Dear Margo: I am a 20-something girl who was engaged to a guy a couple of years older. We had a good run, but things deteriorated, and he left me for a younger chick. I went through a period of being mad at him, and then I got over it. I prefer to live with the good memories, and heck, we haven't even talked in six months. We rarely cross paths anymore, and when we do it's no big deal.

The problem is his girlfriend. She seemed nice at first, but over time, she seemed to develop a superiority complex: I lost him; she has him; ergo, she's the victor. If she sees me do something she doesn't agree with, she thinks nothing of trying to pick a fight. She says she's just making "observations" and that I need to be mature and accept her criticism with grace. I don't see how my life is any of her business. In the end, I usually tell her exactly what she wants to hear (that she's right or that I'm sorry) because we have mutual friends that I don't want to lose because of her influence. Any suggestions for a better way to handle this? — Utterly Frustrated

Dear Utt: This girl is so far out of bounds that she's not even playing the game. She is playing her game, however, and you need to close it down. (And I am wondering where Sir Galahad is when all of her "observations" are being made.) The next time she opens her mouth, assuming you can't get away fast enough, tell her you've decided it is time to clue her in that the "observations" are inappropriate and you suggest she do a better job of hiding her insecurity, which is masquerading as superiority. Or ... as a Broadway actress once said to a man in a restaurant who started critiquing her performance, "Who asked you?" — Margo, huffily

Mr. Peepers

Dear Margo: I am rather desperate and value your opinion. For years, we have had an 81-year-old next-door neighbor who is disturbed. He's a hotheaded, bossy and controlling bully. And apparently, he's the healthiest man on earth. He's always out in the yard, walks an hour each day at 5 a.m. and never gets sick. For years, he's done things to our property — trimmed bushes he didn't like, mowed down wildflowers he felt shouldn't be there, etc. We've called the police at times, but we either couldn't prove anything or he was just inside the law — very frustrating. He is nuts. He also lurks and eavesdrops if a rare visitor is talking to us on our porch, and he'll just stare from a chair, pointing our way whenever we're outside. He'll even pull his car over if he's returning from someplace and sees me working on flowers in the front yard and will idle it for a while to watch me. I try to ignore him, but it is harassment. It's not a huge deal, but it is stressful and annoying. How would you handle this? — Crazy in California

Dear Craze: I would recall Robert Frost's astute observation that "good fences make good neighbors." And I would assume that he meant tall ones ... view-blocking ones. I know it's an expense, but what you lose in capital you will gain in satisfaction — and privacy. It will stop him from cutting down plantings in your yard, from staring and probably from eavesdropping. And to continue with Mr. Frost, the "something there is that doesn't love a wall" will not be nature, but your neighbor. Then he may have to find a hobby or favor the people on the other side of him with his surveillance. Good luck. — Margo, craftily

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.