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Mom-Sanctioned PDA at the Dinner Table
Dear Annie: I have two grown children, both married with kids. My youngest, "Carrie," has a 14-year-old daughter who has been seeing a boy for a year.
The other day, we were visiting Carrie, and my granddaughter and her boyfriend got very cozy at the dining room table while we were eating dinner. They started kissing and making out in front of the entire family. Carrie didn't say a word.
I think this is terrible. Carrie is not the easiest person to approach about it, however. If I say anything to her, I doubt she'll respond well. Any suggestions? — Grandmother in Boston
Dear Boston: Carrie may have reasons for ignoring such inappropriate behavior. Perhaps this teenage granddaughter already has plenty of issues with her mother, and Carrie has decided to ignore as much as she can. If you spend time alone with your granddaughter (and we recommend it), you can discuss these things directly and calmly with her. Otherwise, it would be a good idea to stay out of it.
Dear Annie: My dentist performed a root canal on the wrong tooth. Because of his mistake, I had to go through two root canals and two crown preps. He didn't charge me for the one he did in error, but I did get a bill for more than $2,000 for the other.
I feel violated. Crowns do not last as long as natural teeth, so I've lost a perfectly good piece of my anatomy. The dentist now says I eventually would have needed a root canal there anyway, but that's not true. I have X-rays from another dentist that show nothing wrong with that tooth.
I know I could sue him for malpractice, but I don't want the stress of going to court. And the dentist told me if I sue and don't prove my case, he would countersue with a defamation claim.
Should I report him to the dental board? Should I inform my family, since I have recommended this dentist in the past? — A Lakes Region
Dear Region: Telling your family is your choice. Mistakes can happen in any profession. However, this dentist should have apologized profusely instead of becoming defensive and threatening you with a countersuit. We recommend you call your state dental society about resolving this conflict. If that doesn't help, you can consult an attorney and find out whether it's worth pursuing a financial solution.
Dear Annie: This is for "Desperate To Help," who is concerned about a 54-year-old friend who "has a great sense of humor and a good heart" and is morbidly obese.
Dear Desperate: Do you enjoy the company of people who are constantly criticizing your choices? Enjoy your friend for who he is, and stop trying to change him.
If you invite him for a walk, walk at his pace and let him choose the distance. Talk about the scenery and the weather. Share a joke. Do not mention anything about health, or he will know the only reason you're walking with him is to deliver yet another lecture on what an ugly piece of blubber you think he is.
If you invite him for a meal, make it what you usually eat rather than a weight-loss special. Talk about an interest you share. Does he enjoy watching movies? Watch one with him and discuss it. Maybe you think he should be out jogging instead, but that's not your business.
Forget about trying to make him lose weight. Try instead to make yourself a better companion. Right now, you are being a pest. Give him respect and trust by accepting that his habits are his own decision. — S.
Dear S.: While we agree that you cannot force someone else to lose weight, you are being awfully hard on "Desperate," who is truly worried about the health of a dear friend and doesn't want him to die young.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM
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Comments
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41 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1-
Well, for once the Annies nailed it. The only thing I might want to add, is perhaps asking Carrie, v-e-r-y neutrally, if her daughter in on birth control.
LW3-
I don't doubt for one minute that Desperate is "truly worried about the health of a dear friend and doesn't want him to die young". This being stated, "L" is ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. You can only lead a horse to water, no doubt the obese friend knows what condition he's in, and being a pest in not gonna make the horse drink. This is do-it-yourself project.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Sun Feb 19, 2012 9:32 PM
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LW1: Next time. . . "Carrie, he's not dessert!! Don't make out at the table!!"
