Annie's Mailbox® by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

LW2: Get a flu shot. Today. Many pharmacies offer them very inexpensively.

Oh, and have your immune system checked by a medical professional! During the exam, ask them about Tamiflu.

* * * * PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT * * * *

LW3 appears to refer to the first letter on 28 January 2013 (Frustrated Granny). The child in that letter had more problems than being sloppy. A more appropriate link can be found in the first letter on 29 December 2012 (Tired in Rural Oregon), which had a whole column of responses on 9 February 2013.

LW1 - I feel terrible for the LW and urge him/her (I'll say "her" for convenience) to talk to all of the adults that the Annie's recommended whom she can trust, and especially her father. Without going into any detail with him, she should tell her father that they all are having problems adjusting to the situation and see what can be done to help. There must have been a custody arrangement through the court system, especially if the divorce was "messy". I find it unusual that the parents have been moving in and out and apparently taking turns living in the home and caring for the minor children. If need be, the custody issue can be re-addressed for the minor children, but it would be better if someone could get through to the mother that "her time" comes AFTER the children are grown and out of the house, NOT simply after she is free from the marriage. The burden of raising the younger children shouldn't fall on the LW at age 18, and if the mother isn't willing to care for her own children, then the father needs to step up and do so.

LW1--Your letter reminds me of one of my favorite T.V. shows 'Shameless.' Your mother is obviously going through a mid-life crisis. She's regressed backwards to the mentality of a recalcitrant teenager. Either that, or she finally woke up to the fact that she never wanted to be married and maybe she never wanted kids either. That would explain why she views her offspring as inconvenient pains in the ass and leaves them to fend for and raise themselves. My advice is to call Child Protective Services and also let your father in on everything that's been going on in the home since he moved out. If you can, get documented proof of your mother's incompetencies and neglect as a parent. Your mother has gone off the reservation and doesn't deserve to maintain custody of you and your siblings. Maybe if she's forced into the position of having to fight for you, she'll either rise to the occasion or be revealed as the piss poor excuse for a parent that she really is.

LW2--Has it occurred to you that the real reason you're sick so much and susceptible to every bug going around is because obviously you aren't that healthy? Are you overweight; do you exercise regularly; do you eat a healthy diet rich in fruits and vegetables? If the answer to any of those questions is 'no' then you need to stop blaming your coworkers and clients and start taking personal responsibility for your own health and well-being. Once upon a time I worked as a check-out clerk in a busy grocery store. I came into contact with dozens if not hundreds of sick people and handled dirty money, shook hands, went in and out of the public restroom. In eight years, I logged exactly ONE sick day. Sorry honey, I'm not buying what you're selling.

LW3--I guarantee you that approach won't work with today's young people. They'd likely whip out daddy's charge card and pay up.

LW2 - Unfortunately, the Annies are right about the attitude of some employers who encourage their staff to come in to work sick. And the LW isn't going to be able to convince inconsiderate people not to come to her place of business and spread their germs. The ones who are doing so are the ones who are "unsympathetic and rude", not the LW. She should take any measures she can to avoid them, wash her hands frequently, and continue to avoid physical or close contact with anyone who is ill. Flu shots are all well and good, but not all illnesses (such as colds and other viruses) are the flu, and a flu shot won't protect you from everything.

LW1 - Chris is right in that either your mother is going through a mid-life crisis or she discovered that she didn't want to be a wife and mother. But that's no excuse. When you have kids, you have to raise them properly. But she obviously has other priorities. Please talk to your father. Tell him your concerns about your brother. Maybe your father can get custody of him and/or get him a counselor. He's obviously having trouble with this divorce and a neglegent mother. And Chris's advice about calling CPS is pretty good. Document everything and let them know. Just because she decided this late in life she didn't want to be a mother doesn't let her off the hook.

You're 18 so if you want to leave your mother's home and move in with your father or another family member or friend, you can just do it and don't need her permission.

