen in. Outside circumstances do not activate the pump. We do." Inspiration and enthusiasm seem to be the keys in setting individuals free to make the decisions that can change their lives.

Face-to-face conversations can be threatening for many, even when a friend's intention is to deliver helpful advice. A message in writing can be easier on the person receiving it since he or she can read it immediately or later when one feels open and ready to receive it. Discussing job and career choices in a positive and enthusiastic manner may seem easy for you, but to a person with a shaky emotional foundation, the suggestion of moving forward can be threatening.

Chandler offers numerous real life examples of people succeeding once they are open to feeling the excitement of the moment and letting go of the fear of failure. In fact, no one would experience success if they had let fear hold them back from trying new things. Reading the gradual steps to grow into a life of "yes" may offer a comfort level not possible through conversation.

Once you send the book to your friend as a peace offering, your job as a motivator is done. He may read it without ever acknowledging its receipt, and without thanking you, but you can walk away knowing you only wanted to help. Regardless of his actions, you have learned a valuable lesson: No matter how well meaning one is, there will be those not ready to accept the help.

Email all questions to [email protected]. For more about her, visit www.lindseyparkernovak.com or follow her on Twitter @TheLindseyNovak and Facebook at Lindsey.Novak.12. For past columns, visit Creators Syndicate Website at www.creators.com.