Dear Prudence: My brother is engaged to a delightful, bright, attractive woman who does not wear a bra. She has very small breasts, so it's not as if she is falling out of her shirts, but she is always "nippling" (as they say).

I don't believe she is trying to be provocative, but after she and my brother leave large social gatherings, there is often talk of the prominent nipple outline she displayed. This upsets me because a) I truly like her, and don't want people to remember her for her chest area, and b) it can be very distracting when one is talking to her; it makes men uncomfortable to see, and it makes our wives even more uncomfortable for their men to see.

In general, I don't feel it's anyone's place to criticize another person's attire, but I wonder if there is a tactful way to send a message that we'd appreciate seeing a bit less of her. — Getting an Eyeful

Dear Get: Prudie was surprised by two things in your letter: the new word she learned, and that the letter writer was a man! There really is talk that people have trouble averting their gaze from this woman's shirt? In this day and age of letting it all hang out, fashionwise, it is a little unusual to find that a small-busted woman going braless is a distraction.

In any case, if you feel you must try to get this woman into a bra, your best bet would be to tell your brother that he might want to suggest underthings to his fiancee because, as things are now, she makes it difficult for people to maintain eye contact. Be prepared for him to tell you to mind your own business. — Prudie, figuratively

Prudence: I am a 28-year-old, well-educated woman. The small company I work for is growing and recently hired a new manager in a separate department from mine. I do not work directly for this man, but I do have some interaction with him.

I can deal with his winking at me like we're old buddies because I get the feeling he thinks that's how to relate, and he does it with all the staff — except his superiors. What I cannot handle is his calling me "hon" or "honey" when thanking me for something.

I'm far from being a feminist, but I find his tone incredibly belittling. He's only a few years older than me and doesn't qualify for the reminds-me-of-my-grandfather exemption when making such an unprofessional remark. No other men in the office speak like this to any of the women.

I'm tempted to say something like, "You're welcome, Sweet Cheeks!" but I'm not sure how that would go over. Please advise. — Sweet but No One's Honey

Dear Sweet: This is perhaps a generational thing . . . at least on the receiving end, because Prudie both calls people "honey" and is not offended when people call her by that name. Sometimes this bit of conversational familiarity is meant to be friendly, and occasionally it simply means the other person cannot remember your name! This second possibility seems unlikely in your case.

If you feel the need to put a stop to this sobriquet because it annoys you, tell this chap politely that you don't find "honey" a suitable name for the office and you'd appreciate it if he called you by your given name. Prudie thinks the "sweet cheeks" retort would not be a good idea. — Prudie, moderately

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Dear Prudence is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.