Dear Margo: My husband and I have a circle of friends who get together regularly for barbecues, days at the beach, etc. All of us get along spectacularly, except for one of the wives. She is the most self-righteous, mean-spirited, unpleasant person I've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing. (Her husband, however, is great fun.) Recently, she took it upon herself to reserve a chalet for a weeklong getaway without consulting anyone else, including her husband, and announced via e-mail that none of us had to worry about making Christmas plans since she'd already taken care of it. She then told us how much it would cost each family. As you can imagine, we all were incensed.

I sent an e-mail thanking her, but said we would not be going. I found out later that all the families had declined and she was furious. This I learned when she cornered me at a party to ask why we weren't going. I fibbed and said we already had plans. She called me on it: She had already asked my husband what we'd planned, and he said, "Nothing special." Perhaps because of the martinis I'd had I told her we were not interested in spending Christmas with her because she is hell to be around and she was the reason nobody was going. She started crying and shouting that she just wanted to have a nice Christmas. Then she mentioned how much she was obligated to pay for two people in a 20-person chalet. How bad am I supposed to feel for saying something that I meant? She will not accept my apology, and I think she's only mad about the cost anyway. — Martinis Speak the Truth

Dear Mart: You tried a little white lie, she called you on it, and you wound up telling her the truth. I am only sorry you needed "Dutch courage," because I think this woman was so out of line that someone needed to give her the straight goods. Just as you say you think she's really only mad about the cost, so I think your apology was meant just to keep the peace, which seems impossible now, so ta ta to the most self-righteous, mean-spirited, unpleasant person you've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing. — Margo, honestly

I've Asked, But He Won't Tell

Dear Margo: I have a friend I think is being abused. He is very jumpy when people touch him and often comes to school with bruises that he refuses to explain. (We are high-school juniors.) I know his father is dead, and that he lived with his mother and stepfather until his mother died, so I'm assuming his stepfather is abusing him. My friend refuses to talk about it, but I don't know how to help him if he won't acknowledge the problem. What can I do to help him get out of this situation? He looks more and more miserable every time I see him, and it breaks my heart. — Upset For My Friend

Dear Up: Because you are high schoolers, I'm fairly certain there is a guidance counselor or school nurse who could help. Since your friend, perhaps from embarrassment, cannot tell you what is going on, I would go to the counselor or the nurse, tell what you know, and ask that person to become involved. I think this would be easier for your pal, and also, a grownup will know how to deal with the problem, relative to city agencies, should the stepfather be the offender. You sound like a good friend to have, and I admire your concern. — Margo, indirectly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.