Dear Margo: In college, I was friends with a girl who was more wild and crazy than the rest of us. After college, she moved out of state and we lost touch. Four years later, I found out she was in prison for a nonviolent crime.

I liked this girl as a friend, and although she had done something wrong, I felt bad for her. I began writing her without thinking of the post-prison consequences, and we stayed in touch for a few months.

On the advice of friends who were also friends with her, I stopped writing because I got worried that I was putting myself in a position I wouldn't want to be in once she was released. Well, my friends were right. I was the first person she called when she got out and moved back to our area.

However, at 32, my friends and I are different now and have too much to lose should we unknowingly get mixed up in one of her scams. Her boyfriend has also served prison time (he is a violent offender and currently on parole).

After my first conversation with her, I avoided her calls. I wouldn't be surprised if she has driven by my house. I also learned, in the single conversation we had, that she lied about her living arrangements.

I don't know how to handle this. Should I just tell her I am not comfortable with being her friend, or do I continue ignoring her calls? Of course, avoidance is the easiest route, but I'm not sure if it's the best. — Avoiding the Jailbird

Dear Avoid: In this case, the path of least resistance just puts off the inevitable. You need to have a conversation with her. There are times when resuming a friendship after a prison term is the right thing to do.

In this case, however, the boyfriend and the dishonesty about details indicate that your impulse to lop off the friendship is right. When you do speak, tell her you wish her well but you feel unable to pick up where you left off.

And you might add that your feelings are not necessarily based on her having been in the joint. Don't let her push for further explanations. — Margo, unsuitably

Dear Margo: My wife and I took our two small children to the public library for our weekly book-borrowing trip. I opened the driver's side door of our two-door car slowly until it came to rest upon the door of the car in the next spot.

I got out and had pushed forward the driver's seat to take my son out of his car seat in the back, when the driver of the parked car rolled his window down and yelled, "What the hell!" Fortunately (for me) he didn't try to start a fight, though he did get out of the car to inspect for any damage and continued to give me "da stink eye."

This got me wondering about the proper etiquette for opening the door of a car in a parking lot. I am absolutely sure that I opened my door slowly, making contact with his car door with the least amount of pressure.

Granted, I drive a beat-up old Honda Civic, and this guy had a shiny new SUV, so our respective views on car-care might be different, but I had always assumed it was all right to touch a neighboring vehicle with one's door if done carefully.

Am I mistaken? — Ding-Free in Hawaii

Dear Ding: Alas, the field of "car door etiquette" is a slim one. I agree with you, though, that if one consciously guides the door so it gently touches the other door, that is acceptable parking lot behavior.

As you've learned, some people are, let us say, protective of their cars . . . especially if they are of the gigantic, shiny, new variety. (The irony is that vehicles the size of Clydesdales most often preclude another car from having enough room to open the door without touching.) Aloha. — Margo, gigantically

***

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.