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Nine Months In and Under Wraps
Dear Annie: I've been a widow for 15 years. I moved to another state to be with my kids and met "Jerry." We've been dating for nine months.
Jerry has been divorced for two years and has two adult children. His ex-wife was his childhood sweetheart and the only woman he'd ever been with. The problem is, I have never been to Jerry's house. He says his niece and youngest child live with him, and he hasn't told the family about me. When I asked why, he said, "Then everyone will know it's over between my ex and me."
I think Jerry's mother sustains the hope that he will get back together with his ex, and I'm pretty sure his ex would like that, too. I gave Jerry a deadline of three months to make our relationship public. He swears he's not still married, and he gave me a ring for Valentine's Day. He spends the night at my house every week. I just want to know what you think. — Not Yet Official
Dear Not Yet: Either Jerry is still hung up on his ex-wife, or he's too afraid of his mother to date anyone else. If he were truly ready to move forward, seeing you publicly would not be an issue after nine months. Your deadline makes sense, but you must be ready to end the relationship if Jerry doesn't come through. That would mean he isn't likely to ever be "ready." Sorry.
Dear Annie: I'm planning my wedding and asked my best friend, "Kayla," to be my maid of honor. I love her like a sister. Right after college, Kayla made a mistake and got pregnant after a one-night stand with some guy she met at a bar. Her daughter, "Jessie," is now 4 years old, a wonderful child and my goddaughter. I want her as my flower girl.
My mother liked Kayla until Jessie was born and she realized the child is biracial. My mother hit the roof when she found out Kayla and Jessie are in the wedding party. She claims they are "tainted." I am astounded and furious with my mother. Her side of the family is extremely racist, and I have little to do with them. My mother always downplayed their behavior as "old fashioned," but now that she's older, she's become just like them. Believe me, it's not early-onset dementia or anything like that. She's simply turning into her parents.
My fiance and I are footing the entire bill for this wedding, so we are not beholden to anyone. I'm shocked and embarrassed that my mother has become someone I can't stand to be around. She told my father and brothers that she won't come to the wedding if Kayla and Jessie are there, and frankly, I'm relieved — and that bothers me. My father is appalled by her behavior, as are my brothers. What do I do now? — Bigot's Daughter
Dear Daughter: A parent's preferences should be taken into consideration when they are reasonable, but your mother's are not. You can calmly discuss with her why her demands are abhorrent to you and that you hope she will reflect more rationally on the racist opinions she holds. But you cannot change her. You can only decide how much you can tolerate. Please do not give in to her blackmail.
Dear Annie: You had a letter from "Suggestions Appreciated," who wanted to know what to do about guests who track snow into her house. You said it was OK to ask them to remove their shoes, especially if she provides comfy little slippers.
I have one more suggestion: Let people know beforehand that they will need to take off their shoes. I have a lift in one shoe and cannot go without them. I have a special pair of shoes that I can bring along to wear inside the house if I know in advance that I will need them. — Frank
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM 
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Comments
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56 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1 - the person who isn't over Jerry's marriage is Jerry. Everyone should have known it was over between him & his ex when they got divorced, but Jerry is the one who isn't comfortable facing that it's over. Your timetable is more than reasonable, but I think a few questions might be in order for Jerry, like what would happen if everyone knew his marriage was over? Who would be unhappy or most unhappy about that? How would Jerry feel if everyone knew his marriage was over? He needs to accept that his marriage is over before he moves on. Everyone else will fall in line, and if he is holding back because he's afraid of hurting his mom, then you need to get out of this now because 3 months won't help that situation.
LW2 - I think it's time for a sit down with mom and tell her just what you wrote here. Also tell her that Kayla & Jessie are in the wedding, and you are very sad that she is picking racism over attending your wedding. Good luck to you.
Comment: #1
Posted by: kai archie
Thu Apr 4, 2013 9:49 PM
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LW2:
I am so sorry for you. Your mother sure put you in a bad situation, but your letter reads like something from the 1950's. Your friend might have made a mistake getting sexual under the circumstances she did, and not because the man was of a different race. But she carried the baby to term, apparently loves her and keeps her well, and you love them both as well.
