Dear Margo: After dating my girlfriend "Jill" for almost a year, we decided to move in together. It felt like a normal progression toward a greater commitment. I now have serious reservations.

Jill has no respect for my things, and has no problem going through them to look for signs of my past (relationships) and grill me about them. Jill made it clear early on she does not like to talk about exes, so we don't, and I think that's good policy, generally speaking. But I never thought having had past relationships would be a problem.

After she moved into my place, she began looking for old letters, pictures, cards, my address book . . . anything. I am 34 and have dated since high school, thus I have things from people I used to date, but they were in boxes or drawers, not on display. However, the fact that I had these things in my possession made her jealous and angry. She never asked me to kindly make them go away; she simply acted out of a sense of entitlement and in a very dramatic way threw everything out.

Recently, an ex-girlfriend sent me a birthday card, which caused Jill to blow up. At that point, I said she had no right to be angry at me for this, and these little inquisitions about events in my life before I met her needed to end. What do you think? Should I tell her to kindly collect her things and move out? This aspect of her feels very oppressive and like a bad omen. — Privacy Deprived

Dear Priv: I agree about the oppressiveness being a bad omen. The green-eyed monster has demonstrated that she needs to feel she owns you, and furthermore, wants you to go along with her let's-erase-the-past program.

The good news is that one of the benefits of moving in together is that one learns stuff like this, so no divorce is necessary; only the announcement that things have not worked out, the romance is over, and you suggest, for her own good, that she work on the part of her personality that is Torquemada. — Margo, affirmatively

When One Is Overburdened with Invoices, I Mean, Invitations

Dear Margo: I am 43 years old and single with many friends, almost all of whom are married with more than one child. Over the years I have been invited (and, of course, had to bring or send a gift) to all of my friends' engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings, baby showers, christenings, communions and some birthday parties.

I am now being invited to Sweet 16 parties and being asked for donations for cheerleading events and other fundraisers. Next come school graduations. When will it stop? Perhaps the real question is, how can I put an end to it? Even if I do not go to the parties, the proper thing to do is to send a gift, which defeats the purpose of not going.

I do not want to sound selfish, but I feel as if I have given enough. Would it be rude to throw myself a party (perhaps for my 45th birthday) and register somewhere for gifts? — Single and Paying for It

Dear Sing: I sympathize with your feelings about all the presents you feel obligated to buy with no chance for reciprocity. I disagree that if you don't go, you need to send a gift. You can surely skip the kid-related things unless you have a special relationship with the child.

And oftentimes it really is the thought that counts. There are inexpensive things that are appropriate and serve the purpose. (And no, you may not register, but you certainly could throw yourself a party. I suspect most guests will crash through with a gift, but it will be of their choosing.) — Margo, festively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.