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White Hair a Lesbian Turn On

Comment

Dear Annie: I'm puzzled about something. I'm a straight female senior citizen with totally white hair. Although I think I am still quite attractive, I do look like a senior citizen. I would like to know whether there is any truth to a rumor I recently heard that today's lesbians are attracted to older women with white hair.

In the past two years, I have been approached by women flirting with me, most of them much younger. I'm stared at and followed, and rather bold things have been said to me. I am uncomfortable and fear for my safety and wish it would stop. I'm tempted to dye my hair or wear hats if what's drawing this unwanted attention is the white hair. If you or your readers have any insight, please let me know. — Puzzled in Gary, Ind.

Dear Puzzled: We have no idea whether other women are attracted to you because of your hair, your age, your appearance or your demeanor. If our readers have any "inside" knowledge, we'll let you know. Until then, try covering your hair to see if it makes any difference. You should not feel threatened because people are flirting, male or female. But if someone seems especially aggressive, don't be afraid to call the police.

Dear Annie: I am a 57-year-old disabled male who lives alone. My next-door neighbors moved in a year ago and act as if the area is their own private island. Every morning there are children screaming and hollering, dogs barking and adults yelling in their backyard. In the evening, they are joined by several friends and family members who drink and talk so loudly they may as well be shouting. This goes on every night until midnight and sometimes as late as 2 a.m.

My major headache comes on the weekends. Each evening, they have music playing outside along with a backyard full of people. They give me those "don't you dare say anything" looks as I walk into my tiny house.

I'm fearful for my safety. I have called the police repeatedly, and they always promise to send a car out, but the noise never stops until the wee hours of the morning.

How can they be allowed to disturb all the houses in the immediate vicinity? — Rude Neighbors

Dear Neighbors: Could you speak kindly to your neighbors and ask if they would keep the sound down after 10 p.m.? Does your city have a noise ordinance? Are there other neighbors who are equally disturbed by this racket? Would they speak to the neighbors with you or call the police every time this happens, forcing the authorities to issue citations and fines? Look into white noise additions such as fans that might help muffle some of the noise. Also, please check your local area resources to see whether there is a neighborhood organization that helps resolve disputes.

Dear Annie: I had to laugh when I read the letter from "N.Y.," whose 17-year-old son is terrible to travel with. I can't think of anything more embarrassing for a 17-year-old boy than being seen swimming or shopping with his family. And if I sent a flight attendant to check on my son, he would be mortified.

We include our children in vacation planning, which makes it more rewarding. We also try to find a friend of our son's to come along. If the adults want to see museums, we try to find nearby activities for the kids.

Our best vacations with kids have been a houseboat with a ski boat included and a condo in the mountains where the boys could snowboard. Ten days at a relative's house would be unbearable for most teens. And I would never leave a 17-year-old home unsupervised for 10 days. Perhaps one of his friends would take him, despite "the way he dresses." Seriously? — Mom of Four

Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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Comments

