Is It an Affair or a Midlife Crisis? There are some pretty good ways a man can tell if his wife is having an affair: She spends a lot of time on the phone or the computer, acts spacey, works out more, dresses up more, has less (or more) interest in sex and has new interests. You get …Read more. Hot Tubs Always Mean Trouble Dear Cheryl: My buddy Kelly hosted a hot tub party. His girlfriend Andrea went past her drinking limit and passed out before folks got in the tub. Kelly was the only one who undressed completely. The rest kept their underwear or bathing suits on. …Read more. It's The Baby, Stupid! Dear Cheryl: I'm 41, never married. Two years ago I dated a man I was convinced I would marry. Then he broke up with me without telling me why. I sought counseling because I was devastated. He finally told me he broke up with me because my …Read more. It's So Over! The end of a relationship or a marriage can be a long, drawn-out affair with a lot of breaking up and making up. Or it can be as quick as looking in the mirror and seeing that your hair looks like it was cut with a lawn mower. These letter-writers …Read more.more articles
Nice Guy Gets Ignored
Today, most men understand that no means no. But where it gets tricky is that sometimes yes means no, too.
RYAN: In college, I escorted a young woman who'd had too much to drink to her dorm room. She was intoxicated to the point of almost passing out, and I was considered a nice guy and safe.
After maneuvering her unsteadily across campus, I sat her on her bed. As I turned to leave I was jerked back by the arm, landed on top of her and was the recipient of the most forceful, face-sucking lip-lock I'd ever experienced.
After about a minute of rolling around on the sheets, I realized that I couldn't follow through with a woman who was too drunk to know her own name, much less mine. I got up to leave and this time she was unconscious before I reached the door.
I did the correct and responsible thing. Right? Well, here's the kicker. From that day forward, the young woman, who had been a casual friend, never spoke another word to me. She would literally cross the street when she saw me coming. After 30 years, I still wish someone with two X chromosomes would explain that to me.
(Ryan: She was embarrassed — for good reason — by her actions and chose to deal with it by ignoring you — instead of thanking you, which would have been the classy thing to do. Or maybe she didn't remember. In any case, you were a gentleman and that should make you feel good! — Cheryl)
ANDERSON: I was dating a girl who had just turned 21; I was 25.
We started kissing and all that good stuff, and what do you know? We were both nearly naked! Two minutes into it, she says, "Stop, get off of me." I did. I woke up the next day with her basically accusing me of violating her. I was in disbelief. I told her that she was the one who initiated the sexual contact.
She said, "Yes, I know, but this is how I feel now." You can't ask a man to play by one set of rules and then change the rules in the middle. I didn't allow this to carry over to other relationships or embitter me toward other women, unlike how some women paint all men with a broad brush.
EMILY: Any woman who plans to drink and be around men needs to have a backup plan in case she gets too drunk. In college, I had a friend who would sometimes be the designated sober one. She made sure we both made it back to our dorms OK. One time I did get really drunk, and we both went back to this guy's room. Thank God for my buddy. She got us out of there and there were no regrets the next day.
Does no always mean no? Send your tale, along with your questions and problems to email@example.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."
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