LW2 - Everybody is around sick people all the time. They're at work, in stores and lots of other public places. But when you start getting sick over and over again, you need to take a look at yourself. Find out WHY your immune system is as low as it is. I used to get sick ALL THE TIME. Finally, one of my doctors did a blood test and found that I had a vitamin D deficinacy and that lowers your immune system. I was put on vitamin D megadoses until I got up to normal and now I take a daily supplement to keep my levels up. Ever since then, I don't get sick anywhere near as often. As a matter of act, 2 seperate bouts of the flu went around my small office and I never got them. The next time you see your doctor, ask about why your immune system could be low.

LW3 - Pretty good advice!

So Mom is an insensitive jerk who throws a homeowner out of his own home, badmouths her children's father, is guilty of child neglect and acts like an irresponsible partying idiot, and this is DAD's fault? HE's stepped out on his obligations and responsibilities? Sexism shining through loud and clear, Annies. Who says Dad is not paying child support for his son and already trying to help him and address these issues? The fact is, it's much harder to support two households instead of one, so there's going to be less money and time to spend all around, and he's pretty hard to help a troubled child through visitation. The LW and her older sister are both adults, and should consider moving out. That would force the mom to either look after her son herself or let the father take custody (if he's not homeless). Then she can live in the house by herself, foot all the bills, pay child support, and have all the fun she wants without making it at other people's expense.

Strongly disagree that the Annies are blaming Dad here, Jane, or that their response is sexist.

LW and sibs are in crisis. They need help. Mom isn't providing it -- but all our "tsk-tsking, Mom should stop being a party animal" isn't going to wake Mom up, sadly.

So...where should a kid turn when a custodial parent is over the edge? Hmmm... that's a toughie....

Oh, wait -- how about the OTHER parent? It's not bashing him to say "tell your dad what's happening." The Annies are telling LW that he is still a resource who can help them... and is the logical person to turn to when the custodial parent isn't functioning. It's very possible that Mom didn't want Dad anywhere around the kids...but that's not her call, and LW needs to be aware of that.

Get in touch with CPS, ask them to remove your brother from your mother's custody and have him live with his father. Then move out of the house and go live with a friend or join the Navy or something. Your paying the bills to support a sister whom you don't get along with and a mother who's become an idiot. You deserve better.

LW1: Agree with the majority that Dad needs to be clued into what's going on, particularly with the youngest son. Otherwise, he's going to end up on the streets and unable to hold a job, in jail ... or (play the ending chord to "Yesterday When I Was Young") dead.

What was interesting to me was the LW's comment about what her mother told her: "She is always on the phone or computer or out with her friends. She says it's her time to have fun and that we're always criticizing her." Yeah, inconvenience, but also a perception on her part – inaccurate or not that "she never got to have fun" when she was married. She probably has the attitude that "Your father got to have fun, too" (which again, may or may not be true).

Which does raise the question – does the father care? Very little is said by the LW about his parenting skills and involvement in this whole thing, I noticed. Yes, I agree she wrote in for advice and perhaps is somehow unaware that the father is a resource she can turn to. Let's just say I sure hope he's more mature and responsive than it appears his mother is.

LW2: Chris, you're way off the mark here. I agree that health habits do play a large role in staying healthy, but c'mon, blaming her for her constant illnesses?

I do, however, agree with the recommendations about getting a flu shot and – perhaps while at the doctor's office – getting a checkup to see how good the immune system is.

As far as the issue at hand – other people who are sick stopping by her office to do their business – I'd suggest putting up a sign that says, "If you're sick, stay home. We'll be happy to do business with you when you're well again." (Well, not worded exactly like that, but you get the idea.)

Also, Dad may well be paying child support...but if LW and sister are trying to parent their younger bro alone, they'd have some inkling of whether Dad was included in trying to find or get their brother to a counselor, or showing up at parent-teacher conferences and the like.

Since LW makes no mention of Dad once he's out of the home, I think it's pretty clear that he's not stepping in to talk with teachers about the academic or behavioral difficulties, arrange tutoring or counseling, or perhaps even basic visitation. If LW had included a line about "Dad is frantic, but his hands are tied because he lives out of state" or some such, the Annies would have responded differently.