45 Comments | Post Comment
LW 2. Late night folks like to sleep in. So you get up really early, fire up your sound system and blast it out the window.
I find that German Opera really does the trick. Rinse and repeat every time. If THEY call the cops you can have a handy recording of what you had to endure the night before, and ask the cops where they were when THAT racket was going on.
Actually, the German Opera played loudly DURING their party might do it. When they ask you to turn it down tell them that they must first turn their music down.
Comment: #1
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:25 PM
LW1 - Lesbians are just women who are attracted to other women. Asking whether "lesbians" as a group are attracted to women with white hair is like asking whether heterosexual woman are attracted to men with greying hair (or totally bald men) (or men who wear suits and ties) (or men in leather jackets) (or whatever). Some are and some aren't. The answer is going to be different for each woman.
--
I can't imagine why women have been staring at you and following you... very strange. I would say, if it keeps happening, next time a women propositions you, tell her in a straightforward way that you're heterosexual and not interested. Then (assuming this is not one of those times when you feel threatened), say, "Do you mind if I ask you something? I keep being propositioned, and I don't know why. Is there something about how I look or dress or look that people may be misinterpreting?" .... and listen to the answer.
--
And in the meantime, if you think your hair color or length may be giving off signals you don't mean to be giving, why not change it and see? Use this as an opportunity to experiment with a new look. Dye your hair or curl it. Grow it long, if you've been wearing it short. And maybe try a change of wardrobe. I'm not saying you're "provoking" people, and I know it can be uncomfortable to get repeated unwanted advances from either sex. I just mean that experimenting with different looks may give you the feedback you need to sort out the situation.
Comment: #2
Posted by: sarah morrow
Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:59 PM
for some reason now it's supposed to be OK and cool to keep everyone else up and party on. Anyone who protests is a very horrible person. Please find out your laws and ordinances as requested, keep a log, get a noise meter etc... Another thing, do they rent or own? If they own, there's not a lot you can do unless you can get the police or neighborhood association involved. If they rent, contact the landlord. Good luck. Been there done that, luckily I was renting and I moved.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Laurie
Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:06 PM
for some reason now it's supposed to be OK and cool to keep everyone else up and party on. Anyone who protests is a very horrible person. Please find out your laws and ordinances as requested, keep a log, get a noise meter etc... Another thing, do they rent or own? If they own, there's not a lot you can do unless you can get the police or neighborhood association involved. If they rent, contact the landlord. Good luck. Been there done that, luckily I was renting and I moved.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Laurie
Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:06 PM
I lived in a house that had a bunch of drunken college students living next door. Constant loud parties until the wee hours was a daily occurrence, and I called the cops many times, to no avail. One day I had had enough, and took action. At 6 am, I grabbed a large metal mixing bowl and a wooden spoon, and walked back and forth between our two houses, banging on the bowl while singing the theme song from "Gilligan's Island" over and over, VERY loudly. After about 20 minutes of that, I was quiet for another 20 minutes, to let them get back to sleep. Then I fired up the loud gas lawn mower, and let it run for about half an hour between the two houses. Another 20 minutes of quiet, then "Gilligan's Island" again. They never had another party.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Barbara B.
Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:07 PM
* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *

LW3 refers to the first letter on 10 December 2012.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:48 PM
Re: LW1 – Your letter reminded me of the movie “Disclosure” wherein there was a discussion relating to “how a stereotype becomes a stereotype”. Like if I stated that “I dream of muscular, colored men with beautiful white smiles… and sighed with the unmentioned additional *bonus*”. Stereotype – what are your starting? LOL. I honestly can't see the bonus of going after heterosexual “senior” women with white hair. Seems like a fruitless endeavor…

I think that possibly there are a few people that are out to get a few laughs, freaking you out – but maybe not. Sure dye your hair to satisfy your curiosity – who knows? Maybe you will like that, too!

Re: LW2 – Curious to me that you do not mention the aggravation shared by your neighbours. Are you certain that you have not exaggerated the situation, just by a smidge? Children do get up early, they do cry, dogs do bark – that's life. The evening activities are something different. I do find it hard to believe that the police will not come to quiet the neighbourhood. “I have called the police repeatedly” might be the answer. They came by, found no disturbance; after several calls, your complaints have probably been flagged.

How about earplugs and soft tranquil sounds on a disc to get a good night's sleep? You must realize that your comfort level is not guaranteed to be another's. Try to mitigate your aggravation, as it seems that only you has the problem.

Re: LW3 – I still don't get this problem. Why is it that my children are not embarrassed by hubby's and my presence? Is it how they are raised? I don't know. I wore an eyepatch for six month's at the end of my son's elementary school year. All I heard was the concern from the kids (I just joked that I was a “pirate”). Walking with my daughter, she always holds my arm to steady me. What is it that makes a child embarrassed with their parents? I don't ever want to know..

Comment: #7
Posted by: Jenna
Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:52 AM
LW1 - Like sarah said, you're generalizing gay women. Being attracted to a type of person isn't a "fad" or the "latest trend." You're straight...have you ever acted that way? Doubtful. If someone is hitting on you, either way away or tell them you're straight. If you really wonder what it is, ask them. Tell them you've been getting hit on by women a lot and you're wondering what it is about you that is causing that.

