Recently
Scissors Beat Paper ... Thin Resolve
Dear Annie: My husband and I have been happily married for eight years, and we have two beautiful children. Recently, an ex-boyfriend called to let me know that his father had died. I hadn't heard from him in 12 years.
"Matt" and I began …Read more.
Ring Around the Codependency
Dear Annie: My brother-in-law, "Travis," has been in a relationship with his girlfriend, "Kristin," for eight years. They now have two young children. Kristin has cheated on him too many times to count and continues to do so. …Read more.
Carpe Diem in Ireland
Dear Annie: I am a college senior, graduating in May. I am currently undertaking two internships, and one of them will include a job offer when a position opens up. But I don't know if I should take it.
I have always had a passionate desire to live …Read more.
Celebrating Mom
Dear Readers: Happy Mother's Day. Please phone your mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, stepmother or foster mother and wish them the best. And please don't forget those for whom this day, for whatever reason, is filled with sadness. Give them a …Read more.
more articles
|
Great Friend, Lousy Roommate
Dear Annie: Last April, I moved into an apartment with one of my best friends. We get along great except for one thing: her cats.
"Renee" was born with no sense of smell. She's normally very organized except when it comes to the animals. She forgets to clean the litterbox because she can't smell it, so I have to remind her constantly. The odor can become so unbearable that I no longer allow my friends inside. Also, her cats play with their food trays and water dishes and knock everything onto the floor. She never cleans it up. I had to confront her about this because it was attracting bugs. And when the cats throw up, I'm the one who ends up cleaning it because I know she won't do it. It is absolutely disgusting.
I don't like being confrontational, and Renee is very argumentative. Anytime I've tried to address this, it falls on deaf ears. I've managed to survive this long as her roommate, so right now I am simply biding my time until I can move out. However, Renee recently commented that she doesn't want me to leave when our lease is up. I wouldn't mind living with her again if she would give up her cats, but I know that isn't going to happen, and I'd feel guilty asking her.
Renee and I have the same circle of friends, so if I ask around about a new roommate, she'll hear, and it would hurt her feelings. I don't want to ruin our friendship, because she truly is a good person and an amazing friend. I just want out of kitty hell. — Always Holding My Nose
Dear Nose: You have nothing to lose by telling Renee that she must take better care of the cats or you are moving out. She can clean the litterbox at regular intervals, whether she smells it or not. And anything that lands on the floor is visible to both of you. She may be an "amazing" friend, but she is a lousy roommate.
Dear Annie: How can I get my husband and his sister to stop scratching and picking at their heads and ears? It's disgusting and looks terrible. They do it at work, too, and it's so unprofessional. — Tired of Picking
Dear Tired: First ask your husband to see his doctor or dermatologist to find out whether he has a scalp condition. If so, there is likely treatment that will alleviate the problem, and it also might help your sister-in-law. Otherwise, it would seem to be an ingrained family habit. That means it will be hard to shake, especially if one is unwilling to address it.
You have no say over his sister's bad habits, but explain to your husband how off-putting this is, and ask whether he'd be willing to work on it. Because he is undoubtedly unaware that he's scratching and picking, your job will be to point it out, nicely, every single time you catch him.
Dear Annie: I didn't care for your tolerant response to "Sad Mom," who paid her son, "Mark," $400 to essentially destroy their bathroom. She said he is stubborn and immature and refuses to take advice from anyone. She has reached out to him for more than two years with no response.
A good, long shunning should do the trick. If he never comes around, it's his loss. If his sister wants to be with her brother so badly, she should call him up and invite him to her place.
My husband and I are the parents of a son who means everything to us, but we did not raise him to think the world owes him a living. "Mark" is ungrateful, and his siblings need to support their parents. — Tired of Nasty Children in Wyoming
Dear Wyoming: Difficult children are just that and do not always respond in a logical way. Parents must deal with them carefully if they want to maintain any kind of relationship.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2012 CREATORS.COM
|
 |
Comments
|
53 Comments | Post Comment
|
|
LW1-
A lot of people who are great friends could not possibly live together without ending up at each other's throat. Just because someone is great to talk to or hang out with doesn't mean s/he's great to live with.