It IS possible that Mom told Dad early on "stay out of our lives -- we don't need or want your help" and that Dad is respecting that directive, Even so, though, his relationship with his kids was not hers to sever.

LW1: You ask what you should do. It's very easy. MOVE OUT.

You are not your younger brother's parent, and it is not your responsibility to keep your family (such as it is) going until your mother wakes up. Move out NOW, even if you have to share a room with 2 other people. There are rentals out there you can get especially since you have a job.

As for your brother, yes, tell Dad what's going on, but then leave it at that. Give him your number and make yourself available for weekly lunches etc. The best thing you can do to get him to see the light is to be a productive person yourself. Move out and get on with your life.

LW2: If you are getting sick all the time (and running out of sick time is a pretty strong indication that you are) YOU need to see a doctor. Flu shots always make ME sick, so I haven't had one for years, but other people swear by them. You are the best judge of your own body, but make sure you don't have a compromised immune system. It can be the first indication of much more serious illnesses.

LW3: Can I do that with emails? I feel like I'm always forwarding things on to people because they "lose" emails.

With LW1, we have two children into adulthood (the LW is 18 and she has an older sister), and it almost makes me wish they could just take custody of the younger brother and leave both parents out of it. Dad should be more involved, and its too bad Mom isn't more clued in to how her behavior is affecting her children, especially her youngest.

I also wonder if one of the older sisters shouldn't have a talk with the school guidance counselor on behalf of her brother, ask them what kind of additional resources might be available. Here we have the custodial parent behaving really poorly, and the non-custodial parent being too absent.

I also think LW should make sure to turn her older sister into an ally here -- agree to an approach that both of them will stick with, and don't let the mother use one against the other.

LW2, if you are particularly vulnerable to the flu, then you can do several things during flu season to make sure this doesn't happen again. First off, always get a good amount of sleep. Get light exercise regularly. Talk to your doctor about appropriate over-the-counter immune boosters. Get a flu shot early in the flu season -- even if you get the flu, the flu shot can help dampen the effects. Once you get the flu, talk to your doctor about Tamiflu -- it worked wonders when my partner recently came down with the flu, he was able to get back to work after only missing two days (plus two more days of recovery over the weekend).

In your office, wear a face mask -- it's not just for people who are sick, but can also help against you inhaling germs from others. And keep a dispenser of alcohol-based hand sanitizer on your desk, prominently displayed, and use it. If sick people come into your office, and you put on the mask and sanitize your hands after they touch you, people *will* get the hint.

You could also talk to your boss and your boss's boss about the studies that show companies actually lose productivity when sick workers come into the office rather than taking a sick day. But that might not have an effect, and it'll be tough to prevent people from behaving foolishly (especially in this economy, where people might fear layoffs), so the best advice is to do everything you can to protect yourself and keep your immune system strong and healthy during flu season.

Disagree, hedgehog. I have no problems with the Annies advising to "tell Dad what's going on" although who says he doesn't already know? My problem is with the Annies line "Being divorced does not mean he has given up his obligations and responsibilities as a parent." Who says he did? Nowhere does it say that, so why is it always assumed? Because there's a sexist bias, that's why. Nowhere does it say that mom works. But does everyone jump to the conclusion she's unemployed and lazing around all day? No. So why jump to the conclusion that dad walked out of the house and out of their lives to boot?

Also there is only one minor child here--the son. The other three people living in the house are all adults. I would suspect that the son is at least in his teens, since the sister works all day and there is no mention of a nanny or chlldcare looking after him.

LW1 -
Considering you contribute to the household, for your mother to have anything to say on what you do with the rest of your money was vastly out of line. If the divorce was so messy, then surely there was a court settlement and she's likely receiving child support for the brother, on top of what you and your sister are contributing. Does she expect the two of you to support her?

What the Annies said. Can your father get custody of the younger brother? We don't know what role he played in the divorce but, unless he was abusive, he should be given a chance to step up to the plate and be a good father, since your mother's good senses apparently have gone AWOL.

And if you three cannot move into your father's home for some reason, what about some other family member? Could one of them act as a surrogate parent in exchange for help with the bills?