I think I would be tempted to give racist Mom a chance to wear a white hood to the wedding, not be invited at all, or force her to put a smile on her racist face and make the best of it if she wants any future relationship with me and my potential children.
People, it is way past the time to make racial judgements and ruin your own daughter's wedding because she has a friend who did the right thing in the face of difficult circumstances. I bet your Mom is a big-time Christian, also.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Carly O
Thu Apr 4, 2013 9:54 PM
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I want to clarify my last sentence in the above comment before I offend Christian people. I should have said that, "I bet your Mom fancies herself as a big-time Christian."
True Christians won't see color or class or status. Even agnostics like myself can support Christian morals, but clearly the mother of this bride does not embrace true Christianity. She is just a judgemental bitch.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Carly O
Thu Apr 4, 2013 10:21 PM
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* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *
LW3 refers to the second letter on 23 February 2013.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Miss Pasko
Thu Apr 4, 2013 10:49 PM
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LW1: You are old enough and experienced enough to see this relationship for what it is, and I can't believe you've tolerated it as long as you have. Stick to your deadline. Jerry may be a decent guy in other ways, but it's obvious he's not ready for an adult relationship.
LW2: Good advice from the Annies. If you want to give her a chance, tell her that she's still welcome to come to your wedding but that you will not tolerate any disrespectful comments or behavior. Ask one of your brothers or your father to be the designated bouncer who will escort her out if she can't keep her "old fashioned" ideas to herself.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Baldrz
Thu Apr 4, 2013 11:12 PM
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I have to share this. My 5 year old niece encountered her first African/American at the check-out. She asked the woman, "Why is your face black?" The woman answered, "That's the way God made me".
My little niece said, "You mean God makes people all different colors...like flowers?"
Comment: #6
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Thu Apr 4, 2013 11:12 PM
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Re: sarah stravinska
That's cute, beautiful, and wonderful the way your little niece thought and espressed her thoughts. Too bad we can't ALL think that way.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Kitty
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:47 AM
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LW1 - Jerry is either still married or so hung up on his ex that he might as well be. It's time for the LW to move on. Jerry is too tied to the ex to ever be fully committed to the LW or anyone else. If he's still that connected to her after two years, then I don't see much hope for a relationship with anyone else.
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LW2 - LW2's mother is a racist and nothing is going to change her at this point in her life. The LW is better off if her mother doesn't attend the wedding, but if she truly wants her there, then she should do as Baldrz suggested and tell her in no uncertain terms that the LW will not tolerate any racist behavior or comments, and that under no circumstances will she change her plans and remove Kayla and Jessie from the wedding party. Then she should follow through and have her mother escorted out if she misbehaves.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Kitty
Fri Apr 5, 2013 2:24 AM
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LW1: Your deadline was a good idea. Jerry is either hiding something from you, or he is really having difficulty moving on. Giving him a deadline will make him realize that the status quo (your "secret" affair) cannot go on forever. But you *must* be prepared for news you don't want to hear, and you *must* be ready to move on if he cannot take your relationship public.
LW2: Stick to your guns. Just because we are related to some people by blood does not make them good people or good influences on our lives. Let her know that you'd like her to be at your wedding IF she can keep her terribly wrong racist views to herself and behave with complete respect towards your friend and her child; or she can sit at home and stew in her bigotry while everyone else enjoys a fabulous time.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Apr 5, 2013 3:37 AM
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LW1 - I agree with kai...Jerry is the one who isn't over his marriage. Introducing you to his family would mean HE would have to admit that it's all over. You said you think his ex would want to get back with him. If that were the case, then they would be back together. I think he's feeding you lines of garbage when he mentions his mother and his ex wanting him back. Who initiated the divorce? I bet it was his ex.
Be prepared to break up with him in 3 months because I don't think he's going to introduce you to his family. And if he does, he will likely introduce you as "my friend" or will tell his family when you're not around that you two are "just friends." Sounds to me like he has you for companionship and sex until - in his mind - his ex returns to him.