You do not need to ask her to give up her cats but, when time comes for you to explain why you have to go separate ways, that's when the issues with the cats can come in. Tell her you cannot demand that she get rid of her cats, but that you just can't take it anymore, that you want to preserve the friendship and so you need to call it quits before you two end up enemies.
Don't go around in your circle of friends asking for another roommate. Check the ads on Craigslist and Kijiji and put up one of your own. When two roommates who are perfects strangers decide it's not working out, there is less emotional baggage invested and much less to lose.
Comment: #1
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:28 PM
|
|
|
|
Further to LW1 -
P.S.: There is likely a deadline when the landlord has to be advised that you are not renewing the lease. She needs to be told as soon as possible that you will be looking at other accommodations, so she can decide whether she's giving her notice and moving out on her own, or looking for another roomate to replace you.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:36 PM
|
|
|
|
P.P.S.: Whether she can smell it or now, there should be one litter-box per kitty in the house and they should be changed every week. Twice a week, if there is only one litter-box for two cats, three times a week for one litter-box for three cats, etc.
And then there are the messes with the food and the hairballs. She may have no sense of smell, but she's not blind. You're not her slave to be forced to do that because she won't. I don't find her such a good friend if this is the kind of entitlement she has!
I also suggest you stay away in the future from anyone having both pets and no sense of smell.
Comment: #3
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:58 AM
|
|
|
|
* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *
LW3 refers to the first letter on 17 January 2012.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Beguiling Miss Pasko
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:17 AM
|
|
|
|
re LW1 - I've been a cat owner all my life, and I can testify to the fact that with the new "scoopable" litter, there's absolutely NO reason for a litter box to have an odor. I currently have two cats and my visitors tell me all the time that it's amazing that there's no odor in my home. I also have a rubber mat with "lips" around the edge under the food dishes to keep the food from spilling onto the floor. The problem with the LW's roommate isn't her lack of a sense of smell, it's pure laziness. As Lise pointed out, just because someone is fun to hang out with that doesn't make them a good choice to live with. The roommate doesn't need to get RID of the cats, she just needs to TAKE CARE of them properly. If the LW wants to continue to live with the roommate, she should tell her in no uncertain terms that she has to care for her own pets, or she's going to find other living arrangements. Unfortunately, she may find that unless she or Renee can find a replacement for her who's acceptable to the landlord, she may still be liable for her share of the rent if she moves before the end of the lease term.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Kitty
Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:34 AM
|
|
|
|
The cat lover shouldn't get hurt feelings if you ask around for new living quarters. She doesn't seem to have any feelings when it comes to your comfort. She doesn't want you to move out because she knows no one else will put up with her.
RE Lw2 Did hubby scratch and pick before the marriage or is it something new? If she went ahead and married him despite the picking she has less right to gripe. Now all she can do is holler every time he does it.I am surprised his boss hasn't called him on it.
Comment: #6
Posted by: sarah stravinska
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:15 AM
|
|
|
|
LW1 - Renee has proven to you that she doesn't know how to take care of her cats so I wouldn't bother telling her that you'll stay if she agrees to take care of them better. If you agree to that, she'll be good for a little bit and then go back to being lazy. Of course she doesn't want you to leave...you clean up their throw up! I would tell her that it's just not working out living together and that you think it would be best if you had seperate addresses.
Sometimes friends are not meant to be lived with. I lived with one of my best friends and it turned out great. We had one argument and that was it. The rest was a lot of fun. But it doesn't always work out that way. I agree with Lise in that maybe you should find someone who you are not that emotionally attached to. If you don't want to live with a "stranger," then ask around and see if anyone knows someone. When my brother was looking for a roommate years ago, he asked around to friends and co-workers to see if they knew anyone. He wound up living with a co-worker's cousin. It worked out for them. Good luck.