If all else fails, consider moving out yourself. Perhaps you and your sister can take an appartment together and get custody of the younger brother if your father cannot get it or doesn't want it - these things have been kown to happen. But you two are very young, you would need professional support to deal with your brother and put him back on the right track. And your mother can then have all the fun that she wants all by her sweet self, forget she is a mother and pretend she is back in her teens, with no impediment to her privacy and newfound freedom.

The Annies are right that you should make an effort not to place blame, and let the facts speak for themselves. But the problem is, whether it be your father, a school counsellor or a relative, whoever you talk to WILL ask for detailed accounts of the situation in order to properly assess it, so you won't be able to keep it vague for the sake of not badmouthing your mother.

What you should do is remain as neutral as possible when recounting the details of the situation. And you should also document your mother's dereliction - take note of specific incidents with details (dates and times, names when relevant and if you have them), save texts and voice mails. You will likely need to back up whatever you're saying with evidence.

She may wake up one day, and then write to the Annies with one of those boo-hoo letters, wailing about why her own children cut her off, and won't let her make "amends" and allow her back into their lives.

LW2 -
"If you are too sick to be in your office, you are too sick to be in mine."
Tell them that again. If they are so insensitive as to call you rude because you don't want to catch their illness at your expense, tell them THEY are being rude AND insensitive for not giving a damn whether or not they make you ill enough to put you in the poorhouse. You may want to bring the situation to your boss, but only you know if this is worth the trouble, and if s/he's not part of the problem.

In the meantime, consult your doctor AND your specialist at the health food store (there will be one - ask) to see what you can change about your diet and your lifestyle to boost your immune system (which is evidently weaker than it should be), and what supplements you can take. Do get a flu vaccine when they become available, wash your hands regularly and put on a face mask in the presence of someone visibly or audibly sick. With such inconsiderate clods, the time to be polite is past.

P.S.: If you get sick again and you're in danger of not meeting ends because of a pay cut, see if you can use some of your vacation days. Or talk to your boss, and see if you can negotiate doing unpaid overtime to compensate for the missed time - staying late, working through lunch, not taking breaks, whatever is feasible.

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@Chris #4
There are many avenues that can be explored first and I would only call CPS as a last resort. The older two are over 18 and the only one falling under their authority is the younger brother. Which means he may end up in a foster homer all by himself, and God knows what may happen to him there. Some foster homes are wonderful, others not so much, and possibly worse than the situation he'd be being removed from.

"If the answer to any of those questions is 'no' then you need to stop blaming your coworkers and clients and start taking personal responsibility for your own health and well-being"
Indeed there are far too many people who eat nothing but crap and who think exercise is moving their finger on the remote or going to the fridge during commercials to get beer.

But since we don't know if she is one of them, I chose to me more neutral in my approach. I HAVE seen people who lived right, and yet caught ever bug floating around. She may have some kind of deficiency like Michelle was reporting. A vitamin D deficiency is actually quite common in fact, and one of the reason why people are so susceptible to illness in the sunless months of winter.

That doesn't mean her diet and lifestyle can't see improvement, though, and she should explore both healthy changes and remedial supplements - she likely needs a combination of both.

Re: Bobaloo
"(Well, not worded exactly like that, but you get the idea.)"
If they're already calling her rude for complaining about them for stopping by her desk when they're ill, they may need to be told exactly like that indeed, and perhaps even more blunty than that. I have a feeling they wouldn't like me and my mouth too much. (WE get the idea, but they sure don't! ;-S)

@nanchan
"You are not your younger brother's parent, and it is not your responsibility to keep your family (such as it is) going until your mother wakes up."
No, it is not, but she obviously cares. Not only that is not something that can be cancelled at will, but it sure looks like she and her sister are the only ones who do. Her brother needs her, I think.

@Jane
"since the sister works all day and there is no mention of a nanny or chlldcare looking after him."
There is no mention of the sister working, only that the LW is working "long hours in order to contribute to our rent and utilities". Perhaps the older sister is a stay-at-home, or much at home still because still studying, and the reason the mother is siding with her against the LW so much is because she feels she's taken over her motherly duties more than the LW (not that it would be owed...).

