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Unchecked Paranoia Unsafe?
Dear Annie: What should I say to my sister when she makes outrageous claims? For example, she believes the government is spraying poison into the skies and dropping ticks to kill us. She has a huge supply of plastic coffins ready to put our corpses into. She thinks crackpots rapping on YouTube are reliable sources of information.
Sometimes I get through to her with reason and facts, but soon after, she corroborates her misconceptions via other web "sources." I have too much real life to live to spend time debunking all the links she sends to "prove" her beliefs, but I worry that her paranoia might not be safe if it goes unchecked.
We are both retired, and she spends most of her time on her couch surfing the web on her smart phone and watching movies. She hardly engages in any physical activity, and her health is suffering. She believes every conspiracy theory out there, and when I don't concur, she thinks I don't respect her intelligence.
Should I just agree with her? Empathize with her feelings of doom? Laugh off the wacky stuff? Change the subject to real-life issues? Please help. — Older Sister
Dear Older Sister: It is pointless to argue with your sister. Instead, please suggest she get a complete checkup. She may be suffering from something as simple as a urinary tract infection, as serious as dementia or as complicated as mental illness. You also can try your local Department on Aging to see whether someone could visit your sister in person and do an evaluation.
Dear Annie: I need advice on how to tactfully uninvite relatives to a gathering. A few weeks ago, I casually mentioned to my husband that I'd like to have a special outing with our sons. It's my youngest boy's birthday, and I suggested an overnight stay at a resort. Along the way, we could stop at my husband's brother's house and have a small cake-and-ice-cream celebration with his brother, sister-in-law and young nephew. The next thing I know, he has invited his brother's family to join us at the resort.
Aside from the fact that I wanted this outing to be just the four of us, there is an additional problem. My older son is autistic. My husband and I will have a hard enough time accommodating his needs while trying to have a good time. And my sister-in-law can be rude. She makes nasty remarks when you disagree with her.
I want this to be our family time. We can invite the others for a different gathering. How should I tell them it will not work out? — Don't Want To Be Stuck With Them
Dear Don't: Your husband should handle this. After all, it's his brother — not to mention, Hubby was the one who invited them without checking with you. He can say he thinks the overnight stay would be best with just the four of you, and he hopes they will understand the need for family time. But he should add that you are all looking forward to seeing them to celebrate your son's birthday.
Dear Annie: This is for "Concerned," who questioned the appropriateness of displaying his late wife's picture at his granddaughter's wedding.
Not long after we lost our beloved 26-year-old son, two of his good friends were married. Not only did they invite us to the wedding, but by mentioning our son in their wedding program, this wonderful couple made it possible for our son to be part of their special day. There are no words to express how much this meant to us.
We also know a young woman who included her late brother in her wedding by holding his picture in her hands when the wedding photographer photographed the wedding party. How blessed "Concerned" is to have such a sensitive and loving granddaughter. — Always Remembering
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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44 Comments | Post Comment
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* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *
LW3 refers to the second letter on 3 February 2013, and was also discussed on 23 & 27 March 2013.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:24 PM
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I was unaware that a UTI could turn a person into a gullible old fool.
Trust me, the correct response is to smile and nod. Then talk about another topic. Or you could do what my husband does and feed them outrageous malarkey on purpose to laugh at them. He may very well have started one of the roumers she is telling you.
My mom likes to go off on all kinds of nonsense. Like the aliens coming to have an incestuous breeding program to create modern humans out of Neanderthals. I smile, nod and change the subject. My husband asks her questions and laughs when we go home.
Comment: #2
Posted by: MT
Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:34 PM
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LW1: The Annies say a UTI might be causing the sister's crazy behavior? How on earth would that happen? UTIs are very uncomfortable, but enough to make a person crazy? Really?
Comment: #3
Posted by: Me-in_Me-out
Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:02 AM
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LW1 - Unless the LW's sister is acting on her delusions by attempting to overthrow the government or sending out missles to counter attack the ones who are infecting the population with bugs and poisons, the best way to deal with her is simply to say nothing, reply by saying something like, "that's terrible", and/or changing the subject. (I would treat the Annies the same way with their ridiculous statement that a UTI can cause these reactions in the LW's sister!)
