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Be Well
This will be my last column as Dear Margo. I have been giving advice for 15 years — first as Dear Prudence and then under my own name. I have been writing for newspapers for 45 years. The time feels right to retire from deadline journalism. I …Read more.
When Things Don't Look Quite Right
Dear Margo: I'm 60, and my boyfriend is a few years younger. He recently moved in with me. His job requires him to meet with people after their workday. I know he really is doing this on some nights, because I have seen people enter his workplace. …Read more.
Play It as It Lays
Dear Margo: My boyfriend (of more than three and a half years) and I are at a crossroads in our lives. We're both in a master's program, and up until now we've been very serious and committed to our relationship. However, last week he brought up …Read more.
Unwarranted Guilt
Dear Margo: I am married with two almost-teenagers. We aren't rich, but we're comfortable. I have a cousin who has two children. One is near my children's age. This one has spent summers with us for years, and we have taken him on almost every …Read more.
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Belief and the Unknown
Dear Margo: I've never written to an advice columnist in my life, but one of your answers really set me off. A woman asked for your advice about someone in her family telling her husband that he might not go to heaven since he's not a Christian. Well, I've been a Christian for 50 years, and I can tell you that her family member is exactly right. You cannot enter the gates of heaven unless you ask forgiveness of your sins and accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior. It's all very clear in the Bible — no ifs, ands or buts. You either believe it, or you don't go to heaven. That is our belief.
Now, if you want to believe something else, then that is your prerogative — just don't expect to go to heaven. The scripture explaining all of this is very clear. If you plan on several million Christians continuing to read your column, then I suggest you write a retraction. — Follower of Jesus Christ
Dear Fol: A retraction? I don't think so. Here's the thing: I find your letter a perfect example of someone who's been indoctrinated to reject and diminish anything with which she does not agree. What you are saying is that other people's Gods are "wrong." Such a view is narrow-minded and disrespectful to billions of good people who believe differently. When you say, "That is our belief," let us parse that. It is your belief — and a belief is not a fact. Neither is it knowledge. It is an opinion about something that cannot be proved.
Your Bible, the New Testament, was written by different people after Jesus died — with John's Gospel written 100 years AD. One hundred years! The scholarship on the subject is that the written version came from the oral teachings of different sects, not unlike the way myths were passed on.
I greatly admire people of faith, but I don't think any learned theologian would embrace your "my way or the highway" approach to religion — especially considering that God's message is said to be one of love. And isn't humility supposed to be a Christian virtue? I must tell you that your advisory (believe what you like, "just don't expect to go to heaven") makes your hoped-for destination sound a bit like a restricted country club. — Margo, ecumenically
On the Other Hand...
Dear Margo: Regarding families responding to relatives coming out, you mentioned that unhappiness with homosexuality is "like wishing a right-handed child were left-handed." Well, I started life as a left-handed child in the '60s and grew up to be right-handed. Why? My father would not tolerate my being left-handed, "because it's a right-handed world." His tactics were simple. Every time I started to do something with my left hand, he would drop what he was doing, give me a stare of utter contempt and accusingly state (with venom added for emphasis), "Lefty!" Times have definitely changed for the better for those of us wired differently. — Nostalgically (Not)
Dear Nos: Sorry about your natural handedness even being an issue, Lefty. Of course, the wild card about being able to change how someone is wired is that it's not possible to stare down a homosexual and tell him or her to switch to heterosexual attraction — though people and organizations have tried. You are correct that times have definitely changed for the better as more people get more information. — Margo, progressively
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
COPYRIGHT 2013 MARGO HOWARD
DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM 
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Comments
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22 Comments | Post Comment
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Margo, thank you for setting LW1 straight - this is a big world, and she hurts only herself by being so narrow minded and stiff in her beliefs. That is the mindset that causes so many problems in the world today - some Christians are just as fanatical as the radicals of other religions that spread such hatred. Likewise with LW2 - no good comes of such sanctimonious attitudes. It's like the analogy I use - 'Each to his own', said the man who kissed the cow. But when the man says 'I want you to kiss my cow, too' or 'I think the government should make everyone kiss my cow' we've got a big problem.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Mary Lynn
Fri Apr 12, 2013 12:27 AM
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Dear LW1,
Please stop giving us Christians a bad name. My own church teaches that there is no absolute guarantee of salvation and your excessive pride just might guarantee your downfall.
