Once a Booty Call, Always a Booty Call
Diane's affair with Eddie began shortly after he got married. It was "on and off in the beginning."
"We were always attracted to each other and the relationship developed into an easy friendship."
As time went on, Diane became a born-again Christian and the relationship ended. Still, they remained friends and would call each other on their birthdays to see how they were doing.
Eddie's wife passed away last February, and in March he contacted Diane. "I was overwhelmed with grief for his loss, and I offered him my condolences. I told him if he ever needed to talk, it would be all right for him to call me."
Eddie called shortly after that, telling Diane he was feeling "a little stir crazy" and wanted to come over. "I was prepared to let him talk out his grief, but when he arrived he wanted to do no such thing. He started telling me how long it had been since he'd had sex. I expressed to him that I thought it was too soon for him to begin another relationship. But by the beginning of April, we were in this whirlwind romance. I loved every minute of it, until I realized that I was still a secret and a booty call, the same as I'd been when he was married."
Their affair lasted four months. "I could no longer tolerate how he fitted me into his life as though I was still the other woman, coming over at bed time, leaving early in the morning, never including me in his plans for the holidays.
He never introduced me to his friends or relatives. The last straw was when he told me he would be spending his birthday with his son for brunch and then with friends for dinner. Where did I fit in? I didn't."
Diane wrote Eddie a letter, ending the relationship. He called to say she had low self-esteem and no interests other than sex. He said he never wanted to see her again.
"I tried to invite him to dinner, so we could talk since everything was now out in the open, but he said he wouldn't have dinner with me, ever. He said when he's through with someone, he's through."
And then Eddie said something very revealing. He said he stopped speaking to his uncle because his uncle moved a woman into his house six months after his wife died. He married her a year later. Eddie said he hasn't spoken to him since.
"Is that crazy or what? I don't see how that story related to us."
Diane ended the call by telling Eddie she'll always love him. Eddie's been true to his word. He hasn't contacted her.
She thinks the problem is that Eddie never grieved properly for his wife. "He didn't put a period after her death, he had put a comma." I couldn't disagree more.
I think the problem is that in Eddie's mind, Diane was, is and always will be a booty call. Nothing more. He has a strict moral code — for everyone but himself — and she doesn't live up to it, anymore than his uncle and his uncle's wife.
That's what I think. Readers, what do you think?
What were your best, worst and funniest first dates? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.comTo find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
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8 Comments | Post Comment
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I'm inclined to agree with Cherly on this one. "Eddie" sounds like a real tool, and LW1 sounds like something of a doormat. At some point it just seems like she gave him too many chances, and wanting to "talk things out" after ending the relationship seems almost too kind, given she was never treated by him with any real respect. Yes, she was the "booty call girl." Yes, he was a raging hypocrite for cutting off his uncle and then doing the same thing he did. Yes, he was a jerk to his wife for first cheating on her, then complaining about his lack of action in bed and hopping in with LW before grass had grown over her grave. I have been actively avoiding the "narcissist" bandwagon, because I feel the term is bandied about far too much these days, but this guy really does seem completely self-absorbed. He only views the LW- and possibly his wife- in terms of how they relate to him. And his uncle? How close was he to his aunt? Yeah, moving a woman in after six months is pretty unseemly, but why would he stop speaking to him over it?
Comment: #1
Posted by: Jers
Sat Jan 21, 2012 9:47 PM
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He's a hypocrite and a MAJOR douche bag! As long as she was his doormat, willing to go along with whatever was convenient for him, he was happy. He is not mature enough to see his faults. I say good riddance! I hope Diane finds someone else who can make her happy. She deserves it.
Comment: #2
Posted by: sfph
Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:00 AM
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Yes, Diane was a booty call but let's look at why. I suspect Eddy has antiquated views of women and lumps them into two categories: respectable and trash, like the difference between who you have fun with and who you bring home. When Diane had an affair with him she was lumped into the trash category. His wife was respectable, his mistress was trash. Remember that antiquated views have inherently different standards for men and women, so to him it was ok that he had a mistress, but she was a cheap slut. Once a woman is thrown into the trash category by a guy that thinks like Eddy she will never leave it. I suspect the woman his uncle moved in simply didn't pass the "respectable woman" test; if the uncle had just had his fun on the side with her Eddy wouldn't give it another thought but the fact that his uncle moved "trash" into his home is more then he can handle. Once again, "trash" is to be kept separate and discreet. It has nothing to do with grieving for his wife, it just makes Diane feel better to think that; he will meet someone he considers respectable and she will have full status in his life. Learn from this and move on, and in the future reconsider whether you want to be a side piece to a married man. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I'm calling this one like I see it.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Kim
Sun Jan 22, 2012 5:46 AM
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Agree, Cheryl, with some added thoughts:
Doesn't matter how born-again Diane is. Eddie ain't about to have a relationship with the woman who, simply by existing, reminds him that he cheated on his wife OR who was willing to meet his demand for sex with nothing else even after his wife died. After all, his (probably subconscious) reasoning goes, she slept with me so quick, what's to prevent her from doing the same with some other guy she's attracted to?