LW2 - I hate racism, too. I hope your mother keeps her promise and stays away. The last thing you need on your wedding day is your mother making rude, racist comments to your friend and daughter. I'm glad to see that your father and brothers aren't small minded jerks like her.
My grandmother is a huge racist, too. I have a cousin on my father's side (grandma is my Mom's mother) who has 2 bi-racial kids. When my brother was getting married years ago, my grandmother asked my mother who was going to be there from my father's side. My mother said, "His whole family," and my grandmother said, "Including (name) and her black kids?" My mother went off on her and told her never to say that again if she even looked at them the wrong way at the wedding then she would be escorted out and not allowed back in. My grandmother did behave herself that day.
Comment: #10
Posted by: Michelle
Fri Apr 5, 2013 4:09 AM
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LW1: if you want to find out if Jerry is truly divorced, you can get on your County's Clerk Of Court website search engine, insert his name, and it should bring up the divorce if it really happened. That said, if he's divorced and still hides your relationship with him, you should kick him to the curb, because he has no respect for you or your feelings. If he's married, well, there you go - no brainer -kick him to the curb.
Comment: #11
Posted by: j
Fri Apr 5, 2013 5:44 AM
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LW2: I'm not sure quite what to say, honestly. It just sounds like your mother is a racist and won't associate with Kayla, someone she's known for many years.
I guess short of holding a gun to her head and making her come – and frankly, that wouldn't be a bad idea – the best thing may just be to tell her to stay the hell away. It'd be her loss. I hope your father and brothers are more accepting.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri Apr 5, 2013 5:45 AM
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Re: sarah stravinska I love that! We could learn so much from children. Your share just made my day! Hope you don't mind if I share it too.
Comment: #13
Posted by: jajjaaj
Fri Apr 5, 2013 6:25 AM
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Thank you for your clarification, Carly. You are correct. A true Christian does not discriminate based on skin color, but understands that all people are descended from Noah and his three sons. Which makes us all members of the same race...the human race.
Unfortunately, I agree with the LW that Mom has simply picked up the habits of her relatives as she's gotten older. That doesn't mean that she should be allowed to get away with discriminating against this little girl. The LW should continue with her flower girl plans.
As for LW #1, I agree with those who believe it's Jerry who has the problem. Either he's still seeing his ex on the side and doesn't want her to know about it or he fancies himself getting back together with her. The family may fantasize about that, too, but it's Jerry's call.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Wordsworth
Fri Apr 5, 2013 6:37 AM
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@sarah stravinska: What a sweet story :) Thanks for the smile. Reminds me of Mean Girls: "Omg, Karen. You can't just ask someone why they're white!"
Comment: #15
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 6:59 AM
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LW1 -
"Then everyone will know it's over between my ex and me."
And evidently, it isn't. Either Jerry is still in love with his wife, or he's still married to his wife. Either way, there is no room for you in there, and chances are he'll be telling you the same thing in nine years. Just as it's likely not his wife who hopes to get back with him, but him who keeps hoping that she'll return to him, and you are just a sexual diversion in the meantime. What the Annies said.
You have to be prepared to make good on your ultimatum, because he won't introduce you to his family. And even if he does (in an attempt to retain you), mark my words, it will only be as "a very good friend", and you won't be spending any time at his place. Whether it is legally or emotionally, this man is still married. If you weaken and stupidly buckle under because you're in love, be prepared to be "the other woman" for the rest of your life. I wouldn't even wait three months. I would move on NOW if I were you - the longer you wait, the more attached you will grow and the more painful it will be. I'm sorry.
LW2 -
You are paying for this wedding, so you have no permissions to ask and the list of invites is strictly your property. So your mother's demands and assorted tantrums are not only unreasonable and undefendable, they're out of line. She refuses to go to the wedding if Kayla and Jessie are there? Good riddance. I hope your father and brothers are appalled enough not to follow suit just to be solidary with her. Because I can assure you she'll start working on THEM when she realises she can't control you.