Comment: #2
Posted by: LibraryKat
Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:12 AM
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LW1 - If heaven is filled with people like you, I honestly would not want to go there anyway.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Paul W
Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:20 AM
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LW1 -- I'm assuming you are not the pope, nor are you at the helm of any of the other sects of Christianity. That being the case, I'm betting you do NOT speak for all Christians (of which, I imagine, there are a whole lot more than "several million"). Yes, I'm sure Margo is shaking in her boots that all of her Christian readers everywhere are going to stop reading her column. Seriously, you are the reason that many non-Christians very happily remain non-Christians.
LW2 -- Of course, it would be a whole lot harder for your father to have taken the same tact had you been gay and he wanted you to be straight. Most people don't have sex in front of their parents, so it would have been a whole lot more inconvenient and awkward for your father to be around at just the right moment to give you that look of contempt when you started to have sex with someone.
FWIW, my husband is a lefty (as is his mother), but both his brothers are righties. Growing up (and to this day) he uses his left hand to write and to eat -- but he uses his right hand to throw a ball. That's because his brothers insisted on teaching him to play catch the way a righty would. It's probably the reason my husband was never very athletic growing up!
Comment: #4
Posted by: Lisa
Fri Apr 12, 2013 8:48 AM
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This writer brings to mind Gandi, who famosly said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
Comment: #5
Posted by: Jpp
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:02 AM
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Famously, I meant.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Jpp
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:03 AM
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LW1, here's a question to which I have never received a satisfactory answer from anyone who professes to believe that every word of the Bible is inerrantly the word of God.
The Gospels of Matthew and Luke tell the story of the birth of Jesus. However, Matthew says that Mary and Joseph came from Nazareth to Bethlehem, where Mary gave birth to Jesus--but before they could return to Nazareth, Joseph was warned in a dream to take the family to Egypt because Herod was looking for Jesus to kill him. The family did go to Egypt, spending an unspecified amount of time there before another dream advised Joseph that it was safe for them to return to Nazareth.
Luke says that Mary and Joseph went from Nazareth to Bethlehem, she gave birth to Jesus in Bethlehem, and they went back to Nazareth--no mention of a sojourn in Egypt at all. So how can they both be right? And if one account isn't historical fact, isn't it possible that other parts of the Bible are not factual either?
Comment: #7
Posted by: Kimiko
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:40 AM
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Kimiko, as it was explained to me, there are no contradictions in the Bible. They are all in my head, a result of my failure of belief and devotion. The words in question do not exist. I see them on the page because of the scales covering my eyes. All clear now?
Comment: #8
Posted by: Carla
Fri Apr 12, 2013 11:06 AM
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LW1 -
"You either believe it, or you don't go to heaven. That is our belief."
That's right, that's your BELIEF. Beliefs are based on faith, not facts, and are never a certainty.
"Your Bible, the New Testament, was written by different people after Jesus died — with John's Gospel written 100 years AD."
Not to mention that it was heavily edited time and again for centuries afterwards, by popes and bishops who did not agree with this or that. There were sects of early Christians who were followers of what was then holy books which no longer exist.
Boy, are you in for a surprise when you finally "cross over".
LW2 -
I hate to disabuse you of your illusions, but you are still a leftie. You merely were close enough to being ambidextrous to be able to adapt to switching hands. And I know what I'm talking about because the same thing happened to me. I was born in the fifties, and the nuns were convinced left was the side of the devil. I saw other lefties being hit on the knuckles with the ruler, so I decided not to argue.
