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Do You Come Here Often? Today's column proves one thing — if a couple is destined to meet, it can happen anywhere, even at a wake! — EMILE: "I walked into a friend's room in college, known as the 'hangout room,' and found a guy hanging out watching TV. I walked …Read more. Little (Nasty) Things Mean a Lot Dear Cheryl, Before my significant other and I were a couple, he would lavish me with compliments. In the year we've been together, I've gotten a promotion, bought a house, had a baby and regained my figure. But the best I ever get from him is "Good …Read more. Meet Cute In the movies they call it a "meet cute." That's when the boy — let's call him Brad, head of the Young Republicans — is scheduled to debate Chris, head of the Young Democrats. Well, Brad arrives at the debate, breathing fire, and finds …Read more. Is My Ex-Husband Having A Mid-Life Crisis? Dear Cheryl, My husband of 24 years and I were divorced six weeks ago, with a decent degree of civility and warm feelings. Last week, much to my surprise, he informed me and our 20-year-old daughter, that he's getting married in two weeks to a woman …Read more.
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Big Bones, Hormones, Genetics, Childbirth, Metabolism and Other Weighty Issues


Weight is one of those hot-button issues that everyone has an opinion on. Men criticize women for being overweight. Women fight back ...

— JENNIFER: "I'm a 34-year-old mother of a 9-year-old daughter. I work full time; drive my daughter all over the city for her extracurricular activities; help my parents with their housekeeping and shopping; volunteer with children; eat a low-fat/low-calorie meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner; and walk mostly everywhere. And guess what? I'm fat. There's more to weight than a simple calories-in-calories-out equation. There's also heredity and metabolism. Give us fatties a break!"

— LISA: "I'm a middle-age, suddenly single woman who's a size 16. I don't sit on the couch and watch "The Price Is Right," and it's been a number of years since I've even seen a Big Mac. When I do go to fast-food restaurants, I order a salad.

"Do I wish I were thin? Yes! But I'm more active, have more energy and am healthier than some of my size-6 and size-8 friends. The bottom line is, childbirth and hormones wreak havoc on a body. It's part of getting older. Men, at middle age, don't always have the same problem. They have performance issues. Which is worse?"

— GIGI: "I'm struck by how many men consider it a woman's fault for the shape she takes on after 30. I watch the Discovery, History and Travel channels when they feature other cultures. There, with no access to Big Macs or Godiva chocolates, women older than 30 all have that similar look: wide in the middle with sagging boobs and butts and rolls of flesh.

If you want to know what a natural beauty is supposed to look like, take a look at what goes for lovely when there isn't a McDonald's on the continent."

— CHARLOTTE: "'d sure like to find a 40- to 60-year-old man who's in shape. I can't tell you how many men I've met over the Internet who've described themselves as athletic and aren't. I remember one in particular who needed to lose 50 pounds."

— DREW: "I'm amazed how self-conscious women are about their bodies, while so many repulsive men are comfortable judging a woman's worth by her appearance."

— SELENA: "Thank God for male pattern baldness! The great equalizer of the sexes. If men didn't go bald, they'd never think of themselves as old. You'd be hard-pressed to find a 42-year-old man who doesn't think of himself as a hot 32-year-old."

— ANNIE: "I'm tired of dealing with men who are seeking to re-enter the womb by dating women 20 years their junior and using the argument, "Women in my age group don't take care of themselves." These men are trying to avoid facing the inevitable: growing old. Get over it!"

— LANA: "I belong to several Internet dating sites, and I go out a lot. All I find are men with thick necks and beer bellies! Men should know exercise and eating right don't always do the trick, especially in middle age, when hormones dry up. Genetics also plays a big part."

Is weight an issue for you or your partner? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."



6 Comments | Post Comment
Time for a little venting from me!

I'm getting a little tired of women complaining that men only want women with perfect bodies. All you have to do is go to any restaurant and check out the couples there for dinner. There are a lot of average or good looking men with women who are significantly overweight. Just WATCH! There are not a lot of guys out there who are ugly squiring around super models, it's just not the reality.

The guys out there who DO have unrealistic expectations of women (J?) are also generally alone. Same goes for women.

As for online dating sites, I think it has really warped people's expectations. I was watching TV the other night, and there was an ad for an online service that compared men to clothing "find the one that fits". What? It was the MOST superficial approach to dating I've ever seen. Men (and women) aren't clothing! You don't just look online to find a mate like you do to find a new pair of pants.

