DR. WALLACE: There's a new girl at our intermediate school and I heard through the gossip grapevine that her father is incarcerated. This makes me feel sad for her and her whole family if it is true.

She's in a couple of my classes, and I've actually spoken to her briefly a couple of times, but of course, I knew nothing about her back then. Now that I have this potential information, I'm thinking differently about her, and something tells me that I should be more friendly to her.

Do you think I should say anything to her at all? I wouldn't say anything about her father or anything I heard from anyone; I was just thinking of talking to her as a potential new friend, like I would anyone else. Do you agree? — I Feel for Her Situation, via email

I FEEL FOR HER SITUATION: By all means, you should feel free to be friends with anyone at your intermediate school that you feel is a person you'd like to meet and be friendly with.

Start by remembering that you don't know for sure if any of the rumors you heard were true or not. Therefore, you don't know about her "situation" for sure, so don't focus on that. Instead, casually make conversation with her in your classes or about topics that relate to your studies or anything else you have in common.

You could invite her out shopping with you, to do a study session at your home or hers, or any other anything else you feel may be appropriate. Keep an open mind and don't ask her any direct questions. Simply observe and gather information as you go forward so that you can be a reliable friend to her if that's what you choose to be. You'll learn more about her and her family in time; there is no rush at all to say anything until she tells you first herself.

HE STARTED FRIENDLY BUT SOON CAME THE ROUGH STUFF

DR. WALLACE: I'm a college student and I met a guy recently who seemed very friendly and compatible to me. We mostly talked about the music we enjoy, the foods we like and other small talk things of that nature.

He seemed to be a person with good humor, an easy-going manner, and just a regular guy. Eventually, he told me that he was a member of a particular fraternity and that I would be a perfect recruit as a new member, and he would be happy to introduce me. At first, I felt honored, and then a sense of importance kind of washed over me as I imagined multiplying my friends by dozens.

I think he noticed how excited I was about potentially joining his fraternity, but then over the next week or two, our conversations went from light small talk to a series of warnings and admonitions about the hazing rituals that I should expect to endure in order to be able to join this fraternity. He told me his reputation would be on the line and that I better not "punk out" on him by refusing to do some of the things they would want me to do. I asked him about this, and he listed several of the previous rituals that new recruits must go through to become a full fraternity member.

I was beyond shocked at some of the things I heard him say, and he even laughed in a sadistic manner when he retold some of these stories. I have to decide within the next two weeks, and I'm already beginning to rethink the whole situation, and even my friendship with him. Should I go through with this or listen to that voice in the back of my mind that says this may not end well? — Not Sure What to Do, via email

NOT SURE WHAT TO DO: It's quite simple to realize that you're beyond uncomfortable with everything you've heard.

At this point, you don't know for sure if everything he's told you is going to be accurate or something you will be expected to do, but putting you in that position is perhaps his attempt as a form of mind manipulation from your point of view.

I regularly advise teenagers of all ages not to enter into situations they have ominous feelings about before they follow through. Only a very small percentage of such situations have what would be considered good or beneficial outcomes. You must, of course, make up your own mind, so you can do whatever clandestine research you may be equipped to engage in at this point about this particular fraternity. But if you continue to feel as if an ominous cloud is hanging over you, it's likely not in your best interest to proceed.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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