Years after, one of the classes I took as part of my Musicology degree was called "Neurology and the Music". One of the things the teacher explained is that nobody is 100% rightie or leftie, it's all a matter of degree. Some are more pronounced on one side than others, while some lucky few like you and I are close to the 0 mark of ambidextrousness.
So people like you and I can sort of switch without too much damage, but you have to be aware that not everybody can. My sister-cousin was much more pronounced in her left-handedness than me, and had to bring in a doctor's notice, because writing with her right hand made her stutter.
So no, it's not a question of choice and the comparison to gays is rather accurate - there ARE a few who are truly bisexual, you know.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 12, 2013 1:09 PM
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LW1--I'm happy to know that there's someone on this planet who knows exactly who is and who isn't going to heaven. I'm sorry but you're a nut ball and regardless of what you believe, there are millions of others whose beliefs differ. Until I see definitive proof that heaven even exists, I will rely on what my five senses tell me along with observations made using the tried and true scientific method. If I should die and find that simply the lights go out and that's the end, then I'm perfectly happy with that because spending an eternity in a place full of people like you sounds like, well...hell.
LW2--Your father was obviously a narrow-minded idiot. I think so called southpaws, who make up roughly 10% of the population, are really interesting. For starters, the corpus collosum, the bridge that connects the left and right hemispheres of the brain is significantly larger in left-handed people. Also, studies show that people who are using their left hands when listening may more easily hear rapidly changing sounds than those who are using their right hands. Other studies indicate that leftys excel at sports, are more likely voted into office and are superior artists. If you're a lefty, don't despair; research indicates that roughly 10% of Neanderthals were also left-handed.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Fri Apr 12, 2013 2:41 PM
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@ Carla
Thanks for that "explanation"! I hope this means you'e no longer a member of the denomination you grew up in.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Kimiko
Fri Apr 12, 2013 3:42 PM
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LW1- For someone who claims to know their religion so well he/she seems to have missed most of the main themes like love for all fellow humanity, tolerance, forgiveness, humility, judging not lest ye be judged. I detest Christians who are only Christian towards others who believe exactly the same as they do. Try cracking open that precious book you love so much. You'll find it's contents quite enlightening. Who knows, you may actually begin practicing your faith the way Jesus intended.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Keebler
Fri Apr 12, 2013 4:40 PM
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Re: LibraryKat
Hey stranger, it's been so long since you last posted! You've been missed! Welcome back!
Comment: #13
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 12, 2013 6:55 PM
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Re: Keebler
You point was well stated. As a person who was in Catholic schools from kindergarten through grad school, I think I was hip to the hypocrisy when the ancient nun who taught first grade literally, and I do mean literally, punched me in the back when I put a mark in the wrong place on one of those standardized tests that were brand new back then.
It does not take a genius to realize that there are the Christ-like ideals that the whole world could live with without labelling themselves anything. Golden Rule.
I will probably never set foot in any church again, but I will remind myself to be kind to others. Not perfected yet, but working on it.
Jpp, thank you for the brilliant quote. I went looking it up as well, and I think Ghandi summed it up perfectly. That said, I know that there are really sincere, intelligent, educated people who have strong faith, but I think that kind of Christian might be open-minded enough to agree that people who live kindly lives won't suffer in the afterlife, if there is one, which I sincerely, and sadly, doubt. LW1 has that childlike, unchallenged, and unexamined faith in something like Santa Claus, but if it gets her through, well good for her.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 12, 2013 9:45 PM
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I love how Christian extremists think haven is a place just for them and one else. Their own little club. And that they think of themselves as all being qualified to enter heaven. How does the writer know s/he will enter heaven? Do they think that they can do whatever reprehensible activities they want, then just say "hey Jesus, forgive me will ya, I wanna go to heaven!!!" then he does, and they go up into the sky? THeir self-entitlement is pathetic. Why the need to ask for forgiveness unless you have committed so many sins in the first place? I'd imagine that those who don't commit a sin are the only ones eligible for heaven.
