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Little Girl Fears Food and Mom
Dear Annie: I'm concerned about my sister's parenting style. "Sara" just went through a nasty divorce, so we let her move into a house we own next door, thinking it would help to have family close by.
Sara's kids spend a great deal of time with us. What worries me is my 7-year-old niece, "Andrea." Andrea appears underweight for her age and height. When she has dinner here, she eats like she's starving. Several weeks ago, Sara joined us for dinner, and I watched her dole out food for the kids. She gave her 5-year-old son a much bigger portion than she gave Andrea. When I mentioned it, Sara said the pediatrician warned her that Andrea is obese. I do not believe this for one second.
Andrea is sick all the time. Last week, when I was preparing the kids an after-school snack, Andrea started crying. She said she was really hungry, but if she ate anything, it would make her mother angry because she is "so fat." I have never been so furious with my sister.
I spoke to the school social worker and was told there is little they can do. I also spoke to Sara about getting help, but she became hysterical and slapped Andrea for "telling tales."
I've never seen Sara like this before. I called CPS, but I worry that Sara will take off with the kids before help can be provided. What else can I do? — Big Sis
Dear Sis: Sara should not be slapping her daughter. You need to befriend your sister so that she trusts you and her children can turn to you for help. It's difficult to ascertain whether Sara is still stressed from the divorce, simply needs better parenting skills or there is something else going on. You may be interpreting the food issues through your own subjective filter. Leave a message with the pediatrician's office with your concerns. But please do not criticize and alienate Sara right now. Those kids need you. Be a safe haven for all of them.
Dear Annie: I am a married woman in my 50s, and I hate to be hugged. I'm sure it stems from my childhood, when my mother, who was not affectionate, forced me to hug relatives.
I have a friend in his mid-70s who's a great guy, but he's a hugger. "Henry" insists on grabbing everyone and giving them a bear hug. I have told him repeatedly that I don't like this, but he doesn't listen. He also hugs my husband, who has a bad back, and those bear hugs really hurt.
I've been avoiding Henry lately, but I miss him. Perhaps if he sees this in print, he might finally get it. — Hate Being Hugged in Kansas
Dear Kansas: You will have to remind Henry each time he comes near you that you don't want a hug. He has difficulty controlling his effusiveness, and until he can associate his hugging with negative consequences, he won't stop. Gently put out your arm to distance him. Tell him he is hurting you. Cry out in pain if need be. Do whatever will make it extremely clear that you don't like this and he must stop.
Dear Annie: Some responses to "Your Husband" indicated that he needed to try harder to be intimate with his wife. Maybe he did.
I tried talking to my wife. I shared and cleaned, went grocery shopping, did laundry and dishes. I took care of the kids while she went out shopping. Giving her flowers didn't work, small gestures didn't work, and talking about her day didn't work. Seeing a therapist didn't work. I didn't cheat, because I didn't want to lose my kids. Well, that didn't work, either. She left with no explanation. It takes two to make a marriage work. — Mark from N.C.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
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51 Comments | Post Comment
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* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * (10 May 2013)
LW3 refers to the first letter on 21 October 2012, which had a full column of responses on 15 December 2012 and was also discussed on 5 January and 25 April 2013.
The response column generated a spin off series - "Feeling the Void in Indiana", which had columns on 30 January, 15 February, 7 & 13 March and 16 April 2013.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Thu May 9, 2013 10:52 PM
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By coincidence, LW1 on 25 April was also the topic of a mother controlling her young daughter's eating habits.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Thu May 9, 2013 10:56 PM
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I know this won't help LW2 much now but I have always taught my kids that it is polite to always ask someone if they want a hug before hugging them. There are multiple reasons people might not want a hug including a bad back, not wanting to chance catching a cold, and not liking people in their space. Always ask before you hug and always respect the other person's answer without questioning why!
Comment: #3
Posted by: Carla Charter
Fri May 10, 2013 2:56 AM
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LW1: The Annies question whether you are interpreting your niece's weight situation properly; you say she looks underweight for her age and height, but your sister insists her pediatrician called her overweight. This is a tough one, but if you can get word to the pediatrician, they will be the person in the best position to know the truth. I'd also agree that for now it's best if you stay in the children's lives, and perhaps you can simple make sure your niece gets enough nutrition when she eats with you (perhaps host them much more often).
