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Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for 15 years and recently decided to try an open-marriage lifestyle. We are doing this with full honesty and respect for each other.
The main problem is that the dating success is not equal. I …Read more.
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Happy Mother's Day
Dear Readers: Happy Mother's Day. Please phone your mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, stepmother or foster mother and wish them the best. And our special good wishes to all the new mommies who are celebrating their very first Mother's Day. Also, …Read more.
Thank You, Mom and Dad
Dear Annie: I am writing a long overdue thank-you note to my parents. They are faithful readers of your column. Mom and Dad, I am thankful that:
You stood your ground and did not give in to me, even when I threw fits and demanded my way.
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Romanticizing the Ex
Dear Annie: I'm in my 40s and have been married for 20 years. We have two children. Our marriage has been OK but not totally fulfilling. For the past five years, I have been in contact with my ex-fiancee.
I have thought about getting divorced a number of times but have never gone through with it. I love my wife, but not the same way I love my ex. Whenever I speak with my ex, I am my happy old self. She is the most caring, sweet, romantic person I've ever met, and I know, without a doubt, that our lives would be happy if we were together. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. We treat each other the way people should be treated.
My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don't think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them. I just don't want to hurt her. I have spoken to her about the things I'd like changed, but she only complies for a short while, and then things go back to the way they were.
Is this just a midlife crisis? Should I settle and stick with my current life or take a chance on a new one? — Wanting No Regrets
Dear Wanting: So why didn't you marry your ex-fiancee? It's not uncommon to fantasize about a wonderful life with someone you don't actually live with. The mundane responsibilities, raising children, doing housework, paying bills — all of those things are unromantic and unexciting. It takes work to make a good marriage. Don't simply tell your wife what you want her to change. Maybe she'd like you to change, too.
We commend you for not wanting to hurt her. So please give your marriage a chance before you bail. Ask your wife to come with you for marriage counseling to see whether you can work through some of those things that are making you unhappy.
Dear Annie: My husband recently passed away after 40 years together. It's been heartbreaking.
While going through his desk, I found a checkbook for our joint trust account. He had written in it that he wanted to leave all five of our children a sizable amount of money. I have no problem with four of them, as they are all employed and responsible adults. However, the fifth "child" is 58, unemployed, and living on his veterans benefits and disability so he can smoke medical marijuana.
I have already written checks for the first four kids, but I am dragging my feet about the fifth. It was my husband's wish that they all be treated equally. Am I being disrespectful to my husband's memory by not getting a check out to my son? I'm afraid he will blow it all on weed. — An Anxious Mom
Dear Mom: We think your son is probably as responsible as he's going to get. Certainly your husband knew this. Talk to your son. Explain that he has money coming to him, but you are concerned that it won't last very long. Ask whether he'd like you to pay it to him in installments or put it in a trust for his long-term benefit. He may actually prefer an arrangement like this, but if not, please give him the money anyway. What he does with it is not your problem.
Dear Annie: Perhaps the owners of vacation homes whose guests leave photos of their own families in the home could start guest scrapbooks. A large scrapbook would provide room for visitors to note when they were there and perhaps mention a few of the more interesting things they did while enjoying the generous hospitality of the owners. This would provide a nice memory book for both the owners and guests, as well as providing an appropriate place for guests to leave their family photos. — Barbara in Ventura
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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Comments
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75 Comments | Post Comment
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LW2: the math confuses me. the son was around 18 when you married your husband (thus probably not your bio kid). Maybe your have some resentment over this?
Comment: #1
Posted by: stellastar23
Wed May 1, 2013 9:11 PM
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LW1 - I laughed out loud at the fantasy you are living. "My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don't think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them." was possibly the funniest line. Do you imagine your kids will dump their mother & love your gf as much as you do? Do you know anyone who ever got divorced & the kids immediately liked their step parent better than their bio parent? You have been cheating on your wife for 5 years; perhaps that is why your marriage is lacking something. Suggest you seek counseling pronto & maybe join a support group for divorced fathers to see what will be ahead for you & your kids.
Comment: #2
Posted by: kai archie
Wed May 1, 2013 9:11 PM
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LW1 -
How easy it is to be convinced that your life with your ex would be a walk in a fairy garden when you see only qualities and none of what makes everyday life... which is what you have with your wife.
"She is the most caring, sweet, romantic person I've ever met"... well YEAH (duh), of course, this is all you see NOW. The woman has faults too, nobody is perfect. You're not presently living with her, so you don't see them. Do keep in mind that the glow of romanticism will wear off when you start seeing her in the same ragged house slippers you see your wife in... and she starts developing some of the faults you're reproaching your wife with.
I am concerned about you stating, "My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don't think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them." Am I to understand that your intention would be to not only dump your wife, but also to take the children away from her? And "my" children? I'm not so sure I like the subtext I read here. You didn't produce those kids alone, siree, and you're not even the one who did most of the work, so you can drop the "my" and start thinking in terms of "our".
And don't fool yourself with rationalisations - even when children don't have "the best of relationships", unless it's outright civil war in the house, they much prefer an intact home to a broken one.
Right now you're playing with fire big time, and confusing fantasy with reality. I assume things have not crossed the line yet, but it's only a matter of time before you fall into bed with your ex, and we all know how THIS will end. And the Annies are right - why didn't you marry HER, if she was so wonderful and flawless?
"Is this just a midlife crisis?"
Yes.
"Should I settle and stick with my current life or take a chance on a new one? "
Well, it depends how much of gambler you are, and how much you care for your present family. You may end up with worse than you started with, since you have no idea what faults and shortcomings will come to light once the woman has got you where she wants... I bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, 'tis said.
Yeah, you and your wife need counseling yesterday... But I'm beginning to wonder if she's not the one who deserves better.
LW2 -
The check is not a reward for good behaviour, it is an inheritance from their father. If he blows it on weed, that's his problem and, at his age, you are no longer in a position to demand that he conforms to your expectations.
And has it ever occured to you that medical marijuana is NOT recreational, and that, as a disabled veteran, he might actually need it for real? I haven't noticed that the government was overly generous towards its damaged veterans, so you can be certain that if he receives disability, it's because he's entitled to it. A disabled man of 58 is not exactly a prime candidate for employment.
So I suggest you ditch the judgmental attitude and respect your husband's wishes. Right now, you're not only being disrectful of his wishes, but of your son as well - and his service.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed May 1, 2013 9:45 PM
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Married men who think your wives are no longer suiting your needs, let me recommend a book. Please read, WAITING, by Ha Jin. A classic.