LW1- Sigh... I don't know how many times I have seen this happen in divorces over my life time. Parents never get it, and suddenly develop the 'Me' attitude. Ultimately, it hurts the kids. Unless your mother is beating on you, I certainly would not rely on the government by calling CPS. To me, this would be the last resort. Your father may or may not know what you kids are dealing with, and you definitely need to call your father and let him know what is going on. Tell him just what you told the Annies. If he is unable or unwilling, you need to speak with another trusted family member. While I commend you for stepping up to help your family, it is way more responsibility than you should carry. Get outside help now!

The only vegetables I eat are corn and potatoes. The only exercise I get is tossing a ball for my dogs. But I get a flu shot and haven't been sick in a long time until this year. And I only got sick once, even though I've been around lots of sick people since then. It seems very possible to me that she doesn't build up an immunity to something after she has it.

Re: C Meier
Some people have a strong immune system even though they don't live all that healthily, some people are always close to being in the red even when they do everything right. It's very variable upon the individual. But suggesting that she work to improve her lifestyle, that she take supplements and that she get some flu shots are all valid suggestions, since we don't know if she already does and, for most people, it helps.

Re: Lise Brouillette (#17)

FWIW – the suggestion of placing a sign is, of course, the management's call. And how it's worded is also management's call.

While I understand that they don't want to lose any precious business they have, like others they need to understand that having a business depends on healthy employees to make it run. Of course, there will be people who will take offense, but this is about manners. When you're sick, you don't want to spread the illness. Plain and simple.

I feel bad for LW2. There's nothing you can do to change these people's behavior. You can just change your own. Like everyone has suggested, get a flu shot! They don't always work but it seems like the majority of the time they do. Also, use hand sanitizer!! With the flu epidemic this year, I've been using hand sanitizer like crazy. I never caught the flu, even though quite a few people in my office did. I don't know if was due to my flu shot or using hand sanitizer, but I'll use both every year!

Lise #20 - I didn't mean to imply that they weren't valid suggestions, just that you can't assume that it is her lifestyle that is allowing her to be sick a lot. Because like you said, it can work both ways.

The father IS the one that needs to step up. The end! If he is a good parent he should already know what is going on. Looks like these kids are on their own to try and raise the brother. I give the father an equal share of blame in this mess. Others have given good advice on what could be done.
I like the mask idea and the hand sanitizer. Even better is take off the mask and tell those who visit while sick, I'm so busy that I don't have time to be sick. Come back when you're felling better.

Re: Bobaloo
I don't remember where I saw it, Margo, or the Annies or Dear Abby, but we got a letter recently where a man complained about his wife making a huge ruckus and dumping the kids on him whenever he took his sick days when he was ill, because SHE never did. "Look at what a hard worker and how devoted I am", and "You're loitering about in bed doing nothing, you lazy bum, I'LL give you some work to do" type of thing.

So why jump to the conclusion that dad walked out of the house and out of their lives to boot?
********

For one thing, LW doesn't mention talking to her father at all. She says, in fact, nothing more about him after saying he moved out.

She's quite critical of MOM not meeting parental responsibilities (and rightly so, and so have you, Jane, and the other posters here). She's focusing solely on her mother; she doesn't mention at ALL going to her father (the Annies' advice would be ludicrous if they had).

And why didn't she mention the parent-teacher conferences her dad has attended, the tutoring or counseling Dad has arranged for her brother, or her dad's offer to have the brother, the minor child, to come live with him? Why hasn't she said "Dad is talking to a lawyer about getting custody, but he's out of state right now and feels his hands are tied"?

I think it's pretty logical to conclude that LW hasn't thought at all about Dad as resource, and the Annies are reminding LW that Dad has every bit as much obligation and responsibility for their lives as Mom does, even if Dad isn't physically in the home, even if Dad divorced Mom.

That's not sexist, at all -- (it's the same argument that father's rights groups often make). It's pointing out, to a kid who is legally of age, but perhaps not aware of the fact that a minor child's well-being rests solely on the custodial parent. And LW is the one who needs to take the action, because she and her sister are, at the moment, apparently all that stands between the younger brother going off the rails.