You might also just take your concerns about your niece out of the equation, and simply encourage your sister to get some counseling about her divorce. She may be more amenable to your suggests if it's about her, and you are trying to show your support; and if she gets counseling, it may also help the situation with your niece.
This almost feels like an incipient Munchausen-by-proxy situation to me, so I think you are right to want to keep an eye on this.
LW2: I think you would have more luck in getting more forceful with how you let Henry know you don't like being hugged, rather than just hoping he reads this column and then hoping he sees himself in the letter. Try again in person, or write him a note that says what you say here, that he's a dear friend that you miss but his insistence on hugs is just making it so hard for you to enjoy time with him. A more direct approach will have a better chance of success.
LW3: Sorry, dude. Some things just weren't meant to be.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 2:58 AM
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LW1 - This is a tough one because we can't be sure whether or not the LW is totally objective or whether she has all the facts. Although it is completely wrong for her sister to be slapping Andrea, the best person to contact about the food issue would be her pediatrician. Although he or she won't be able to discuss the situation with the LW, she can certainly make her concerns known and the doctor can address any problems with Andrea's mother. I agree with Mike H that the LW should offer help to Sara with getting through her divorce and leave her concerns about Andrea's diet out of the equation. From what the LW says, Sara is having some emotional issues and MAY be taking them out on Andrea, but there is probably much more here than we can learn from this letter, which is written strictly from the LW's point of view. I'm more concerned about the slapping of the child than with her dietary issues.
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LW2 - Writing to the Annies and hoping Henry reads it is not the solution to the hugging issue. What the LW needs to do is to make it VERY clear to Henry that the contant hugging is affecting their relationship and if need be, she can claim physical pain when being hugged. At the very least, she should tell Henry what she has told the Annies, rather than hoping he sees himself in her letter. I've found that people rarely do that.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Kitty
Fri May 10, 2013 3:27 AM
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LW1 - There are times when someone will say, "He/she needs to lose a few pounds," and someone else says, "No, they don't. They look fine." But you're saying Andrea is underweight and your sister is calling her obese and fat. There is no way that a difference in preferences. I'd be curious to know if your sister battled her weight as a child, or has her entire life, or has an eating disorder.
You were wise to call CPS. I hope you did it annonymously, though, because I'd hate to see your sister take Andrea away from the family. I think it may also be wise to call her pediatrician about your concerns. He/she cannot divulge any of Andrea's health info to you but he/she can listen to your concerns. In the meantime, continue to be there for Andrea. If this keeps up, poor kid sounds like she'll either be aneorexic or she'll gorge herself and become fat as a way to stick it to her mother.
My SIL's mother is sickly thin and raised her 3 kids that food was bad. My SIL does have a lot of issues with food and weight as a result. Her one son is so sickly thin that you can literally count all of his ribs. He brags about it and shows people. The scarier thing is that his mother just lights up when he shows how you can see his ribs. Her other son, however, hates that she she obsesses over food. From what I was told, she was constantly slapping food out of his hands when he was a growing boy. He's not fat at all now. He has a manual labor job so he's pretty fit. But...he prefers plus sized women. He does not like thin women at all. I don't think that's an accident.
LW2 - The best thing to do is to put your arms up and back away and say, "Please don't hug me...it hurts." You have the right not to be touched. If he keeps insisting, sounds to me like you'll have to reconsider this friendship. Or wear a shirt with spikes on it. (Cheeky grin)
Comment: #6
Posted by: Michelle
Fri May 10, 2013 3:37 AM
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LW1--What is wrong with the Annies lately? Their advice stinks! While LW1 wastes time trying to "befriend" her sister, her niece is wasting away. 'Sara' is obviously mentally ill and she's projecting her own biodysmorphia onto an innocent child. If anyone needs to be slapped, it's HER! Here's what to do. You document each and every "tale" 'Andrea' tells you about her mother (surreptitiously tape record them if necessary) then call CPS stat. In the meantime, ensure that your niece is well fed and gets whatever food she wants while she's at your house. Explain to her that she's beautiful and that her mother is confused about what it means to be fat.