Comment: #4
Posted by: HollyYork
Wed May 1, 2013 10:19 PM
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* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *
LW3 refers to the second letter on 4 February 2013 (Concerned), and was also discussed on 25 March 2013.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Wed May 1, 2013 10:28 PM
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LW1 Where has this Perfect Ex been for the last 20 years? Married to someone else with kids of her own?
Now that would be special...breaking up two marriages and families so you two can wander around in fantasy land.
Soon you would be telling the ex how you would like HER to change.
Comment: #6
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Wed May 1, 2013 10:45 PM
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"My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don't think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them."
This is so stupid that I can't believe the LW actually wrote these words down on paper. His kids will be traumatized by the break-up of their parent's marriage and they will hate the new girlfriend who was part of it. He'll be really fortunate if they don't hate him too when they find out why their lives are imploding. If he doesn't understand this, then it's no wonder his marriage hasn't been 100% fulfilling for him. He should dump his girlfriend, put his heart into his family, and consider the concept of the 90% solution. Otherwise, he'll find out too late that it won't be 100% with the "ex" either but he'll have made so many mistakes by then it won't be fixable.
Comment: #7
Posted by: LouisaFinnell
Wed May 1, 2013 10:47 PM
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I agree, stellarstar. This can't be her bio-kid. I also wonder about her description of him. At 58, being "unemployed" can also mean he is actually "retired". So while she makes him out to be a freeloading, lazy, dopesmoking loser nutbar, he could actually be someone who served his country in the army, was injured, possibly while on active duty, and is now retired and has been prescribed medical marijuana. Her idea that he will blow a sizable chunk of money on "weed" is kind of laughable. I don't do any drugs myself, but isn't marijuana pretty cheap and something you can't go through a lot of? And if he's already using medical marijuana, why would he be buying so much more? How much can one man smoke?
Comment: #8
Posted by: Jane
Thu May 2, 2013 12:05 AM
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Stella and Jane, your math makes sense, but she does refer to him as "my son." Perhaps they had one or more children together long before they got married; it's even possible that he's her son from a previous relationship, since she doesn't call him "my stepson" or "our son." Or it could even be a typo. At any rate, he's an adult, and he's entitled to the inheritance his father specified, regardless of how he might spend it.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Baldrz
Thu May 2, 2013 1:14 AM
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LW1--"We treat each other the way people should be treated." Really? Evidently that involves sneaking around behind your spouse's back and having an emotional affair with your ex-fiancee. I have to go with the Annies in asking why you didn't marry your ex-fiancee if she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. There must have been something about your current wife that caused you to marry her. While you might thing the grass is greener, I can assure you that what you think is green grass is a lot of weeds. Think about that as you contemplate dropping a nuclear bomb on your wife.
LW2--"It was my husband's wish that they all be treated equally." Then you need to treat them all equally. Obviously your husband wished to treat his children equally and didn't make any distinctions between them. You could take notes from him. For you to judge one of your children and withhold his inheritance check because you don't approve of his lifestyle is beyond the pale. Your son is an adult, how he conducts his life is none of your business. While I personally don't smoke pot, I'm sure as hell not going to judge those who do, especially those who have served our country or who do so legally. My advice is to get off your high horse and write your fifth son his check. I'd also advise you to not judge your son until you've walked a mile in his shoes.
LW3--You have too much time on your hands.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Thu May 2, 2013 1:33 AM
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LW1 - I agree with other posters who say the fact that the LW thinks the children don't have a good relationship with their mother is a ridiculous statement. She's probably the one who disciplines them most often and sets rules for them, and children often resent their parents for simply being parents, but they will NOT be happy to have their father leave her and take up with his ex! Also, I would like to know why the LW didn't marry his ex-fiancee when they were engaged if she was so caring, sweet, and romantic? Spouses of both sexes often think the "one who got away" is a wonderful person years later and think that they would be better off having stayed with them. The ex seems so perfect now because she doesn't deal with all the day-to-day things that his wife does in their marriage, and he's seeing her with rose-colored glasses.
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And where has the ex been all these years? I'm sure she hasn't been sitting around waiting for the LW to come back into her life. Will they be disrupting TWO families by getting back together? Something broke up the relationship back when they were engaged, and they both need to remember what it was and think long and hard before doing that.
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He mentions that he's "spoken" to his wife about things he wants changed, but maybe there are things SHE'D like changed about him too. Is he going through a mid-life crisis? Yes, definitely. This is one instance where I'd recommend marriage counseling and he needs to break off contact with the ex while he's going through the counseling sessions.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Kitty
Thu May 2, 2013 2:41 AM
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LW2 - Yes, the time frame is very confusing as to whose chilren these actually are. She refers to all of them as "our children", but then states that she and her husband were "together" for 40 years. That more or less implies that at least one of the children was already grown when they became a couple. But regardless of whose biological children they are, her husband's wish was to have them all treated equally when it came to the trust account, and she should follow his wishes. He certainly must have known about the son's lifestyle when he wrote the note to his wife, and he didn't ask her to disburse the money based upon which of their children was most deserving or which would make the best use of it.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Kitty
Thu May 2, 2013 2:47 AM
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Sounds like LW1 needs to watch the movie "Brief Encounter" It's about a bored housewife that meets a doctor at the train station. They fall in love and she wants to go away with him. Throughout the film, she daydreams about vacations with Dr Mc Dreamy and how carefree her life would be. Never mind the two young children she has or her poor hard working husband that goes out to work everyday so she can have he life hanging out in train terminals drinking tea all day.
Yeah, I bet Prince charming would love to leave his wife and lumber her with all the day to day living and bringing up his kids (because I don't think for a minute he is going to have them live with him)
Comment: #13
Posted by: EB
Thu May 2, 2013 3:55 AM
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LW1: I'm sure there's another side to this story, and you don't mention any ways in which your wife is disappointed in your marriage, or any difficulties she has with you. This seems too one-sided to be realistic. I'm especially concerned with your use of the phrase "she only complies for a short while", almost as if you were giving her orders. Mutual communication and couples counseling may help unlock the things you are both struggling with in your marriage, and maybe the right answer will be to split up -- but unless you figure out what is really going on with your current failing marriage, you might end up just repeating these mistakes in a new relationship with your ex. So try to really work on these issues before doing anything dramatic, and include a serious self-examination of your actions and motives as well.
