Dear Margo: You might need a stiff drink and a Xanax after this one.

I was recently divorced, and we had no children, although I have children from a previous marriage. His parents have completely taken my youngest as their own grandchild, which keeps the bridge between us somewhat open. But here's the big problem . . .

When I met him, he had just been released from a nine-year prison term. I know the light should have gone on right there, but my outlook is that you should never judge people by their past, because everyone can change.

Well, to shorten a very long story, I fell in love, but after six months of marriage, I found out he was cheating on me, and we had a very destructive finale. I was literally temporarily insane and broke his car windows and destroyed a few other items.

I found out by checking the history on our computer that he'd signed up at single swinger sites. However, since we have been apart, I have dated other people, and, really, no one comes close to him as a partner. These days, men don't open car doors, and no one really wants a single mom.

We've begun spending time together over the past six months, but he has my number, and I don't have his. He comes when he wants to, and he totally controls the situation. I take my daughter to his parents', but he doesn't want them to know we are seeing each other. Everything is always a big secret. Can you tell me what to do? — Out of My Mind in West Virginia

Dear Out: Your signature is a fairly accurate description of where you are right now. I think what you can do is keep looking for a nice man who opens car doors and likes your children.

You do not say what your ex was in the can for, but my worry is that you will wind up there, too, if you continue with this man who can impel you to trash his car and "a few other items." He is a control freak and not good for your mental health.

I would say that, by now, in the larger sense, you should have his number — but you don't — in any sense. P.S. for the next time: Do consider someone's past. It is quite a good indicator of character and personality. — Margo, soberly

Assets Are in the Eye of the Beholder

Dear Margo: My fiancee has a body type where her figure flares somewhat at the hips. She's not heavy; she's just got a butt. She has sort of a J.Lo build to her. This suits me fine. I think her figure is fabulous.

Not to tell you more than you want to know, but my fingers have already found their favorite spot on her rump. The thing is that she worries about this area of her body because her ex used to call her "wide ride."

Any advice about dealing with a woman's body-image problems? — William

Dear Will: Positive reinforcement, my friend, positive reinforcement. Just keep telling her she is your dream girl, you couldn't have conjured up a more perfect figure for your tastes, and nothing is more womanly than curves and derrieres. Throw in words like voluptuous, sensual and J.Lo.

I predict in no time flat her ex's vulgar insults will vanish from her mind and she will regard her figure in a new light. — Margo, admiringly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.