LW2--Stop being so namby pamby. You'd repeatedly told ''Henry'' to stop hugging you and he won't listen. For him, it's a control thing and he probably gets some sort of sick thrill out of it. The next time Henry comes in for a bear hug, knee him in the groin. Instruct your husband to do the same. Maybe that will get the message across. Some people are just hard learners.
LW3--While there's more to a marriage than sex, I say good riddance! Your wife seems like a frigid ice queen. Obviously the two of you were incompatible.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Chris
Fri May 10, 2013 4:22 AM
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LW1 -
I don't know what happened to your sister, but she seems to have transformed into an enraged bitch, and one who takes it out on an eight year-old child. Yrrrch.
Until CPS finally gets around to attending the case, you have to be careful not to rock the boat, so you can remain in a position to do whatever you can to mitigate the abuse and protect your niece, who is apparently being starved and beaten: if that unfit mother is bold enough to slap the poor girl in public, you can bet she does plenty more in private.
Tell her anything she needs to hear for you not to lose contact - stroke her ego, get her to talk about herself, commiserate with her poor misery, whatever. The minute you witness more physical violence, CALL CPS BACK. If things escalate even further, call 9-1-1.
I'm sorry you have witnessed this change in a sister whom you no doubt love. But the woman is dangerous, and there is an innocent girl to protect here.
LW2 -
I'm sorry, but a man who has been told repeatedly you don't want to be hugged and still does it, and keeps on hugging a man he's actually hurting, is not going to "see himself" in a letter to the Annies, providing he even reads it. So stop dreaming in technicolour, find your (hurting) backbone and take the bull by the horns.
You'll have to stop fancy-footsing around, and stop being polite about it, because nothing but bluntness will serve here. Put your hand out and keep him at arm's length, stating a firm "NO!". If that is still not enough, YELL when he hugs you. Get stinkingly mad. Anyone who is imposing clearly unwanted physical contact is actually aggressing you in an indirect, cowardly way. If the contact was vaguely sexual, it would be called sexual harassment and minor assault, and he could be charged. The man is not a hugger, he's a bully.
And a cowardly one at that, who hides behind pretend loving intentions and a smile. Reminds me of those hilarious clowns, who disguise snark and personal verbal attacks as humour and, when called to it go, whaaaaat, it was just a joke, ha ha ha, what's wrong with you that you're so over-sensitive, you have no sense of humour. Re-yrrrch.
If even the strong approach doesn't work and he keeps forcing himself on either of you, then you avoid him like the plague from now on. You need friends like him like you need a brick wall on your feet.
LW3 -
Well, didn't you know? MEN! They're to blame for EVERYTHING.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri May 10, 2013 5:52 AM
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Re: Chris
I understand you outrage, but LW1 has already called CPS. Unfortunately, they do have a habit of not always calling on time, and the risk that that enraged bitch of an unfit mother just takes off with the kids is VERY REAL. And then where will everybody be? This is what the Annies are trying to avoid here, along with others like me who went along the same lines. This has nothing to do with enabling or catering to. It has to do with making the bitch feel safe so that she doesn't bolt, long enough for something to be done.
"The next time Henry comes in for a bear hug, knee him in the groin."
I think she should warn him loudly and rudely and in front of witnesses one last time before she does that... but I admit it's very tempting. Problem is, he might charge HER with assault. If she does resort to that (I strongly doubt she has what it takes if she expects a letter to the annies to do the job), then I suggests she dials 9-1-1 herself the minute he starts threatening to press charges, and tell the attendant she has just been assaulted and had to defend herself. I don't know how it is in her neck of the wood, but here, the first one to dial 9-1-1 is generally deemed to be right by the cops.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri May 10, 2013 6:08 AM
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I call BS on the school social worker who claims they can't do anything... Don't schools have NURSES anymore? How hard would it be to have the school nurse WEIGH the child and determine if she is under / over the norms for her age and height? Between the social worker and the nurse - if they find a problem, these school personnel are OBLIGATED reporters within the school system! In the meantime - provide what you can in nutrient rich foods (meals and smaller snacks) to all of the children.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Casey
Fri May 10, 2013 6:12 AM
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Re LW1- I can't think of one motive as to why the LW would exaggerate about what is going on with her sister and niece so I'm going to err on the side of caution and agree that something needs to be done. First, instilling in this poor girls head that something is wrong with her weight and withholding food is in my opinion, child abuse and then she slaps the girl for “telling tales”…. C'mon, no way around it, this is child abuse. I'm sorry the witch is going through a nasty divorce but she has no right to take it out on the poor child. The Aunt and her family should be there for the niece and I honestly believe that the mother should be turned in. She needs help so maybe the Aunt can take the kids in while Sis gets some serious therapy.