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Of course, it goes without saying that the sister is due for a checkup with her doctor. I hope the LW can convince her to get one (assuming she doesn't think her doctor is part of the conspiracy.)
Comment: #4
Posted by: Kitty
Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:32 AM
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LW2 - The Annies improved with their answer to LW2. It's up to the husband who made the invitation to revoke it and suggest another time for all of them to get together, possibly stating that it would be too much for the older child to handle, if that's in fact the case. Hopefully, they will understand and accept the decision graciously. They should also make sure that they continue with the plans to stop by the brother's home for the cake and ice cream so they can be included in the birthday celebration.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Kitty
Mon Apr 29, 2013 2:36 AM
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LW1: Annies response is exactly the kind of government cover-up and misdirection that I would have expected from the big media corporate tools of the New World Order and the Illuminati, working at the direction of our alien overlords in Area 51. Don't be fooled, LW1 -- my advice is to put on your aluminum foil hat to block out the radio waves controlling your brain, and then your eyes will be open to the truth.
LW2: Awk-waaaard. Does your husband do this often? I think you two need to work on your communication, because something is up if he thought it was perfectly okay to invite his brother's family and you don't. Do you often exclude his brother's family, and he's troubled by that? In any event, I agree that this was your husband's mistake and he needs to fix it; but there may be an underlying communication issue that I'd take a look at, if I were you.
LW3: Seems to me we've had a few go-rounds on this issue, and I really don't see the problem. If it's tastefully done and it's important to the bride (or groom), then it's really their call (it is there special day, after all).
Comment: #6
Posted by: Mike H
Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:18 AM
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A UTI most certainly can cause delusional behaviour- this happened with my mother who was 90 at the time- she was seeing stacks of pennies on the floor and discussing the neighbours scandalous behaviour of standing outside her house and partying in the middle of the night when the home in question was not occupied, among other dementional behaviour and visions. She was tested and found to have a UTI. After a few days of uncertainty due to the origonal antibiotic not being effective, she finally changed medication and miraculously regained her faculties.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Connie Johnson
Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:19 AM
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Yes, as odd as it sounds, the Annies are correct on this one. An untreated UTI can cause people, particularly older people, to begin to act as though they have dementia.
However, if this has been a long term thing, by now the lady would have died of sepsis :-p
Comment: #8
Posted by: Joanna
Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:44 AM
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LW1: And Elvis is still alive, living with aliens, who helped to fake the US moon landings. ;)
Re: LW2: i would assume that the wife has already told her husband, and he doesn't agree or isn't willing to take back the invite. That's why the wife wrote to the Annies. The wife and husband would seem to have some serious communication/ cooperation problems.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Dave Galino
Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:54 AM
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A UTI most certainly can cause delusional behaviour- this happened with my mother who was 90 at the time- she was seeing stacks of pennies on the floor and discussing the neighbours scandalous behaviour of standing outside her house and partying in the middle of the night when the home in question was not occupied, among other dementional behaviour and visions. She was tested and found to have a UTI. After a few days of uncertainty due to the origonal antibiotic not being effective, she finally changed medication and miraculously regained her faculties.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Connie Johnson
Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:59 AM
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A UTI most certainly cause delusional thoughts in the elderly.
I'm a nurse and I've seen it more than once. I agree with Joanna though, if this has been going on for a long time, its probably something else.
Comment: #11
Posted by: capiscan
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:18 AM
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LW2 Dave Galino may have a point in that the husband refused to uninvite them. If that's the case, call when your husband is not home, and tell his brother and sister-in-law that you've cancelled your plans to stay in the hotel. Don't tell your husband you did this. Then, when the day arrives, go and do your family getaway. It's sneaky, I know, but your husband had no right to invite anyone to share in your special family time.
LW3 I think we've had enough of this issue. it's the bride and groom's day, and if they want to honor deceased parents, siblings, whoever, then that is their right. It is not for guests to question the choices of the couple.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Emily
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:22 AM
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Well I guess that explains why, when I infrequently get a UTI, I get this strong urge to cover my windows with aluminum foil, and wear a pair of aluminum foil antennae for the next 24 hours. ;) Annies: Big fail on this one.