LW2: Here, again, I'd be interested in hearing the other side of the story. If your fifth son is a veteran and on benefits and disability, there may actually be very VERY good reasons for this, and you may be overly callous towards the health status of someone who served and sacrificed for our country. (And a lot of the stigmas about marijuana are proving to be "smoke and mirrors", and it's entirely possible he's using it for legitimate medical purposes). The bottom line is that he is an adult and you should honor your husband's wishes -- but you should also see this as an opportunity to open your mind to the possibility you may be judging him too harshly, and to spend a little more time trying to understand his point of view. Being 58 and living on disability isn't necessarily being "irresponsible" at all, especially if he already gave service to his country above and beyond what most US citizens give.
LW3: A lovely idea, I like it.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Mike H
Thu May 2, 2013 4:03 AM
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LW1 You are a creep. My advice is to divorce your wife. For HER sake. Your little zinger about "settling" for her says it all. She deserves better than being married to a cheat who only married her because he felt he couldn't do any better. And your kids will not love your ho more than their mother. They won't love you for hurting her and wrecking their family with your selfish behavior. Do the other woman a favor and please don't marry her after you divorce your poor wife. You aren't mature enough to be married, if you're sneaking around with your ex-fiancee. Commitment seems to be too much for you. And I wonder, if she is so "perfect" why didn't you marry her to begin with?
Comment: #15
Posted by: Emily
Thu May 2, 2013 4:21 AM
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LW1 - The whole "My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don't think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them" line is garbage. You're trying to justify leaving for wife for your exF. I'm guessing your children are teenagers. When I was a teenager, I did not have a good relationship with my mother but if my father divorced her, I would've been upset. Stop trying to pretend that you're children would be untouched by this.
I, too, wonder why you didn't marry this "wonderful woman?" Perhaps she's the one who broke up with you? If that's the case, you may only be chasing the fantasy of "the one that got away." Only you can decide if you want to stay married or not. In the meantime, stop going behind your wife's back and talking to this woman. If you're honeslty considering a divorce, remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Your exF looks better because you two aren't involved in real life - money, bills, children, cooking, cleaning, yard work, etc. She's a fantasy escape right now. Tread carefully.
LW2 - I'm assuming this son is your step-son, unless you two got married after her was 18 or so. Your husband said he wanted all children to be treated equally. Then you should do that. Write him that check. What he does with it is not your business. You also called him "unemployed" and yet said he lives on disability. Well...is he disabled?? If he's disabled then he's not unemployed...he's disabled. Give him the money. Respect your husband's wishes.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Michelle
Thu May 2, 2013 4:47 AM
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LW1- Your ex is an ex fiance for a reason. I imagine she called off the wedding if you have been pining for her all these years. Why did she call off the wedding? You don't say that she is married but I'm going to assume she is so for the last 5 years, you have both been having an emotional affair (at the very least). The grass is not always greener on the other side and very rarely does relationships born out of an affair work in the long run. You my friend are what I like to call a douche bag. Divorce your wife so that she can find someone who truly loves her instead of being with someone who has been pining away for someone for 20 years.
LW2- I'm with everyone else here with the confusion of how long you were married and the age of your 5th son (by saying 5th, it makes me think he's the youngest so are all of your children from a previous marraige or were you a blended family 40 years ago)? Your answer to my question doesn't change the outcome of what I think you should do as it's just to satisfy my curiosity. You should do as your husband wished with the money (plain and simple) and if your son blows through it... so be it.
Comment: #17
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 5:14 AM
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LW1: I don't always read BTL responses before I weigh in, but this time it was a bit helpful.
Actually, I'm not sure what advice I can give, but this question is for sure (and this WAS my first question): I wonder what chemistry the LW has with his current wife? What's the relationship like?
If he's not careful, the current wife will be an ex-wife. Counseling sure may be in order here.
LW2: Agree with just about everyone else – Your late husband wanted ALL of the kids to have the inheritance ... including the druggie son.
"Am I being disrespectful to my husband's memory by not getting a check out to my son? I'm afraid he will blow it all on weed."
To the first part – HELL YES you are. The second part – not your call to say how he blows it on marijuana. He could piss it all away on Lame-o the Wonder Horse at the racetrack for all you care. He might just spend it on his medical bills, too.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu May 2, 2013 6:09 AM
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Re LW#1-----
You poor sad thing!!!! Your wife of 20 years isn't nearly as much fun or as exciting as your ex-fiancee. The 20 years of marriage has ground her down into this person that you've lived with forever, and who is so familiar to you that all the 'glamour' is long gone. To give you credit, you HAVE 'spoken to her' about the things you'd like changed (sounds like you're talking to a dog), and she 'complies for a short while'. Just those two statements can give us a pretty good idea of what your marriage is.
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It's become settled, you don't like it, and you decided, 5 years ago, to check out other options, which really look appealing to you because you haven't yet spent 20 years in close contact with the old g.f.
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You want to REALLY have a satisfactory marriage? Get BOTH of you into counseling, and drop the contact with your 'back-up plan'. That way your wife can have a chance to 'speak to you' about any things that SHE would like changed, and see if you will 'comply'.
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Stop rationalizing that your kids would be fine with it and not hate you. You're wanting to rip their lives apart because you have the hots for someone else, and you'd better believe they WON'T be ok with it.
When you aren't happy in a marriage, you discuss, get counseling if necessary, decide if it can be saved, and either work at it or get out. THEN you can go looking for Plan B. Lining up Plan B in advance sounds suspiciously like finding an alternative you'd like to try and THEN looking for things to justify your decision.
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You already said you really want out but 'don't want to hurt her', but that actually translates to "I want a way to get what I want, not have my kids hate me for dumping their mom for an old flame that I've been sneaking around with for 5 years, and come out smelling like a rose." When you dump someone because you've already chosen their replacement and it looks better to you, you will smell, all right------but not like a rose, I guarantee.
Comment: #19
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 6:10 AM
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Re LW#2----
The length of your marriage and the age of your son aren't really relevant. What IS relevant is that your deceased husband wanted ALL FIVE of the kids to get equal amounts, and here you sit trying to exert control over your 58-year-old son.
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It's pretty clear from your letter that everything in your relationship with your kids hinges on whether you approve of their life choices or not. You're good with 4 of them, but not the fifth, so you're trying to keep that control going in whatever ways you can.
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It's quite obvious that you don't agree that (a) your son is truly disabled or (b) that he is really in need of medical marijuana.
Obviously someone disagreed with you, thank God-------you don't just walk into VA benefits and disability benefits lightly. And you can't just go sign up to get legal pot-------you have to have a DOCTOR (reads: qualified medical personnel as opposed to mother) who agrees that it would be helpful to you. And you don't even know how it works--------with a card, you can either grow your own, or you can have a designated grower, or buy from a dispensary. Either way, there are limits to the amount you can have.