LW2 - Does your husband complain of his scalp and ears itching? If so, it could be psoriasis. My cousin has psoriasis on her scalp and ears and she used to scratch and pick at them all the time. She finally went to a dermotologist and he gave her some drops to massage into her scalp area and it worked. She no longer itches and no longer scratches and picks. There's also an over-the-counter scalp wash by Psoriasin that I've heard works, too. Most stores don't sell it, though. You have to have it ordered by the pharmacist. But you don't need a prescription.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Michelle
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:18 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Michelle
It's also a symptom of OCD, one that I share. It's considered a form of self soothing. After some extensive retraining, I managed to substitute a mini slinky instead. Co-workers may not like the slinky much, but they agree, its better than the picking.
Comment: #8
Posted by: Kelle
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:28 AM
|
|
|
|
Compulsive skin picking is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and should be treated with medication, not constant nagging.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Andaia
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:29 AM
|
|
|
|
i have always had cats. the rule of thumb i have always heard and practiced is that there should be one litter pan per cat plus one extra. i use the scoopable litter and scoop daily, or as soon as solid waste is passed, as one cat doesn't 'cover'. we need to scoop her pan as soon as she passes solid waste. except for the few minutes after that, our litter pans don't smell. the scoop is put in a plastic bag, tied and thrown in the garbage. there are those people who think that the toilet is a good place but it isn't. toxoplasmosis is not filtered out during sewage treatment and it's ending up in the ocean, killing sea otters, who are very sensitive to it.
my suggestion to the letter writer is to continue to clean up after the cats, while looking for other living arrangements. he roommate is not going to change and the alternative is to live in the mess. then explain to her roommate why she is leaving. if she wishes to maintain the friendship, perhaps the sudden discovery of an allergy to cats would be helpful.
Comment: #10
Posted by: alien07110
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:41 AM
|
|
|
|
LW1: Part of maintaining a good roommate relationship is being able to discuss potentially contentious topics and coming up with a compromise. You should -- in as nonjudgmental a way as possible -- sit down and let her know that aside from this one issue, you like your roommate situation. But this one issue has become so difficult to deal with that without some change, you'd rather move out.
See if you cannot find some compromise, though, rather than insisting the cats leave or you leave. There are fancier litter boxes that may make the cats less messy; a regular schedule of litter box cleaning is an excellent idea; and I believe you can find other food and water bowls that are less likely to spill or make other messes.
However, cleaning up after the cats are sick should be non-negotiable. It's part and parcel of being a responsible pet owner, and if she won't do that, then put your foot down and tell her you just cannot live with someone who doesn't take their responsibilities to their pets seriously.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Mike H
Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:00 AM
|
|
|
|
LW2: Did your husband always have this habit? I mean, this is something you should have commented on during your dating phase and already been working with him on for years. But yes, I think the Annies may have a point, a visit to the doctor first to make sure there isn't some medical issue involved.
LW3: I think there is something to be said for shunning a toxic person, but it's a very difficult decision to make, especially for a parent. I don't fault the original advice, because it's a very hard decision to make, to utterly give up on having a connection with your child.
Comment: #12
Posted by: Mike H
Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:07 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Lise Brouillette
re your P.P.S., it depends on the kind of litter you use. If you're using the regular clay, non-clumping litter or some of the other varieties (newspaper, corn, etc), I completely agree with you. However, if you use the clumping kind, cleaning out the box daily, then just topping it off once a week has worked just fine for me, since you can remove the urine "clumps" as well as the feces...at least in my experience.
BTW, I have one litter box for two cats. Unfortunately, there really isn't any other place in my apartment to stick a second one, since most of my apartment is carpet, so I just make sure I do my best with the one, and the cats don't seem to mind.
Another thing to keep in mind is that letting go of the litter box cleaning can end up causing the cats to want to urinate and defecate elsewhere in the dwelling, which can cause severe damage to carpet and flooring. so the LW may end up being financially responsible if that happens, even if they're not her cats. I'd recommend that she really read her lease and make sure that she knows what she's responsible for, should she move out.