Comment: #13
Posted by: j
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:25 AM
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LW1--"What should I say to my sister when she makes outrageous claims?" The simple answer is nothing. Your sister isn't suffering from some medical condition or other physical malady; she's a garden variety crazy and likely a conspiracy theorist. It won't matter what facts you present to debunk her wild claims, she'll counter with "evidence" of a cover-up. People like your sister have existed since time immemorial. My advice is to humor your sister when she starts up when you're with her in person and quietly set up an e-mail rule to filter her numerous e-mails regarding the latest doomsday scenario or government cover-up. Problem solved.
LW2--I'm sorry but there is no polite way to "uninvite" someone from a family gathering. What you need to do is simply take a cue from another letter recently published on this site and simply ignore your brother-in-law's family while you're at the resort. The last time I checked, most resorts were big places. Also, it's a free country and there's no rule written or otherwise that states that you have to congregate with your brother-in-law's family the entire time. Sure, it would be nice to throw them a bone and have a group breakfast, then split up and go your separate ways. If your rude sister-in-law tries to call you out, simply repeat the myriad reasons you stated in your letter and don't give it another thought.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Chris
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:34 AM
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LW1 - When I first read this, I said, "A UTI causes someone to go crazy?? Are you kidding??" But when I read Joanna's response, I decided to look it up and several credible medical websites said that UTIs in the elderly can cause symptoms of "craziness." Wow. I had no idea!
It's not easy, however, to get someone to go and see a doctor, especially one who feels as if everyone is out to get us. She's likely against doctors now, believing they put a device in her or something. I've known a few people who believe stuff like your sister believes (although not as extreme) and I just say, "Uh huh. So how 'bout them (team)?" or "Oh, really, gee that's too bad. So how about this weather?" And if they keep up with it, I just say, "Well, I've got to be going now," and leave or get off the phone. Although I admit, I would be funny to say, "Shhhh!!! If you keep talking like that the government will know that you found out all of their secrets and they're gonna come and get you! Shhh!! That's why *I* don't say anything. You'd better keep quiet or they're gonna be on to you!"
LW2 - Your husband invited them without discussing it with you therefore he should be the one to tell them it won't work. But if he refuses to, then I'd call them and say, "I understand that my husband invited you to come along but it looks like that's not going to work out. I'm sorry. We'd still love to have cake and ice cream with you, though."
Comment: #15
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:36 AM
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Re LW1- I did a quick Google search on UTI and delusions and it does seem possible that the two can be related in older people so even though I thought that the Annie's were reaching with this, it is entirely possible. Either way, the sister needs a full work-up because this can also be the onset of dementia.
LW2- Like Mike said Awk-waaaard. I don't know how the LW or her husband can uninvite hubby's family without it causing hurt feelings.
Comment: #16
Posted by: JustBecause
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:52 AM
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Looks like others came to the same conclusion regarding LW1 while I was posting.
Comment: #17
Posted by: JustBecause
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:58 AM
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LW1:
Since she's on the internet all the time have her check out Snopes.com which will debunk all the crazy conspiracy theories and urban legends she seems to believe in. Maybe when she sees it on the internet (since she obviously believes what she reads there), she'll be able to tell the difference between real and not real.
And if not, she can continue to date her "French model" and live happily ever after.
Comment: #18
Posted by: cjs mom
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:15 AM
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LW1: It certainly could be a medical issue or even early dementia, but is also looks a lot like Sis has too many hours in her day since retiring, so just endlessly surfs around looking up this stuff. It'll never get completely curbed, but one thing the LW can do is encourage Sis to get out/develop hobbies/volunteer. Just sitting around the house all day/every day is bad for her anyway.
LW2: Awkward. I'm gonna assume the invite was more a misunderstanding on hubby's part than anything malevolent ("Why have two separate activities? Why not roll it all together into one awesome package? Efficiency!") Frankly, now that the thing is done, I'd probably just roll with it, and, like Chris said, just have some separate activities. If you really don't want them there, everyone is right that hubby should have that conversation with them- and you need to convince him to do that, because that'll be super awkward on him too.