LW2- I vote for saying it loud enough to embarrass the hugger, DON"T HUG ME. Repeat over and over until he gets the hint. He sounds a little thick skulled so it may take several times before he actually gets the hint. I do like Chris' idea or kneeing him in the groins but as Lise pointed out, that could cause more problems than it's worth.
LW3- Lise said exactly what I was thinking…. MEN, they're the blame for everything.
Comment: #11
Posted by: JustBecause
Fri May 10, 2013 6:32 AM
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Once, I took my kitten Faded to the vet and was told she was overweight. I laughed because she was such a small kitten. Wouldn't you believe that about a month later she blew up, and some six years later she's still about the fattest cat I've ever known. Anyways. What were we talking about again?
Comment: #12
Posted by: Volpe
Fri May 10, 2013 7:02 AM
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LW3: You're writing to the wrong column if you want any sort of support. Around here, the bigoted Annies and their fat followers blame men for everything that goes wrong. If your wife wasn't willing to work on the marriage, it must be because of something YOU did wrong.
You cleaned the house weekly? Well, that should have been a daily occurrence!
You took care of the kids while she went shopping? You should have made sure she had more money for her to spend!
You brought her flowers once a month? Fool, she deserved that delight on a weekly basis.
Remember: MEN. They're to blame for EVERYTHING.
Including the establishment of the welfare system so fat, lazy separatist Quebecers can sit at home and criticize others.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Princess Bride
Fri May 10, 2013 7:12 AM
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@Chris, I agree with Lise -- the LW already tried CPS. It didn't work, and we don't know why (perhaps the LW is overweight herself and is incorrectly viewing the niece as underweight?).
But I think @Casey brings up a good point -- maybe there's a way to see if the school nurse can check on the student.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 7:18 AM
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LW1 - I agree with Casey. Although many schools often don't have full-time nurses anymore (budget cuts!), they do tend to have a nurse at least visiting for a few hours a week. I also call BS on the school's counselor/social worker saying that they can't do anything. This is either a really lazy and lousy social worker, or the Aunt is misinterpreting the Niece's weight. I am glad to hear that she's called the CPS. If they do not act upon her call, she needs to do it again - anonymously. The Aunt can also check into her niece's possible weight issues herself. Does she have a scale at home? Can she weigh her niece, measure her height, and then look on the web what the normal BMI is supposed to be for an 8yo child? There are BMI/growth charts available for children as well for adults (adult charts should not be used for children). The aunt can then take the information to the school social worker and to the CPS.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Ariana
Fri May 10, 2013 7:38 AM
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LW1
You've received great advice BTL. Take what @Mike H., @Lise Brouillette, @Casey and @JustBecause to heart - document carefully, report the abuse and keep trying (go over the social worker's head, keep contacting CPS, contact the school nurse, etc....and do try to keep on your sister's good side until this girl can be rescued.
I want to add one thing - first and foremost (unless he is an abuser also), contact the child's father and fill him in on everything that has been going on. He is the quickest route to removing this child from this abusive situation. If you back him and are willing to be a witness and provide documentation of the abuse he may be able to obtain custody. I know you are probably hesitant to side against family, but it sounds warranted in this case and you need to put family loyalty aside and do what is best for your niece. If you feel he is a worse parent than your sister you should contact a lawyer and look into filing yourself for legal custody.
Comment: #16
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Fri May 10, 2013 7:59 AM
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Re: Casey
Most schools no longer have nurses, my son is 12 and has never had a nurse in his school yet.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Susan V
Fri May 10, 2013 8:02 AM
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@ Mike H, Lise
I disagree with your statements. From the letter: " I called CPS, but I worry that Sara will take off with the kids before help can be provided."
