Hello, 2016. I Hate You Already.

By Robert Goldman

January 7, 2016 5 min read

Greetings and salutations! It's a new year, and I have a fantastic idea guaranteed to make 2016 the best year ever.

Unfortunately, it's too late for you to use my new idea, so you're definitely condemned to another miserable year, but you should be used to that. You've had plenty.

The reason you can't implement this fantastic new idea is that it must done on your first day back at work after the New Year's vacation, which is a distant memory now. [It was probably a distant memory then, but I'm not here to point fingers.]

Also, in the spirit of full disclosure, my fantastic idea actually belongs to Justin J. Bariso, and — let's be honest here — Justin J. stole it from Kevin Kruse.

Confused? Well, that's one aspect of this bright and shiny new year that hasn't changed, but let me straighten it all out.

Justin J. Bariso is a LinkedIn blogger who recently posted, "How to Make Your First Day Back a Guaranteed Success."

Kevin Kruse is a "serial entrepreneur and the author of several best-sellers." It was Kruse who provided Bariso with his top tips for making your first day back a smashing success.

As I said, that first day is long gone, but I don't see why these first-day ideas can't be re-scaled and implemented in your first week back.

Willing to give it a try? Let's go!

Tip No. 1 is "Establish your MIT."

MIT doesn't refer to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, one of the many prestigious institutions of higher education you didn't attend. Nor is it the name of a rapper, though it certainly could be [are you feeling me, T.I., Q-Tip and Waka Flocka Flame?]

MIT is "Most Important Task," and it refers to the No. 1 top priority task you tackle first.

Makes sense. Instead of obsessing on all those stupid, low-priority jobs your manager wants you to do, focus on your MIT for the first day — for every day — having a really good lunch, preferably without paying for it.

Accomplish that MIT and you can reward yourself by crawling under your desk for nice, New Year's nap. With enough luck, and enough lunch, you could sleep all the way until 2017.

Tip No. 2 is to "Clean your email slate." The goal here is to rid yourself of all nonessential emails so you can reach email nirvana, AKA "email zero."

The approved technique, according to Bariso and Kruse, is to "identify all emails that arrived 48 hours before your holiday began, until now. Create a folder and label it something like 'Old Emails.' Take every email that came before your starting point and move them into that folder."

"You've just drastically reduced your inbox," Bariso explains. You've also rid your life of all those depressing emails from HR about how your performance is below minimum standards, and if you don't improve, you're scheduled for termination.

Let's face it, there was never any chance you'd improve, and now, when they send security to carry out your boxes, you can honestly say you knew nothing about management's dissatisfaction with your work.

And you can prove that you're highly involved and motivated. After all, in your first week back, you spent two hours a day on the company dime, feasting at the Smorgy-Bob. That's right! You accomplished your MIT!

Tip No. 3 is "Go home at a decent time." Bariso points out that Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg goes home at 5:30 p.m. every day. "She's one of the most successful people in business, and her job is obviously a huge priority. But the relationship with her kids is even more important."

I don't know about your relationship with your kids, though I know you are very close to your RealDoll. Still, here is where one of the most unsuccessful people in business can beat the Sheryl Sandbergs of the word.

If Sheryl goes home at 5:30 p.m., you go home at 5:00 p.m. Or 4:30 p.m. Or how about 2:45 p.m., right when you get back from lunch?

Heck, what if you don't come in at all! Do it the first week, and then, if no one notices, follow the good advice from Justin J. Bariso to "keep that momentum going for the rest of the year."

I totally agree. If you can have great lunches every day, and never answer another email, and go home from work long before you ever come into work, no doubt about it — 2016 is going to be a success, guaranteed.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company, but he finally wised up and opened Bob Goldman Financial Planning in Sausalito, California. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at [email protected] To find out more about Bob Goldman, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Joseph Nicolia

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