Comment: #2
Posted by: angoradeb
Sun Feb 19, 2012 10:01 PM
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Re LW3 - Annies - You're wrong, LW3 isn't being hard on "Desperate", zie is being honest, and you're conflating weight with health. It is fully possible to be fat and healthy, just as it's fully possible to be thin and unhealthy. If Desperate hasn't been to the doctor with hir friend and hasn't seen the results of his lab tests, Desperate has no idea what hir friend's health REALLY is. All zie knows is that hir friend is fat. I've been super morbidly obese for over 35 years now (I'm 58) and in all that time, my blood pressure/blood sugar/cholesterol have been normal. My heart and lungs function just fine and my arteries are clear (had an ultrasound done of them when the doctor was also checking my enlarged thyroid). There are only 2 things you can tell by looking at a person - what size they are, and how bigoted you are about that size by the way you talk about them/treat them, and that says more about you than it does them. It doesn't matter how good Desperate's intentions are, hir friend's health is none of hir business if hir friend hasn't asked for hir opinion.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Vesta
Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:17 PM
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LW1 - Yeah, not much you can do. Hope that the worst they are doing is making out at the dinner table! At most, limit yourself to making embarrassing but harmless comments (like angoradeb's) to embarrass them a little.
LW2 - I would tell anyone and everyone what you went through. The Annies are right that mistakes can happen but your dentist isn't treating the situation like a good dentist. He is acting like a sleazebag. In your shoes I probably would not pursue it further than that, since a unnecessary crown is not that big a deal (relatively, of course), but you are within your rights to.
LW3 - Annies, LW3 is not being too hard on the OLW. Being obese is unhealthy. Smoking is unhealthy. Eating too much red meat is unhealthy. Drinking too much diet soda in unhealthy. You can't start harping on every bad thing a person does. It is their choice unless it starts affecting others (like a drug addiction or alcoholism). Stop obsessing with it. Be a friend, instead. Or not, but if you don't want to be around someone that obese then don't be. But trying to change them is useless.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Zoe
Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:45 PM
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@Vesta re LW3 - If you are eating well and getting exercise, then you are indeed the size you are meant to be (and if you are not eating well and not exercising, it's no one's business). But also, if you are indeed morbidly obese, you might want to look up the definition of the word "morbidly". And yes, it's possible to be "fat and healthy", just not probable (again, no one's business though). Anyway, the original writer wasn't just "looking at a person" and judging them by looks, she knew that her friend was in fact quite unhealthy. But yes, that's neither here nor there, he knows he's not doing the best by his own health, it's his choice. On another topic, thanks for the language lesson - "zie" and "hir" I hadn't heard of before, now know that they are in fact useful words.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Steve C
Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:44 AM
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Re: Steve C
It's German.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Feb 20, 2012 12:59 AM
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As for the dentist, it is true people make mistakes, but if this happened in a hospital and the wrong organ was removed or if surgery was done on the wrong body part, would the Annies be as forgiving? Dental surgery, including root canals, carry a risk. Long term pain (neuralgia) has been associated with some surgeries including root canals and wisdom teeth removal. The dentist is a doctor who made a mistake and that is rightfully considered malpractice. The fact that he acted so defensively and threatened the patient is unacceptable. Of course he should be reported to the Dental Board. And I would definitely consult an attorney if it were me. Had the dentist been more understanding of the patient's concern and the issues the extra surgery caused, it might be different. But obviously he feels he did nothing wrong (hence his defamation threat).
Comment: #7
Posted by: Su
Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:25 AM
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LW3 - Unfortunately, you can't force someone who's doing something unhealthy to stop. It only makes them dig in and justify their unhealthy behavior. I doubt very many smokers, alcoholics, morbidly obsese people, etc., have ever stopped because a friend pressured them into it. LW3 is correct that all you can do is be a good friend and be supportive without lecturing. Anyone who weighs over 300 lbs. KNOWS they're obsese without anyone telling them.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Kitty
Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:10 AM
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LW1 - It's Carrie's daughter and it's up to her to say anything. However, if you're that concerned, I would approach it as a privacy thing with your granddaughter. If you scold her or start lecutring her, she's just going to roll her eyes at you and ignore you. I would say, "Carrie, the other day at dinner you and your boyfriend were kissing at the table. It's not polite to do that at the dinner table or in front of people. That's something private." But overall, I would let Carrie deal with her own daughter.
LW2 - I would definilty contact an attorney to see if you have a case. Good luck.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:29 AM
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LW2- Your dentist actually said, "If you sue and don't prove your case, I will counter-sue for defamation?" Oh yeah, drag his sorry ass to court! He should have apologized profusely and done the re-crown for free. If you have an x-ray from another dentist that proves he destroyed a perfectly good tooth, then you have a case. At the very least you should get your money back. A mistake is a mistake, and hey, they happen, but your dentist's attitude suggest a certain defensiveness about his actions that indicate that mistakes are not uncommon for him. Besides, if your tooth was bad enough to need a root canal and a crown, how on earth did he drill into the wrong tooth? It must have had a visible cavity! Good luck!