LW2 - I agree with others here. If the police aren't helping, then ramp it up yourself. They have to sleep sometime, right? When they're quiet and asleep, blast your music, run your lawnmower, etc. If you have a buddy who has an old car with no muffler, ask him to bring it over and you two can "work" on it. Give them a taste of their own medicine.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Michelle
Sat Jun 29, 2013 3:06 AM
LW2 - One other suggestion to those already given by other posters: If you can't or won't talk to the neighbors themselves, you can check the tax records to see if the owners of the property next door are actually the ones living there. In most jurisdictions, the owner's name and address are listed in the tax records, and if the address is different from the property address, then the property is probably rented to the noisemakers. If that's the case, then find the phone number of the owners and call THEM in the middle of the night and complain that their tenants are throwing loud parties and making too much noise. After a few midnight calls, the landlord will more than likely take care of the problem.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Kitty
Sat Jun 29, 2013 4:28 AM
LW1--Um, I'm not sure who told you this so called rumor about lesbians being attracted to white haired old ladies, but I can assure you that it's an urban legend at best and an outright lie at worst. Moreover, you have nothing to fear from lesbians who might happen to flirt with you, as few and far between they may be. Unless they resemble John Goodwin and are carrying a pickax most lesbians are friendly, ordinary folk who lead the same sort of life you do. Stop pandering to stereotypes or conservative viewpoints that are highly skewed and instead rely on your common sense to alert you to potential dangers.

LW2--Why exactly are you fearful of your safety? Because your neighbors have the temerity to utilize their home and their yard to their full enjoyment? Look, I get that you're a loner who is reticent to any sort of change. What you should have done is introduced yourself to your new neighbors when they moved in and then maybe instead of glaring at you like you're Norman Bates, they would have included you in their fun outdoor parties. You cannot control the actions of others, only yourself. My advice is to either invest in a pair of noise canceling headphones or make nice nice with the neighbors.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Chris
Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:15 AM
Re: sarah morrow
Sarah, I agree that she may inadvertently be wearing her hair or dressing in a way that leads people to assume she is a lesbian. I once had a boss who wore her hair in a platinum blonde crewcut (easy amintenance and her husband liked it that way). She also never wore anything particularly feminine. Again, simple and comfortable. And, to cap it all off, she usually wore a black leather jacket and gloves. She traveled a lot for work and did tend to get approach fairly frequently. What always amazed me was that she was honestly puzzled as to why she would get hit on all the time, no matter where she was. She truly didn't understand why none of her staff (primarily female) had this issue.
Remember, looking and staring, no big deal. For all you know, they are just admiring your hair or wondering where you got that top. However following and "bold" comments are not acceptable, even if you have D*$@ tatooed on your forehead! I do wonder if she is inflating the issue a bit. And, I also wonder if she is mistaing the simple "wow, we are stuck here in this line, might as well make the best of it and chat with the people around me" for being approached. Anyway, I think your advice couldn't hurt to try. It isn't uncommon as we age (and I am included in that group) to go more and more for ease and comfort. It can be overdone. So try some minor changes. If you keep your hair very short, never wear makeup and always wear man-tailored clothing in neutrals; shake it up a bit. A bit of length or some highlights to your hair, the same shirt, but in pink, purple or teal, etc. Go for the dangly earrings you never had the nerve to wear. If you never had the nerve to go for the hippie look back in the day, go for the full skirts and peasant blouses now. Thoroughly enjoy yourself!
Comment: #11
Posted by: Mary Clark
Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:58 AM
Kitty, missed your Comment before I hit send. Yes! great advice. Ask one of the women who you think is hitting on you. You may find out what's going on, you may make a good friend. There is nothing to lose by trying this.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Mary Clark
Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:00 AM
LW1 –
Women much younger than you are hitting on you and letting you know they find you irresistible? Oh, poor you, how my heart is bleeding for your tragedy.

Colour your hair, for Pete's sake. Hair grows back if you don't like it. You make it sound like it's a life-altering decision, that it would have to be ever so carefully "considered". And you need to write in to an advice columnist for that?