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So--------you think, at age 58, retired from the military, he should be working, not drawing disability, which means you don't believe the disability is real; and obviously, you are pretty anti-marijuana, and think people with cards are just using them as an excuse to get stoned. And here you sit, in a position to use that money to have control of your son to whatever extent you can.
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I read your letter and I can hear the echo of my grandmother's voice saying (about her partially-deaf roommate in the nursing home, whom she did not like): "Oh, she could hear perfectly well if she wanted to!!!"
Or of my mom, who, years ago, would babysit or not babysit for my nephew depending on whether she approved of the guy sis was going out with. Both of them were judgmental control freaks, and you are no different.
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Give him the damn money, without any strings or accompanying comments, and BUTT OUT!!!!
Comment: #20
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 6:38 AM
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Oh-oh.
The chubby, bigoted Annies have really rocked the dessert cart today with the first letter. Their manhating minions will be out in full force, furiously typing hateful msgs about men as they cram McDonald's into their fat faces.
Give your love handles are shake.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Princess Bride
Thu May 2, 2013 7:05 AM
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LW1: I *hate* letters that are clearly looking for approval to leave their spouse. I see it in every advice column I read, from both genders. This man clearly wants the Annies to say “You sound unhappy and obviously your children won't be harmed from the divorce. Be free, my good man. Sow your wild oats. This isn't a midlife crisis; you just married the wrong woman! PS It sounds like your wife's a real witch. She won't change after you tell her to! Better clear out the joint accounts before you leave.”
Get real. You made a commitment to this woman, and to your kids. Now see it through. Your kids are most likely are teenagers, so of course they don't have a good relationship with your mother. They probably hate you, but you're too distracted by this “relationship” with your ex to notice. It doesn't sound like your husband, or father, of the year. Either put your focus on your marriage and family, or leave.. but if you do leave, don't try to justify it. You're in the wrong here.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Casey
Thu May 2, 2013 7:18 AM
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Whoa. What Jennylee said on lw1. Nicely said, lady.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Casey
Thu May 2, 2013 7:20 AM
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LW1 -- In addition to the top 2 red flags that have been pointed out repeatedly -- there is this little gem: "... and I know, without a doubt, that our lives would be happy if we were together." Without a doubt, eh? Only an idiot has ZERO doubts.
LW2 -- I really do agree with everyone who has said that she should honor her husband's wishes and write the equal-sized check for the fifth child. But I am going to point out that this was a JOINT account, which means she should and does have some say about how that money is used. What I find a bit perplexing is that apparently she and her husband never had a conversation about this while he was alive, and this wasn't put in his will -- it was merely a note he left in the checkbook. Unless it was dated, who knows when he wrote that note? Who knows if that's actually how he still felt when he died? Despite all of that, I STILL think she needs to treat all five of the kids equally. To do otherwise sows seeds of ill feeling and resentment that will not only hurt her relationship with this son but could also hurt the son's relationships with the rest of his siblings. Indeed, I wonder what the response here would have been if the LW said "I found a note in the checkbook telling me to write equal checks to four of our five children, but a much lesser amount for our one son. I really want to give an equal amount to all five children, but am I being disrespectful to my husband's memory if I don't follow his wishes?" Would everyone still think she should adhere to his wishes, even though it's a joint account that she should have equal say over and even though they never discussed this and even though it wasn't part of his will but merely a note left in the checkbook from who knows when?
LW3 -- I could have sworn someone else already made this exact same suggestion -- perhaps it was only at the BTL and not published by the Annies.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 7:29 AM
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@Chris (10) -- I agree with your entire post, but I did want to point out one thing on LW1. He says the he and his ex-fiancee treat each other the way people should be treated -- he said nothing of treating his wife (or his kids, or anyone else, for that matter) the way people should be treated. ;)
@Bobaloo (18) -- you wrote "If he's not careful, the current wife will be an ex-wife." Um, pretty sure if you read the letter that it's pretty clear he WANTS his current wife to be his ex-wife.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 7:46 AM
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Re: Lisa (#25)
Maybe ... but I'm also pretty sure if it is a divorce he truly wants, he'd want it to be on HIS terms (or in the very least, neutral terms) ... not hers.
For if it's on her terms, there'd be hell to pay, to say the least.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu May 2, 2013 8:25 AM
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LW1: MID. LIFE. CRISIS. Stop fantasizing about a dream life and get back to reality. There is some reason why you and the ex fiancee broke up. Has that magically disappeared? If you do divorce your wife and marry the ex, I bet within a year you will pine for your ex wife and start fantasizing about how much better your life would be with her.
LW2: I get the impression that the LW and her husband had children from previous marriages, ALA Brady Bunch. The husband wanted to treat them all equally, and not distinguish between her kids and his kids. Write the check and honor your husband-its the right thing to do. It will keep peace in the family and prevent the son from writing the Annies complaining about how his siblings received money from Dad but not him.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Paige English
Thu May 2, 2013 8:39 AM
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@Bobaloo -- well, actually, regardless of who initiates the divorce, it's pretty safe to say there's likely to be hell to pay. Depending on the laws where they live, it's not going to matter if he files or she files, (and in some cases, it won't matter if he's been unfaithful or not) -- and regardless, he's not particularly likely to get a divorce "on his terms" -- unless she's an idiot and doesn't hire a lawyer to protect her interests and just let's him dictate terms. But if what you mean is that it will be a blow to his ego if SHE initiates it instead of him, that's possible (maybe even probable) -- though it's also possible that if she were to file first, that might ease some of his "guilt" about not wanting to hurt her and may allow him to further delude himself that he hasn't played a part in the disintegration of this marriage.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 8:47 AM
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@BTL -- just want to take a poll on LW2. Is the reason the wife should write that fifth, equal check the right thing to do because it will preserve the family relationships, or is it the right thing to do because it honors her husband's final wishes? While I do, in fact, agree that it's the right thing to do, I'm surprised no one else has pointed out that this is a joint account, so she has as much say as he does about it, that it's odd they never had a conversation about this while he was living, and that it's odd that this was just a note left for her in the checkbook, as opposed to part of his will, and as such, there's no way of knowing for sure when he wrote it and whether those really were his final wishes. Again, I still think the right thing to do is to give the fifth child his "fair share" and that the wife is being short-sighted by wanting to treat him differently. But what advice would you give if the husband had been the one to want to treat the fifth child differently? Should the wife have simply followed his wishes -- despite those wishes being patently unfair and undiscussed by BOTH owners of the JOINT account and despite those wishes being expressed in a note in a checkbook, as opposed to in a legal will?
