Dear Margo: A while ago, I read your letter regarding the teenager whose parents partied too much. I have the same problem, but it's only my mother, since my father is out of the picture.

My mother will turn 52 this August, yet she still goes out like she's 20! I'm 23, and I don't party as much as she does. Mom says she does this because she never had the chance to, and she doesn't believe she's old.

I don't think she's an old lady, exactly, but I do feel she should act her age. Getting drunk and running around New York is no way for someone her age to act, yet when I try explaining to her how I feel, she is not particularly interested.

My brother feels the same, and he has tried talking to her as well, but it's like talking to a brick wall. I've yelled, screamed and even tried the silent treatment, to no avail. Any suggestions before I beat her to a pulp? — Victim of a Crazy Mother

Dear Vic: Try to look at the situation this way. If you were the one, at age 23, told by a close relative to tone it down, sober up and behave, you would very properly say that you were legally an adult and can do as you please. In other words, there is nothing you and your brother can do. You've told her what you think of her party animal behavior and haven't gotten very far.

Although you might be embarrassed about all the nightlife, just know that her behavior is not a reflection on you. Should you decide, as a family, that her behavior is that of an alcoholic, you might try an intervention. And to gain some understanding of where you fit in with all this, attending a few sessions of Al-Anon might answer a lot of questions and help you cope. — Margo, clarifyingly

When Dad Is Deep into the Sauce

Dear Margo: I have been married for 11 great years, and we have two beautiful children. "Hank" is an awesome dad and a good provider, even though he isn't home much due to the demands of his job with the military. "Hank," however, has a huge problem with alcohol.

He is not an everyday drinker, but when off on business in the evenings, he will sometimes disappear — no phone calls, no accounting for his time. He will later confess he'd been drinking. This has been a huge problem for us, as he will drain our bank account while not caring (at the time) that we at home are dependent on that money.

He has been doing this about every six months, and I have finally cut him off from the account and given him an allowance just like I give the kids. The problem is that I'm really stressed out and tired of being the responsible one! That doesn't mean I won't continue for my kids, but I have tried everything in the book to help him get over this, yet he always lapses. He makes promises that he doesn't keep and he lies, but 'fesses up afterward.

I need help getting him to see that 11 years of this is enough and that his kids are old enough now to start clueing in to what is happening. I don't understand what motivates him. — Clueless in California

Dear Clue: I don't know that I'd call it "motivation," but Hank is an alcoholic of the binge variety. Believe me, he does not want to run his life like this, but as they say in AA, he is powerless over alcohol. He needs to try AA or an in-patient facility to begin recovery.

It sounds simple, and it's not. And he has to choose to go; you cannot send him. For you, in the meantime, go to an Al-Anon meeting. This is the support group for people tied to alcoholics. You will find support, answers and comfort there. — Margo, supportively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.