There's no indication that calling CPS didn't (or wouldn't) work. CPS is overworked and understaffed nationwide. It will take some time. If the LW provides documentation of what's going on, CPS may act more quickly. That being said, I like another poster's suggestion to speak to the girl's father about what's going on. Sometimes men are completely aloof when it comes to women's issues with food or an unhealthy preoccupation with weight.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Chris
Fri May 10, 2013 8:10 AM
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Re: @Chris #18
"Sometimes men are completely aloof when it comes to women's issues with food or an unhealthy preoccupation with weight."
Good point. He may be a great (or at least o.k.) guy but oblivious this issue/situation. Also we don't really know anything about him. Maybe he is a good dad and tried to get custody during the divorce but couldn't. When LW said it was a nasty divorce it is easy to assume he's not the greatest, but that clearly could be just the sister's side of things. Since we know she's probably a certifiable loon we shouldn't put too much stock in her opinion!
Comment: #19
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Fri May 10, 2013 8:26 AM
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LW1 - I do not feel the Aunt is imagining that this child is being abused. So many people turn their cheeks to abuse; I give props to her for contacting CPS. I pray that they intervene and help this family. My opinion of CPS is not very high, though.
LW2 - People who love affection must respect other people's boundaries.
LW3 - Some people just give up on their marriage. It's a shame that this poor guy did all he could, only to lose his family. I hope he finds someone worthy of his love.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Anji
Fri May 10, 2013 9:39 AM
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Miss Pasko, I'm not sure you need to reference back to all the columns about letter #3. The Annie's print one of those almost every week. : )
Comment: #21
Posted by: locake
Fri May 10, 2013 9:52 AM
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Since MEN are to BLAME for everything..........
LW1 When the husband left Sara he probably told her she was too fat or criticized her looks. So Sara is overly sensitive about weight and looks. Definitely the ex-husbands fault.
LW 2 Cleary Henry's fault.
LW 3 The wife probably left for another man, clearly the other man's fault.
Comment: #22
Posted by: locake
Fri May 10, 2013 10:32 AM
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I call BS on the school social worker who "can't do anything" Don't schools have nurses these days? I would ask the nurse to weigh the girl to determine if she is within the 'norms" for her age... if she is truly severely underweight both of these school personnel are MANDATED reporters!
In the meantime, do all you can to sever nutritious meals to these children when they are in your care!
Comment: #23
Posted by: Casey
Fri May 10, 2013 10:42 AM
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@Chris, that's a fair point -- either CPS hasn't responded yet (your point), or they responded and were unhelpful (Lise and my thought).
I think your suggestions about documenting and staying in the niece's life are spot on, and if it IS simply a matter that CPS hasn't responded yet, I'll agree, that seems a logical route to continue to try. Or if something else changes dramatically to increase the imminent danger to the child.
I also agree the LW can (and should) remain a positive force in the child's life -- I would caution against the LW too-firmly contradicting her sister (as in when you suggest she should say "your mother is confused about what it is to be fat"), because if that gets back to her sister, that could trigger a fight and even a removal of the child from the LW's life.
With so much at stake, and so little actual power or control held by the LW, I still think the LW needs to tread carefully here, until some authority -- CPS, school nurse, the pediatrician -- can intervene or confirm definitively that there is a problem.
But just to be clear, I think you bring up a reasonable scenario where CPS is concerned, and maybe we dismissed going back to that source too quickly, if so.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 10:44 AM
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sorry about duplicate postings... Firefox was being stupid and didn't "refresh"
BTW - I love the BTL commenters - I rarely post - but I always read - and I agree with the BTL more then the "Annies" most of the time! Keep up the good work!
Comment: #25
Posted by: Casey
Fri May 10, 2013 10:46 AM
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She-Woman Man Hater's Club responses ready!
@locake, I completely agree with your take on LW1, it's clearly the ex-husband's fault. An absentee father may also trigger issues in this poor daughter. This kind of thing can ALWAYS be traced back to insensitive men.
For LW2, this is a no-brainer. Henry the Hearty Hugger is clearly at fault, both for hugging too strongly and for being oblivious to the requests of the huggees.