Comment: #29
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 9:00 AM
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Hahaha Brincess Bride- In my head, each time you post, I totally see you as Vizzini from the 1987 movie “Princess Bride” of which I am sure you know whom I'm referring to. Wallace Shawn, actor and writer has one of those mischievously homely faces just made to entertain. You sure are entertaining. I burst out laughing when I read your stupid rants BTL because I think of the dorky, short, bald and homely Vizzini… hahaha, you crack me up because you're such a loser with such a crappy life that you fulfill your most wet dreams by coming below the line to call the Annie's and the Poster's fat. Now, do us all a favor and take your trollish a$$ over to BTL of Dear Abby where you will fit in much better.
Comment: #30
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 9:04 AM
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Re: Lisa #24
You make a good point about its being both of their money, and the fact that since we don't know when he wrote the note, and she apparently had no prior knowledge of it, his feelings MIGHT have changed in the interim.
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But if we open up that door, we have to open a lot of other doors too. Maybe his feelings had changed re this son; or maybe they changed for all the kids, or one or more of the others, specifically. Since she's honoring his supposed wishes regarding the other four, whom she obviously approves of, but is hesitating on the fifth, whose lifestyle she obviously doesn't like, she's not considering her husband's wishes------just her own desire to try and force a situation here.
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Legally, of course, she can do what she wants. Morally, she either owes all the kids a gift with no strings attached, or she needs to attach strings for ALL of them.
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I know that no matter what my lifestyle, be it something my mom approved of or not, I would resent getting treated differently than my siblings, Legally, yes, she can do what she wants, since it's now HER money. I hope she thinks long and hard about what she would be doing to the family.
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And if he blows every penny on pot, then he blows it. Is she also going to monitor what the other four spend theirs on? What if one wants a tattoo, and she thinks they are the work of the devil? What if one buys a dangerous motercycle and breaks his leg on it? The time when she could direct their choices in life is long gone, and what she's contemplating is not worth ripping the family apart.
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I'm just getting the sense here that her love and approval have always had strings attached.
Comment: #31
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 9:10 AM
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@jennylee -- so, it sounds like you and I are on the same page -- she should write that fifth, equal check because it's the right thing to do IN GENERAL, not necessarily because it honors her husband's final wishes. I completely agree with everything you wrote in #31. So, the next question, then, would be, what if his final wishes had been to snub the fifth child with a lesser portion, and SHE was the one who wanted to give them all equal portions. IMHO, at that point, I think she would be right to wave the "it's a joint account, so it's mine, too, and he didn't make his final wishes known to me in any sort of legally binding way, so, I'm going to do what I believe to be right and give them all equal portions."
I'm taking a big bite of my McDonalds here before I say this (lest anyone want to take it away from me) -- but the husband clearly had the right idea when he suggested equal portions, and the wife is wrong to be wanting to snub the fifth child.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 9:30 AM
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Re: Lisa #29
In answer to your poll-------I think she has to go by her husband's wishes as expressed in his note, but not necessarily for either of those reasons-------family harmony/relationships are important, but sometimes there are overriding reasons not to make that the important thing. I just don't think this case rates overriding his wishes.
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And as far as honoring his wishes IF they had been to not treat all the kids equally, I'm sorry, but that would be something I would override. Very few circumstances under which I can see giving to some and not to others just because someone now dead wanted it that way. To me, that would be like a parent leaving me all the money and my sibling none becaue they 'approved' of me and not of my sibling. First thing I would do would be to split the inheritance, unless there were some overriding reason that I (not my deceased parents) thought was important enough.
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I think that, as long as his indicated wishes did not include something that would tear the family apart, yes, they should be honored--------not for the sake of harmony, but because as nearly as she knows, that was still his current wish. Maybe things had changed-------if so, then he should have so indicated it somewhere.
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I would do it because it's the right thing to do---------not because of family relationships, and not to honor his last wishes. He obviously did not differentiate because of lifestyles, etc., and she wants to override in order to do so. If things were turned around (he was being unfair and she wanted to remedy it)-------well, different situation entirely.
Comment: #33
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 9:30 AM
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Re: Lisa #32
I was posting at same time you were, I think, but yes--------bottom line, if she was altering his wishes to remedy some unfairness, then yes, she should alter.
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If it's the opposite-----he's trying to be fair and she wants to change that, then no, she should leave things alone (although obviously, no legal requirement here-------just a moral one)
Comment: #34
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 9:33 AM
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One of the benefits of legalizing marijuana for medical use is that it's not prohibitively expensive. I can't imagine how someone could blow all of their money on it if he lives in a place that has legalized it and licensed the distributors.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Carla
Thu May 2, 2013 9:36 AM
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Omg, justbecause, that's so funny! I totally picture PB as Vizzini, but dressed in drag! LIke it's Vizzini, wearing Buttercup's wedding dress, complete with headdress and all. It makes for some very entertaining reading :)
Comment: #36
Posted by: Casey
Thu May 2, 2013 9:39 AM
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Well, I see our TTWF is back.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu May 2, 2013 9:55 AM
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I had this whole big, wordy response to LW1 written last night and then I accidentally hit a key and irrecoverably deleted it all.
As others have pointed out, he's built himself a pretty solid fantasy world, complete with unicorns to ride to work and magic wands to cook dinner with. This woman (who he broke up with 20 years ago) is perfect (unlike his wife and mother of his children) and when he eventually runs off to be with her, they'll live happily ever after with his happy kids in a big castle in the sky.
One thing I noticed about the letter is that he says he's been 'in contact' with this perfect woman for five years. Why do I think that means internet and phone conversations? Because I can probably convince someone that I'm Pollyanna over the internet. Just don't ask my husband.
Honestly, whether 'in contact' means electronically or in person, this man is having an affair in the worst way. I wonder if your wife knows that, when you are asking her to change for you, that what you really want is for her to be more like your ex. Personally, I'd rather come home and find my husband in bed with someone then find out he's been doing what you're doing. Whether you decide to run off to Narnia or stay and actually try to give some attention to your marriage, you should tell your wife the truth so that she can also make an informed choice.
Oh, and working on your marriage doesn't consist of just asking your wife to change.
LW2: I agree with everyone else. Give your (step)son the money. Whether he is genuinely disabled or the bum that you say he is is irrelevant. The fact is that it isn't your money to keep from him.
