Dear Margo: I'm in a predicament. My 4-year-old son and I live with a man who is wonderful to us. Only one thing strikes me as odd: his past relationships.

He's friendly with one girl (my age) and has an unusual relationship with his stepmother. He assured me that the girl has always been "just a friend" and that he enjoys spending time with his stepmother.

He laughs when people say "stepmother" because she never raised him. He was grown up when his father married her, and they grew closer because of his half-siblings. His father and stepmother divorced a few years ago.

Well, here's the clincher: I was being snoopy because I have his e-mail password, which he gave to me. I started looking in deleted items and found that, right before we met, he was having a sexual relationship with his ex-stepmother. They'd kept it secret, of course, but I found e-mails leaving no question about the nature of the relationship. The other thing I found was that around the same time he was trying to have a relationship with this girl "friend," as well.

Although I don't believe that anything has been going on since we've been together, I still feel I have been betrayed because he misrepresented both relationships. I've met these women on several occasions and now feel like an idiot! I've been expecting a proposal from this man and would gladly accept, but now I wonder what else he has kept from me. — Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Dear Be: When you say you are "expecting a proposal," this suggests that you may be in a hard place . . . but there is no rock. But let's assume you are on track for him to propose. It is not everyone's style to ID all the previous partners, and in the case of the stepmother, he may have felt ashamed. That he tried to put the "friend" in a false light may have been a sin of omission, or . . . he may have a problem with the truth.

With the understanding that people are entitled to keep some past episodes in the past, try to establish, to your own satisfaction, that this man is currently truthful with you. You might tell him you have pretty reliable information that he pursued a romance with the girl "friend" and see what his response is. If he can be open with you and admit he tried, that will tell you something. And if he can't, you will have to go with your gut on how you feel about his integrity, or lack of it. — Margo, analytically

Note to Readers: Some time ago, I printed a letter that elicited a surprisingly large number of "solutions" from readers. The problem was that Couple A, thanks to a common townhouse wall, produced sounds so loud they could not be drowned out. The "conjugal visits" had the effect of making Couple B feel as though they were in prison.

I share with you the following letter, not just because it is entertaining and original, but because it's an example of problem solving at its best. That is, it involves humor in the registering of a complaint, allowing both parties to avoid hard feelings. (Please, no letters from the humor-impaired who don't get the joke.) — Margo, ingeniously

Dear Margo: I also had neighbors like "Needing Help in Los Angeles," with one small difference: I live in a single-family house detached from my neighbors who had very loud relations. In fact, I knew my neighbors' names before I even met them because of their enthusiasm. You could hear them every Saturday night, even with their windows closed and the radio on in my room — about 100 feet away.

Since "Needing's" neighbors are in denial about their sound effects, she should buy an inexpensive tape recorder and a blank tape, record the shenanigans, then after the noise has ceased, put the recorder on "play" at their front door, along with a couple cigarettes and a note saying, "We enjoyed it also." — Was It Good for You? in Northern California

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.