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Brevity Is the Soul of Wit

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Huge long books have been written about love. Zillions of hours of movies cover it. But sometimes you can sum it up best in just a few words ...

— "There are no surprises in a love affair unless you work really hard at being a fool. You know there is something wrong, even if you don't know what it is."

— "As soon as his ex-wife heard we were dating, she wanted him back. Just long enough to break up our relationship."

— "I hate going out with women who give me their whole medical and dating history within the first hour of the date."

— "I don't know which is worse: to find out a guy is in therapy or to find out he isn't."

— "We decided to have a long-distance romance. For me it was 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.' For him it was 'Out of sight, out of mind.'"

— "I knew we were in trouble when I said, 'I love you,' and she said, 'I know.'"

— "When it comes to feelings, I'm like a space heater. You plug in a heater and it automatically adjusts itself. When it gets too hot, it shuts off. I do the same thing."

— "From 15 to 27, women fed me the usual b.s.: 'It wasn't meant to be,' 'I'm doing it for your own good,' 'It's for the best.' They didn't have the guts to say, 'You're not good enough.' Since I've moved from shelf-stocker to stockbroker, I'm suddenly 'good enough.' Sorry, ladies.

No vacancy. Now that I'm making it, I don't need you along to slow me down."

— "Girls have no loyalty. One night my girlfriend said she was thirsty. I went to get her a drink, and when I came back she was kissing my roommate."

— "This Christmas will be my 1,500th day of abstinence from sex. It started after my girlfriend and I got into a fight. She claimed I'd never get 'it' that good again. I said I'd go without 'it' for a year. I guess I lost track of time. For Halloween, I dressed up as a priest."

— "Your mother gave you the best advice when she said 'Be yourself.' Being yourself may not be as much fun as Jack Nicholson being himself, but that's life."

— "I have a land line, a cell phone, an email address, a Facebook page and a Twitter account. When a man tells me he couldn't reach me, I know he's a liar."

— "That's typical of him: Don't love 'em and don't leave 'em."

— "I knew he was a bad boy — but I was hoping he was a nice guy."

— "People who want to get married remind me of Harvard graduates. They find a way of announcing it in the first 10 minutes of a conversation."

— "I'm 37 and I've been dating for five years, ever since my divorce. The people out there that I date remind me of the reduced produce at the grocery store. There's something wrong with all of them."

What have you learned about relationships that you can sum up in a sentence or two? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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