It is normal that your relief is bothering you some, because even though your mother has become someone you can't stand as a person, she it still your mother and you still love your mother. What do you do? You proceed with your wedding as planned and let the chips fall where they may. Whoever attends or not is acting on their volition, which is not something you can control. Do NOT give in to this blackmail. Otherwise, you can prepare yourself to a life run by your mother and her tainted views.
Comment: #16
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:03 AM
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Re: Wordsworth
"Mom has simply picked up the habits of her relatives as she's gotten older."
Yes, she picked up her family's views as a bad habit. I think there were pretty much always latent. But people who are old enough to think for themselves and therefore sort the grain from the chaff are responsible for their way of thinking, no matter where they picked it up. Not arguing, just adding to what you said.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:08 AM
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@LW2: I love that this girl (or woman I suppose) put on her big girl pants and stood up for herself. I absolutely love that she and her fiancé are paying for their own wedding and if mom doesn't want to come, oh well. I do feel sorry for her. I think her question of “What do I do now?” isn't about the wedding, it's about life after the wedding. How can she be around someone with such ugly values? I'm sure Mom's decision is going to have lasting effects on their relationship. She's probably never going to look at her the same. I don't know what to suggest to her of how to move on.
@LW1: Another smart LW, if she follows through with her ultimatum. If he's not still married (which I doubt) he's definitely still hung up on his ex. She needs to be with someone who can give her his entire heart, not just a little slice. I hope she follows through and dumps him.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:15 AM
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It's like a love fest here at the BTL! Everyone pretty much agrees, that LW1 needs to prepare herself for the worst and be ready to move on and that LW2 needs to stick to her guns. Me, too! So, I'm just typing in to say "hello!"
And, like others, I love what sarah stravinska's niece said. I am going to remember that should either of my children ever ask, "Mommy, why is that person black?" -- because God made people in all different colors, just like the flowers. That is seriously beautiful. Out of the mouths of babes...
Comment: #19
Posted by: Lisa
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:25 AM
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I would have loved to see the woman's expression at the niece's words.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Paul W
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:58 AM
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LW1 - If the divorce has already gone through and he spends the occasional night at your house, I think it is safe to assume that everyone in his family knows the marriage is over. Since he has his youngest daughter living with him in his house along with a niece, you can be sure it has been commented upon when he doesn't come home for the night.I wonder what would change in the relationship if you stopped letting him stay over until he mans up about your status in his life?
I am also pretty curious about whether it was Jerry or Jerry's wife who asked for the divorce though and what the reasons were for the divorce. That information might tell you a lot more about why he is acting this way.
Comment: #21
Posted by: JET
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:23 AM
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Re: Carly O
You said, "I bet your Mom is a big-time Christian, also." So, if LW1 had complained about her mother being cheap, would you have said, "I bet your Mom is Jewish"? Or if she had said Mom is a terrible driver, would you have said, "I bet your mom is Asian"? Or if the Mom wore plaid and had a short haircut, would you have said, "I bet your mom is a big-time lesbian"?
By tarring all Christians (including evangelicals, Catholics, Episcopalians, Unitarians, etc) with the same brush, you're being every bit as prejudiced as LW1's mother is. Your bigotry is ugly and has no place here. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for making that disgusting comment.
Comment: #22
Posted by: Soozan
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:25 AM
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Way to jinx it, Lisa!!!! >:-0
Comment: #23
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:38 AM
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Dear Daughter of a Bigot: In all honesty, I think "Annie" is a little off on her advice. I wouldn't necessarily confront your mother with her bigotry, but I would let her know that you and the rest of the family disagree with her position. Then let her know, lovingly, that she is welcome at the wedding, but if she feels she cannot attend, she will be missed. Then leave it at that and ignore her outbursts. She is doing this for attention after all. She may decide to attend after all. And this presents an opportunity for you to begin your own adult life.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Sussay
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:04 AM
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"Mom, quite frankly I am relieved that you're not coming to my wedding because your racist behavior and judgmental stance would make all the people that I love, and love me and my fiance, uncomfortable. Don't worry, I won't send you any pictures that might upset you either. " Then, back it up with someone charged with escorting her from the venue if she arrives and starts to spew.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Blenie
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:13 AM
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Re: Soozan
If someone was wearing plaid all the time, I would wonder if they're Highlanders, not if they're gay. But I guess we go by our own nature and that's just Celtic me, heh?
