Tales From the Front by Cheryl Lavin

LW#1: If a Saturday night goes by and you don't hear from him, you know there's someone else in his life. That bit about him telling he loves how "easy-going" you are is his way of being manipulative. Don't fall into that trap. After 2 months of heavy dating him, that includes sex, you have every right to know where you stand, and he'll have to make some decisions. Take a step back and guard your heart. Don't get too "over the moon" for him until you get some answers.

Well lw1, you've only been dating for two months and perhaps you shouldn't have started sleeping with him so soon if you couldn't do it casually. You can't have sex right away and then conplain that it's casual cause that's exactly what it is. Back off and stop calling him cause right now you're an easy booty call that waits for whenever he's good and ready. Make yourself less available to him.

LW1 You are a booty call and convenient for him. You are expecting too much too soon. Granted, 2 months is not a long time for exclusivity to be a factor unless it is clearly agreed upon by both parties through communication. He says you are beautiful and he loves to be with you. I'll bet he does! You give him what he wants! Sex without any commitment. In my own experience I have found this to be a very common with men from all age ranges. They will tell you what they want you to hear in order keep you in the mental state that gets them whatever it is they are seeking. Try this; open a dialong, a line of communication with him about how he feels about the two of you, where he wants the relationship to go from that point on. His response will give you your answers and help guide you towards making decisions about your future with him or without him. If he is indeed sleeping with other people, you DO have a right to know and you had better protect yourself. If you are not OK with this, then you know what to do about it. If you don't mind being this man's booty call and accept things as they are, do nothing. It is your choice. As an adult, you have the right to be in any kind of relationship you want. But while you are choosing, keep in mind you have children. Be the role model you should be for them. As things are now, he has no reason, motivation or incentive to change the relationship. If he is a man of honor and integrity, he will do the right thing. A man who truly feels he is falling in love, is in love, feels passion for a women, he makes it known, and there are no misunderstandings. He will be very clear about that. It's part of the male psyche; they don't like to share what they consider is theirs with any other men. Don't be surprised if he fades away after that conversation. And next time, before you start a sexual relationship, open up and state clearly what you are looking for. And make it clear how you feel about budding relationships and sex. Don't allow yourself to be a “used car” in a man's sexual history. This will help weed out the bottom dwellers and pave the way for a man of honor and integrity to come into your life.

WOW, you mean that, after 2 whole months, he has not cleared his calandar, cancelled all of his friendships and quit his job just so he can focus on you 24/7, while you don't WANT a committment? First of all, get real and state that what you want IS a committment. Yet, you are unhappy because this guy hasn't fallen on the floor and kissed your feet out of gratitude just because you slept with him? You are not ENTITLED to anything and you are lying to both him and yourself if you state that you don't want a committment and are happy with the way things are. You want him to give up his life for you, cancel any and all plans he may have mistakenly made on a Saturday night before he met you. In 2 months, that is only 8 Saturdays, so how is it he has spent 3+ Saturday's per month with you while simultaneously spending one or 2 without you per month. There are too many Saturdays on your calendar somehow. 2 months is still in the early stages of dating yet, you don't want a committment, you just want him to spend EVERY Saturday night with you and to call you every day. If that is not a committment, I don't know what is. Yet you feel ENTITLED to this without even talking to him about your relationship. He's supposed to read your mind and give up any life he had before you just because you've slept together a few times. Maybe he's not seeing anyone else but doesn't want to spend every waking hour with you yet. He enjoys your company but that's not enough. Tell me, is he supposed to dump his friends, family, prior committments, etc. on the first or second date? Or just after the first time you slept together? Did you discuss any of this before jumping into bed with him and your unreasonable expectations of living only for you from that day on?

This is what many men complain about. Go out on a few dates, have a good time and they are supposed to suddenly pretend that no one existed prior to your meeting? You feel ENTITLED to a full-on committment after 2 months but loudly protest that you don't want a committment. I can see why guys are confused. Sleeping with someone is not necessarily a sign of committment but of attraction. If you give it freely but silently expect something else, that's totally on you. Men aren't mind readers nor do they need to live up to YOUR SILENT expectations just because you want them to. Maybe you should strive for COMMUNICATION. Unfortunately, since you lie to yourself so readily, I suspect you will continue to lie to him and express how "easy going" you are when you really are not. He IS dating someone else for sure -- someone you have crafted that appears to be everything he wants. Yet, after an ENTIRE 2 MONTHS, he's a jerk because, "We laugh a lot together and have a fabulous sex life. He tells me I'm beautiful and he loves to be with me. He says I'm a great lover and he loves how easy-going I am." Geez, what an ass! Why, even though you clearly have him believing that you don't want a committment, he is supposed to be on his knees begging you to be his one and only! Get over yourself and quit lying to both of you! You are barely into dating yet. Get to KNOW him instead of guessing what is going on when he is not within your eyesight and assuming he is being a jerk and sleeping around just because he won't give you what you stated you don't want. Now, who is being the jerk here?