Comment: #19
Posted by: Jers
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:22 AM
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LW2 - Because you and your husband can't communicate, you, the Annies and most folks BTL think it is okay to be rude and uninvite your family for a one night stay at a resort? It's not okay. You suck it up and make the best of the situation and maybe be surprised at having a good time. And if your prediction comes true (though I would say it could be a self-fulfilling prophesy), then consider it a lesson learned--you and your husband need to make sure you're on the same page with this kind of stuff. It's your son's birthday. Focus on him and his special occasion and I'm sure your husband's family won't be that much of a distraction.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Curl
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:31 AM
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LW1 needs to try to get her sister to have a medical check up. When a close relative starting acting delusional it turned out a UTI had caused dehydration, which caused the mental problems. May not be the case here, but worth considering.
I have to wonder if LW2 frquently makes plans, inviting other people, without consulting the husband, so he had no idea this was supposed to be joint endeavor. I'm just throwing out possibilities, but LWs often seem to complain about being on the receiving end of something, but never consider it a problem when they do it. As someone else mentioned the problem is communication between LW and her husband.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Girl Scout Leader
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:33 AM
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Re: cjs mom
"Uhhhh....bone jer." Hahahahahaha! That ad still makes me laugh!
Comment: #22
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:55 AM
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LW1: Count me in a someone who also thinks that sis is a conspiracy theorist. Agreed that she probably spends too much time on the internet, listening to talk radio, reading "alternative news" publications and so forth. (And yes, I've heard the spraying story before.)
The current debate on Capitol Hill regarding gun control – and from what I can tell, the media coverage is nothing more than can usually be expected – is doing nothing to sooth those having conspiracy theories. Not saying that sis is one of those people who fears the government is planning to take away guns "before a huge takeover," but all this talk about tea parties and the "true plans" of elected officials – I've even heard them down to city and county office, for crying out loud – to people wanting to uphold the "true intent of our Founding Fathers" ... but how many of them really know what the Founding Fathers intended?
When done properly and rationally, most of us properly exercise our rights protected under the Constitution. Your sister, it would appear, is beyond rational. It would not surprise me to hear her say, for instance, that Carrie Underwood (the babelicious country singer) is "one of them," referring to a claim I once chuckled at that "American Idol" (in general) is addling people's minds, her good looks used to distract and addle the general public.
What can you do? I don't know ... I agree that a checkup for sis might be a good idea, but actually getting her to go may be another matter, especially if she thinks that doctors are part of this "conspiracy." The best you can do is try to distance yourself from her and do as little as you can to engage her. If she asks, tell her flat out that you are not "one of them" (i.e., part of the "conspiracy") and that you are sick of hearing about this all the time. If she wants to engage in other topics and not have it revert back to "Oh, I saw some guy on my property today trying to put a liquid in my septic system ... ," then I'm all ears.
Other than that, I don't know what to think.
And yes, FWIW, I did hear the one about the resident who claimed that a surveyor involved in a planned major sewer repair project in one of the cities I worked for claimed the surveyor was trying to deposit poison gas in his sewer system ... and filed a $2 BILLION lawsuit against that city. (Yes, it got thrown out of court.) This was about 10-15 years ago, and it was someone who had conspiracy theories that were started by city officials.
These people simply cannot be reasoned with.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Bobaloo
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:07 AM
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LW1: Uh, you're going to have quite the uphill battle convincing someone who believes the government is poisoning our skies to go to the doctor. While it's clearly needed, it's probably not going to happen. Just take the BTL's advice: nod, smile and change the subject.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Casey
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:13 AM
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I LOVE that commercial, CJ's Mom and Michelle! I especially like it because the french model looks like Ben Afflek in a fat suit.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Casey
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:21 AM
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snopes.com is just another of the nefarious tools used by the secret government cabal to make everyone think that those of us who KNOW the REAL TRUTH are nothing more than cRaZy CoNsPiRaCy ThEoRiStS!
Don't blame me if you don't have your tinfoil hat ready when the time comes...
Comment: #26
Posted by: Mike H
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:35 AM
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I'm reminded of former Governor Jesse Ventura's recent TV show. The word is there are episodes in the can that will never be aired because he's gotten too close to the truth. Apparently the president is a time traveler, groomed for leadership since childhood. The population is to be culled, leaving the ruling class and enough workers to support them. All dissent is to be crushed. It's really fun, they should come up with a dystopian drama for TV, it could run for years.