And frankly, unless you're being stalked, this bit about you "fearing for your safety" is a tad over the top. Bit of a drama queen, aren't we, and perhaps even a shade homophobic – there is no reason why a gay woman trying her luck on a woman would be any more dangerous than a man doing the same. Not to mention that you're generalising - gay women have tastes *separately*, same as the rest of humanity. But then again, perhaps what you're doing here is bragging disguised as complaining. Wouldn't be the first time I see that.

LW2 -
Forget #1 of the Annies' suggestions. If you feel for your safety already, going over to loud, boisterous and drinking neighbours all by yourself is not a good idea. Not to mention that, providing the situation you describe is accurate and not exaggerated, I seriously doubt that people indulging in the kind of behaviour you describe will suddenly be pummelled with remorse and go, "Oh my gawd, we're SO sorry for disturbing you, dear, dear neighbour, lemme see if we can start going to bed at sundown and getting up at sunup every day from now on". What's much more probable is that they will yell at you to go f*ck yourself.

You may try the other suggestions from the Annies. Apart from that, your only options are to get air-conditioning, seal the windows and put on your own entertainment (that's what I do, living next door to the "crackpot house" as I do), or move.

LW3 -
"I can't think of anything more embarrassing for a 17-year-old boy than being seen swimming or shopping with his family. "
Can someone kindly explain to me why? I don't understand this. Frankly, I never felt that way, and I can't be the only one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

@Barbara B #5
You're lucky it worked. In some cases nowadays, that kind of payback can net you a harassment campaign, a beating or a bullet. You never know who you're dealing with these days, and malignant narcissism seems to be on the rise. Tempting as it may be to give them a taste of their own medicine, I wouldn't chance it.

@Jenna #7
"I do find it hard to believe that the police will not come to quiet the neighbourhood."
I don't. Especiallty in neighbourhoods where they have bigger fish to fry - tell me about it. This being stated, I though the same, and it is possible, as I suggested myself.

Comment: #13
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:50 AM
Re: Kitty #9
I assume there are places where this is possible, but not in Montreal. At least not from public records, where you'll find the name and living address of the owner of a house, but not his phone number. If he's unlisted, you're screwed. Been there, tried that. ;-D

Comment: #14
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:56 AM
LW2: The Annies' suggestion of kindly talking to them is nonsense. You might have had a chance to do this before you called the police on them. But now that you've called the police, they are probably trying to make your life miserable ... and succeeding. Calling the cops should be the very last option ... because once you've done that, you've made enemies.

As others have said ... trying blocking out the noise, by closing off your house ... or move.

Comment: #15
Posted by: Dave Galino
Sat Jun 29, 2013 7:05 AM
There is a man 2 houses away from me who blasts music in his yard all day and up into the night. Phone calls from multiple neighbors produced no results; the police attitude was "we have better things to do than check on noise; how about a shooting." Some of those shootings probably occurred because of excess noise. My wonderful neighbor across the street who is still further removed from this noise provided the best deterrent. After a very late Saturday night party, my wonderful neighbor turned on his karaoke machine around 7 a.m. on Sunday morning, pointed it out his 2nd floor window in the direction of the noisy neighbor's house, and sang in off-key Cambodian for about 1/2 an hour. He only had to do that about 3 times to put an end to the loud partying.
Comment: #16
Posted by: graham072442
Sat Jun 29, 2013 7:43 AM
Guess I'm going against the grain in saying that my mom is a silver haired older lady and she has to beat the lesbians off with a stick. I can assure you that she does not have a "lesbian" appearance, but she is a very natural lady and from my experience, women who dig on women really like that. I think women are more tuned into how much work it took to look the way you look (than men are). Women who can walk around without makeup (and hair dye!) and still look good are more likely to get attention from other women than women who present themselves 'a la Kardashian'.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Eliza167
Sat Jun 29, 2013 7:47 AM
Re: sarah stravinska