LW3: I like this idea. It kind of reminds me of my honeymoon. My husband and I went to a cottage in Big Bear. On the nightstand, there was a journal with entries from other honeymooners who had stayed there. We found the same thing at a bed and breakfast in Half Moon Bay.
Comment: #38
Posted by: Datura
Thu May 2, 2013 10:16 AM
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Damn. It looked fine in the preview. Friggin Creators Site.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Datura
Thu May 2, 2013 10:16 AM
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@JustBecause
Dang, you're right. I'm busted. I do look like Vizzini, complete with whiney voice and bald dome. That's why I need to come on here and insult overweight, bitter old women.
But considering how many women come on here to insult men, I'm scared to think about what they look like.
MEN. They're to blame for EVERYTHING.
(except cheese cake. The fat girls like cheese cake, so that's acceptable)
Comment: #40
Posted by: Princess Bride
Thu May 2, 2013 10:44 AM
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Lisa- I responded to your post #29 before I responded to Princess Bride but it never went through so here goes another try. No matter if the LW were male or female, I would have done as my deseaced partner wished... even if it were written in a check book or note. Since she says it's a trust, I assume that they set up something ahead of time or inherrited the money. Even if it were not a trust, my answer would still be the same. A good example I like to refer to is my MIL and FIL both passed within a year apart and they had 6 adult children. Of those 6 adult children, 5 were very responsible with the 6th (second to youngest male, age 43 at the time of the death) being a drug addicted, homeless drug addict. His parents wished for everything to be distributed evenly and everyone wanted to not give the BIL all the money at once (35K0 fearing of him burning through it at lightening speed. They complied and yes he did in fact burn through it within 2 months. The family did the right thing. Now, last year this BIL died of an overdoes (of pain meds of all things). He was penniless but his siblings (my wonderful inlaws) all came together and paid for a decent burial. Really, not for him but for his kids (ranged age 16 - 24) who could not afford it. This brought his very close family even closer so that's my vote.
Comment: #41
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 10:53 AM
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@JustBecause -- I completely agree that treating all the kids equally is the right thing to do, so in the LW's case, I would definitely tell her to follow her husband's wishes and write that fifth, equal check. I just don't think the reason she should do it necessarily has anything to do with it being her husband's wish -- I think she should do it because it's the right thing to do and is far less likely to have negative repercussions for the family. Which is why I also posed the flipside: would your advice to follow the deceased spouse's wishes have stood if what the note had said was to give four equal portions to the first four kids and then something less (or nothing at all) to the fifth kid? As stated, I agree the LW should give equal portions to all of the children -- I just think that the message to the LW needs to be more about doing the right thing, and less about adhering to her husband's wishes.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 11:08 AM
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@Casey #36 - me too but now I'm picturing PB with that really annoying voice of Gilbert Godfrey from Problem Child 2. My brain hurts just hearing that screechy voice in my head.
Comment: #43
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 11:11 AM
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@Lisa #42- Very good question and if I had to be completely honest with myself, I most likely would have gone against his/her wish if the deceased partner asked me to give only 4 money. Huh, I even surprised myself with that answer.
Comment: #44
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 11:16 AM
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Re: Lisa
Lisa, you make an excellent point. I would say she should write the check to treat all the children fairly. If the husband had asked her to exclude the son, I would advise her to either write the check to the son or to not give $ to any of the children. Unless they are estranged, the children should all be treated equally.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Paige English
Thu May 2, 2013 11:21 AM
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@Paige English & Just Because -- well, some would suggest I'm just being a pain in the butt, since, as it happens, all of the advice has been for the LW to write that fifth check with an equal sum, so what's the difference if she's doing it because it's what her husband wanted or if she's doing it because it's the right thing to do. But because so much of the advice hinged on adhering to the spouse's last wishes, as opposed to just doing the right thing, I thought it would be an interesting discussion to have.
As an aside... a few years ago, my aunt and uncle changed their will to favor their younger son over the older son, instead of equal shares. They didn't literally write the older son out of the will, but he gets hardly anything, we're talking like 98% goes to one son and 2% to the other. Their long-time lawyer actually quit over this -- he refused to do as they wished and told them if that's what they wanted to do, they needed to hire a new lawyer, so that's what they did. While the relationships are complicated, I can tell you with confidence that the older son does NOT deserve this treatment. And unfortunately, I can pretty much guarantee that the younger son will very happily take his larger share to the bank and laugh in his older brother's face. It's going to be really ugly when my aunt and uncle die.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 11:47 AM
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Re: Carla #35
Carla, you're right------it is relatively inexpensive. My daughter has a card, and in my state it costs approx. $300 per year for her to have a grower who gives her one ounce per month. (Would be more, except she is extremely low-income, so she gets approx. $100 in discounts.)
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So, actual cost is about $25 per ounce, if you calculate it. Of course, the state keeps adding new fees, and raising existing ones, to make what they can. If you have a grower, something she has to do because she's not physically capable of raising it, nor does she live where she can do so, you give the state $50. If you change growers, or even if the grower changes the physical address of the grow site, you give the state $50. You move, change your caregiver (the person who is authorized to pick up your marijuana for you if you can't physically do so), or pretty much anything, you give the state $50.
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And if it ever gets legalized---------to my knowlege, there has been no provision in proposed legalization attempts for those who need a grower--------you will either grow it yourself or use the state dispensary. Growers will get licensed (another source of revenue for the state) and then sell to the state dispensary (middleman), who will sell to you and arrange a nice profit for themselves somewhere in there.
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The state is already salivating figuring how they can make up what they'll lose in fines from people who use it illegally and get caught, and their idea, of course, is to tax, and tax, and tax it. No one has ever come forth with a definite dollar amount of what the price per ounce, or the tax, will be, we are just to trust that it will be 'reasonable' (and subject to increase, of course)
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I look for them to do exactly what they have done with cigarettes---------tax it until it becomes something available/affordable if you are well-off, and otherwise-------well, tough for you. Just like nobody cares what hapens to the pocketbooks of those nasty, evil smokers, no one will care about those nasty, evil potheads. (And for the record, I don't use either one.)
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So for right now, I'm hoping my state doesn't legalize it, although I think it's ridiculous that it's not legal. I just think people who use it would be making up for the loss of revenue in fines, and then some. (The average joe will not be able to afford it, and will still have to search for that illegal source.) The state can rip users off just as skillfully as any illegal grower/seller can, they just do it within the law.
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Sorry-----REALLY sore point with me.