Comment: #27
Posted by: nonegiven
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:37 AM
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As an RN I can verify the Annies are right on about the UTI (and about other health possibilities).
For older people, a UTI can certainly make a person loopy. I've had to deal with a great number of patients who when sick come up with the strangest stuff.
My favorite was a woman who believed we were a religious cult holding her hostage so we could indoctrinate her. That's why we wouldn't let her leave the "hospital."
When someone is admitted we routinely check to see if they know where they are. Another favorite of mine was during the dead of winter just after we all had a huge blizzard. When asked where he thought he was he said "South Beach Florida." I had a good chuckle thinking it was joke and asked again "No no, really. Where are you?" "I said. South Beach Florida." Oh dear.
Again, poor health of body can and does dramatically affect health of mind. Right on Annies!
Comment: #28
Posted by: Lilykun
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:39 AM
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LW2 " My older son is autistic. My husband and I will have a hard enough time accommodating his needs while trying to have a good time. And my sister-in-law can be rude. She makes nasty remarks when you disagree with her. " There is the rub. She does not like her SIL. I am guessing that her autistic son has been used as an excuse many times for many things. How do the in-laws play a part in making this more difficult? I call it 'grasping at straws'. Since she is, IMO, not being truthful about her reasons with the Annies, perhaps she is not being truthful with her husband. Making up excuses instead of telling the truth can become confusing. She will do what she wants anyway. I am thinking this letter is another case of just wanting to see someone agree with her so she can shove it in her husbands face.
LW1, I LOVE people like this sister,(in small doses). " I have too much real life to live to spend time debunking all the links she sends to "prove" her beliefs," yet you still have time to compose a letter to the Annies. You are spending waaaaay too much time arguing with her and trying to prove YOU are right. Just accept that you don't agree and moooove along. Surprisingly I know a woman who is very similar, with all the conspiracy theories and government misdeeds. I just accept the fact that we at opposite end of the political spectrum and defriended her on FB ;0). (Now I just found out that defriended is not a word.) I'm thinking the sister is not delusional at all - she is just not a Democrat.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Penny
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:48 AM
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LW1 -
When she complains that you don't respect her intelligence, I would be sorely tempted to snap back that I respect it plenty when she's actually using it, but that she sure ain't when she starts spewing out complete yurunda that doesn't make a lick of sense.
But your sister is not being rational. If she only reacts to you reasoning arguments by looking up some additional crazy Internet gurus to supply yet more crazy "facts", then you are NOT "getting through to her with reason" one bit. Stop trying - you can't reason someone out of an opinion that wasn't acquired through reasoning.
You don't specify whether you two are living together. If you are, then I am concerned about what can happen one day, if her delusions start to include you in her paranoid conspiracy theories. Whatever the root cause of this aberrant behaviour is, it is not likely to get better.
And she doesn't WANT an assessment... good luck getting her to get one. If it were me living with someone like that, I would discuss the situation with MY physician and take an appointment with a social worker and see that they suggest as a course of action in a case like this - procedures will vary from state to state. But *I* would try to do something for sure - this looks like the tragedy waiting to happen.
If you two are not living together, then just nod with a smile and say, "Sure, yeah yeah yeah, whatever dear".
P.S.: Hm, Annies? A UTI, really? Oh geesh, I had NO IDEA pain while taking a leak could have such dire consequences. And what might have caused the emergence of this new strain of bacteria, do you think? I can't THINK of anything besides exposure to alien scouts preparing Earth for an invasion!
Look, in light of others reporting weird behaviour from older people with UTIs, I can retract some of the sarcasm, depending - how LONG has this been going on for and does she actually HAVE UTI symptoms? Seems to me that is quite uncomfortable a condition, and there ought to be SOME relevant complaint here.
LW2 -
The one you should be working on is your husband. He's the one who invited them, and he's the one who should be giving them the news that he had failed to check with you and that you had planned an immediate-family-only get-away.
And, in the case you had already made this clear and this is not an honest misunderstanding on his part, you should also have a heart-to-heart with him, because he seems to be confusing "immediate family" with "the whole gang" family.