I did this with some neighbors who played what i call coochie frito music all the time and very loud. On Saturday morning I got out my ghetto blaster and cranked up the morning Opera Show on our local classical station. Opera as weapon! What a concept! It worked. I don't want to be forced to listen to their music and I'm sure they don't want to listen to opera.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Linda Dorfmont
Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:29 AM
Eliza, maybe your mother wrote the letter :)
Comment: #19
Posted by: sarah morrow
Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:41 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette #14
I didn't say his phone # was listed in the public records, but the address is. With the person's name and addres, you can get anyone's phone number (even unlisted ones and cell phone numbers) on the Internet.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Kitty
Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:55 AM
LW1: Dye your hair immediately. You don't want to become yet another statistic in rampant attacks on white-haired women by lesbians. Everyone knows lesbians are never attracted to women with any color in their hair.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Steve C
Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:58 AM
sarah morrow, lol. Nah, the ladies that dig my mom are all around her age and it's not a recent "problem". I was recently hit on by a woman old enough to be my mother and she was VERY direct. I can understand the letter writer being a bit nervous about her safety, although I would think living in Gary, Indiana would be more scary. Go figure.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Eliza167
Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:20 AM
Re: Lise Brouillette--

>>"I can't think of anything more embarrassing for a 17-year-old boy than being seen swimming or shopping with his family. "
Can someone kindly explain to me why? I don't understand this. Frankly, I never felt that way, and I can't be the only one. <<

LOL. We'd be driving along in my car, and I'd be singing along to the radio. "Mom! You're embarrassing me."

We were the only ones in the car. Anyway, I always told him that was my job.

When we registered for school, he made me walk a few paces behind. At least until it came time to pay for his parking space. Then I was allowed to enter his space.

They grow out of it. Now, he calls me several times a week, just to talk, and he swears he's going to figure out a way to buy some land and build a house for me and his dad so we can all live close together. I've told him I grew up in the country and I'm not going back.

Comment: #23
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Sat Jun 29, 2013 10:34 AM
LW2: It's situations such as this that leave me at a loss for words, particularly some of the responses.

So let me give you my take on how I think i is with the LW, who says he's disabled and lives alone -- and it's piggybacking off one certain earlier response:

It could be he IS a loner, and prefers it that way. He's never had many close friends, he probably works long shifts (more than eight hours) and, in addition to his disability, has a number of other health problems. He probably never has slept well or is one of those who, after awakening, frequently has trouble falling back to sleep, and that (among other things) noise makes it that much more difficult for him to try to fall back to sleep. He's fairly tired all day the next day, he comes home and goes to bed relatively early ... only for the neighbors to be partying and making loud noise. He might just even be one of those who needs complete silence to fall to sleep and stay asleep. And then the cycle repeats ... .

As far as the "what you should have done is introduce yourself earlier" thing, while I agree it's always a good idea and that it can't hurt anything, there is no law that suggests they MUST. It could be that, even if he had, he isn't really that interested in socializing. His possibly being a loner, he may well prefer it that way and has little use for anyone ... in his world, people simply work, go home and try to enjoy some quiet time, possibly engage in a hobby, eat and sleep, and rarely if ever do they go out.

So let me say that some of you need to show a little bit of compassion for the poor guy. Unless you know the LW for sure, please don't judge him or claim he's one of those "the world revolves around me" folk. And I'll take him at his word and suggest he's NOT exaggerating. Even though the neighbors are in the next yard (which legally, they have a right to enjoy as they see fit) and such "white noise" steps as running a fan might to some of the rest of us mute or at least largely muffle the noise ... to him, it is as though they are partying in his bedroom, right up against his ear.

That all said, in all likelihood, I WILL agree with Lise that directly asking the neighbors to keep the noise down may not be a good idea at all. If indeed he is fearful for his safety (justified by their glaring at him when he walks into his house; who knows, they may do it to others), he may be met by a relatively large, muscle-mountain of a man who doesn't take too kindly to even the most even-tempered, meek, non-threatening and non-confronational suggestion to "keep it down." The man may wield a bat and swing for the head, or tote a shotgun and shoot even as the LW is running scared for his life and it is clear he is leaving.