You're the one who's spitting a number of ugly prejudices here. Evidently you think things have been too nice here of late, and you're trying to stir up shit. Not gonna work. I'm giving you the Heinous Heinie Wiggle Dance, which I learned from Bitey Fish. WIGGLE-WIGGLE!
Comment: #26
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:15 AM
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Carly O: Great Save! (#4) after giving up a juicy rebound (#3). Well played.
Comment: #27
Posted by: JustWinBaby
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:15 AM
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@Casey -- seriously, I should have known better!
@Soozan -- I don't speak for Carly O, but I interpreted her comments to mean that people frequently twist religion, religious teachings and religious texts to back their bigotry. I would say Carly's mistake was in restricting it to Christianity. I have known bigots from nearly every major religion, and the vast majority of them will cite religious teachings and texts to back their bigotry. Since the origin of this column (and, I believe, this website) is the U.S., most of the people at the BTL (but not all!) are Americans, and the majority of the U.S. is made up of people who identify as some sort of Christian, it is natural to pick Christianity as the example, as opposed to, say, Hinduism. Of course, there are atheist bigots out there, as well, but I have to say, most of the racists I have come across wrap themselves in the cloak of some sort of religion, and because I live in the U.S., that cloak is usually the cloak of Christianity.
To my religious friends out there, lest there be any doubt, I know PLENTY of people are good, decent people who are religious.
Comment: #28
Posted by: Lisa
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:36 AM
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Re: Casey
I don't think it's really jinxed Casey - just consider the source :)
Comment: #29
Posted by: Kitty
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:37 AM
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LW1, Since you have never met his mom or his ex, I'm pretty sure all of your information on this is coming from good ole Jer. I'm also pretty sure if he is keeping you away from his family there is a reason that he is NOT telling you, just as he is not telling them about you. Too much 'not telling' for me, hopefully for you too. You really know nothing about this man- only what he IS telling you. Does he have any friends? Have you met them? Please be honest with yourself, (he certainly isn't) cut your losses today. If you ever did meet any family or friends it will probably be a wake up call. If he doesn't take you out in public - be very careful. Has he ever asked to 'borrow' money? These things are all indications that this man 'could be a scammer. Check around to see if anything he told you is true. A niece and child live with him? Are you sure of this? Just curious if you are 'comfortable' financially? My advice would be to get out NOW. You really know nothing about this man. People are quite good at parting from both you and your money. It does happen everyday.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Penny
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:50 AM
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I get really annoyed when I hear someone say they would never do something mean because they're a Christian. To me that implies that non-Christians (Jews, HIndus etc) would do the bad behavior. They should say they don't act a certain way because they are religious. Just sayin...
Comment: #31
Posted by: Paige English
Fri Apr 5, 2013 10:05 AM
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@Kitty, especially when Carly O explained herself in her very next comment, it's clear there was no jinx, just someone trying to "stir the pot". I think everyone understood what Carly was trying to say between her two comments.
@Paige English, agreed, I've seen some terrible Christians and some compassionate, kind atheists in my days. No religion has cornered the market on good behavior; or on bad behavior!
Comment: #32
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Apr 5, 2013 10:19 AM
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Re: Mike H
Yes, she did -- but of course that wouldn't have made the "point" that was attempting to be made (very badly, too, in this instance).
Comment: #33
Posted by: Kitty
Fri Apr 5, 2013 11:01 AM
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Re: Carly O--I'm a Christian and an ordained elder in a mainline church, and I agree with you.
The ugly comments coming from some people who call themselves Christians these days is appalling to me, and I'm not talking about what goes on BTL here.
