Dear Margo: A couple of years ago, I accidentally discovered that my partner was posting personal ads in the casual encounters category on craigslist.org. I reacted by cracking the passwords to my partner's e-mail addresses and reading all his correspondence with the women who answered his ads. He was exchanging photos and participating in cybersex.

I confronted him, and he was very upset, saying he hadn't thought of his actions as cheating, but swore he'd never do such a thing again. Eventually, I married him, but the truth is that I continued to check his e-mail occasionally. In the past few months, I have come across more disturbing material.

This time, the exchanges aren't as sexually explicit, but he is carrying on virtual flirtations with several women he has "met" at hotornot.com and myspace.com. I have not confronted my husband, in part due to the guilt I feel from spying on him.

To make matters worse, I have been physically repulsed by him since I discovered these latest Internet flirtations. I have forced myself to have sex with him about once a month, but I'm afraid that my lack of attraction to him is increasing his wandering tendencies.

However, I also find myself wishing he would actually cheat on me so that I could divorce him without doubting that choice. What do I do? — Guilty and Wronged Wife

Dear Guilt: In the situation you describe, I make no distinction between virtual cheating and straying "the old-fashioned way." When you first caught him, he said he didn't think what he was doing was cheating. Right.

Anyway, you got him to accept your definition, and he swore off. He is still fooling around with strangers as though he were available — not something committed husbands do. He has also broken his word to you. Additionally, he has so turned you off that he is now repulsive to you.

To feel both betrayed and repulsed doesn't sound like you have much to work with in the let's-work-it-out department. As for feeling guilty, I know some people disagree with me, but my belief is that when it's your life involved, you may gather information any way you can.

Dear Margo: I'm a 31-year-old woman dating a 34-year-old, well-educated man. We have been dating for a few months, and everything is going great, except for one thing: My boyfriend has told me that he would very much like to meet my parents.

Every time I set a date for this to happen, however, he agrees, but he backs out at the last minute. This has happened on three different occasions. Why do you think he's doing this? Each time it has been he who is requesting the meeting. Please help! — Confused

Dear Con: Paging Sigmund Freud. For whatever reason, this man thinks he'd like to meet your folks. It could be to learn where you came from, as it were, or it could be to begin a connection with the hope of building a future together. Three cancellations, however, suggest the Feet Problem: His keep getting cold. He thinks he wants to meet your parents, but he can't quite go through with it.

The next time he makes this request, gently remind him of the three previous deferments and suggest that you go to a movie instead. Don't make a big deal out of it. If he gives you the "No, really, I want to" routine, tell him he may not be listening to his subconscious, but you are. When you've been together for longer than a few months, I suspect the meeting will just happen, and it will feel natural.

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.