If she'd HOPED to have any kind of real relationship with Eddie, Diana would have needed to throw him out once he started talking about how long it's been since he had sex -- yeah, THAT'S how someone goes about wooing a woman, NOT! In his mind, she does have low self-esteem because she AGREED to his conditions of all sex and nothing but sex, when he wants it.
Telling Eddie she'll always love him? Well, that just about nailed the coffin shut. Sorry, Diane -- I am sure you don't believe in "playing games" but Eddie was playing you, because you allowed it.
(I'm not sure that the uncle anecdote is particularly telling. Widows in both genders report that family often disapproves of them even DATING someone else before some arbitrary mourning period, not realizing that mourning takes place before the actual death in a long and progressively debilitating illness as the spouse moves from being a real partner to caretaker. Men of a certain generation are particularly ill-equipped to cope with being alone--when my aunt became so debilitated by Alzheimer's that she moved to a care facility, my uncle's fridge was FULL of containers of leftovers from meals she'd refused -- he visited daily. My aunt passed several months ago; it would not surprise me at all if he marries within a year of her death. )
Comment: #4
Posted by: hedgehog
Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:21 AM
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Agree, Cheryl, with some added thoughts:
Doesn't matter how born-again Diane is. Eddie ain't about to have a relationship with the woman who, simply by existing, reminds him that he cheated on his wife OR who was willing to meet his demand for sex with nothing else even after his wife died. After all, his (probably subconscious) reasoning goes, she slept with me so quick, what's to prevent her from doing the same with some other guy she's attracted to?
If she'd HOPED to have any kind of real relationship with Eddie, Diana would have needed to throw him out once he started talking about how long it's been since he had sex -- yeah, THAT'S how someone goes about wooing a woman, NOT! In his mind, she does have low self-esteem because she AGREED to his conditions of all sex and nothing but sex, when he wants it.
Telling Eddie she'll always love him? Well, that just about nailed the coffin shut. Sorry, Diane -- I am sure you don't believe in "playing games" but Eddie was playing you, because you allowed it.
(I'm not sure that the uncle anecdote is particularly telling. Widows in both genders report that family often disapproves of them even DATING someone else before some arbitrary mourning period, not realizing that mourning takes place before the actual death in a long and progressively debilitating illness as the spouse moves from being a real partner to caretaker. Men of a certain generation are particularly ill-equipped to cope with being alone--when my aunt became so debilitated by Alzheimer's that she moved to a care facility, my uncle's fridge was FULL of containers of leftovers from meals she'd refused -- he visited daily. My aunt passed several months ago; it would not surprise me at all if he marries within a year of her death. )
Comment: #5
Posted by: hedgehog
Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:29 AM
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Eddie sounds like a douche-bag, but he is right on at least one thing...Diane does have incredibly low self-esteem. If she didn't, she would not continue to beg him to continue the relationship and work things out. There is nothing to work out.
Even if he wanted to, he would never have an open relationship with her and introduce her to his family...he would be terrified that it would eventually slip out that they had been sexually involved while his wife was still living. She needs to just write this off as a lesson learned, and move on to something healthier.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Shirley
Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:41 AM
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Yeah, I think if Diane hadn't been the woman that he cheated on his now-deceased wife with, then he might have treated Diane differently. In his mind, she'll always be the "dirty little secret" that he's probably ashamed of, and that's unlikely to change. Diane is well rid of him.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Mike H
Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:02 AM
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They both sound like tools. She ends their "relationship" with a letter. He responds by calling her to insult her. She responds by asking him to share a meal with her. He insults her further. Then she believes he just wasn't ready to move on from his dead wife. Wow - LOL. They both have serious low self-esteem and instead of working on fixing themselves she looks to be abused and he looks to abuse. They're both tools.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Diana
Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:49 PM
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