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World's Most Reasonable Wife It sounds like an episode of "The Young and the Restless," but it's real life. Amy's real life. Amy and Jason had been married for nine years when she discovered that Jason had been having an affair for a year with his secretary, Diana. And if that …Read more. One Day at a Time One of the most devastating things that can happen to any wife is to find out that her husband is having an affair. First comes the shock. You want to go to bed and wake up and find it was just a horrible nightmare. Then there's the feeling of utter …Read more. Where Have All the Sugar Daddies Gone? Dear Cheryl: You've written in the past about who pays for dates. The consensus seems to be that early dating should be a two-way street. I think that one important factor has been left out of this discussion. A man gets ready for a date: He showers …Read more. From the Other Woman to Happy Wife Ginger is a loyal reader of "Tales from the Front." She's been reading the column since it began over 30 years ago. She's now 50. "I've identified with many different situations that you've written about during that time. I've been the cheated-on …Read more.
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The New Math: 2 Equals 0


Dear Cheryl: I'm 19, and I have a lot of things going for me. I work and I go to school. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for four years. But my problem is that I have a best male friend that I've known for five years, and we're attracted to each other. When he talks about his girlfriend, I get very upset. He said we can be friends (without benefits), which was fine with me, but the other day I invited him to go to a pool hall or a bowling alley with me, and he said we couldn't because of his girlfriend. My love for him is more than friendship love, but he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm heartbroken. — Torn Between Two Men

Dear Torn Between Two Men: You don't have two men. You have no men. Let's start with your boyfriend. You don't love him, so why are you with him? Because you're afraid to be without a man? That's ridiculous. Read your first sentence over again. You're 19 and you have a lot going for you! You're cheating yourself and him by hanging on. Let him go.

And as far as your friend is concerned, he has a girlfriend! Respect that and stop asking him on to go bowling or shoot pool. In fact, stop seeing him altogether. It's torture to be with him as just a friend when you have feelings. So let him go, too.

Once you clear these two guys out of your life, you'll make space for new men to enter. I promise.

Dear Cheryl: I'm newly married and have a major issue with my husband "taking care of himself." It feels like he's cheating on me.

It devastates me when I find out he's done it or when I see him doing it. (I spy on him.)

He sometimes does it a couple of hours after we have sex. I take that as meaning that I wasn't good enough. I've asked him about it and he says that I get him so excited he wants to do it again. I don't buy that, because then why doesn't he do it again with me? I never turn down sex.

He finally admitted that sometimes he needs a change of scenery. We've only been together a year and he already wants a change of scenery? I saw a counselor about this, but it didn't help.

Do other married men masturbate? If so, do their wives also get upset? Or am I crazy? — I'm Afraid He'll Go Blind

Dear IAHGB: I did a Google search of "married men masturbate" and got 402,000 hits. Some of the statistics that came up were "72 percent of married men masturbate" and "99 percent of men masturbate regularly and the other 1 percent are liars." Men do it "to relax," "because it feels good," it's "quick" and there's no "responsibility" for a partner's satisfaction.

Your problem is not your husband's masturbating. It's not even how frequently he does it. It's the fact that you two are not able to communicate openly and honestly, without shame, embarrassment or guilt, about something as important as sex.

You both need a lot more information. There are plenty of books on the subject and a lot of information on the Internet. If they don't help, go together to a therapist who specializes in sexual issues.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."



2 Comments | Post Comment
LW#1: Your "best male friend" isn't your friend at all any more. If he was ever attracted to you, he isn't attracted any more. Since he doesn't want to talk to you any more, if you contact him again, you're a stalker.

In the future, when you're attracted to a man, and he mentions "my girlfriend this" or "my wife that", that's his very polite way of saying, "Back Off!" It's the same thing as a fellow asking a girl for a date and she says, "I already have a boyfriend."
Comment: #1
Posted by: Madelyn
Sun Oct 4, 2015 8:36 AM
LW1 -- Please listen to Cheryl. You've known these two guys since you were 14 and 15, and it's sounding like you have become one of those women who can't be without a man. It's high time you gave it a try. Your boyfriend will be better off finding someone who really loves him. Your best friend will be better off without someone who disrespects his relationship with his GF. You will be better off learning to be on your own. Cheryl is right that clearing these two guys out of your life will "clear the decks" for someone new to come into your life -- but please don't jump right into another relationship. Give yourself time to be on your own first.

LW2 -- Not only do plenty of married men masturbate -- but so do plenty of married women! There's nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't automatically mean that you "aren't enough" for him. But if you're spying on him to try to make sure he doesn't "cheat" on you with his hand, we are well past you simply needing to learn that this isn't all that uncommon. You two need to learn how to communicate openly and honestly.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Lisa
Mon Oct 5, 2015 1:38 PM
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