Why am I sick so much? Because business associates come in, lean over my shoulder and say things like, "I ought to be at home. I'm so sick."

--stop blaming other people for your problems. Put on your big boy/girl pants and get a flu shot (or at least do it next year). Problem solved.

Re: all of the BTLers pestering the LW to get a flu shot ---- flu shots are one option, but they are not without side effects and complications. They have been implicated as a possible cause of many bad health conditions. And they are not really very effective at preventing the flu. There are things you can do to keep yourself healthy without injecting a pernicious combination of dead and decaying viruses, formaldehyde, aluminum, mercury and other toxic and carcinogenic substances into your body. The LW actually makes a good point that sick people should stay home.

Re: sarah morrow

I agree with you on both counts: sick people should STAY HOME (see comments on yesterday's thread). I've had NO luck with flu shots either: every time I get one, I get violently ill, so I haven't had one since the 1980s.

BUT the fact is also that the LW needs to look into his/her OWN immune system and health. It's pretty unusual for a normally healthy person to get sick so much.

Re: Flu shots, I will say that I had very good luck this year, Ike didn't have the same good luck with his -- although his doctor did say that his fever was not as high as most of the flu cases he'd seen, and said it was likely that Ike's flu shot was at least lessening the severity of his particular case.

But for sure, everyone needs to evaluate it for themselves with help from their doctor.

Re: myname #27
Flu shots can help, and I suggested them myself, but keep in mind they are only good for the currently known strains, and not for the newly mutated ones. Also, some people don't tolerate them well. It's not a magic wand.

I agree with Sarah Marrow that flu shots are not necessarily the answer and I also agree that the composition of flu shots are highly suspect at best - I have long avoided them because of the reasons she states. I'm sick and tired of people bitching about getting sick at the drop of a hat while being overweight, out of shape and shoveling fast food and other garbage into their bodies. These are people whose immune systems are weakened by their own poor choices but who simultaneously expect everyone else to cater to their vulnerabilities to illness. Um, no. Furthermore, the overuse of alcohol wipes and hand sanitizers has contributed significantly to the problem of ever more aggressive and resistant strains of bacteria. If people want to obsess over germs and hide themselves away from the world for fear of getting sick then I sincerely wish that they please do so and leave the rest of us rational, thinking people alone! Like anything, practice makes perfect and that applies to the immune system.

Uhhh... Chris, usually you're the skeptic, so maybe you should do a little more digging on the scare-tactic/myth that alcohol-based sanitizers cause "super bacteria".

It's a totally bogus claim, my man. It has to do with the way alcohol kills bacteria -- it's not something they can "grow resistant" to.

Riffing on other kinds of anti-bacterials, you'd be on more solid ground, but on this one, you missed your mark and are actually propagating misinformation.

I agree that idiot bosses perpetuate the idea that you are some kind of super-loyal work martyr if you come to work while sick. It doesn't help when these same bosses throw things at you like, "I never missed a day in my career" or "I have problems too but I don't let them keep me from my job". Of course all their little self-appreciating comments don't help. And then you have the boss who questions your commitment to your job if you call in sick and then threaten your job if you really do stay home. What they should really say is this, "I don't care if your puking up your guts and have a raging fever.....get your butt in here and drive these children to school anyway! (I drive a bus, and had such a boss) I don't care if you're sick!!" Because that's what they really are thinking.

Now as to all the moronic clients and associates who bring their germs into your office..... Several ways of dealing with them would be;

Keep a can of Lysol prominently placed on your desk and be obvious spraying it as they walk out.
Keep a box of masks (get them at the doctors office) on your desk and offer one to any sick people who come into your office.
Place a note on the door stating that you would happy to help anyone but only after they are germ free for 1 week. (its done at schools and daycares now) Must be fever free or have no vomiting for 48 hours before they return to school.