Comment: #47
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 12:36 PM
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@Lisa-I don't think you are a pain...you gave me something to think about. Would I honor my husband's last wishes if it meant treating my son differently? No, I wouldn't. Last wishes should not cause upheaval in a family.
Sorry about your family situation. The fact that the attorney quit over this speaks volumes. How does the older son feel about this?
Comment: #48
Posted by: Paige English
Thu May 2, 2013 12:45 PM
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Re: Lisa
Your point in #29 is excellent. I had originally said she should honor the husband's wishes, but that's since he was being fair and asked her to disburse equally to all the children. I have to change my opinion now, I guess. I still think the money should be disbursed equally, but not necessarily for the purposes of adhering to his wishes. She should do it because it's the right thing to do, and I think she should have done the same even if his request had been for an unequal distribution. I agree with Paige English that they should all get an equal amount or not distribute to any of them.
Comment: #49
Posted by: Kitty
Thu May 2, 2013 12:46 PM
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@jennylee, actually, I kind of feel the opposite -- if the feds get out of the way and it becomes legal in more places, that will probably open up good old-fashioned capitalist competition. Hemp is an amazing plant, and it'd be nice to see us growing more of it and using it for a wider variety of things.
So I'd guess that higher volume of legal users would keep prices low for legal producers.
Comment: #50
Posted by: Mike H
Thu May 2, 2013 12:46 PM
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Hey, leave something on the dessert cart for me, ladies! Men are to blame for everything, amirite?
(I'll have what SHE'S having!)
Comment: #51
Posted by: Mike H
Thu May 2, 2013 12:48 PM
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Re: Mike H
I don't care that much for desserts Mike - you can have mine :)
Comment: #52
Posted by: Kitty
Thu May 2, 2013 1:05 PM
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Re: Lisa #46
Lisa, we have a similar situation in my family------my neice and nephew. Nephew is my sister's son by her first marriage, and was adopted by her current husband at the time of their marriage, when he was five. Neice was adopted from another country when she was a year old, and when I say she is a 'princess' I'm not exaggerating.
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You never saw a kid treated better-------and she was to be all the things my sis wanted to be and wasn't. Name brand clothes from day one, modeling classes, charm school, car bought for her when she got her license (not so for her brother)------financial help for college, where she joined a top sorority----------nice destination wedding in Hawaii, where her new husband's wealthy family all attended, but none of us except her parents could afford it-------and before which she dieted like crazy and lost 8 pounds--------because she wanted to be under 100 lbs. at her wedding. (She weighed in at 95 lbs.) She now lives in California in a condo a block from the ocean, no pets or kids because it would interfere with the cruises they take three or four times a year. She is truly the 'perfect' child. (We call her Malibu Barbie behind her back.)
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In contrast, we have my nephew, who was put down by his stepdad from day one because he didn't like hunting or fishing-------but mostly because he was the son of 'the guy who got to have sex with my wife before I ever did'. My nephew has absolutely no self-esteem, and it's no wonder.
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My sis worries about what will happen if she dies first, she attempted to talk to her daughter to see if she would make things equitable if she ended up with all the money, but she side-stepped this ever so neatly-------she just 'didn't want to take sides', or really, to even hear that there WAS a problem. She gave nice, evasive, non-commital answers, as thinking about it interfered with her perfect life, I think.
Comment: #53
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 1:07 PM
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You're right Mike... Men are the blame for everything but since I'm not a fan of cheesecake, I'll take a nice big slab of peanut butter pie. That should keep me a fat, man hating hag like PB describes.
Comment: #54
Posted by: JustBecause
Thu May 2, 2013 1:12 PM
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@Paige English (48) -- To my knowledge, neither of my cousins know about this situation. I know about it because my aunt and uncle told my parents about it, and my mother told me (and my brother) about it. So, in theory, the only people who know this are my aunt and uncle, my parents, my brother and me. Now, when my aunt and uncle told my parents, they didn't tell them not to tell anyone, so technically my parents didn't break a confidence, but I'm sure my aunt and uncle didn't really expect them to tell anyone else about it.
I happen to not be a big fan of either of these two cousins -- they are both extremely materialistic, and while I like nice things, too, owning nice clothing, cars, etc., is not the be-all, end-all of my life.
@Kitty -- I sincerely hope the LW does the right thing here, regardless of what reason convinces her to do so!
@jennylee -- that is so sad. I just don't understand that kind of favoritism. Your BIL shouldn't have agreed to adopt your sister's son if he wasn't prepared to love him and do right by him (and, frankly, if you don't mind my saying so, your sister shouldn't have married a man who wasn't prepared to love and do right by her son). I guess the best that can be hoped for is that your BIL dies first. Wow.
Comment: #55
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 1:30 PM
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@JustBecause
I'll take your piece of cheesecake, then. I've been working on it, but my butt still doesn't hang over the armrest when I fly or go to the theater. And I need something to keep me going while I blame my husband for this heat.
Comment: #56
Posted by: Datura
Thu May 2, 2013 1:31 PM
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Oooh, peanut butter pie!
Comment: #57
Posted by: Lisa
Thu May 2, 2013 1:31 PM
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Re: Mike H #50
Mike, I would agree except for the fact that in my state, at least, there won't be any real competition. It will be like the liquor industry here in my state--------marijuana sales will be totally controlled by the state through THEIR dispensaries, just like liquor (other than beer and wine) can only be purchased at liquor stores run by the state (at least in my state that's how it is. I understand there are a few states that have voted to change that, and I say, good for them.)
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Technically, I guess there would be a lot of legal producers------but they won't be allowed to sell directly to the buyers, but must sell to the state dispensaries, who will then set a price and sell to the public. So it's going to be a monopoly, really, as near as I can tell.
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I too would very much like to see hemp be able to be grown. Maybe someday-----who knows?
Comment: #58
Posted by: jennylee
Thu May 2, 2013 1:35 PM
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@Lisa re LW2: Writing the fifth check is the right thing to do because it preserves family relationships.
I have a friend who is one of six siblngs. Her mother passed away at a young age. She had been ill for a long while and had made a will leaving everything to her only single daughter. The family relationships between the siblings have been strained since the mother's passing. I cringe whenever I hear someone say, "It's what s/he would have wanted". Do the right thing from the present perspective. In the case of my friend, had her sister split Mother's estate equally among her 5 siblings, they'd all be getting along right now.