Comment: #10
Posted by: Stephanie
Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:48 AM
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LW1 - So what's the deal? You can't stand up for yourself (forget about Carrie) toss a dinner roll and the granddaughters head and say, "Hey, knock it off or get a room. You look like a tramp." Try it next time. You're a Grandma: you have privileges take advantage of them.
LW2 - Enough with the germs already. We've.......... oh wait...never mind. Yeah get a lawyer and sue for malpractice because really what he did is what we call malpractice. It really is. Not big on suing here but this really is malpractice and his logic is weak. How about we remove my left kidney because, you know, it may just shut down someday anyway. Lawyer up.
LW3 - Thank you for not trying to change another adult who is very aware of his/her situation. Annies, shut up. Leave the grown up fat guy alone. You've said yourselves, you can only change one person; yourself.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Rick
Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:01 AM
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LW1—“ "Carrie," has a 14-year-old daughter who has been seeing a boy for a year.” I only have two words: Statutory Rape! It's obvious that your daughter is a piss poor parent. Any mother who allows her underage, minor daughter to engage in what amounted to heavy petting at the dinner table has a screw loose. Let me guess, she and her daughter are “best friends.” Since you cannot control how your daughter raises her kids, what you can do is control how you respond to it. The next time you're over to ‘Carrie's' and the two love birds begin tongue wrestling, simply pick yourself up and leave. If your daughter gets huffy, you can explain that while you make no judgments on her parenting (or lack thereof as the case may be) you came to have lunch, not watch kiddy porn.
LW2—Look, the dentist screwed up, it happens; we're all only human. Now it's over. Your dentist can't wave a magic dentil drill and magically restore your lost tooth or undue the first root canal. He did graciously waive the charges so now it's time to get over it before you work yourself up into a nervous breakdown. It isn't worth it. If suing the dentist or reporting him to the dental board will make you feel better, then do so. Personally I recommend you forget about it and find yourself a new dentist pronto. As for your family, I can't understand why you're reticent to tell them about the ugly incident; you just told the rest of the world.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Chris
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:01 AM
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Re: Chris - Before Grandma walks out can she bounce a dinner roll off the kids head? Please? I think that would be so cool.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Rick
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:07 AM
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LW1 - I get the impression that the 14 year old is maybe a bit of a 'rebel' (for lack of a better word) and was trying to get a rise out of Mom and Mom very wisely pretended nothing was happening. No young teenage girl I've ever met would make out in front of their parents AND grandparents unless they're purposely trying to piss them off. Heck I'd still be way embarassed for my parents to see me making out, let alone do it directly in front of them!
Grandma should take a cue from Mom and pretend it's not happening, don't give the kids a reaction.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Alexandra
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:32 AM
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RE DENTAL: Yes, file a complaint with the American Dental Association and the state board of health. Then get yourself a lawyer to compensate for the charges of both teeth.
I have never had to have a root canal in any of my crowns. But depending on location, cost can be up there. Pre-authorization of my husband's crown to be done now was $875. BUT the insurance said $400, and our part is $175. This is a proper cost for our area.
Go to the reporting state board before filing legal case with an attorney.-See the attorney but make your steps in that sequence.
The Minneapolist Star Trib carries weekly all the businesses which have had reports against licensed businesses, hospitals, doctors, places of eating, contractors, etc. They do a catagory per week. Lists the infractions, the fix factor and if they got fined or jail time if serious enough, or if they got shut down/lost their license. Sometimes it is conditions/treatment/fraud via insurance or medicaid/medicare. This is a state report that anyone can access. Nice they print it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For the grandma of the kids playing tonsil hockey--FIRST I would have made some disgusting throat clearing to the volume of a good butt pucker wretch-- and if that did not move the little piglets, I would have taken my plate and gone to another room. If asked why, tell them you were on the verge of VOMITTING. (That word invokes a visual.)
