I recently shared a humorous story about a trip I took to Poland in the 1990s to train some of their Social Security officials on how we handled information outreach to American citizens about our Social Security programs. I received so much positive feedback on that column. Here is a typical example: "I have been a faithful reader of your column for many years. I have learned so much about Social Security. But it's nice to get a break once in a while from all the details about that complicated program and read some of your human-interest stories. Keep them coming!"

Well, it's the holiday season and maybe we can take another little break from all the nitty-gritty details of Social Security, and I can share another funny story with you.

This story takes place around Christmastime in 1997. My family and I had just moved to San Diego, California — where I was in charge of public-affairs activities for the Social Security Administration in that part of the country. In addition to being the frontman for the SSA with local media outlets, that also meant I'd be running around town giving speeches to various community groups about Social Security and conducting retirement seminars with local employers.

To set the scene for this story, I must tell you two things. First: We had moved to San Diego from gritty old Baltimore. And prior to that, we had lived and worked in many cold and wintry northern cities. So, moving to Southern California, where every day would be sunny and 72 degrees, was like a dream come true. And second, at the time, my mother was in failing health and I was planning a holiday season trip back to her home in Wisconsin.

Before I took the trip, I thought it would be a good idea to make a little video for my mom to give her a taste of life in San Diego. I knew she would never be physically able to come visit. So, I rented a video camera. It was a big, bulky piece of equipment. (This was before cellphones became cameras and video recorders.) I took some shots of our family and home life. But I also went all around San Diego making little video clips.

One morning, I had gone to the Social Security office in Pacific Beach, a coastal San Diego neighborhood, to give a training class to the office employees. After that, I had a lunchtime speech scheduled at a Rotary Club in downtown San Diego. After I finished the training class, I had some time to kill before I had to leave for the speech. Knowing I'd have this extra time, I had brought along the camera. So, off I went to the Pacific Beach boardwalk, which was just a couple blocks from the Social Security office. And there I stood on a bluff overlooking the ocean, taking panoramic shots of everything there was to see. I knew my mom would be impressed.

I was slowly walking backward, and I was panning from one side of the coast to the other. And I was doing a running commentary on all the sights we were looking at.

Then I panned along the boardwalk to show all the people who were out on such a pretty day. (I still wasn't used to the fact that hundreds of people were at the beach in the middle of December!) As I panned the boardwalk, in my lens viewer I suddenly spotted the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was young. She was blonde. She was perfectly tanned. And she was wearing a rather skimpy bikini. She looked like one of those models from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. And she was running along the boardwalk toward me. I was transfixed. Even though this was supposed to be a travelogue for my 85-year-old mother, I couldn't keep my camera off the gorgeous goddess! I followed her as she slowly ran toward me, keeping her in perfect focus as she approached. And again, all the while, I am slowly backing up.

And just as she approached me, I tripped. I thought I was on a path with no obstacles, but I had backed right into a small cement bench along the ocean bluff. But to say I "tripped" is to put it very mildly. Actually, I was falling backward, uncontrollably, just as she ran by. As I was falling, I pivoted my body so that I wouldn't land on my back; I also was trying to protect the expensive camera I had rented. I started to put out my hands to break my fall. But that never happened. What broke my fall was my head! It slammed with a BANG right onto the concrete boardwalk!

For a short while, things were just a blur. I must have blacked out. But I did so for only a few seconds. I remember lifting my head off the concrete and slowly focusing on an odd shape that was blowing gently by me along the boardwalk. It was a bloody red blob of skin, about the size of a quarter, with some hairs sticking out of it. What could that be? I felt the top of my forehead and my hand came back a bloody mess. What was blowing in the breeze beside me was a piece of my scalp!

Fortunately, a Florence Nightingale came to my aid. And it wasn't the gorgeous blonde in the bikini. I'm sure she had a good chuckle, and maybe a "That serves you right, you big, dumb jerk" grin on her face as she passed by my mangled body. Instead, my savior was a nice 70-ish-year-old woman who helped me to the bench I had just fallen over. She had some water and used a hankie from her purse to help clean me up. As I slowly regained my senses, I realized there were a lot of contusions and abrasions, but no bones were broken and there really was no pain. But I was a bloody mess. My head wound was not deep, and the bleeding stopped quickly. But I had several bad scrapes on my knees and elbows. My khaki dress slacks and blue shirt were torn and bloodstained!

After maybe 10 minutes of intensive beachside care, I thanked the nice old lady. I just barely had time to get to a nearby drugstore where I bought antiseptic ointment and some bandages. I sat in my car and did an amateurish first aid job on my many cuts and bruises. I knew I didn't have time to get home and change before my speech. I made it downtown just in time. So, picture a room full of some of San Diego's top business leaders. And at the podium, there was a guy who looked like he just survived a bomb blast! Fortunately, I was able to wow them with my Social Security presentation, so they were mostly able to ignore my pitiful appearance!

Oh, by the way: The camera survived the crash, and so did the film it contained. That evening, I gave my wife a preview of my nice travelogue of San Diego scenes that ended with a picturesque overview of the Pacific Ocean and people walking and jogging along a boardwalk. And just as a gorgeous bikini-clad blonde comes into sharp focus, the camera suddenly lurches upward and sideways and then down — and then the film goes blank! And my wife, looking at my battle scars, echoed the sentiments of the boardwalk beauty when she said, "That serves you right, you big, dumb jerk!"

I hope you got a little chuckle out of that story. And next week, I promise we'll get back to some serious Social Security issues!

If you have a Social Security question, Tom Margenau has a book with all the answers. It's called "Social Security — Simple and Smart." You can find the book at www.creators.com/books. Or look for it on Amazon or other book outlets. To find out more about Tom Margenau and to read past columns and see features from other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: nakajigogogo at Pixabay