Who wants you to eat healthier? Your mother. Your doctor. And your brain.

That's why, instead of that cheeseburger, you should eat a strawberry, or a walnut, or a fish.

Not your pet goldfish, of course. Think how guilty you'll feel frying up Li'l Flipper, whose workday consists of traveling endlessly in circles, never getting anywhere. Of course, you identify. That sounds like your workday, too.

But I digress. It happens all the time, since I can't focus at work, either. Then I read "Eating for Impact: 6 Ways to Eat for Focus," a recent posting on MyFitnessPal.com by Stephanie Nelson, RD.

Turns out the key to better focus is a very advanced, high-tech tool. It's called a fork.

What you eat has always been a big part of business success. Ask anyone who has gone to lunch with clients who order double-thick steaks with extra fries, slathered in duck fat. You know your chance of success with these people is less than zero when the server delivers your garden salad with dressing on the side.

Working from home also makes managing your diet more difficult. When you work in an office, you are limited by what is available at the company cafeteria. Resisting a soggy burrito or a moldy meatloaf is not a challenge, but having your refrigerator next to your desk opens you up to a number of workflow problems, like the cartons of Cherry Garcia that keep appearing on your desktop.

According to Nelson, eating the right foods will "protect your brain health by reducing inflammation and promoting blood flow."

If your last meeting with your manager increased your inflammation 500% and slowed your blood flow to a trickle, here are five menu ideas for you to focus on, along with some highly unfocused digressions from you-know-who.

No. 1: Start with a well-balanced meal.

You want carbs, protein and fat. Nuts are great source of fat, as any squirrel can tell you. (Any of your squirrelly co-workers in marketing will tell you the same thing, but who wants to listen to them?)

No. 2: Take note of which foods trigger brain fog.

Consider breakfast. Does coffee wake you up to all the work you've neglected to do? Coffee definitely has to go. On the other hand, a breakfast of spaghetti carbonara is guaranteed to erase any memory of the assignments you failed to complete, allowing you to start your day stuffed, happy and stupid. Delicious!

No. 3: Protect your brain health early.

As unfocused and forgetful as you are today, it's never too late to "eat lots of fruits and vegetables, especially brightly colored ones like berries, leafy greens and citrus fruit." To save time, all these ingredients can be whipped up into a tasty smoothie. For maximum benefit, add a jigger or three of corn liquor — organic, of course. You won't be sharp as a tack, but you really won't care.

No. 4: Reduce inflammation with berries.

Berries provide flavonoids, which "slow cognitive decline with age by reducing inflammation."

You can eat the berries — Flavonoid shortcake! Yum! — but for fast-acting brain health, apply the flavonoids directly to your head. In meetings, bring a blueberry scone and slowly rub it into your hair. Guaranteed, there will be an instant increase in focus. Best of all, the focus will all be on you.

No. 5: Load up on leafy greens.

Green leafy vegetables like chard and kale improve brain health by providing vitamin K, which "reduces cell death by protecting your nerves, helping to decrease how quickly your brain ages." Since you still have the brain of a moody 14-year-old, it will not be necessary to eat chard or kale ever again as long as you live. Bet you feel better already.

If the thought of leaving all those juicy cheeseburgers behind is too depressing, remember that you don't need to have a perfect diet; you only have to have a better diet than your co-workers. It's a great reason to be the person who brings doughnuts to work every morning. It will not only make you popular, but with your colleagues paralyzed from sugar-induced brain fog, whatever little work you do will surely stand out.

And don't worry about eating better than your managers. The typical managerial diet of truffles, lobster tails and caviar is the reason their decisions are always so wrongheaded and ridiculous. All you have to do is hope someone higher up on the org chart will focus long enough to notice.

In the meantime, please pass the flavonoids.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected]. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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