As to Chris's comment that a person who is sick frequently must have other issues such as weight or poor diet. Yes, sometimes diet can affect your health but not likely in the case of viruses and bacteria. And definitely not the flu.
One more thing...... GETTING A FLU SHOT DOES NOT GUARANTEE YOU WILL NOT GET SICK AT ALL!!!!! So stop harping about the damn flu shots!!!

To LW3: I had to laugh at the approach....... its perfect.

******OFF TOPIC******
Nanchan, my daughter is stationed in Japan. She wants to send me something from there and asks me what I want. I know it's expensive there, so I don't want her to spend money on something I can get here. I know she's picked out some kind of containers that she knows I'll love. Do you have any suggestions that would be unique (I can't think of the word I really want) to Japan that won't break her? It's hard w/o knowing my tastes of course, but I'm pretty easy. In the gift giving way. Thank you in advance for your time.

@FerretGirl72: Flu shot. Flu shot flu shot flu shot flu shot. Fluuuuuu shot.

Re: bugz

Thank you so much for asking :) Such an honor, really.

The stuff I gave to my family (which didn't cost much to me: tell her to go to the local Japanese grocery stores, not the ones on base. For the record, I have never been in the military, so I ONLY knew the those stores!) that they loved were:

1. Sake sets: usually a small sake pitcher (very small) with four cups.
2. Fabric: two of my sisters are BIG quilters and I used to find "used" kimonos at the local flea markets for about $5. These same kimonos sold NEW for over $5000! It's a Japanese thing (or at least it was at the time) that they don't like "used" anything so my friends and I bought used kimonos at deep discounts. My sisters have made absolutely beautiful quilts from these. I'm not as talented as they are! One of my sister's quilts is now protected in plastic and hangs over a barn in Iowa.
3. If you can learn how to cook Japanese, my favorite food is chawan mushi, which is basically an egg custard that is steamed in a pot. I've NEVER seen these custard cups here in the US, and online they are like $100 for a set of 4, but in Japan you can get them in almost every big supermarket for about $20.

Thanks for asking, but remember, her best gift is her love and whatever impacts HER life over there!! :)
3.

I love how everyone says "don't want to get the flu, then get a flu shot". Good advised... unless you have a bad reaction to them.
Many people in my family have negative reactions to flu shots. It ranges from a localized swelling that leaves them unable to use their arm for days, a rash that spreads over the body within 12 hours of getting the shot, or for some, as in my case, a very nasty case of "flu like" symptoms. Because of the reactions that run in the family, most of us do not get them as kids. I took my first flu shot when I joined the Army. within 24 hours I was racked with chills, extreme body aches and a fever of 103. Every time I was ordered to take a flu shot while in service I had almost the exact same reaction. It took four years and a final fever of 105 before it was finally marked in my records as an allergic reaction. Sense I stopped taking the flu shot, I've had a bad case of the flu (more than a "24 hour" bug) about 4 times over the last 24 years. I've actually had pneumonia more times than a major flu.
When someone you know hasn't taken a flu shot don't assume they are selfish or ignorant. They could have a very good reason for their decision.

LW2: I got through this winter with very little illness, and I work retail so have people in the store with all sorts of stuff going on. My routine: when I feel like I'm waking up with something starting, I turn the blanket on High and add severl quilts, and bake for about 20 minutes, followed by a really hot shower in a bathroom with the space heater on Hign . Then I wear several layers of sweaters. With breakfast, I take major amounts of Vitamin C and a good multi (D helps as well) and other herbal things like golden seal (do some research and see what works for you.) I do more Vitamin C during the day, and usually it's cleared by the end of the day.

LW3:when I put away my daughters' littered stuff, they had to earn it back by extra household chores. I they didn't after a reasonalble period of time, it went to charity.

Re: Chris #32
"the overuse of alcohol wipes and hand sanitizers has contributed significantly to the problem of ever more aggressive and resistant strains of bacteria."
As far as I know, super-resistant bacteria are caused by,
a) The significant presence of antibiotics in our food;
b) Idiots who start taking their antibiotic prescription, and then stop in the middle of it because they feel better. All they manage to do is vaccinate the remaining bacteria still in their body, because they were exposed to the antibiotic but not yet killed. Brilliant result.