You cannot achieve this without him being on the same page with you. If he won't cooperate, then the problem you have is with your marital relationship, and not with your SIL, rude as she may be.
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@Emily #12 & Michelle #15
"call when your husband is not home, and tell his brother and sister-in-law that you've cancelled your plans to stay in the hotel. Don't tell your husband you did this."
"I'd call them and say, "I understand that my husband invited you to come along but it looks like that's not going to work out. "
And she should brace herself for WWIII when he does find out, and he will. If she has to resort to that kind of sneak tactics, then she has more serious problems than an autistic son and a rude SIL, and family counselling is urgent. IF he'll go, that is, and not treat this as yet another thing is can take unilateral decisions about.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Apr 29, 2013 6:57 AM
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LW1 - Like several others here, I was unaware that a UTI couldl cause the type of symptoms the sister is exhibiting. Probably because I have known many people who have had them and never had anything like the LW describes occur. However, the implication from the letter is that this is more of a long-term paranoia, so I doubt a UTI is the cause. Otherwise, the sister would have shown other symptoms of severe ilness or died by this time.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Kitty
Mon Apr 29, 2013 7:19 AM
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Re: Lilykun
My friend told me they asked her who was vice president. She said, "I can't remember his name (Quayle,) you know, that guy nobody likes." They told her that was close enough.
Comment: #32
Posted by: nonegiven
Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:04 AM
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I've had a couple of UTIs in my life, and have never experienced symptoms of paranoia. Though I admit it would make kind of a cool story if tiny aliens were flying miniature spaceships up my urethra and using the air in my lungs to spray poison into the atmosphere.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Paul W
Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:40 AM
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LW1 -- While I couldn't agree more that your sister needs to be evaluated by a doctor, good luck getting her to agree to that. Meantime, ignore, change the subject and ignore some more.
LW2 -- Please do NOT go behind your husband's back to "uninvite" his brother's family, as Emily suggested. As Mike H and others have pointed out, it would seem you and your husband may have a problem communicating, and sneaking around isn't going to solve it. And as at least one person (I forget who -- sorry!) pointed out, your communication problems with your husband don't make it OK for EITHER of you to "uninvite" them. So, here's what you do:
1) Have hubby call his brother and just lay out a few ground rules. "Hey, we're looking forward to spending some time with you guys at the resort, but I just wanted to make sure you understand some of the issues we have related to accommodating our oldest son's special needs and won't take it personally if we occasionally have to bail out on group activities. Let's make sure we definitely at least get together for X and Y, but the rest of the time, we'll probably have to go our separate ways -- we'll just have to take it as it comes!"
2) Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. You are, clearly, already prepared for the worst -- and nothing wrong with that. But you should also open your mind to the possibility that you could actually enjoy getting together with your brother's family (or that it could at least be relatively painless). Do not let your dislike of your SIL ruin everything before you've even got there. It sounds like that's what your doing -- already assuming the worst-possible scenario without ANY hope for a better outcome.
3) Start being honest with both yourself and your husband. You say "we can invite them to some other gathering..." Well, technically, doesn't that mean that you can do a nuclear family-only outing some other time? Suck it up, include the brother and his family and then plan a separate outing some other time. Know why that thought hasn't occurred to you? Just a guess on my part, but your hope is to avoid EVER having to avoid them on some such outing in the future, so you say to your husband, "but I was really wanting this to be for just us -- we can include them some other time," and then you somehow never get around to making that happen, right? And I suspect this has very little to do with your autistic son, though I do not doubt that his special needs complicate things -- I think the real problem is that you don't like your SIL.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Lisa
Mon Apr 29, 2013 8:48 AM
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I have a big problem with LW2-you cannot uninvite your in-laws and expect them to be OK with that. You need to suck it up, as others have said, and maybe it won't be as bad as you think. It may bring everyone closer! (or it may not). Plus-how is it OK for you to invite yourselves to their house for cake & ice cream? Maybe your SIL objected to that!
Comment: #35
Posted by: Paige English
Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:42 AM
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Regarding Letter #1 - I am a survivor of a UTI infection that went on for over a year. Yes they are normally painful, but I had no symptoms. Unfortuately by the time it was caught I was talking jibberish, had no insulin in system and my system ended up going septic. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks, so yes a UTI can cause. The doctors felt I had a high tolerance for pain because I should have been in extruciating pain. If the sister does not want to go to the doctor she will eventually collapse (that is what I did) and then the sister can call 911.