~~~~~~~~~~~
Annies state mom picking her battle? Well, if manners that a 3 year old is taught cannot be retained by a 14 year old, she lost control along time ago. Nothing is said from dad--states she is married. So are they hoping that 4 more years and she is kicked out of the house and be someone else's problem? Dropping her on GRANDMA's doorstep?
Just imagine what she thinks is a PRIVATE issue. Age appropriate behaviors, manners, etc missing means the parents are missing the boat too. If your dog was lifting his leg on everyone who came into the house, you would soon fix that. Well, fix the kids. KNOCK IT OFF--in the very least. If they don't feel like the have to be responsible for the kids actions---just wait till a legal issue pops up.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:41 AM
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Re: Chris
I only know the law in Canada so this may be different in the US or from state to state, but it's not statutory rape if the boyfriend is also 14, or 15 or 16 even. 14 is below the official age of consent in most Canadian provinces but if both parties are below the age of consent, it's not a criminal matter.
I realize the letter writer is from Boston and I do not know MA law but from what I do know of US law I don't think a minor can be charged with statutory rape for having sex with another minor, can they?
Comment: #16
Posted by: Alexandra
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:44 AM
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LW2 - The Dental Society is a professional organization of and for dentists. The place to take your complaint is the state licensing board. And you can pursue this on both through the state authority and, if you choose to, through a civil lawsuit. Good luck.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Dave
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:44 AM
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Re: Alexandra
I'm from Canada too and I don't know thee US laws, but what I do know is that they vary widely from state to state. That's what the police and lawyers are there for. She can find out but, even if it happens to be possible in her state, but I'm not sure slapping a juvenile (who's evidently in the same age range as the girl) with a sex offender tag for the rest of his life is the right approach here.
Comment: #18
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:06 AM
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LW2: Nine out of ten lawsuits settle before they go to court. At most, you'd probably have to appear at a deposition in a lawyer's office and present and verify your dental records and bills. When you sue the dentist, you're really suing his insurance company to require them to step up to their malpractice coverage - for which he's been paying premiums - and asking them to "make whole" your problem. You should at minimum Not be charged for Either procedure since he performed both of them - although God knows I'd NOT have let him back into my mouth again! This dentist knows he could be sanctioned and possibly have his license revoked or suspended for a period fo time or be required to attend retraining for this incident - as he should be.
Trust me on this one; I worked in law offices for 36 years. This dentist should be reported to the State's Dental Licensing Board, and anyone you've referred to him should be told privately of your experience. And, do Not recommend him to anyone else; if someone Asks for a recommendation, simply say that you had a less than satisfactory experience with him and would recommend they go someplace else.
To go about willy-nilly telling everyone could indeed have the dentist crying "slander" and "libel," but since "truth is its own defense," it'd be hard for him to prosecute you knowing you have the dental x-rays and his bills to prove your statements. There's been a high-profile case here in Mass. recently of a dentist who was Criminally Prosecuted for using paperclips - yes, paperclips - instead of the metal "posts" required in root canals.
Please for both your safety and the safety of his other patients - report him and see an attorney, not necessarily in that order since the attorney could well provide a much more strongly worded report.
Comment: #19
Posted by: graham072442
Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:36 AM
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Re: LW1 @ Alexandra, Lise
I did not mean to imply that LW1 should file criminal charges against her granddaughter's boyfriend. My statement was merely to point out that if the kids were this hot and heavy at the dinner table, what are they doing behind closed doors (or the bleechers!?!?) Regardless of the law, the granddaughter is in fact a minor and ill-equipped to handle the responsibilities of motherhood.
Comment: #20
Posted by: Chris
Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:52 AM
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When they start up the behavior at the table say, "Ewww, seriously? So gross. How can you guys eat with that going on?" Take your plate to another room.
The dentist 'graciously' charged for one root canal, not 2? So twice as much hell on earth for the price of once? Tell the dentist you won't sue if he forgives the $2000 in writing. Don't promise not to complain to the governing board, do that first.
Leave the fat guy alone. He knows he's fat. He's probably been on diets before, most fat people have. Some, like Vesta, have even had failed weight loss surgery. I 'know' her, she can't even eat fast food and she eats healthier than most of the population. You know what? Still fat and can't eat things most people enjoy without bad side effects from the surgery.