For LW3, I might disagree here -- there may not be another man, I think it's already been established that LW3 simply didn't do enough for his wife. Our little parrot in the corner was probably right about this, I mean if I only brought Ike flowers once a month I'd be in the doghouse. Remember, it's always true: MEN, they are to blame for EVERYTHING.
Okay, where are the donuts? I'm still far too thin to be happy. Plus, it's Friday -- margarita time!
Comment: #26
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 10:50 AM
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It warms my heart to see so many of you echoing my truth.
I was beginning to think that my time here was wasted, but your support has strengthened my cause.
Thank you large ladies.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Princess Bride
Fri May 10, 2013 11:10 AM
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Mike- Skip the donuts for me but I'm game for a Midori Margarita (on the rocks not blended with salt on the rim). I think we can toast to our Little Parrot in the corner since as you say, he was probably right this time.
Comment: #28
Posted by: JustBecause
Fri May 10, 2013 11:19 AM
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Re LW2 - some people are absolutely compulsive about having to hug people. I wouldn't have thought that until I saw what happened with a business associate who grabbed everyone in a hug. I tolerated it (it wasn't so forceful to hurt, it just annoyed me), but some of the younger women filed sexual harassment charges with HR, and after being told the next hug was his job, he was fired. It wasn't being controlling or sexual, it was truly OCD. After losing his job because of it, he still hugs everyone.Telling him to stop is like telling someone with a tic to stop. No amount of consequences had an impact. When someone has that type of mental disorder, you either have to accept them, or have nothing more to do with them. Or take legal action if you can't keep out of their way.
I'm waiting for him to get arrested when he tries to hug the cop giving him a ticket.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Girl Scout Leader
Fri May 10, 2013 11:25 AM
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LW3: We get it, Annies! The horse is dead. Please stop beating it.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Casey
Fri May 10, 2013 11:39 AM
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#10: There's a second Casey??? Wha??
Comment: #31
Posted by: Casey
Fri May 10, 2013 11:40 AM
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So it's Mother's Day weekend. What's the bet the Annies follow their typical Mother's Day tradition of posting a letter or poem praising moms to the sky while taking a dig at dads as lazy good-for-nothings that mothers have to endure? (Followed by a Father's Days poem or letter next month that talks about bio-dads not being there, being drunk, or some back-handed compliment?)
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My bet is that the Annies will turn over a new leaf this year. They'll print something that talks about how great moms are--period. No slags at dads. Followed by a posting next month that talks about how great dads are--period. No slags at dads.
.
To make the bet more interesting, I'll buy anyone who wins a round of Mike's margaritas.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Jane
Fri May 10, 2013 11:49 AM
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Hugging seems to have replaced shaking hands nowadays. I don't care to hug somebody I've just met, though I imagine when we have our Delphi gathering, I'll be hugging a lot of people because I feel like I know them so well.
But anyway, when I had my lumpectomy (benign--no worries) several years ago, I was going to a church where everybody hugged all the time. Right after the surgery, I would throw up my elbow when somebody approached me, and nobody wants a sharp elbow to the chest.
That's what I'd do now, if I were the LW.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Fri May 10, 2013 12:11 PM
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Perhaps LW1's niece is so fat because the father is over-feeding her. After all, he's a man, isn't he?
Comment: #34
Posted by: Soozan
Fri May 10, 2013 12:24 PM
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Careful Jane.
Pointing out the truth around here will get you labelled a troll.
Bigots don't like having their bigotry thrown in their faces.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Princess Bride
Fri May 10, 2013 12:25 PM
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Re: Princess Bride
Agreed - like the bigot Carly O. and her anti-Christian statements.
Comment: #36
Posted by: Soozan
Fri May 10, 2013 12:27 PM
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@Soozan, #34, got it in one! Of course, he's a man, so it absolutely is his fault.
@Joannakathryn, speaking of hugging, the winner of this season's Project Runway was kind of known (the way they edited the show) as really not liking hugs most of the time. It became a "thing", and some other contestants were even bothered by it.
I'm a fairly "huggy" person myself, but I do try to respect that plenty of people just aren't comfortable with them, and there's nothing wrong with that. (Unless they are a man, of course, but that should go without saying!)