Comment: #59
Posted by: PuaHone
Thu May 2, 2013 1:44 PM
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Re: L2
I am generally in favor of dividing an estate equally amongst the siblings but wanted to add a suggestion in case this son really is a wastrel. From LW2's description there is no real way to tell if he is a genuinely disabled vet or someone like my friend's brother who is a druggy sleazeball who has milked the system most of his life. Anyhow, my friend's family has 6 siblings (all adults over 40). When her grandfather passed away he left everything to his son (my friend's dad) but verbally instructed him to give each grandchild a substantial sum. Her dad wound up writing a check for each child except the near-do-well son who currently lives in a travel trailer parked on his younger brother's property with his registered sex offender girlfriend and scraggly dogs. For him he purchased an annuity in the same amount the other kids got that would give him monthly income during retirement because he knew he would blow the money and doesn't want to see him wind up homeless and living on pet food.
Comment: #60
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Thu May 2, 2013 3:23 PM
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Re: Bobaloo #18
"including the druggie son."
A disabled man on medical marijuana is no more a "druggie" than anyone on any prescription drug.
@Jennylee #19
"You already said you really want out but 'don't want to hurt her', but that actually translates to "I want a way to get what I want, not have my kids hate me for dumping their mom for an old flame that I've been sneaking around with for 5 years, and come out smelling like a rose." When you dump someone because you've already chosen their replacement and it looks better to you, you will smell, all right------but not like a rose, I guarantee."
Hee hee. "I don't want to hurt her, but" translates as "I don't care if I hurt her, I just don't want to look like the bad guy here".
#20
Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap!
Comment: #61
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu May 2, 2013 3:25 PM
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@Kitty, I'll happily eat your share, as sadly I can still comfortably fit into a theatre seat. But perhaps there are other treats to tempt you with? Margaritas, for example? As long as we can all sit around, have fun, and blame men for everything, it will be a party!
Comment: #62
Posted by: Mike H
Thu May 2, 2013 4:16 PM
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Re: Mike H
That's fine with me -- I'll take you up on the Margarita. Extra salt please :)
Comment: #63
Posted by: Kitty
Thu May 2, 2013 4:20 PM
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Those who want to know what Toad Prince probably looks like can go to http: / / www.gocomics.com / pibgorn / 2013 / 04 / 17
And now for a frontal view, complete with Troll Manitesto, http: / / www.gocomics.com / pibgorn / 2013 / 01 / 07 ((the usual routine, take out the spaces))
niuk niuk niuk niuk
Comment: #64
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu May 2, 2013 4:25 PM
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Axctually, this guy who makes it sound like he's all pondering the future of his marriage, all the while having a replacement wife waiting in the wings... This reminds me of my ex upstairs neighbour.
One night at close to midnight, I hear an unbelievable ruckus up there, you'd have thought I had football pratice over my head. All the while, there was an incredible amount of running around in the front stairs - metal stairs, they resonate like a flippin' bell.
I walk out on my porch, take a peek, see a lot of people coming in and out with parcels. What's going on, I call out loudly. Can't you see we're moving, you F***ing b**** of a retarded c***? was the kind answer.
Seeing that I know better than to have a screaming match with "people" with a sewer mind and mouth, I called the landlord to inform him that there were apparently people moving out of his premises in the middle of the night.
WELL. It turns out only part of the household was moving, as in, Floozie #1 was moving out, while Floozie #2 was moving IN. At the same time. GOD FORBID his dickie should be out in the cold for one single night.
Sounds like this prize twerp here.
Comment: #65
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu May 2, 2013 4:58 PM
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Hey Gang, I can still sit on public transportation seats without inadvertently asphyxiating my neighbor, love cheesecake, pie and margaritas (although not necessarily together) ... and lord knows I do enjoy my man-bashing! Count me in!
Comment: #66
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Thu May 2, 2013 6:03 PM
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I'll take the green salad with olives, the spaghetti with triple meat balls and a bottle of chianti, please. And the man-bashing stick.
Comment: #67
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu May 2, 2013 6:34 PM
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@Lise Brouillette
Spaghetti with triple meat balls - yum....and what a great idea, kind of like a talking stick but could double as weapon if any of those skeezy men - you know - all of them since they are of course to blame for everything, act up!
Comment: #68
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Thu May 2, 2013 6:47 PM
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LW1: It's not your wife's job to fulfill you - that's your job and you really need to grow up. You have low self-esteem. Fix yourself instead of finding a woman to hold onto and drag down with you.
LW2: It's his money - honor his wishes. It's not your job to approve or disapprove of your son. That boat sailed and sunk a long time ago.
Comment: #69
Posted by: Diana
Thu May 2, 2013 7:04 PM
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LW#1 - I say GO FOR IT, only because you & the ex-fiancee deserve each other; both of you have no integrity. Or did you think that IF you marry your ex-fiancee, she will suddenly give up her hobby of dating married men?
LW#2 - Quit trying to micro-manage adult children. Give him the money. Let all of the 'kids' know that the bank is now closed. Maybe some of those 'responsible' ones have hidden lifestyles that you might disapprove of IF you only knew.
LW#3 - I would not like guests to decide to decorate my house. In fact I find it presumptuous that anyone would do so! Perhaps a guestbook/photo album would work; stick their pix in there and hand them their frames back. If they get offended, they don't have to stay anymore.
Comment: #70
Posted by: Barbara
Thu May 2, 2013 7:23 PM
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I saw a chocolate, bacon, peanut-butter pie on TV yesterday, with bourbon maple whoop (whipped cream topping). I found the recipe by googling it.
Being thin is overrated.
Comment: #71
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu May 2, 2013 10:38 PM
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I tried to post a link to a recipe for margarita cheesecake pie for EstherGreenwood, but I guess it got flagged or something. Ahh well ;)
Comment: #72
Posted by: Datura
Fri May 3, 2013 12:07 AM
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Re: Joannakathryn
I have a recipe for a bacon, potato, onion and cheese torte that's to die for. And you'll die with a smile on your face.
@Datura
Try it again. Whatever happened may have nothing to do without anything you wrote, and at any rate, whatever "flagging" is done here is done manually, is inconsistent and very, very spotty.
Comment: #73
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri May 3, 2013 3:47 AM
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@Datura
Margarita cheesecake pie does sound delicious... sorry it didn't post - I enjoy cooking and I'd love to try it. I guess maybe margaritas and dessert can go together after all. I've had my posts not show up occasionally also. Don't think it was manually flagged so probably just "technical difficulties" of some sort.
Comment: #74
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Sun May 5, 2013 9:18 AM
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Re: EstherGreenwood
That too.
Comment: #75
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon May 6, 2013 1:29 PM
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