Comment: #13
Posted by: Janie
Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:09 AM
|
|
|
|
LW1 -- You've gotten some good advice from the Annies and here at the BTL. It sounds like you have had at least SOME conversation with Renee about the cat issues, since you say that when you have tried to talk with her about it, it falls on deaf ears. So, I wouldn't bother with trying to talk with her about this again. But, as Lise suggested, you should give her at least some sort of reasonable notice that you intend to move out so that she has time to find a new roommate or find a smaller place she can afford on her own when the lease is up. I think it's likely she is already aware that you are thinking about all this, since you say she has made a point of saying she doesn't want you to leave when the lease is up. Yes, it may make for an uncomfortable last month of living together, but it's the right thing to do. I also agree with Lise that you may want to look outside your close circle of friends for your next roommate.
Comment: #14
Posted by: Lisa
Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:12 AM
|
|
|
|
LW1 - Of course your roommate wants you to stay. You clean up after her cats. The fact that you are non-confrontational and she is argumentative means that you can be intimidated, so she has the perfect patsy. I have a feeling her sense of smell is just fine; she's just more able to put up with the stink. As for giving your roommate an ultimatum about cleaning things up, she probably will clean up - until the first day of the new lease period, when you can expect the odiferous delights of the litter box to resume. I advise you to find another place to live, and be friends at a distance.
Comment: #15
Posted by: Linda
Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:27 AM
|
|
|
|
If it were just a litterbox problem, you could gently remind Renee by putting the dirty litterbox on her bed until she realizes it has to be cleaned at least once a day. And the self-cleaning boxes are nice, but they have to be emptied periodically. But since she won't clean up hairballs and other icky stuff, explain to her that you don't understand why she has cats when she won't take care of them, and just feeding them isn't responsible pet ownership. You could also tell Renee that you are sure that her last roommate left because she didn't want to be the vet tech/poop cleaner, and she'll be hearing this from roommate after roommate until she realizes the cats are her deal, and hers alone. If anything--boyfriend, pet, whatever--becomes something that makes the other roommate uncomfortable in their own home, then either the issue moves along or the roommate does. And BTW, Renee has roommates because she doesn't do litter boxes, and I don't believe that "no sense of smell" for a minute. My MIL was in a bad accident that really damaged her sense of smell, but she still cleaned her kitty's litter box--it's just what you do.
Comment: #16
Posted by: angoradeb
Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:27 AM
|
|
|
|
What kind of idiot is LW3? "A shunning should do the trick"". Oh really? Considering that the original poster wrote about how her son refused contact with them for two years, I highly doubt the son would even notice a shunning.
Comment: #17
Posted by: Jennifer
Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:30 AM
|
|
|
|
Way to go Lise Brouillette! You not only have the first post today, but also the second and third as well. You are an Annie's Mailbox advice guru!
If only you put forth the same effort towards a career that you do responding to random letters on this site, you'd probably be CEO of a major corporation.
But I guess that mean actually getting up and exerting energy, so no chance of that happening.
Comment: #18
Posted by: John Dung
Thu Feb 23, 2012 7:53 AM
|
|
|
|
Shut up, John.
I have four cats (one adult and 3 kittens who are 10 months old) and two large litterboxes which I scoop twice a day (morning and night). I don't have a good place for 5 litterboxes, and they mostly go in one anyway, so it works out. I use scoopable litter and cat box deodorizer (which is essentially scented baking powder), and my house doesn't smell at all. If smell is of primary concern (it is for me), Fresh Step is the best odor-killing brand on the market. It's better than Tidy Cat, Arm & Hammer and pretty much every generic. Believe me, I've tried 'em all.
Tell the roommate that she cleans the boxes every day whether she thinks it needs it or not, and she cleans up the cat barf and the spilled food, or she finds a new roommate. Doing these things is part of cat ownership, and if it takes ME five minutes to scoop both boxes and sweep up scattered litter and food, then it'll take HER five minutes too. Someone who can't take 5 minutes out of her day to keep the place from smelling like a used litterbox is not organized and not worth trying to live with, and people like this need to be TOLD flat-out that their place stinks and is unacceptably dirty, or they're just going to go around wrecking every place they live.