Most medically prescribed diets, most commercial diets will give a fat person misery for months, take off a very few pounds if any and when you can't stand it any more you gain up to higher than where you started from. It isn't the same as going on a diet and losing 30 pounds and getting the reward of fitting into nice clothes. When you are really, really fat, you didn't get that way from eating too many cheeseburgers, there is something else going on with the way your body stores calories that can't be fixed by going on weight watchers or jenny craig. They are required to put 'results not typical' on the ads for a reason. It is almost impossible for anyone to lose 150-200 pounds and keep it off for any length of time. Let's see those 'results not typical' people 5 years from now.
Someone who is 200 pounds overweight and is 40 years old 'must have' eaten 75 extra calories every day of their adult life, why aren't we all that fat? Do the skinny people or the people that gain and easily lose that 10 pounds over and over keep that accurate an account of every thing that goes in their mouth? I doubt it. Their bodies adjust their metabolism to compensate for an extra slice of pizza or whatever. The food labels aren't even accurate enough to put 75 calories a day outside the margin of error.
That doesn't mean don't eat healthy and exercise but eating 'healthy' and/or exercising will not take 100-200 pounds off a person just because they deserve it. So if you see me stuffing pizza in my mouth, leave me alone. I eat pizza 3 or 4 times a year and quitting that is not going to make any difference to my weight.
They did an experiment where they starved genetically obese mice while giving a control group of the same kind of mice a measured amount of calories. The starved mice died with more fat on their bodies than the control group, their bodies consumed muscle and internal organs to make more fat.
Comment: #21
Posted by: nonegiven
Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:16 AM
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@Chris - not only is the daughter a minor - she is ONLY 14 - and had been seeing her boyfriend for a year - she was barely a teenager. I disagree with the notion that "parents should ignore" behavior this extreme. Ignore the mildly offensive language used to get a rise out of you. Do not ignore a makeout session at the dinner table. At the very least this is an extreme lack of respect and boundaries. In the worst case scenario, these kids have issues that require help! I wouldn't sit at dinner and watch two adults engage in a makeout session and if my child tried something like that in front of me, oh it would be on like popcorn up in my camp!
re LW2 - I would agree with the Annies if the dentist hadn't actually threatened the LW. That would raise my indignation. I must be in a fighting mood today because I would "lawyer up" as Rick suggested and again, it would be on like popcorn between me and dr. little shop of horrors!
Comment: #22
Posted by: sharnee
Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:53 AM
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Grandma, carry a spray bottle of water in your large purse. Then put the spray bottle on the table. Then tell granddaughter and boytoy that if they set themselves on fire again, you'll have no choice but to douse the flames.
It works. Been there, done that, and teens have been careful not to get their expensive clothes wet ever since.
Comment: #23
Posted by: TheRichcraft
Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:53 AM
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Re: Chris
"Regardless of the law, the granddaughter is in fact a minor and ill-equipped to handle the responsibilities of motherhood."
True! But all the parenting in the world doesn't stop teenagers who want to have sex from having sex unless you literally never let them out of your sight (though it sounds like the two teens in the letter might just go ahead and do it front of the parents anyway!). I liked another commenter's suggestion for Grandma to ask Mom if the teen is on birth control. If the Mom in this situation is really just being laissez-faire about such PDA maybe a question like that would shock her into thinking about other things that might be going on.
Comment: #24
Posted by: Alexandra
Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:57 AM
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Re: Alexandra #16 EACH US STATE HAS DIFFERENT LAWS.
MN law has different revisions depending on the age. The statutory rape is under age 18 years of age. There is a provision for the 'actor--BF' being under 18 and more than 3 years older. There are the laws if the GF gets pregnant in the issue, no matter her under-age. The penalty, depending on pregnancy, ages is up to and including $20,000 fine and 10 years in jail. A jail sentence would more apt to be charged if the BF-actor was 18 or older.
You also get the TAG SEX OFFENDER for the rest of your life as well. Not Molester, Not Pedophile. BF under age 18 would not get those tags UNLESS BF had power over minot GF, threats, etc.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The girl starting her relationship with this boy OVER A YEAR AGO, means she was 13. Where the CRAP are this set of parents brains? The grandmother is slamming the 14 yr old but says nothing of what was the mother's behavior as a teen, where is the father in this issue. the words WE WERE VISITING CARRIE, was your husband with you? If not, who was? What is their reaction.
