Dear Margo: I'm in love. The problem is it's with my ex-wife, even though it's been 10 years since we divorced. I got remarried and have a wonderful son, and she's remarried with a son, also.

We e-mail to keep in touch, because we were high school sweethearts and lived together for a long time before we married. I've been trying to remain just friends, but I couldn't take it anymore and had to tell her how I felt. She did not respond to my admitting my feelings.

My wife now knows that I still love my ex and have very strong feelings for her. I'm so confused. I cannot shake my feelings for her. I really wish I could. And I wish I could love my current wife the same as my ex, but I don't think I could ever love anyone as much. — Depressed About It All

Dear De: You need to remind yourself why it was that you and your ex-wife divorced. You also have to accept that you can't glue the teapot back together again. (Notice the non-response you got when you wrote of your lingering feelings.)

How perfectly awful for your current wife to live with the knowledge that you're torching for your ex. Whether you do it with a counselor or on your own, you must let go of a possibly idealized romance and dedicate yourself to the life you have. It is worth the effort.

And I strongly suspect that if you can't turn things around, you may well be looking for a third wife. And, by the way, cut off the e-mails and forget about "being friends." You have proof now that this is not possible. — Margo, reliably

When Your Mother Is Like Velcro

Dear Margo: I'm at my wits' end because of my mother. She has always been the person who wants to be her children's "friend" as opposed to their mother. Luckily, when my parents divorced (I was young), my father remarried a lovely woman who has been more of the mother in my life.

I am starting my senior year in college, and my mom has become a cling-on, and I can't handle it. I go to school several hours away, and my mom wants to talk to me at least every day, sometimes several times, and she tries to monopolize all of my time when I am home. If I try to spend time with my dad and stepmom, she tries to make me feel guilty.

I have tried to set some boundaries while I am at school, like telling her when it would be convenient for her to call. (She always manages to call while I'm in class, and I have had to listen to a million voicemails.)

I know my mom is a little lonely, as she does not have the best relationship with my stepfather (a lovely man she nags to death). I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I should have to be my mother's best friend. — College Girl

Dear Col: Because of your age — and hers — you have to defend yourself and "retrain" your mother. It will be difficult, but you must lay it out for her that you are not able to have daily conversations with her due to your new independent life at school and the constraints of time. Press "delete" when the messages are repetitious.

If she catches you on the phone and really has nothing to say, tell her, "Gotta go." And when you do go home for the holidays, you set your schedule. Her neurotic wishes can only prevail if you let them. Now is the time to stand up to her, and I hope you know that you are not being unkind; she is just clingy and acting inappropriately. — Margo, decisively

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.