Comment: #19
Posted by: limniade
Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:08 AM
|
|
|
|
Limniade, I take it you like contributing your hard-earned money to welfare.
Or maybe you are on it yourself.
Comment: #20
Posted by: John Dung
Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:10 AM
|
|
|
|
Judgmental, aptly-surnamed John, put a cork in it.
Comment: #21
Posted by: Carla
Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:27 AM
|
|
|
|
"Aptly surnamed" shouldn't be hyphenated, dear Carla.
Thought you'd like to know.
Comment: #22
Posted by: John Dung
Thu Feb 23, 2012 8:49 AM
|
|
|
|
Oh, look, John's back, again obsessively posting about Lise. How novel. Just can't get her out of his mind, apparently.
Comment: #23
Posted by: Mike H
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:02 AM
|
|
|
|
@John Dung - (#18);
Oh John, John, John, you cute little lovesick puppy, you. When are you going to understand that your attraction to Lise will not be fulfilled this way? I know the thought of her has your blood and hormones racing, which has your thinking all messed up, but you need to act more rationally. Just tell Lise how much your love and adore her and you might get a genuine response. Good luck, you cute little lovesick puppy, you.
Comment: #24
Posted by: AWC
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:08 AM
|
|
|
|
Oh look, Mike's here to defend his fellow welfare recipient.
I'm quaking in my dung-coated boots.
Welfare is bad.
Work is good.
Stop living off the sweat of others.
Comment: #25
Posted by: John Dung
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:25 AM
|
|
|
|
Feed me AWC. Feed me!
Comment: #26
Posted by: John Dung
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:31 AM
|
|
|
|
My niece, turning down her friend's offer to room together in college, said if she was going to live with someone who irritated the heck out of her she would rather it be a stranger than one of her friends. The roommate she did get worked out fine.
Comment: #27
Posted by: nonegiven
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:44 AM
|
|
|
|
I DO like contributing my hard-earned money to welfare, actually. And no, I'm not on it. I make a comfortable living above the national median. Are YOU on it? Seems to me like you could be doing something better with YOUR time, pal.
Comment: #28
Posted by: limniade
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:54 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: nonegiven
And if you want to be irritated, isn't that what family is for???
Comment: #29
Posted by: angoradeb
Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:08 AM
|
|
|
|
LW1—““Renee" was born with no sense of smell.” Well isn't that convenient for her! Stop being a doormat! It's time for you to stop worrying about Renee's feelings. This is a situation where you need to put aside your fear of confrontation and speak up for god's sake! Tell Renee that her cats are her responsibility and hers alone. Inform her in no uncertain terms that her negligence with regards to their food trays and litter box is unsanitary, disgusting and utterly unacceptable. If she cannot take better care of her pets, then either they must go or you will go. Immediately! Let Renee and the leasing manager both know that if you are forced to move out because someone is too lazy to clean up after her own cats then Renee is responsible for the entirety of the rent or any charges that result from a broken lease. Make sure you get that in writing and notarized. Stop fretting about it and do it today!
LW2—“ How can I get my husband and his sister to stop scratching and picking at their heads and ears?” Absolutely nothing! You cannot control the actions of others; you can only control how you respond. Here are your choices: look away, leave, or see a counselor to determine why you're so obsessed with the personal grooming habits of your husband and his sister.
Comment: #30
Posted by: Chris
Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:10 AM
|
|
|
|
@J.D., if you're trying to get my goat, you're failing miserably. I've never been on welfare, but if I did need it, I would use it, as I paid into it. Welfare itself isn't bad, it does far more good in keeping our society functioning. If you have so little compassion and so small a heart that you get your kicks by publicly cyberstalking someone who is legally using her country's safety net, which I'm sure she paid into as well, then you are a sad, small, mean little man.
If indeed you are a man. This is cyberspace, for all we know you are a pimply teenager.
But no man worthy of being called a man would treat a woman -- or any human being, honestly -- in such a petty, abusive, bullying, cowardly fashion. You get to talk so big and so mean because there are no consequences to your diatribes, to your abuse. You would not be so brash in real life. Like most bullies, you are the quintessential coward, and freely spread your mean filth, simply because you can.