@Jane, why would the Annies run anything else? It seems like an odd bet to make, like betting on whether the sun will rise in the east, or the earth is round... but as long as we are acknowledging men are at fault, that's worth a margarita anyway.
@JustBecause, you can have any kind of margarita you like! I'm not quite so fond of the midori, so that just means more for you!
*squawk* Trolly the Parrot wants a cracker! Trolly wants a cracker! *squawk* You're all bigots! You're all bigots! *squawk* I point out the truth even though I ignore most posts to invent my "truth"! I point out the truth even though I ignore most posts to invent my "truth"! *squawk* Trolly wants a cracker, Trolly wants a cracker! *squawk* You're fat if I don't like you! You're fat if I don't like you! *squawk* *squawk* *squawk*
I'm thinking maybe there's a drinking game to be developed somehow... given how often a certain parrot repeats itself...
Comment: #37
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 12:49 PM
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Mike- it can be a drinking game like on WATCH WHAT'S HAPPENING LIVE WITH ANDY COHEN. Every time the parrot says we,re fat, we're bigots or The Annie's are fat, we get to sip our drink. I don't have margaritas on hand but I've got wine
Comment: #38
Posted by: JustBecause
Fri May 10, 2013 1:15 PM
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LW1 If you don`t have a scale then go buy one. Put your niece on the scale and then look up the growth charts on line and figure out where she sits accordingly. If she is underweight then do as someone already suggested and document, document, document. You have a responsibility as a human being to make sure that child is not being abused. You call CPS again and again and again if needed. Call the Pediatrician and relay the information you have seen. Don't talk to the nurse or the receptionist. You ask to speak to the doctor him/herself. Call the principle, not the counselor. Both the doctor and the school are required to call authorities about suspected abuse. What we could be reading about is one of those bizarre situations where the parent/care giver focuses all their anger on one and only one child. When that child is found emaciated, locked in a cage or room with obvious signs of abuse everyone will shake their heads and say "oh how horrid, how could this happen, how could the family not have known and done something." Reading an advice column is not going to do you any good and could stop you from responding appropriately. Don`t let it.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Kelsey
Fri May 10, 2013 2:50 PM
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LW2: On the hugger: The next time he hugs you, yell loudly, "Stop that!" or "I told you to leave me alone!" The more horrified you sound, the better. With luck, you'll humiliate the old lech so badly that he leaves you in peace in the future. It'll work even better when it's your hubby he hugs and a man yells it. If you just can't make yourself do it, at least yell "Ouch!"
On a related note, I have arthritis in my hands. It's not at all noticeable to look at, and I don't appear to be old enough to have arthritis, but it can be extremely painful when people give me a "firm" handshake. It's usually men with the gorilla grip, but sometimes women cause me pain, too. I actually had a 6-foot-4 guy bring me to my knees once, he squeezed so hard. At my church, we have a scheduled time to go around and shake other people's hands. For awhile, I'd put my hands behind my back, I dreaded this so, but my husband said that was rude. He taught me a way to avoid the bone-crushers, although it's a little awkward to describe: I reach out and squeeze their hands, actually grabbing their fingers, with my fist curled around their index finger and on down, palm against their knuckles. It's friendly, but they can't crush my hands from there. The closest you could come to this with a hug was the suggestion to throw up that sharp elbow.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Ginger
Fri May 10, 2013 4:11 PM
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Re: Ariana
The BMI scale is NOT a reliable source for determining if an individual is under/overweight.
It doesn't matter whether or not the niece is underweight or at a normal weight. She's not overweight and children who are not overweight should not be put on a diet.
Comment: #41
Posted by: jjmg
Fri May 10, 2013 4:12 PM
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Mike H wrote:
"Jane, why would the Annies run anything else? It seems like an odd bet to make, like betting on whether the sun will rise in the east, or the earth is round... but as long as we are acknowledging men are at fault, that's worth a margarita anyway."
So you admit that the Annies will (again) run their bigoted copy, but that's somehow OK with you. Yet when I point it out, I'm the bad guy. Yeah, nothing wrong there.
Sorta like being against racism -- unless the racism is against a white person.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Princess Bride
Fri May 10, 2013 4:17 PM
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Re: Jane
I had to laugh at your comment. My bet is they will print a column I won't read.
