Q: I go to weekly networking events sponsored by a professional networking company and held at various bars and restaurants in town. It seems that after saying hi, people go into a routine speech about what they do, and then get into asking what I do. If they think I might need their services, they end with a sales pitch and want to make an appointment to talk about business. The worst is when they suddenly walk away when they think there's no reason for connecting with you.
How should I respond to those only interested in gathering information for possible referrals (as if I should want to help them connect), and selling their services? There is no warm, friendly introduction, nothing that says "I'd like to get to know you and maybe be friends," nothing to make me want to connect and help the person. I'm getting turned off to networking, but I keep going to events hoping it will be better next time.
A: According to networking experts Dr. Ivan Misner and Brian Hillard, authors of Networking Like A Pro, Turning Contacts into Connections (Entrepreneur Press, 2017), people tend to treat networking as a face-to-face, cold-calling event. They attend a networking event wanting to sell something, but no one is there to buy. It's the wrong use of the time. It's not "what you know" or "who you know," but how well you know each other that matters. Successful networking is about building relationships.
People at networking events would benefit by the VCP Process, which stands for visibility, credibility and profitability. Visibility must come first, which means you are seen and acknowledged. Once attained, you have your chance to create credibility. Only after you've established credibility can you advance to profitability. Now you can successfully discuss business and what you can do for the person.
According to Misner, networking is about farming (building long relationships), not hunting. He refers to the networking behavior you've experienced as "premature solicitation," which is when people meet and launch into the "what's-in-it-for-me" mode. Most people will typically only work with people when they've reached the credibility stage. Premature solicitors are the hunters, not the farmers, and it seems meeting the hunters is turning you off the whole event.
If you're attending a networking event hoping for referrals, you are skipping the VCP process altogether. Ask yourself if you would feel comfortable referring a stranger to someone who trusts and counts on your word. If a person you've just met asks you for a referral, don't do it. Misner says, "When you refer someone, you give away a little bit of your reputation." Since most people spend years building a reputation, it's not something to be taken lightly. However that person treats your contact reflects on you, like it or not. Always know the person you're referring, since your own reputation is at stake.
"Forging a deep connection with a potential referral partner starts with a genuine desire to get to know the person. That means the whole person, not just the superficial information from an 'elevator' pitch." Be careful to not come across with third degree questioning, but talk about interests, business goals and aspirations. Show others your willingness to share information that allows that person to get to know you.
If you're leaving these events feeling it was a waste of time, change your approach at the next one. Take the initiative to start personal conversations, such as favorite outdoor activities, sports teams, types of entertainment enjoyed — topics that will help you find a common bond with the person.
Misner has created the 12 x 12 x 12 rule. To prepare for a networking event, ask yourself three main questions: How do you look from 12 feet away? How do you come across from 12 inches away? What are your first 12 words when you meet someone? Know your responses ahead of time.
If you view networking as a social and business event, you should be able to enjoy yourself more. You may also end up doing further research so you choose events better suited to your goals.
Email life and career coach [email protected] with your workplace questions and experiences. For more information, visit www.lindseyparkernovak.com and for past columns, see www.creators.com/read/At-Work-Lindsey-Novak.
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