But there's no merit at all to a single word you write. And it's indescribably pathetic that you get your entertainment verbally abusing someone simply because they are struggling.
Your lack of compassion for your fellow human being is contemptible.
Comment: #31
Posted by: Mike H
Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:31 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: John Dung...Sorry, John but Carla's right. "Aptly-surnamed" and any other multi-worded phrase like that, is most definitely hyphenated. Just sign me off here as a college English major. P.S. As far as for any other *mess* that's going on between you and Lise, I couldn't care less.
Comment: #32
Posted by: Ms Davie
Thu Feb 23, 2012 10:52 AM
|
|
|
|
Dear LW1-Please don't blame those poor cats. As an animal rescue volunteer, I also hope you don't even suggest the cats should go, because they are more likely to be killed than adopted into a good home.
As everyone here notes, it's Renee's responsibility to care properly for her cats. You will be doing her, yourself and the cats a favor by calmly discussing it. And it will be good experience for you, personally and professionally, because such conflicts are part of life. The format should be 1) this is what is happening, 2) this is what needs to happen, and 3) this is the consequence if things don't change. Don't be accusatory or defensive, just matter-of-fact. Find out if your lease can be converted to month-to-month, so you don't have to make a long-term commitment in case she doesn't follow through and keep it up.
It's my experience that it's much more effective to let Renee come up with her own solution, but I will say this: Litterboxes need to be cleaned every single day. It's the first thing I do in the morning, and once that habit is established it doesn't have to be "remembered." If there is only one box for two cats it should be cleaned twice a day. This not only addresses odor issues, but cats - like people - want to use a clean "bathroom." If it gets too dirty, they are likely to go elsewhere. And definitely use clumping litter.
Second, there's no reason for food and water to get spilled. There are dishes specifically designed to prevent this. If the cats have toys and are played with daily, as they should be, they are less likely to turn to their food for entertainment. Good luck!
Comment: #33
Posted by: Logical
Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:01 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: Janie
When she moves out, she should have her name removed from the lease. Period. She should make sure she sends a separate, registered letter to the landlord stating her intention not to renew the lease, and possibly consult a lawyer to make sure of the proper procedures. If she doesn't pay attention to her business, she may end up stuck with a lot more than she bargained for. This is the kind of stuff that ends up on Judge Judy.
And you're right, I use the regular clay one. I'm on a very limited income and the other one is much more expensive. But whatever litter, floor mat, food bowls or whatever that she is using... even with the scoopable litter, you do have to do the scooping, and it doesn't look like she would - if she won't pick up hair balls, why would she use the pooper-scooper? The problem is not the equipment, it's her refusal to take care of her pets properly, because she's too selfish and too immature to deal with the bummers, she only wants the fun parts.
I would leave her to her own devices and I feel sorry for the kitties. Mine certainly isn't neglected that way and it doesn't smell in MY place! And you're right about that, a dirty enough litter box and there comes a point where the cat will refuse to use it - cats are clean animals. If she won't pick up hairballs on the floor, chances are she won't pick up poop.
@Mike H, Kitty, limniade, Chris, Logical
The subject has already been broached with no improvement as a result. In this specific case and at this point in time, I don't recommend at all that she has yet another conversation delivering an ultimatum and extracting a promise. The time for that is past, as the lease is almost up and this is too close for comfort: the girl will promise anything to get the LW stuck with the lease for another year. The minute the deadline is past, as Michelle and Linda pointed out, things will go back to stinky normal. She should quit while she's ahead and get out of there pronto.
@Alien
"if she wishes to maintain the friendship, perhaps the sudden discovery of an allergy to cats would be helpful."
Very good idea! But she may have to do some faking. Most definitely, she probably grew an allergy to the very idea of having cats in the house!
@Mike H
"but if I did need it, I would use it, as I paid into it." "which I'm sure she paid into as well,"
You're right about that. I started working for a living at 16. I had a job when I got hit by a car on my way to work in 2001. I'm also working on a self-employed basis right now, and declaring what little I make, which is allowed. So I'm still somewhat paying into it even now.
