Dear John: I am a 33-year-old woman who has been seeing a psychologist for six months for depression and anxiety attacks. The past year of my life has been extremely stressful: My boyfriend walked out on me after seven years; I lost two of my beloved pets; and my mother is going through a nasty divorce.

I have just finished reading your book, "How to Get What You Want, and Want What You Have," where you describe 12 "emotional blocks." I can see that I have 11 of the 12 blocks, which in itself is discouraging. I know it has taken me many years to become this way, and it is going to take me a long time to overcome them. Is it advisable for me to work on more than one block at a time, or should I concentrate my efforts on one block until I get through it? —Blocked in Springfield, Ill.

Dear Blocked: You've identified your two strongest blocks as depression and anxiety. As I point out in the book, in most women, depression is caused by feelings of isolation and abandonment; and anxiety reduces our ability to take risks.

You must first heal these hurts in order to break through the wall of negative emotions that surround you. You can do this by first recognizing these unjustified fears for what they are, and remembering other instances when these fears played a role in your life. Then, imagine getting what you now need — the support of those you love — and how it makes you feel when you know you have your loved ones at your side.

Do this process every day, and at times when you feel depressed or anxious. By first chipping away and releasing these two blocks, like dominoes, the others will begin to fall as well.

Dear John: This past Valentine's Day was a bust. I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to do and she seemed disappointed. I must have done something wrong. — Where Did I Go Wrong in New York, N.Y.

Dear Went Wrong: Women are more independent today than at anytime in the past. That's great. But one aspect of life that hasn't changed is the simple fact that at certain times women like for their men to take the lead. Valentine's Day is one of those times. I like to say that men love a woman with a smile and women love a man with a plan. On your next big date night, birthday and/or special occasion, come with a plan and all will once again be right with the world.

John Gray is the author of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus." Visit his website, http://www.marsvenus.com, for advice on dating, marriage, parenting, romance and workplace issues. Or e-mail him at [email protected]. To find out more about John Gray and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.