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Moxie Maximum

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Dear Cheryl: Until very recently, I was involved with a woman who lives in another state. Our times together were fabulous. Between visits, we communicated almost daily. The last time she visited, she told me she loved me, but I noticed that she was text-messaging someone more and more as the evening progressed.

She got drunk and passed out in the cab on the way home. I gathered her belongings, and while her cell phone was in my hand, it buzzed. I expected to say hello to her girlfriend and tell her how much fun we were having. Instead, it was a romantic text from a man.

I carried her upstairs, tucked her in and let her sleep while my thoughts raced. I even called one of her girlfriends because I needed to communicate my feelings and not keep them bottled up. The morning after, we walked, talked, and cuddled on the couch while discussing the problem.

I now realize the mistake I made by invading her privacy. She wrote me a long email shortly after returning home telling me that I displayed my true character by violating her trust. She said she wants to discontinue contact for the time being and will get in touch when and if her feelings change.

I apologized again and said that people deserve a second chance. I'm truly crushed. I want to send a card or gift to again express my apologies and hopes that time will allow her to open herself back up to me. Any thoughts? — HURTING

Dear HURTING: Hats off to your ex-girlfriend. She's raised "the best defense is a good offense" to an art form.

She's text-messaging some guy while you're wining and dining her and she gets you to apologize! That, my friend, is moxie.

You sound like a nice guy. You need a nice girl. She's not it. She's a lying, cheating, two-timing sloppy drunk. Let her go. If she calls you (and she will), tell her you've moved on.

Dear Cheryl: I've been with my girlfriend for several years. We have a perfect relationship, no major or even minor problems, although there are some things about her that I'd like her to fix. I'm wondering how to say something about them or whether I should say anything at all.

Without getting too personal, there are some bodily issues that bother me. Most are easy fixes that can be taken care of with grooming. Others are a little harder, like losing some weight around the mid-section, I don't exactly have rock hard abs myself, so I'm not too concerned about that.

But all together these things distract me. How can I bring them up without offending her? — GOING FOR THE GOLD

Dear GFTG: Let's start in the middle, with your abs and her belly. Tell her you really want to get into shape and you'd love her to join you in the gym so she can help motivate you. Hopefully while she's there, she might pick up a dumb bell or two.

As for those grooming issues, show her a picture in a magazine and tell her you like the way that woman looks. If she picks up on it, great. If she doesn't, you have to decide how far to push it. Is she defensive or open-minded? That should influence your decision.

Got a problem? Send it, along with your questions and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my new ebook, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front."

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Comments

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LW2: Talk to her about her body and grooming imperfections today. You've been together several years without her knowing how you feel. She'll be horrified to know she's been imperfect all this time and she'll thank you for telling her the truth. Never get her pregnant, by the way. Pregnancy and childbirth can create even new bodily imperfections in women and her grooming might slip again with a newborn, even if she fixes the things that are wrong with her today. You can always hire a surrogate if you two want children.
Comment: #1
Posted by: LouisaFinnell
Sat Feb 6, 2016 10:50 PM
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