Dear Margo: My problem is probably not the biggest one in your in-box, but I am hoping you can help. My husband and I are in our mid-20s and expecting our fifth child in a few months. Both our age and the size of our family elicit constant comments.

Complete strangers, thinking they are funny, ask if we realize how it happens so we can avoid it in the future. Or they'll ask if we think we might be "done." I have been scolded for not using birth control in the grocery store checkout line, told I was selfish and irresponsible, and even once asked by someone at a restaurant how we could afford to feed so many children!

Last time I took all the kids to get new shoes, the checkout girl suggested one of us get "fixed"! Most people don't stop after their initial comments either; they want to know about my husband's profession, our house, our car, our ages (since apparently we both look like babies ourselves), you name it.

We are young and successful and have made a conscious decision to have a large family because that is what we want. Why do people think this is any of their business? What can I say to these people to make them go away? — My Family Is Just the Way I Like It!

Dear My: It is remarkable that some people (and strangers, no less) think whatever they wish to know is their business. I am a firm believer in putting people in their places when they've overstepped the bounds of propriety. I also believe that every question does not warrant an answer.

Your situation reminds me when, years ago, food shopping in California, I was wearing a joke T-shirt that said, "Nuke the gay whales." I was stunned when people actually came up to me and started to pick fights about my being pro-nuclear, homophobic or against marine mammals!

All I could think of to say to these morons was, "It's a JOKE." This answer will not work for you, however, but the point is: Do not worry about being pleasant. However you want to close them down is just fine. Even, "I really think the whole subject is none of your business." — Margo, huffily

AH, SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE

Dear Margo: My best friend and I have known each other for 13 years. Seven years ago, I moved across the country, while still keeping in touch with her, and our relationship was great. Just this past year, my husband and I moved back to our home state, and again live in the same town as my best friend.

Since I've been back, I have made several efforts to maintain our relationship, while she, on the other hand, has made excuses for not getting together. She hardly calls me, and her e-mails are usually short. I was confused by her behavior because I always thought we had stayed good friends and thought we would just pick up where we were before I moved.

I did e-mail her once about our relationship and asked if I did something wrong. Her reply was pretty nonchalant, saying she's been busy with work, etc. I know that if she truly cared about our relationship, she would make the effort to maintain it. But the problem is, I care for this person and feel I deserve an explanation. What do you think? — Confused and Hurt in the Midwest

Dear Con: Your situation falls in the same category as a couple who is dating, one person loses interest, and, for whatever reason, never comes up with an explanation.

This woman clearly is not going to give you what you want — an answer — so just chalk it up to the fact that maybe your "best friend" is fickle. Or maybe she made another "best friend." Or "out of sight, out of mind." Don't make yourself nuts with what happened. It happened. Onward. — Margo, acceptingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.