This week, I saw a FB picture that was making fun of Gabby Giffords' speech because of her brain damage. It made me angry, and when I saw so many people who claimed to be Christians "liking" it, it made me want to cry. (None of my friends were mutual friends with the person who posted it. If they had been, they'd wouldn't have been on my list for long.)
Christian means "Christ-like," and sadly, SOME people who call themselves Christians (not all, not even most, but some) are anything but.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Fri Apr 5, 2013 11:18 AM
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"My little niece said, "You mean God makes people all different colors...like flowers?""
Exactly. And just as it does with plants, variety contributes to the preservation of our species.
And if you know anything about plant sexuality, you know that variety in sexual behaviors and gender expression also contribute to the preservation of species. And you also know that plants have absolutely no choice in their sex partners.
Comment: #35
Posted by: Carla
Fri Apr 5, 2013 12:07 PM
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BTL has been so pleasant the last week or so, and much quicker to read without the 2000 cents of a certain poster. I hope it stays that way.
Comment: #36
Posted by: locake
Fri Apr 5, 2013 12:09 PM
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LW1--While nine months of dating is hardly what I would call a long-term commitment, I do agree that 'Jerry's' family should be informed that you're in the picture. Using the niece and the youngest child as an excuse makes me think that it's not just Jerry's mother who sustains a hope that Jerry will reconcile with his ex-wife. While I'm not a big fan of ultimatums, I think it's a good plan to tell Jerry to either piss or get off the pot. He needs to make it clear to his ex, his kids and the rest of his family that you're someone special whom he's dating. I would go so far as to submit that doing so would be a healthy affirmation for Jerry and everyone else in his life, including his ex-wife and his kids, that a reconciliation isn't in the cards. If Jerry isn't willing to do that than you have no choice but to toss this one back into the dating pool and find a man who isn't carrying so much baggage.
LW2--I'm sorry but unless your bigoted mother is paying for the wedding, she has no say whatsoever about who is or isn't part of your wedding party. Tell your mother that it's too bad she won't be part of your special day and that your father and brothers will be sure to take plenty of photos of the event for her to look at later. Then don't back down an inch! Racism, much like alcoholism or any other destructive habit shouldn't be tolerated or enabled in any form or fashion. While you feel torn, obviously, remember that your mother made her own bed. Now let her lie in it.
LW3--It's irrelevant whether or not you have a lift in your shoe or any other reason for that matter to not remove your shoes. You're visiting someone's home for a few hours, not for several months; it won't kill you to go without your orthotic. There's simply no excuse for traipsing snow or other debris into someone's home. Either comply with such perfectly reasonable requests to remove your shoes or stay home. It's that simple.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Chris
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:00 PM
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Re: Bobaloo
did you really just suggest that someone USE A GUN to force someone to be sociable?
:-c
Comment: #38
Posted by: Bobaloo's biggest fan
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:04 PM
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Who makes fun of Gabby Gifford?? That's so heartless....
Comment: #39
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:04 PM
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Lol, Carla, it took me like 4 read throughs to understand your post! I.. I just wasn't exactly sure what you were trying to say. But once I "got" it, I totally agree!
I blame my hangover....
Comment: #40
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:05 PM
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Yeah, Bobaloo.. What were you insinuating? It's a good idea to put a gun to her head?
Comment: #41
Posted by: Casey
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:08 PM
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Re: Casey--Heartless, and vile. All I can say is shame on them.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Fri Apr 5, 2013 1:10 PM
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@Paige English -- actually, they're not just implying that people of other faiths would do/say/believe such things -- but ANY non-Christian, which would include atheists and agnostics, as well, and people like myself who do not belong to any formal religion or "ism." I've known some religious people who are complete @$$holes (and who frequently cite religious texts to back up their @$$hole-ish ways), and I've known some atheists and agnostics who are kind, generous wonderful people. Being religious doesn't automatically make a person a good person. As I noted earlier, neither do I think that being religious automatically makes a person a bad person.