The other suggestions -- particularly the one about the noise ordinances after certain hours of the day and the neighborhood association one -- is far better. The reason the other neighbors may not have spoken up, aside from them "not being disturbed" (surely possible) is that they, too, may be intimidated by the new neighbors. Several banding together might send a message that these folk need to be more respectful.

Otherwise, the only solution may well be to move.

And BTW -- I'm against earplug-type devices, and not just because they are uncomfortable. It may just cancel out a noise he may indeed need to hear: the smoke alarm or a loud bang on the door telling him he needs to get out because the house is on fire, or the tornado siren because a large twister is coming.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:39 PM
@Lise, you were a 17-year-old boy??

I learn something new every day!
Comment: #25
Posted by: Mike H
Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:41 PM
Re: Lise Brouillette (#13)

Regarding your response to LW3 -- time to dig into my "hot girl" bag o'tricks again.

Along with a few of the other suggestions and what else the LW stated (it IS always a good idea to include the children in planning), it may well be that the 17-year-old simply feels his parents are getting in the way -- hampering, if you will -- his ability to get a good-looking chick at the pool and that his father (and any brothers, if the original 17-year-old had any) act as sort of a "cock-block," even if the only thing the guy wants to do is simply talk to the prettiest girl at the pool.

The thing is, he's expected to socialize with members of his own family instead of be girl-watching, pick out the one that both turns him on the most and doesn't have another guy with her, walk up to her and begin the conversation and be allowed to spend as much time with her while the pool is open for the day ... rather than be on his parents' time or have the dad/older brothers give him the stern look when he so much as is talking to the girl and sitting right next to her. (That is, the parents have the only transportation and "you come and go as we come and go.")

I remember I had a few other responses with the original discussion on this topic, but don't have time to look as I type this, so I'll save my comments on that.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:55 PM
Re: Mike H (#25)

Exactly what *I* was thinking!

Look, with my response in #26, I can only give my perspective. I was once there -- and yes, when I was about the 17-year-old boy's age (actually, I was 18, but still, close enough) I did feel that the presence of my brother at the pool while I was there did hamper my ability to approach and engage in conversation with the girls ... that he was there not necessarily for his own enjoyment or his own desire to pick up a girl – he wasn't too much into girls at age 16, and as I recall wasn't that over-enthusiastically much into "swimming"-related fun – but simply to "keep an eye on" me. (Even if I would have been on my best behavior without him there.)

So – at least this time around – that could well be what is fueling the "embarrassment" of the 17-year-old in LW3. He might just feel that his parents are "keeping an eye on him" rather than trusting him to be on his best behavior and allowing him to interact with members of the opposite sex, even if in a family vacation-type setting.

BTW – It isn't necessarily *the* reason why he's embarrassed. I'm just saying it could be one of any one of a number of different things. It could be, for all I know, his having to use manners and dress in a way he's not comfortable doing, or when the parents run into old friends and he's expected to also say hi and answer their questions, they bring up things that he feels are embarrassing.
Comment: #27
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:19 PM
Re: Mike H
No, I was a 17 year old GIRL, and I was not aware that the difference of gender made me a different species. And I like to learn something new every day too, which is why I was asking for answers from those who may have them, because I sure don't. My daughter never did this to me either, btw, and I don't recall either of my brothers doing it either. And THEY were once 17 year-old boys, I think...

Comment: #28
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:48 PM
Re: Lise Brouillette (#28)

Yeah, you might be the same species, but YOU ARE a different gender. The reason your daughter never did it to you is because she's a girl, and that's the best answer I can give from her end because the last time I checked, I was never a girl.

I can't speak for your brothers, except I'm guessing it was a different era, them probably (and this is just a guess) growing up in the early- to mid-1960s (prior to the sexual revolution late in the decade) vs. the late 1980s for me. Different era. So I'd be interested in THEIR perspective, because I can't speak for them.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Jun 29, 2013 2:10 PM
LW1:
My insight? Stay out of Miller Beach. Perhaps a move to South Bend would be advisable; most of the young lesbians there are likely firmly in the closet.