To paraphrase a quoted outside of this post ---if you see it and know it is wrong, to do NOTHING makes you just as guilty in the rights and wrongs of things.
Comment: #25
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:16 AM
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Chris and Rick...I LOVE your suggestions!! LOL!
In college, I had a friend who would make out with her boyfriend at the lunch and dinner table. I'm talking tongues down each other's throats and hands all over each other. My other friends and I were sick of it so we decided the next time it happened, we would get up and move to another table and make sure there were no chairs left for her. We did it and when she came up for air, noticed we were all gone. She approached our new table and we said, "Oh, we figured you and BF wanted privacy. That's okay, we don't mind if you would rather grope each other over there." She must've got the picture because she never did it again.
Comment: #26
Posted by: Michelle
Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:28 PM
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Re: Rick
What if they've eaten all the rolls--can we throw the bread basket? The soup? Cutlery? Personally, I would choose the gravy boat--I think I could get a nice tight spiral on it.
Comment: #27
Posted by: angoradeb
Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:59 PM
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I am always so very confused as to where Joyce gets her legal information re: Minnesota. As a resident of there also, I can tell you that the age of consent in Minnesota is generally 16. If the actor (not necessarily the BF - it can be the girl, instead) is in a position of authority, then the age of concent is 18.
I had a neice get a pregnant at 15 four years ago, and as far as I know, getting pregnant has nothing to do with the penalties - it's just a good way to get caught with no way to lie your way out of it. The parents don't have any say in the boy being charged or not charged. My neice's boyfriend was more than two years older than her but under 18, so her could be charged but faced much less severe penalties than an 18 year old would have. He could still have been been labeled a sex offender. Fortunately, it never came to that in their case.
I had friends galore that got pregnant in high school at 16 or 17, and their boyfriends were all 19 - 21. That was back in time when you got married in that situation. They all did, and the vast majority are still married after 35 years. Way fewer of them got divorced than people that got married when they were older and not pregnant. I just thought I'd add that last part as I find it interesting.
Comment: #28
Posted by: C Meier
Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:05 PM
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Re: Chris
You're damn right about that. That's why my post suggested the subject of birth control be broached.
@nonegiven
"The starved mice died with more fat on their bodies than the control group, their bodies consumed muscle and internal organs to make more fat."
Really? Amazing.
Comment: #29
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:53 PM
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Re: Lise Brouillette i agree 100%
Comment: #30
Posted by: barbara Weatherly
Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:53 PM
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Re: angoradeb - Don't be silly. The gravy boat would be too heavy and might break when it hit the floor. Think! You could however just douse them with the gravy. Now there's a plan.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Rick
Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:04 PM
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I wonder sometimes if the Annies actually read their replies before they publish them.
Comment: #32
Posted by: barbara Weatherly
Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:14 PM
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Re: barbara Weatherly - They don't and I'm okay with it. More for us that way.
Comment: #33
Posted by: Rick
Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:23 PM
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Re: barbara Weatherly
Hee-hee. Often they don't even read the letters!
Comment: #34
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:10 PM
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I'm surprised no one has considered Grandma's definition of a makeout session may be different than her daughter's?
I know in my family my daughter, myself, my aunt (my mom's been gone almost 40 years), my grandmother, and even my great-grandmother who was with us until a year ago would all have very different opinions on what were offenses and what the others should and should not be upset about. And what we THOUGHT the others would be or should be upset about. (and no it did not skew toward the elders being more conservative in every case!).
I'm of the opinion any PDA at the table beyond a held hand is inappropriate, but I remember being a young dumb teen. I wasn't making out with my bf to be rebellious; we truly thought we were being romantic and helplessly in love. Looking back I'm rather ashamed but we really didn't realize how gross we looked in public. Any adult intervention would have been thought of as them being either jealous or prude.
Comment: #35
Posted by: wkh
Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:17 PM
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Re: C Meier RE #28
You can go to the att general web site of any state, go to the state offices and look it up by code OR OFFENDER if not a minor, have the legal websites on hand, have good friends who are the police chief, court administrator, county att, etc. thing is, all these websites can be gained access to--if you stopped at the court admin office to find info, the sheet is handed to you and you are pointed to the computer to locate your own information. They can't GIVE you the data, they can point you to where YOU find the data.