Comment: #43
Posted by: Lisa
Fri Apr 5, 2013 2:22 PM
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Carla, I still don't understand, unless you are writing about this bi child. If so, I'm not going to agree. There is something called cross pollination - where similar varieties or species can pollinate another. Example-Queen Ann's Lace and a carrot. I hope I m wrong about the meaning of your post.
Comment: #44
Posted by: Penny
Fri Apr 5, 2013 4:03 PM
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Reading it 'one more time', I'm hoping you are not referring to the 'sexual choice' remark.
Comment: #45
Posted by: Penny
Fri Apr 5, 2013 4:08 PM
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Re: Lisa
You are right Lisa. Thanks for pointing that out.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Paige English
Fri Apr 5, 2013 4:11 PM
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LW1
All the signs point to Jerry being a currently married man. Why on earth would you get involved with anyone who would not take you to their home. He could and probably is hiding so many things it would make your head spin if you didn't have it stuck where the sun doesn't shine. Are you that afraid of being alone? Get rid of this loser now.
LW3
I think people should give warning that they have a shoes off at the door home so that their guests will know to wear hole free socks on the days they visit and not be mortified by unsightly sock malfunctions lol! We don't wear shoes in the house as a rule, but anyone with orthotics, leg braces and the like gets a pass.
Comment: #47
Posted by: EstherGreenwood
Fri Apr 5, 2013 7:35 PM
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Re: Soozan
I guess you did not bother to read my clarifying statement that appeared immediately under the post you are complaining about. Relax, Francis....oops, Soozan.
Comment: #48
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:43 PM
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Re: JustWinBaby
Thank you, but I sincerely realized I did a wrong there. Too bad Soozan is so interested in pouncing that she did not read a little further.
Comment: #49
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:45 PM
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Re: Lisa
Thank you for what you said. I realized I made a mistake as soon as I said what I said, and I did try to clarify. I appreciate that you understood what I meant.
Comment: #50
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:47 PM
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Hugs Mike H and Joannakathryn for understanding. If I could have recalled that last sentence to my post, I would have, but I tried to to the next best thing and clarify what I meant. I work long days, don't always read here, and sometimes when I post, it is late and I am tired. Again, thanks. Doing my best to be an agnostic who admires and attempts to live Christian values like, "Do unto others."
Comment: #51
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:54 PM
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Hugs Mike H and Joannakathryn for understanding. If I could have recalled that last sentence to my post, I would have, but I tried to to the next best thing and clarify what I meant. I work long days, don't always read here, and sometimes when I post, it is late and I am tired. Again, thanks. Doing my best to be an agnostic who admires and attempts to live Christian values like, "Do unto others."
Comment: #52
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:54 PM
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Hugs Mike H and Joannakathryn for understanding. If I could have recalled that last sentence to my post, I would have, but I tried to to the next best thing and clarify what I meant. I work long days, don't always read here, and sometimes when I post, it is late and I am tired. Again, thanks. Doing my best to be an agnostic who admires and attempts to live Christian values like, "Do unto others."
Comment: #53
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:54 PM
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Ok now I am apologizing for the triple post and saying good night.
Comment: #54
Posted by: Carly O
Fri Apr 5, 2013 8:55 PM
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Re: Carly O #48
I'm sure she read it and understood perfectly well, but we're not talking about someone in good faith here. Frankly, we had pretty much all gotten it even before you clarified, as expressed flawlessly by Lisa in #28.
In the meantime, the Creature from the Black Lagoon got her negative attention fix for tonight, bleah. And I contributed to it, yeah, I know, I know... ;-D
If you're still around to read this, good night too. If not, well then good morning!
Comment: #55
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Fri Apr 5, 2013 9:14 PM
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LW1: I don't get it. Is Jerry the only living single guy in town? If not, dump him. Yeeks.
LW2: Your mother downplayed it and called it old-fashioned for years but now you're surprised? Wow. I don't get what you're asking for. It seems like your mother has settled the issue herself by not going to the wedding. Problem solved. You should be glad she's finally revealed her true self and now you can stop wasting your time on her.
Comment: #56
Posted by: Diana
Sat Apr 6, 2013 8:06 PM
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