And regarding weight/age: yes, most of us gain weight as we age. But the real issue is how you feel. What works for one person doesn't always work for other people with regards to health.
Comment: #1
Posted by: nanchan
Sat Apr 19, 2014 11:04 PM
@ nanchan -- you were just wanting me to come out, weren't you? Yes I notice those couples out for dinner daily, the overweight far far out numbers the slim, fit ones. They order a diet drink then more food then I'd eat all day. And yes I see them with the "average or good looking men" As I've said REPEATEDLY that's because of AVAILABILITY. (Attractive women are already with a man and if not that's because they don't want one.) You've got the choice of settling for less or yes being alone. Most men aren't wanting a "super model" (I wasn't) but someone they found attractive -- there's no "unrealistic expectations" I see them daily, but they're already with someone. I saw several walking into the Catholic church this morning as I drove past on the way to the River front. You wonder how they ended up together? Did he hit on her when she was already with someone else?
When I was doing the online thing, you could not believe some of the stuff. Dating services the same way.
Comment: #2
Posted by: J
Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:12 AM
people do unfairly judge each other. it's not just one sex against the other but judges women's bodies has been fair game for a long time as well as women judging a man's earning potential. I was at work one day when this beautiful woman came up to the lunch counter and these 2 guys that used to work with her in another department struck up a conversation with her and they chatted for a bit, she was really fit and had a good body, she wasn't your model type beauty but more your freckled faced pretty girl next door type. As she left the 2 guys turn to each other and the one that had known her a long time back said, "whoa she's really let her self go, she was such the looker when she was younger." Both of these guys had little paunches and were nothing special. If I ever hear my son judging someone like that I'll give him an earful and if i ever hear my daughter judging a guy on money alone or looks i'll give her an earful.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Laurie
Sun Apr 20, 2014 9:13 AM
Re: Nanchan and J: you two should meet for coffee somewhere. You seem to have a lot to discuss.

Regarding weight, lately I see a lot of middle-aged women who have dieted down to where they look frail. They seem to think it's an accomplishment. Despite reports to the contrary, you CAN be too thin, if you don't look thin and HEALTHY at the same time.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Samantha
Sun Apr 20, 2014 11:51 AM
According to the Scientific American, obesity in the Americas has little to do with any of the items listed in the headlines of this column. The real culprit is Monsanto, and the GMO's they and other corps like them sneak into our food without labeling. BTW, GMO's are genetically modified organisms that breeds pesticides right into the fruits and veggies in the regular food supply all over the Americas. That's why people in North, South, and Central America all have the same obesity problems all of a sudden.

These GMO's cause inflammation of our digestive tract. Our bodies' natural defense is to create fat to overwhelm the inflammation. If this were a one-time problem, the fat would absorb and "put out" the inflammation. But we keep eating the GMO's, our bodies keep making fat, and the problem grows and grows with our waistlines.

The only remedy is to demand labeling of GMO's in America like they do in Europe and Russia. As a director of Monsanto said, "Labeling a product with GMO is like putting a skull and crossbones on it." Altenatively, buy products labeled "Organic" as much as possible. The worst foods in terms of GMO contamination are anything containing:

1. Corn, including but not limited to high-fructose corn syrup,
2. Soy,
3. Canola oil, and
4. Sugar, unless it specifies "cane sugar."

Essentially we have to avoid virtually ALL processed or baked goods to escape GMO poisoning. No one knows the long-term health effects of GMO's on humans, but we do know that all animals who eat it die much sooner than expected.

My assumption is that Jennifer and Lisa eat too many GMO's. Even a salad if you order a salad, the standard dressing is made with canola oil, and is just as damaging as an ear of corn. It's possible to find organic corn and canola oil, but you have to look for it and be prepared to pay a premium. The USA uses our tax money to subsidize Monsanto and other Big Food Polluters, while charging organic farmers a fee to properly label their products.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:44 PM
I met a middle-aged, very overweight, very unhealthy-looking woman recently. I started a conversation about GMO's. She said she always eats GMO's and doesn't worry about it. She said her husband worked in the food industry. He believed in GMO's, so she does, too. I asked why she was talking about him in the past tense. She teared over and said, "He died--quite suddenly--it was cancer." She apparently saw NO CONNECTION WHATSOEVER.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Apr 20, 2014 1:53 PM
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