Did you know that you can find out what went on in any court case in the US (unless a juvy case) by sitting down at the court of admin office at the public computer and gather your own? If you want a copy of it word for word, you pay a $10 fee. Newspapers get their info all the time this way. Do you think the court has time to call each with a news release each time they come out with NEXT?
I work as a volunteer in many areas that have had to use the access, show up at the city att. office to get exact statutes in hand, or get a sign off from someone, etc.
If more people would pay attention to the workings of the government, it would be great--instead of when things fall apart and you have to scramble for info.
Thing is, even yet, school assignments require students to do searches of prove the 5Ws and how.
And NOT GOOGLE.
If you don't know in your own community where to get the latest of info--I sit in at city council meetings, get put on committees--the last was a 3 year committment of building a new pool complex for the city, do the research, help PR it, come with the financial and GET IT PASSED on a presidental year. There were 9 of us commissioned by the council--and we got the pool project passed by 72%. Did I learn the ins and the outs of alot of things. And sitting in council meetings 2 times a month, answering questions in public format, etc. You learn and you learn to GIVE.
Under volunteering with social service programming, under the hospital programming, under programming in the schools. Some take having a background check done--I am a citizen police academy grad and that also moves me into other areas in the PD---small town, uses volunteers alot everywhere.
And when all else doesn't find you the legal answer--as long as it is in a general situation--I can call or walk into any att office I need to, and get answers.
Check into the libraries at the William Mitchell or the Hamlin Law schools, they have good access in the cities.
Comment: #36
Posted by: Joyce/MN
Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:29 PM
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LW1: Why didn't you say something? Were you afraid the little tramp wouldn't like you anymore? And the useless mother raising her would be angry? This girl obviously has no self-esteem because she doesn't respect herself and she dates boys who don't respect her. Silence doesn't help anyone but sure enables the heck out of them. When a disturbing act is done right in front of you - you can say something. Aren't you too old to not know better?
LW2: Sue his ass off. His threat of counter-suing for defamation is a bullying act and one he would lose in court. Instead of writing to this column you should be looking for a lawyer and looking into the law yourself so you don't stupidly rely on others for information.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Diana
Mon Feb 20, 2012 10:06 PM
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Ah, Joyce, you kind of missed my point. I know where to find the laws. What I was wondering is where YOU come up with YOUR information because it is so often wrong. Like for today, for instance, the age of consent in MN is 16, not 18. So many, many other times you have been wrong.
Comment: #38
Posted by: C Meier
Tue Feb 21, 2012 6:24 AM
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LW2, Don't let the dentist slide on the wrong tooth. Anyone can make a mistake, but he should have made a good faith attempt to right the wrong by not charging you a single dollar. Dr. George Meinig wrote the book "Root Canal Cover up" which points out some dangers and concerns with root canals and now you have an unnecessary one. Consult an attorney, please.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Danielle
Tue Feb 21, 2012 1:54 PM
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Dear Lord! What were you people thinking about with that answer to the grandmother of the disgusting grandaughter "making out" at the dinner table? She should've immediately told them to STOP THAT extremely inappropriate behavior right now!!! Never mind dealing with the mother. That's a decency issue that offended the GRANDMOTHER, AND SHE SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING. That's the whole problem with raising decent young people today. They're treated with kid gloves, like they can do no wrong, instead of flat out teaching them right from wrong!!! Bad answer Ladies.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Donna
Fri Feb 24, 2012 3:53 PM
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Re: Donna
So does that mean when my parents are making out in the kitchen, I can call them out on their "wrong" behaviour. Someone upthread is correct on two counts:
1. Grandma's idea of making out may be slightly exaggerated.
2. At 14 she's probably intending to get a rise out of dear old Mom. If Grandma is worried it's more than that, then I agree she should be going to the Mom and just asking nicely if Mom has made Daughter aware of what happens when spooning leads to forking, and is she on any sort of birth control.
People will have sex whether you tell them not or not, the purpose is to make sure they're being careful about it so that they don't end up ruining any chances of finishing high school, going to college, and getting a good career.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Saru
Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:12 AM
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