Dear Annie: I am a 51-year-old attractive professional, divorced twice and currently engaged to a 58-year-old man who also is twice divorced. We met online and hit it off pretty quickly. He has a magnetic personality, and sex is great between us. He moved in, and I am supporting him financially until he gets his businesses in order. He has had four DUIs and recently spent some time in jail. I have stood by him through this.
He has always been upfront that he likes to view porn a lot and wants to experiment sexually. This doesn't bother me. But he posted an ad online asking another woman to join us for sex. While we may fantasize about this in the bedroom, he wants to make it real and this makes me uncomfortable. But he gets angry if I say so. (He also doesn't like when I mention the money issues between us.)
I have been through a lot over the past few years, including getting out of an abusive marriage. I also have a young daughter at home. Am I being unreasonable about a threesome or should I rethink this situation? — Confused
Dear Confused: This guy is unreliable financially and emotionally. He wants you to support him while he indulges himself. His sexual interests do not coincide with yours. He is manipulating and pushing you to do something you don't want to do. Worse, when you express yourself, he becomes angry.
Based on your history, you might not recognize an unhealthy relationship, so please allow us to point it out: This guy is not partner material. He is not going to be a helpful influence on you or your daughter and there is great potential for abuse. The sex may be great, but it's not enough to make up for his shortcomings. We urge you to get away from this guy altogether.
Dear Annie: I am writing in response to "Lonely for Life," the teenager who had few friends and was concerned about being "antisocial."
I, too, had social anxiety for most of my life. In my 30s, I decided I just couldn't continue that way. I started off simply by walking down the hall at work, looking people in the eyes and saying, "Good morning." It was very difficult in the beginning, but became easier. Then I took further small steps in making social contact with others.
It took a number of years to reach an acceptable (to me) level of comfort in social situations. I am in my 60s now and have been teaching for a nonprofit for the past 20 years. Who would have thought I would ever be comfortable standing up in front of others and teaching? I have even spoken at a national conference.
"Lonely for Life" should take slow steps and try to get outside her comfort zone a little each day. It doesn't happen overnight, but if it can happen for me, then I think "Lonely" can do it, too. — No Longer a Wallflower
Dear No Longer: Thank you for your words of encouragement. We cannot remake the world so it suits us. Each of us must make the incremental adjustments to ourselves that will make our lives better.
"Annie's Mailbox" is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar. This column was originally published in 2015. To find out more about Classic Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit Creators Syndicate at www.creators.com.