Q: There is a teenage romance blooming in my house, and it's freaking us grownups out. An exceptionally nice young man seems to be at our house constantly. My daughter is certainly enjoying the attention, and the electricity is palpable. Honestly, we all really like him, which is why it seems so heartless to have to say that this is all just a huge distraction. Our daughter leaves for college in a few months, and this relationship in unlikely to have any future. She needs to finish high school strong to keep her scholarships, and he has another year to go before graduation. We've had to establish a weeknight curfew so Mr. Wonderful goes home, everyone can do homework and the rest of the family can go to bed. Again, we're happy she's so happy, and he really is exactly the sort of boy you hope your daughter would be attracted to. I just see caution flags waving everywhere. How do we make sure she has her head on straight and doesn't derail her future with a boy?
A: I expect you've already managed to snap the camera shutter multiple times, but photos of teenage boyfriends are especially delightful for eventual parents to share with their own teens. Since your family is happy with the young man, it's probably difficult to keep him away. While it's true that college often separates such couples permanently, occasionally they do come together for a long-term relationship even after they've gone on in healthy independent directions. Your daughter and her newfound friend can have some enjoyable summer months before college, which could provide a nice launch for her college life ahead. They may even stay in touch while she's in school.
All that will be for them to decide.
Weeknight and weekend curfews for Mr. Wonderful are appropriate, but if they can manage study together after school, that too can provide pleasant companionship and a small test of their abilities to work together. You may be overreacting to those caution flags. It's likely that these two young people will manage to keep their act together sufficiently so that college access and last semester of senior year will not be entirely downhill. Have more confidence in your daughter. If she's done well up until this time, she'll not throw this all to the wind even in light of an exciting romance. She may even concentrate more efficiently knowing there's a guy she really likes who returns her feelings. It's a true confidence booster for her before college especially because he's a very nice and respectable young man that her parents also approve of. You don't have a single worry. Enjoy them and give them a little privacy along with reasonable boundaries. Those of us who have already parented adolescents can tell this is your oldest child. The next romance will be easier for you to adjust to.
For a free newsletter about growing up too fast in high school, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter and a note with your topic request to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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