DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl who is a sophomore in high school, and I'm pretty sad. Last year I had a really nice boyfriend for several months, including the holidays, and then I had a different boyfriend this past spring and throughout the summer. However, he and I broke up, and although I've dated a few guys since then, I don't have a steady boyfriend heading into the holidays. This makes me feel sad because I'll be invited to a lot of holiday parties and not have anyone to go with.

Should I brace myself to go alone these next few weeks, or should I quickly try to find a guy who will go with me to all the events I want to attend? — Feeling All Alone, via email

FEELING ALL ALONE: I suggest you plan on attending the events proudly on your own. This can be an empowering experience when you realize that your personal value is absolutely the same whether you attend holiday get-togethers on your own or with a date.

Plan in advance to relax, smile and engage your other friends in conversations at these events. Don't hide out, don't try to fade into the background. Be friendly, smile a lot and even use the opportunity to talk to other guys who are dating some of your friends to ask them if they have any eligible friends they might want to introduce you to!

Being bold and confident like this is extremely attractive, and I trust all your friends and even your new acquaintances will be impressed by the way you handle yourself.

I feel this is a much better strategy rather than trying to rush out and find somebody at the last minute who may or may not have much in common with you, and who may not present well alongside you. You have your own tremendous value! Know that in advance, and proudly put yourself forward and enjoy the good times together with your friends.

OUR TRADITIONAL ANNUAL OUTING WAS ALTERED FOR THE WORSE

DR. WALLACE: I'm a girl in high school, and my best friend and I had planned an afternoon and early evening of doing some holiday gift shopping last weekend.

This is something we do each year, and it's almost become like a tradition between the two of us. We not only enjoy shopping together, but we have a lot of good laughs and talk about a lot of common experiences with people we know. Best of all, we get a lot of shopping done, and we always sit down and have a nice meal before we wrap up the evening.

This year, at the last minute, she texted me and asked me if it would be OK if her older brother's girlfriend came with us! This girl is three years older than we are, and the text came in literally 45 minutes before we were scheduled to meet.

I thought about it for a minute but didn't really know what to say. On the one hand, I really didn't want this other girl to go with us, but I soon realized that I had to say yes, that it would be OK with me. This girl was fine, and she was nice enough, but it absolutely changed the dynamic of our entire afternoon and evening.

She and my best friend spent 80% of their time talking about my friend's brother, as it was obvious that his girlfriend was all excited about him. At the end of the evening, I felt tremendously shortchanged. It just wasn't the experience I was used to or was looking forward to.

Should I say anything to my friend when I see her again soon, or should I just let this experience go? I certainly wouldn't want to do this again after seeing how things played out this time. And for the record, it turns out her brother had to go with their father to do some very specific shopping for their mother, and this is why his girlfriend had nowhere to go that night at the last minute. — The Dynamic Changed Completely, via email

THE DYNAMIC CHANGED COMPLETELY: My advice is to say nothing and simply let this go. It sounds to me like this was a confluence of events that fell randomly like dominoes, likely starting with their father asking his son to go with him for a specific reason. The son then had to let his girlfriend down and not follow through on their plans for that evening, which is where your best friend got involved.

When a "one-off" situation like this does not go your way, it's better not to whine or complain about it after the fact. It's over, and although you didn't enjoy the usual dynamic of shopping one-on-one with your friend, in my opinion, it wasn't entirely her fault either.

The good news is, this does give you a precedent for the future to utilize if you'll ever need it. For example, if something like this were to occur again, you could gracefully bow out and encourage your friend to go with the other person at that particular time. You could then suggest that you reschedule a one-on-one shopping trip at the earliest opportunity following that.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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