Also, telling anyone that they are not going to heaven is a sure form of bullying.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Salty
Sat Apr 13, 2013 9:51 AM
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Holy Cow! LW1, it's because of people like you that I resisted going to church for so long.
From a young age, I sought the Lord. My parents both grew up going to church and resented it. I would tag along with other families to go to church. As a seven year old, I woke myself up, dressed and met them to get a ride to their church. My brother has a Bible, my older sister listens to christian contemporary music, but neither have ever belonged to a church. My younger sister says she is an atheist, as does my father. My Mother always goes to church with us when she visits.
When I was a teenager and young adult, the Christian groups at my schools were full of self-important blowhards who made me think twice about embracing Christianity.
When I met my husband, he brought me to the Lutheran Church and I have been there ever since. The overall message and spirit of the church I attend is, "come to Christ and walk with Him". It is gentle and makes no demands on your mind and body. I dearly love the Truth and the Word, but if they had come to me and treated me like letter writer one talks about Heaven, I would have run away.
Paul W, another GREAT quote.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Chelle
Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:18 AM
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I am a lefty. For years, I suffered from an inferiority complex that I trace back to preschool.
My first preschool teacher wrapped my left hand so I couldn't use it, she said, "GOOD people use their right hand". She died and her replacement didn't parrot her belief about left-handedness. On the first day with the new teacher, I presented my left hand to be wrapped with gauze, and the teacher looked at me and said, "I can see you are a girl who uses her left hand". I thought that meant I was bad and she could see it.
I don't belief either teacher meant me harm or for me to take it that way. But a bad little bean like me took it that way.
And my husband wonders why I like being spanked.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Chelle
Sat Apr 13, 2013 11:24 AM
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Well said, Paul W...
Comment: #18
Posted by: Mojo2010
Sat Apr 13, 2013 10:51 PM
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I got up this morning to read my paper and watch the latest news on the bombing in Boston. Then I read your column, FOLLOWER OF JESUS CHRIST. This woman should be here in Boston today to see what her hatred breeds.. I have not been as stunned by anyone like this in a long time. Maybe because of the attack on my city. Until all people "accept" all others, no matter their color, religion, sexual orientation or beliefs we will continue to have wars, terrorist attacks and hatred against others. We are all human beings, just with different beliefs. This is so profound a case of discrimination I almost cannot speak. I am Christian (Catholic), but believe that God loves all his people equally, no matter that individuals "beliefs" Your reply was exactly right. I hope this person is not my neighbor!
Comment: #19
Posted by: pat mccosco
Tue Apr 16, 2013 5:00 AM
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I too live in the greater Boston area and work just 4 blocks from the site of the horrific attacks at the marathon yesterday. Like the previous comment, I considers myself a practicing Christian trying every day to live as Jesus would. The hatred and intolerance of the initial writer has me so upset that I had to write to Dear Margo for the very first time. I agree 100% with Margo's response, and I just wanted to add that, thankfully for all of us mere humans, we are never asked to "play God" and determine who is "in or out" of Heaven. As the Bible says, "Judge not, that ye shall not be judged." We are all children of God and it is only in seeing the face of God in your neighbors that there will ever be a world of peace and harmony and good will.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Anne Gehrenbeck-Shim
Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:01 AM
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The only person whose heart I truly know is my own; and I am responsible for my relationship with God. If I want to go to the Eternal Banquet, I need to know and accept the invitation from the Host. My experience has been that I cannot be the person I was created to be on my own, without God in my life. I appreciate the company of others who share this experience, but I have friends who don't, and that is between them and God.
Comment: #21
Posted by: partsmom
Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:23 PM
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LW1: Amen to Margo! LOL You are an idiot and a bigot. Stick to your own kind and leave the rest of the world alone.
LW2: Wow. Did your father think being left handed was the sign of the devil? I hope you escaped him as soon as possible. Yeeks.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Diana
Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:52 PM
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