DR. WALLACE: My sister and her husband are the parents of their own two teenage children, plus they have a 10-year-old adopted son.

They are regularly a very happy family, and all five of them get along great. I was surprised to hear from my sister the other day that her youngest son, who knows he is adopted, told her that he was very sad that he didn't have his birth mother around to see him and talk to him.

She and her husband of course did everything to reassure him how much they loved him and cared for him, and what an important part of their family he is.

My sister does not believe she will ever be able to find her son's biological mother, and she doesn't know if that woman is even still living. Do you have any suggestions that may be helpful to my sister in her efforts to reassure her son? — His Concerned Aunt, via email

HIS CONCERNED AUNT: I recall an excellent suggestion a reader provided years ago that was very well received when it was put into practice.

In that case, the parents sat down with the adopted child one day and explained that when their biological children arrived, they accepted them, cherished them and raised them as their own. However, when they wanted to add another child to their family, they actively sought out a suitable child for adoption, and amongst the thousands of possibilities of children they could have applied to adopt, they selected this very boy! They told him that he was truly very special since he was their first choice and they literally decided they wanted him specifically. He was the only one of their children that they selected proactively in advance!

This is a unique way to build the self-esteem of an adopted child during times of melancholy or self-doubt. If used, I hope this suggestion may help your sister's youngest son.

THEY HAVE WAY TOO MANY DATING RULES FOR ME

DR. WALLACE: I'm about to turn 15 1/2 years old on Jan. 15, and I will finally be allowed to date! I'm a girl who is very social, and I have a lot of friends, so I'll definitely be asked out on a few dates here and there. I'm truly looking forward to it.

However, my parents sat me down exactly a month before I'm allowed to start dating and told me that for six full months, all of my dates must be double dates! My parents said it doesn't have to be the same four teenagers all the time, as the other three people can be interchangeable, but they then gave me another new rule. The new rule is that I have to provide the phone numbers of all three of the other teenagers' parents!

My parents want to call the parents of anyone that I will be dating and both of the other two teenagers' parents! I feel like this is almost stifling me to not be allowed to date until I'm 16 years old, since this restriction will be beyond uncomfortable for me personally. I cringe at the thought of my parents calling all of these other parents and managing my dates for me. Do you think this is fair? — I'm Facing Too Many Rules, via email

I'M FACING TOO MANY RULES: The first rule you need to understand is that your parents hold all the power. Until you're 18 years of age, they can set any rules for you that they would like when it comes to dating.

My advice is to lighten up, follow their rules and focus more on enjoying your dates than on battling the rules they have put in place for you. Gaining the social experience of dating at your age is a valuable asset, even if the ground rules aren't perfect in your estimation.

Soon enough, you'll turn 16 and no longer have to double date, and that will feel like a great relief. Hang in there until that day comes and enjoy the opportunity to meet a lot of other teenagers along the way.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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