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Brevity Is the Soul of Wit


Huge long books have been written about love. Zillions of hours of movies cover it. But sometimes you can sum it up best in just a few words ...

— "There are no surprises in a love affair unless you work really hard at being a fool. You know there is something wrong, even if you don't know what it is."

— "As soon as his ex-wife heard we were dating, she wanted him back. Just long enough to break up our relationship."

— "I hate going out with women who give me their whole medical and dating history within the first hour of the date."

— "I don't know which is worse: to find out a guy is in therapy or to find out he isn't."

— "We decided to have a long-distance romance. For me it was 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' For him it was 'Out of sight, out of mind.'"

— "I knew we were in trouble when I said, 'I love you,' and she said, 'I know.'"

— "When it comes to feelings, I'm like a space heater. You plug in a heater and it automatically adjusts itself. When it gets too hot, it shuts off. I do the same thing."

— "From 15 to 27, women fed me the usual b.s.: 'It wasn't meant to be,' 'I'm doing it for your own good,' 'It's for the best.' They didn't have the guts to say, 'You're not good enough.' Since I've moved from shelf-stocker to stockbroker, I'm suddenly 'good enough.' Sorry, ladies.

No vacancy. Now that I'm making it, I don't need you along to slow me down."

— "Girls have no loyalty. One night my girlfriend said she was thirsty. I went to get her a drink, and when I came back she was kissing my roommate."

— "This Christmas will be my 1,500th day of abstinence from sex. It started after my girlfriend and I got into a fight. She claimed I'd never get 'it' that good again. I said I'd go without 'it' for a year. I guess I lost track of time. For Halloween, I dressed up as a priest."

— "Your mother gave you the best advice when she said 'Be yourself.' Being yourself may not be as much fun as Jack Nicholson being himself, but that's life."

— "I have a land line, a cell phone, an email address, a Facebook page and a Twitter account. When a man tells me he couldn't reach me, I know he's a liar."

— "That's typical of him: Don't love 'em and don't leave 'em."

— "I knew he was a bad boy — but I was hoping he was a nice guy."

— "People who want to get married remind me of Harvard graduates. They find a way of announcing it in the first 10 minutes of a conversation."

— "I'm 37 and I've been dating for five years, ever since my divorce. The people out there that I date remind me of the reduced produce at the grocery store. There's something wrong with all of them."

What have you learned about relationships that you can sum up in a sentence or two? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."



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Cheryl Lavin
Aug. `14
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