Comment: #34
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 23, 2012 11:30 AM
|
|
|
|
Re: John Dung's post #22
You are incorrect, and "aptly-surnamed John" is correct with the hyphen.
"Generally, hyphenate between two or more adjectives when they come before a noun and act as a single idea."
[reference: grammarbook.com]
This is a little known or understood rule. Even other English teachers that I've known were unaware of this punctuation rule.
Comment: #35
Posted by: wyochick
Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:14 PM
|
|
|
|
Re: wyochick and Ms. Davie--you are both right. (I'm an English teacher.)
So, poor Charlie Brown misses the football again and the little red-haired girl still won't look at him.
If JD posts his ugliness on a forum and nobody reads it, is he still an idiot?
Comment: #36
Posted by: Joannakathryn
Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:49 PM
|
|
|
|
I was unaware that (nicht mein) Herr John Scheisse was now the Grammar Police... Bloom Hilda, you're right, perhaps there IS a similarity in style after all.
Comment: #37
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 23, 2012 12:56 PM
|
|
|
|
@Jennifer, #17
Obviously LW3 is Dwight Schrute. That's someone who appreciates a good shunning!
@ Ms Davie, wyochick & Joannakathryn
Sorry to side with the troll, but he is correct about 'aptly named.' Adverbs ending in -ly are not hyphenated. Adjectives get the hyphen.
Comment: #38
Posted by: Elbee
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:08 PM
|
|
|
|
Sorry if this ends up posting a hundred times, but I posted a comment earlier this morning that has yet to show up!
@Jennifer, #17
Obviously LW3 is Dwight Schrute. That's someone who appreciates a good shunning!
@ Ms Davie, wyochick & Joannakathryn
Sorry to side with the troll, but he is correct about 'aptly named.' Adverbs ending in -ly are not hyphenated. Adjectives get the hyphen.
Comment: #39
Posted by: Elbee
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:09 PM
|
|
|
|
@Jennifer, #17
Obviously LW3 is Dwight Schrute. That's someone who appreciates a good shunning!
@ Ms Davie, wyochick & Joannakathryn
Sorry to side with the troll, but he is correct about 'aptly named.' Adverbs ending in -ly are not hyphenated. Adjectives get the hyphen.
Comment: #40
Posted by: Elbee
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:10 PM
|
|
|
|
@Lise, I recommend one more conversation between the roommates for two reasons:
1, it's unclear how direct LW was in the original conversation(s); she sounds like she might have been a little too passive and too indirect, and
2, they are part of the same social circle, and so mutual friendships will be affected by this roommate relationship ending, especially if it ends badly. Far better to make one last "college try" to ensure that you have the high ground if there's any fallout with the friends.
Comment: #41
Posted by: Mike H
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:12 PM
|
|
|
|
LW1: Are you stupid? How is someone who doesn't take care of her responsibilities thereby forcing you to do it and then making you feel bad about complaining a good friend? She's not even a good person. You're seeing the real "Renee" not the fake one she shows the world. I find it really pathetic when people have no self esteem and beg others to like them even the crappy ones. Get some therapy.
LW2: Every day there is someone writing in to ask how they can get other people to change so they can be happy. Simply stupid. How about you explain why you would marry a man with disgusting habits? That's what you should be concentrating on.
Comment: #42
Posted by: Diana
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:12 PM
|
|
|
|
Re: Mike H
Oh, what you're saying is all true, but for her to do that might result in her getting stuck there for another year because the girl will promise her anything so that she doesn't leave. The minute the deadline will have passed, she won't care, and the LW will be back to square one again.
Perhaps you're right that she wasn't clear enough, but given on how close the end of the lease is, it's too late for that now. And think about it: what if she DOES have a conversation witn her, and the girl promises on a stack of Bibles to reform and then doesn't, the minute there is no stake anymore? How do you think it will end anyway? If she gets tricked by false promises and is stuck there for another year, she'll be so pissed that there will nothing left of the friendship by the time she can finally get out.
