Dear Margo: My two sons are now 16 and 15, but it's the 16-year-old I'm worried about. He often comes home completely drunk. He is sullen and angry, spending much of his time languishing around the house, hung over and miserable.

My father was alcoholic, and since these things can be genetic, I'm scared that my son is headed down the same path. He recently broke up with his girlfriend and is drinking like there's no tomorrow.

A lot of his drinking takes place alone — in his room, in the garage, sitting outside in his car. Last weekend, he was written up for a DUI and will probably lose his license. He's ruining his life.

The problem is I want to send him to counseling, but my husband views this as "just a stage" and the "teenage years." Am I wrong to insist that this is more dangerous than just a teenage rough patch that he will outgrow? — Worried Mom

Dear Wor: A drunk, sullen, angry, hung-over kid needs professional help. A.A. would be a good start. He is clearly alcoholic, and while you cannot "make" someone get help, you're in a better position to do this if the person is a dependent and a minor.

I will assume this boy goes to school, so I'm not quite sure where he's finding all this time to sloth it up and booze around. If he weren't about to lose his license (a good thing), I would recommend taking his car away.

Alcoholism does run in families, so there's more ammunition. Your husband is wrong. What you describe is neither "a stage" nor standard teenage behavior.

Now is the time for tough love. (Actually, it's a little late.) Tell your son he is going to A.A. for young people or he can live on his own. — Margo, determinedly

Dear Margo: I am a well-adjusted 51-year-old woman with a great family, a wonderful man in my life, a fantastic job . . . in other words, I am very happy. So how come I continue to attract women friends who are so unhappy with their lives?

I have at least three such friends who all live in different areas of the country, and we mainly keep in touch by e-mail. Each of them has trouble with their lives, their kids, their husbands, etc. They lay it all out for me, and it upsets me to see how unhappy they are while blaming it on anyone other than themselves.

I try to give advice or support or encouragement (whichever may fit the case), but it never changes anything. Every day is the same. I love them all, but they depress and discourage me. Should I remain friends with them when I feel like I'm nothing but a sounding board for them to complain to? — De Facto Shrink

Dear De: I suspect that the reason you have become the wailing wall for dissatisfied girlfriends is that they see your successful and happy life and think maybe you can share the secret.

What I recommend is to remind them that you have made suggestions in the past, and you are suggested out. Then, reiterate that you are not a therapist, and invite them to get professional counseling because you fear you are repeating yourself.

Being a friend, of course, does involve listening to troubles and offering ideas, but not to the point where it becomes burdensome and the only subject of conversation. — Margo, retreatingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.