Comment: #36
Posted by: TONI C
Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:03 AM
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Boy, I learned a lot from today's column. I learned that they make plastic coffins and the info about UTI causing crazy behavior. I want to know where the sister stores her huge supply of plastic coffins and what makes her think she would still be around to put the corpses in if everyone else is dead. Will her tin foil hat protect her from the poison ticks?
Comment: #37
Posted by: locake
Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:18 AM
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Boy, I learned a lot from today's column. I learned that they make plastic coffins and the info about UTI causing crazy behavior. I want to know where the sister stores her huge supply of plastic coffins and what makes her think she would still be around to put the corpses in if everyone else is dead. Will her tin foil hat protect her from the poison ticks?
Comment: #38
Posted by: locake
Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:19 AM
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Sometimes my husband scares the bejezus out of me when he starts talking about conspiracies and apocalypse hoo-ha. It's an interest that my father-in-law shares and one of my Dad's friends is equally nutty about things like this. I have learned to listen to their stories and not get wound up about it. It can be difficult though.
I feel for LW1, that is hard to watch. I had a garage sale last fall and my first customer showed up in a station wagon that was stuffed to the gills and the back windows were lined with aluminum foil. He said it was to protect the delicate mechanisms he moved from lab to lab. The "mechanisms" allowed his scientist friends to evaluate the air, the soil and transmissions going through the air. He warned me to line my garage with aluminum siding inside. He also warned me that the beginning of this year (2013) was going to be martial law and food rationing would begin. He bought all of the sweaters I had for sale and said he was going to use them to insulate his walls inside his house, which was going to be very cold when the government starts rationing our power supplies.
They are everywhere.
Just as a side note, check to see if she is taking any supplements that are recommended by those "truth" websites. Sometimes they are touted as being a way to combat the carcinogens that are deliberately planted by the government. It could be an herb or mineral that does not agree with her.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Chelle
Mon Apr 29, 2013 10:30 AM
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A UTI in elderly people can often mimic symptoms of dementia. During the last few years of her life, my grandmother frequently got UTIs, and we could always tell one was coming one when she would act confused and disoriented. As soon as she started on antibiotics, the confusion would go away, and she'd be as sharp as a tack. But if the sister has been acting this way for a long time, a UTI is probably not the explanation. In any event, the LW should definitely have her sister evaluated and get a full medical workup if possible.
Comment: #40
Posted by: C Weisinger
Mon Apr 29, 2013 12:48 PM
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That is just CRAZY about UTIs. I had no idea they could cause confusion and symptoms of dementia. I wish the Annies would have specified that! * sigh * one more reason they'll never be Dear Abby
Comment: #41
Posted by: Casey
Mon Apr 29, 2013 1:14 PM
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Good luck on uninviting the in-laws if they have kids. That would be a great way to start The Family Feud! Suck it up this time, and have a talk with hubby about consulting you in the future before extending invitations. Also, does he know you hate your SIL? Try to be honest with her, and if she makes rude comments, say "I really don't appreciate being spoken to like that" because if you don't clear the air, she will keep offending.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Patty Bear
Mon Apr 29, 2013 4:38 PM
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UTIs can cause symptoms in more people than just the elderly. My mom had a UTI with no symptoms other than delirium and memory loss, and she's only in her fifties. She was admitted to the hospital and tested for a bunch of neurological stuff, and there was no diagnosis until she went into septic shock. She is now on antibiotics for the rest of her life, as it flared right back up the instant she stopped the antibiotics during the first few courses of treatment.
Comment: #43
Posted by: Krystyne
Mon Apr 29, 2013 5:37 PM
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people with anxiety frequently become believers in conspiracy theories. They cannot deal with what's going on in their life or their insecurities so they focus on the bigger things that no one would actually be able to do anything about. If she's bored, has no life, maybe is on a low income? Then it's all the more likely this has happened. The conspiracy gives her something to focus on and a way to direct her energies. I know several people like this.
Comment: #44
Posted by: Laurie
Thu May 9, 2013 1:10 PM
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