I'm not sure which of my first impressions of the LW are worse -- fearing for your safety because a lesbian is flirting with you seems a little bit of an overreaction, with shades of homophobia. But there's a part of me that wonders if she's so afraid of those lesbians because they happen to be of a certain colour (and, given Gary's racial demographics, that's a high probability).

As someone who unfortunately lives only about 100 miles from Gary, neither one of those would surprise me. There's a reason they call Indiana 'the South's middle finger to the North'.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Miz
Sat Jun 29, 2013 3:53 PM
Now a confirmed sighting of the rampant gangs of lesbians terrorizing little old white haired ladies in Gary Indiana. Holy Cow! The last time I saw an old white haired lesbian? Hummmm. Can't ever remember. I'm sure they are out there but most likely not out of the closet. LW1 heard rumors? This is what probably put the thought in her head. I'm thinking she has really good looking hair and woman comment on it. Not to the extent of hitting on her- but after hearing the 'rumor', My Heavens they Must be after my body too. If it weren't so stupid it would be funny. Wait...it is funny.
Bobaloo, you're going off the deep end again.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Penny
Sat Jun 29, 2013 4:32 PM
Re: Bobaloo
Frankly, I'd be interested in the perspective of the ones who indulged in this embarassment, and from parent of such who managed to figure it out, both male and female, since I HAVE seen both males and females do this... I didn't do it, my daugther didn't do it, my brothers didn't do it, but I have teens do it in families I know. This has nothing to do with gender.

And this behaviour has been a staple for gags in commercial ads and comics strip for as long as I've been reading them, so it has nothing to do with a specific era either.

Comment: #32
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:17 PM
From The Girls Next Door: Into the Heart Of Lesbian America by Lindsy Van Gelder and Pamela Robin Brandt:
***
"We're sure that there must be lesbians who don't find older women sexy, but we haven't met them. That may be one reason why aging just isn't the trauma for lesbians that it is for so many straight women. If anything, there are lots of women like [Gay Games weightlifter and Mount Holyoke professor] Jean [Grossholtz], who are up for new experiences because they long ago stopped caring about doing what was "appropriate." The paradox is that because we live in a subculture that lets us age gracefully, we get to remain big kids for a long time."
***
So if these authors are to be believed, the LW isn't imagining things.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Nowhereman
Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:47 PM
Re: Penny (#31)

Hate to start an argument, particularly on a Saturday night, but what praytell did I say that's making me go off the "deep end" again? All I know is that I've not commented on LW1 today, which you comment on immediately before you speak to me.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:25 PM
Gross. I believe in live and let live, but I wish people would keep their sexual perversions to themselves.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Dorothy P
Sat Jun 29, 2013 6:37 PM
@Lise, maybe this is one of those things where gender differences are important. But being overly mothered (as the original LW could very well be doing to her son) was definitely grounds for embarrassment.

Plus, I don't remember many of my high school friends, during our high school years, wanting to spend tons of time around our parents.

Maybe its the push-pull of a 17-year-old right on the cusp of adulthood and independence, and parents who are too-eager to treat their teen like a child because they aren't ready to let go.

But this isn't the least bit surprising to me -- in fact, it seems such a common teenage experience that I'm surprised at your surprise. Hence the little joke.
Comment: #36
Posted by: Mike H
Sun Jun 30, 2013 2:44 AM
LW1 .. At the company where I used to work there were several older women with severe short or spiky platinum cuts. They also had not too friendly dispositions, sort of a "Don't mess with me" attitude. They looked so butch but were straight. Don't know if any female ever made a pass at them but I think not.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Cheryl Maxine
Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:47 AM
With the decisions regarding DOMA and Prop 8 the ever popular Gay Agenda has been updated and I just got my new copy.
It clearly states in Article 6, Exhibit C, paragraph 4.A.b.7 -
"All lesbians (note: ALL not some) are required not less than one time per week and not to exceed 3 times per week, to actively seduce, approach, "hit on" and/or otherwise express affection or physical attraction to or, for elderly, white haired women even if the aforementioned elderly, white haired woman is not known to drive a Subaru and/or wear and/or own one or more pairs of sensible shoes. Elderly women with any hair color other than white are off limits until further notice.
It's also interesting to note that Article 6, Exhibit C, paragraph 4.A.b.7-d further clarifies that if said elderly, white hared woman (women) is (are) seduced this does not count towards earning the free Recruitment Pints Toaster Oven. (no further explanation about the toaster oven is given).

