Dear Margo: I am 27 and have been dating a wonderful man for four years. He is older (by 16 years), but that has never been an issue. We've always had a great connection.

I knew from early on that he was the man I wanted to spend my life with. We have both been divorced and have children. When we first started dating, I told him my goals (marriage and at least one more child). He was all on board.

Flash forward four years later. I have started wondering if he ever meant to make any kind of permanent commitment to me, and if all the talk in the beginning was just to make me happy and keep me around. He hasn't made any reference to a future with me and my son. He rarely invites me on outings with his daughter.

I started bringing up my concerns, but he just says, "I know I need to make a decision." Even his mom (whom I barely know) has said, "You can't make that girl wait forever." I have asked him if he still wants children, and he said that he does.

I believe it is unfair to make me wait while he procrastinates. He can make babies until the day he dies, but I only have so long. I don't want to leave him because I love him so very much and we get along so great. What do you think I should do? — Desperate To Be a Housewife

Dear Des: I don't know that you want to drag him, like a mule, to the altar, and from where I sit it sounds like that's not where he wants to go. As to what you should do, you have two clear-cut choices. You can tell him adios because you are serious about having another child and getting married. Or . . . you can stick around because you love him and he's great company — but on his terms.

If you go with the first option, you will be calling his bluff and he may pop the question, but he may just as easily bounce out the door. Life is choices, my dear, and I suggest you make yours in the near future. — Margo, ultimately

Another Commitmentphobe

Dear Margo: I am currently a happy exchange student in a South American country. Last month, I went to visit my boyfriend of almost three years in New York City, where he has an internship this term with a prestigious company.

He bought the plane ticket (it was a really good deal, what can I say?) and fed me for the week. Normally I feel guilty when someone buys me a soda, let alone a trip to New York. We had a fantastic week.

A week after I got back, he decided he was "uncomfortable with the status of our relationship" and that it was over. After a month of some pretty heavy-duty depression and anger, I've come to terms with this and I'm ready to go out and find some cute novios (translation: boyfriends).

Now he's sending me messages about how he's sad and confused and how he misses being with me. Short of telling him que vaya al infierno (translation: go to hell) what should I do with this kid? He wants to come visit over spring break. — Gringa in Quito

Dear Gring: These back and forth guys are a pain; they break up, they make up. The distance and irregularity of the relationship may be getting to him, or whatever.

Unless you want to go through this routine a couple more times, tell him you took him at his word when he said he was "uncomfortable with the status of the relationship" and you've made other plans for spring break.

I think your instinct to tell him que vaya al infierno is the correct one without actually saying it. — Margo, definitivamente

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.