The worst thing about Mother's Day, Christmas, New Year's, etc. is that all the advice columnists post boring poems and essays that they've already printed several times in the past, instead of, you know, advice-seeking letters from readers like they're supposed to. I wonder why they think people want to read that.
Comment: #43
Posted by: jjmg
Fri May 10, 2013 4:26 PM
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@Princess Bride, you don't just "point it out", though. You berate and insult and personally attack while you make overstated biased claims that *completely* ignore all the times female commenters here (and the Annies) take the male point of view. You bury your head in the sand when confronted with your own hypocrisy and bias, and simply mindlessly repeat your intellectually flawed arguments ad infinitum, like a tired old parrot.
Your tunnel-visioned prejudicial personal attacks are far more nasty than any perceived anti-male bias here might be.
You're a biased, intellectually bankrupt fraud with his own blinders on. Take the log out of your own eye before you keep pointing out any splinters here, bub.
Or, keep parroting your tired old ignorant refrain and be mocked rightfully for it, your choice.
Comment: #44
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 4:38 PM
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@ Mike H Re: #44
Honey please don't feed the trolls. They might bite. Besides that, you're above that.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Chris
Fri May 10, 2013 5:09 PM
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@Chris, sorry, moment of weakness. I'll work harder to resist in the future.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Mike H
Fri May 10, 2013 6:50 PM
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Re: Mike H
I hope you know that I am on the side of people being able to do what they want. I hink I have a bone to pick with Soozan if I thought she was worth a second of my time. Marry and be well, Mike. You seem to be the most intelligent and kind on this board.
Comment: #47
Posted by: Carly O
Sat May 11, 2013 12:12 AM
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Re: Soozan
If you want to follow your fantasy of how the universe got here, and it is all explained in the Bible, go ahead and believe it. If you are as ignorant as the cavemen were worshipping an eclipse makes you feel superior to me, than that makes you double the idiot. I don't believe in your god sitting up in clouds thinking you did right or wrong in this amazingly vast universe, and if you think he is watching you, you are guilty of one of those sins that makes you think you are more important than God. What an idiot you are. You are guilty of hubris, and more importantly, stupidity.
Sorry, folks, I don't want to go here,but sometimes I have to.
Comment: #48
Posted by: Carly O
Sat May 11, 2013 12:27 AM
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Sometimes a parent will use one child as a scapegoat; that child can never be as good as her sibling(s). Seems like that is happening here with LW1's sister. It may be that the best course for the LW is to alert the girl's pediatrition to the situation, and hope that (s)he will get the child's mother into some parenting classes and therapy. I have seen this situation before and it's alway's good for others to help build the child's self esteem, but if a parent is constantly criticizing and blaming the child, all of the others compliments and love will not be enough to overcome this.
Comment: #49
Posted by: Caroline
Sat May 11, 2013 10:25 AM
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Re: Susan V
I'm in my mid-50s and I NEVER attended a school where there was a "school nurse." No, I did not attend ghetto schools, I attended academically elite private schools -- first day schools, then boarding schools.
It would appear that "school nurses" are strictly an artifact of the government social indoctri.....err, "school" system. I guess you need them when parents are too uninvolved and/or irresponsible to take their own kids to a pediatrician when medical care is needed.
Comment: #50
Posted by: Spikeygrrl
Sun May 12, 2013 3:04 AM
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LW1: You need to report this to Child Service, PRONTO. THis is not a joke. Your sixte seems to have some mental issues. She is favoring one child over the other, and starving one, which is both mental and physical abuse. If the child needs to lose weight, a doctor-approved diet would be appropriate, not mother-condoned starvation. However, you say she is in fact underweight, which leads me to believe that Mom is lashing out at her daughter for some other personal reason, or maybe she is stressed and is releasing her stress on her child. This child could become malnourished. Call her doctor. Now. Then tell your sister you will call child services if she doesn't feed her child. Your relationship with your sister is important, but not as important as this girl continuing to live. Don't think she wont' starve her further - parents have been known to do terrible things and we need to be the watchdogs.
Comment: #51
Posted by: Salty
Sun May 12, 2013 6:40 PM
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