So, LW may be on to something. I had no idea. Not being a lesbian I just never paid attention to the lesbian sections.
Comment: #38
Posted by: Rick
Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:51 AM
Re: Rick #38- that should read "Recruitment Points..." not "Pints". Pints are earned in some British countries but they have their own Gay Agendas and I'm not getting into that.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Rick
Sun Jun 30, 2013 7:54 AM
LW1: LMAO Wow - you are quite the nutter. Fear not, crazy lady, the lesbians are not out to get you and your white hair.

LW2: You fear for your safety? You should considering you're trying to get the police to harass them on your behalf. Ignore them and develop a life of your own.

LW3: If a 17 year old boy feels embarrassed to be seen with his own family then he's an idiot and so are his parents for breeding. Cool is a state of being not an appearance judged by strangers. Teaching our children to allow others to assign their value is stupid. Teaching our children to care more what others think then what they think is stupid. If you want to promote low self-esteem to validate your stupid choices then don't breed.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Diana
Sun Jun 30, 2013 12:17 PM
OK, folks, I did go back and check my posts on the original discussion on the LW3 topic from waaaaaaaayyyyyyy back in December, and basically I had gotten a lot of grief because the teen in the original LW didn't want to come along in the first crazy place and had his mind on being home alone, partying and doing things that he most certainly wouldn't be allowed to do if the folks were home.

I don't remember if it was this particular discussion or letter, or another one, but there was also a comment I had made once about how sometimes teens don't necessarily want to go to the fine dining establishments, wear "good" clothes they're uncomfortable with wearing in the first place, having to demonstrate manners they don't necessarily have any use for (that would be expected at a fine dining establishment) and so forth, all while having their mind elsewhere. I also had suggested (and I think it was this one) that he possibly had limited to no input on what the family has planned. That was, the parents had the vacation planned out and then announce to the kids, "Here's what we're going to do, and if you don't like it, too bad."
Comment: #41
Posted by: Bobaloo
Sun Jun 30, 2013 1:37 PM
Nothing cuts through your neighbor's music and conversation like bagpipes. I recommend a CD of pipe & drum marches by any of the military bagpipe bands. Speakers in a window pointed out at the offenders, and they'll be gone in minutes.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Nik
Sun Jun 30, 2013 5:07 PM
Re: Mike H
Well, while no one can expect teenagers to actually *want* to spend a lot of time with their parents, there is a happy middle between that and an automatic "eeeewww" at the very idea of being seen with them.

And it is not so much that I am surprised (the eeeewww factor is well documented in commercial ads and comic strips), it's that I'm puzzled.

@NIk
Hey la, I LOVE bagpipes. Youy can play them as loud as you want, be sure to include some sword dance music. (Not everyone's cuppa tea, I do admit...) ;-D

Comment: #43
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Jun 30, 2013 6:43 PM
@Lise, well, maybe it's the common phenomenon of parents being likely to say the wrong thing when a teen is in front of their friends? Like bringing up the embarrassing baby story or shaming their teen's cleanliness. Plenty of parents seem to either be oblivious to the effects of what they say when their teen's peers are nearby, or actively take delight in it.

So I'd guess that's a large part of it, anyway. Certainly my own parents were both immensely embarrassing -- my mom inadvertently, my dad deliberately and sometimes gleefully so...
Comment: #44
Posted by: Mike H
Tue Jul 2, 2013 3:11 PM
Re: Mike H
That would take for granted that it's always the parents' fault. So I still don't have an answer to my question, because I don't think that necessarily the case, nor that all teenagers are embarassed by their parents just because.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Jul 3, 2013 10:31 AM
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