Dear Margo: I'm 22 years old and have been living with a great guy for the past seven months. We recently became engaged, and there's only one problem: his ex-wife and her girlfriend.

He and his ex have three wonderful boys, and as a result we need to interact with both her and the g.f. on a regular basis. They have both been known to do things that would cause reasonable people to raise their eyebrows.

For example, I recently sent some cookies home with the kids for dessert, and an hour later, the cookies were thrown at our front door. And there are constant ranting messages left by the girlfriend on our voicemail, and I've been cursed out (in front of the kids, no less!) at the children's holiday play.

For the sake of the kids, we would like to be civil, but it is hard. Just yesterday his ex threatened to have a judge render me "unstable" so that I wouldn't be allowed around the kids. They've talked themselves blue in the face telling teachers, neighbors (we live in the same area) and anyone else who will listen that we are "liars who can't be trusted."

They've both been diagnosed with borderline-personality disorder, but frankly, I don't think that excuses their behavior. Short of recognizing themselves in this letter and realizing that what they're doing is hurting the kids, how can my fiance and I tell them that their actions are unacceptable?

The kids are beginning to ask questions. I don't want to lie to them, but on the other hand, I think they're too young to know everything. I love my fiance and the kids, and I won't let anyone come between us. What can we do to co-exist with people who thrive on creating drama? — Victim of Baby Mama Drama

Dear Vic: The two women sound unhinged, and there is no more deadly combination than nuts and destructive. Since the ex bats for the other team, it is not clear why she is out to louse up your life — I mean, it's not like she wants him back.

Because their behavior can be documented, you are not without ammunition to fight back. Maybe you could even get them removed from the picture. I would start by going to someone at the kids' school to act as a neutral adviser to the two women. They need to know their behavior is not only harassment, but harmful to the children.

Worst-case scenario you will wind up in court asking for an evaluation and a guardian ad litem to act in the best interests of the children. In other words, you need not sit back and be punching bags. — Margo, self-protectively

Frosty In-Laws

Dear Margo: I'm sure you've answered this question a million times, but I feel compelled to ask again. I recently married a wonderful man who has a son from his first marriage. We moved to his hometown so his son would grow up around his family.

Since moving, his family has been very cold toward me, to the point of being passive-aggressive. I am always nice and polite to them (so no one can accuse me of "fanning the flames"), and I do not enjoy being treated this way. My husband has asked his family members why they treat me like they do, and they said that "they don't know what he is talking about."

So my question is this: Is it wrong for us not to contact his family members except for when his son wants to see them? — Irritated in Indiana

Dear Ir: Your solution sounds good to me. Here you have moved to make the little boy's life run more smoothly and your husband's relatives are showering you with indifference. It's useful that he has taken your side, so that you can handle this situation together.

The important thing is time with his son, so arrange those visits as a threesome. The only reason that occurs to me is that your stepson's mother is close to the family, and they have foolishly decided to try to make you uncomfortable. Kinda dumb, but there you are. Onward. — Margo, tactically

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.