My husband, "Sean," and I have been married for eight and a half years and have known each other for nine. Almost two years ago, my husband was on a business trip a few states away from where we live. He and a few friends went to a strip club to drink and watch the strippers strut their stuff.

Now, in the state we live in, they are only allowed to show off their bikinis after stripping off their clothes, but in the state where he was, they took everything off. Anyway, as most guys do, he got a lap dance, which I guess is a common thing with the type he hangs out with.

Then another thing occurred that has me a bit riled up. He paid to go into the back room and get a private "strip/lap dance." The problem I have is that my husband claims that while this stripper was on his lap, all they did was talk about their families. For some reason, I doubt a man would pay $100 for a private lap dance just to talk about his family with a stripper.

That night, he called me and told me about what transpired and swore that nothing happened other than a naked woman who was not me sat on his lap. Am I overreacting, or should I threaten him that if I find out from his "friends" that there was more going on than talking, there will be some serious consequences? — Desperate To Get Over My Frustration

Dear Des: What is it with these lap dances? Yours is not the first letter I've received from a furious wife. I think it is highly unlikely any of his "friends" will rat him out, but I would tell him that you don't for a minute believe his version, and for his sake, you hope there are no more outings involving naked ladies and his lap.

I do not know exactly how this happened, but it is becoming common for businessmen to entertain clients and each other in strip clubs. I find it tacky and declasse. — Margo, traditionally

There She Went, Miss America

Dear Margo: Usually I'm comfortable with my appearance and my accomplishments. I have a master's degree from an Ivy League university, a challenging job in a creative field and an above-average body, which I work out to maintain. Compared to my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, however, I feel like a schlub.

He doesn't talk about her much, but I know she was a corporate lawyer with a high position and a salary to match. Plus, she modeled on the side. I've seen photos. She's gorgeous in ways that even plastic surgery couldn't make me.

My boyfriend was the one who ended their relationship, and I know there are reasons for its dissolution, reasons that he's with me and not her, etc. (He says I'm funnier and more down-to-earth.) But I can't help but feel insecure.

How can I stop feeling like I'm in competition with someone who's no longer even in his life? — Lacking Confidence

Dear Lack: Of course it registers when one's predecessor was outstanding in either looks or accomplishments, but you have to remind yourself that she's out and you're in. And in your case, he dumped her. Make it your mantra that your fella extricated himself from Miss Beautiful and Successful and then chose you. (Sometimes these women are so self-involved that their attributes no longer matter.)

I happen to think the funny and down-to-earth girls win every time. Looks fade, people become used to them, but personality is where it's at. — Margo, self-assuredly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. To learn more about Margo Howard or to read features by other writers, visit creators.com.