Dream Girl or Fantasy Figure? by Cheryl Lavin on Creators.com

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Dream Girl or Fantasy Figure?

Dear Cheryl, When I was 14, I had a dream about a woman. We had known each other in a previous life. We met outside of a church, and she was wearing a white dress. I was talking to someone, and she walked by. I couldn't tell what she looked like, but I found out about a year later when I had another dream about her. I saw her face, and her smile melted by heart.

I determined that she was the one for me. I've been quietly searching for her throughout my life because something did not seem finished with us. Children in school teased me all the time because I wouldn't date.

One day, when I was looking up some friends online, I found the woman in my dream. The problem is that she doesn't know who I am, and she has a boyfriend. I'm torn about saying anything. On one hand, I feel if I don't say anything I'll lose her forever, but on the other hand, I don't think I should get involved.

I'm 19, so I know that this may seem like infatuation, but I can assure you it's not. The timing may seem off because I'm young, but I believe that this is my chance to right the wrong that I believe my soul has endured for thousands of years.

Should I go for it and re-write past karma or do what I've been doing for years, which is to keep quiet, help others and live with this pain inside of me? —TIME TRAVELER

Dear TIME TRAVELER, Find a way to meet her.

It shouldn't be too difficult because you have friends in common.

If the two of you are really destined to be together, you'll both feel the connection. If she doesn't or if you don't, accept that you've taken a slight detour to the Twilight Zone and get on with your life.

Dear Cheryl, My boyfriend of 16 months has lied to me on five different occasions. Naturally I was suspicious, so I looked on his phone. I saw a nude photo he had taken of himself with his hand covering his penis. When I asked him about it, he said maybe he was going to send it to me.

You do not send your girlfriend a picture like that. I also found pop up web cam sites on his phone and two shirtless photos on his computer. He said he was testing out the camera. He won't let me see his computer history. He said he has a right to privacy.

This man is 50 years old, so he's old enough to know better than play games. I don't think he's unfaithful. I don't feel that. But I do think he's on the Internet sending photos, receiving them and talking to other women. Other than that, he treats me well. —TRUST BUT VERIFY

Dear TBV, I think you're right. He's got an Internet fantasy life going. That may or may not become a reality at some point. The Internet cheating may turn into real cheating.

But I have to ask you, why do you want to be with a man you don't trust, who has lied to you on at least five occasions?

I don' t know how well he can treat you to make up for the fact that you don't believe him.

Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. Check out my new website askcheryl.net.

Comments

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LW1: You have surrendered to a romantic fantasy. Reel yourself back in and determine to deal with real women in the real world. Please get out and socialize with all kinds of women, ones that you are attracted to, and ones that you are not attracted to. Build friendships with real women. Learn how to communicate with them. The idea that there is one true soulmate for you is a myth. Forget about the karma and past lives, if there is anything to that, the past life women will find their way to you when the time is right. Let's get you back to reality. In reality, there are many women who are compatible with you and with whom you can build relationships. For your own good, quit dreaming and idealizing and go do the things you love to do. Approach women and start conversations. Be friendly and positive. I predict that if you do these things, you will find a real girl to dream about.

LW2: I think you know the answer to this already. First of all, your boyfriend is lying to you. Beyond that, he is taking provocative pictures of himself. Do you need someone else to tell you that he is up to no good? If so, here you go: He is up to no good. Take a deep breath and break up with him. You can do much, much better.

Comment: #1
Posted by: PuaHone
Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:39 AM

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I think PuaHone has nailed it on both counts here. But of course, when has that ever stopped me from adding my two cents? :)

LW1 -- Trust me when I tell you that even if you had said you were 50, I would't be taking you any more seriously. But I will say that when you talk about "or do what I've been doing for years..." I do sort of have to laugh. You're 19. You had the first dream when you were 14 and the second dream in which you could see her face at 15. So, you've been living with this for...four whole years. You kind of make it sound like it's been several decades, when, in fact, you haven't even been alive (in this life, at least) for even two decades, and spent the first decade and a half blissfully unaware of this mystery woman. Don't get me wrong, four or five years IS a long time to dedicate yourself to a fantasy, but please understand that it's not so much your age that people are going to react to as the extreme melodrama of it all.

Since you apparently have friends in common, and presumably you saw her on a social media site, you have ample opportunity to try to reach out and meet this woman, so go for it. Why haven't you done so already? Because you know that she is likely to run the other way thinking you are some crazed stalker or jerky player when you start telling her that she is -- literally -- the woman of your dreams. So, be prepared for rejection.

And then please, for the love of Pete, get on with living your CURRENT life and stop worrying so much about your past (and fantasy) lives.

LW2: The man has lied to you at least five times that you know of, and he's taking (and possibly sharing) inappropriate photos of himself. If you are OK with this, then by all means stick with him. If these appear to be red flags and cause you enough concern that you write an advice columnist... Oh, wait, that's exactly what you did. So, you are NOT OK with this. Which means you are either hoping someone will tell you, "oh, this is no big deal, especially since he otherwise treats you so great," so that you can continue to delude yourself that you really can be OK with this, or you are hoping someone will knock some sense into you and tell you what you already know: you are NOT OK with this, and it's time to dump him. Well, so far, three people have attempted to knock some sense into you. No one has tried to convince you that there's nothing wrong with this and you should stick with him. Figure it out.

Comment: #2
Posted by: Lisa
Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:01 PM

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Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

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Dream Girl or Fantasy Figure?

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