So she actually has a better chance of salvaging the friendship if she leaves now. As for her circle of friends, no doubt most of them if not all will have been on the premises. If they side with her because they don't mind the stench, then THEY can bunk with her.
Comment: #43
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 23, 2012 2:55 PM
|
|
|
|
@Mike H. - re post #31 - It is just like me to love a man who doesn't swing my way! <sigh>
Comment: #44
Posted by: sharnee
Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:04 PM
|
|
|
|
Re: Chris
Don't ignore the scratching, get mad or move out, two options:
Dermatologist appt, to make sure ther is not a medical reason for itching, then meds as needed, if not medical
Psych eval for some OCD meds, which really work
A or B easy peesy
Comment: #45
Posted by: Bloom Hilda
Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:05 PM
|
|
|
|
Re: Elbee...Sorry, Elbee, all 3 of your posts are incorrect. Since "apt surnamed" makes no sense, the word therefore must become "aptly", so the correct phrase is still the hyphenated APTLY-SURNAMED.
Comment: #46
Posted by: Ms Davie
Thu Feb 23, 2012 3:57 PM
|
|
|
|
@Ms Davie
First example here:
www [dot] jpschoemer [dot] com/MostCommonErrors [dot] html
Comment: #47
Posted by: Elbee
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:06 PM
|
|
|
|
@John Dung (#28):
Feed you? To what? A hungry shark? If only I could. If only Bitey Fish was around, then we could get our wish.
Comment: #48
Posted by: AWC
Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:28 PM
|
|
|
|
@ Bloom Hilda
LW2 asked what SHE could do about her husband's and his sister's grooming habits. SHE cannot make them get a medical or psych evaluation if they're not willing. And for the record, when I suggested, as one of her options, that she could simply leave, I meant the room, not move out of the house entirely.
Comment: #49
Posted by: Chris
Thu Feb 23, 2012 5:39 PM
|
|
|
|
I live with my sister, her daughter and her three kids moved in last week. Yesterday I gave my sisters daughter some money for gas. Today my sister confronted me with ""I should of told her" that I gave her daughter the money because this is what families do. I felt it was my money and I didn't need to tell her what I do with it. Was I in the wrong for not telling my sister.
Comment: #50
Posted by: Lynn
Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:13 PM
|
|
|
|
LW1: It's unconscionable to suggest that someone get rid of her pets.
We have two cats. We use scoopable litter and I scoop the "stuff" out of it once (sometimes twice) a day. I scoop it into a small, 4-gallon trash bag, knot it closed, and toss it into a tightly-lidded trash can that gets emptied and Lysol'ed out once a week. We do not have odor problems. If a cat is barfing on a regular basis, the poor kitty probably needs a small daily dose of anti-furball "goo," which is pretty much available in any pet or grocery store. If that doesn't work, the kitty either needs to see a vet or a different food.
The lousy roommate needs to take better care of her cats, and you need to speak with her calmly about it. Nothing good comes of letting all this rage build up over time and not saying anything. If you just hate the cats, then find another place to live and stop pretending there's another option.
Comment: #51
Posted by: LouisaFinnell
Thu Feb 23, 2012 6:28 PM
|
|
|
|
Re: Lynn
I don't think you were "wrong" to not tell your sister - she's in your place and you have no permission to ask. However, you may have been wrong in giving them the money at all - this creates a precedent and you don't want to become the resident ATM.
I would suggest you talk to your sister and see if the reason why she wanted you to tell her could be valid. If for instance she feels her children have a huge sense of entitlement which shouldn't be fed like a troll, then she has a point. At any rate, it would be best that you two coordinate your approaches, especially regarding money. Otherwise, not only your sister's authority with her children will be undermined, but the kids will learn to use the two of you against one another - divide and conquer, you know.
Comment: #52
Posted by: Lise Brouillette
Thu Feb 23, 2012 9:13 PM
|
|
|
|
@sharnee, you are so sweet -- but yeah, sadly, I'm taken and I don't bat for your team. :-)
Comment: #53
Posted by: Mike H
Fri Feb 24, 2012 5:35 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
