DR. WALLACE: I have been dating a new guy for about a month. We've been out on five dates so far. The first two dates, he acted like a perfect gentleman, but over the last three he has become increasingly physically aggressive with me, especially trying to move his hands around my body. After the fourth date, I actually told him that I did not appreciate that he was constantly so "handsy" with me, and I politely and firmly asked him to stop that behavior.

Well, on our fifth date he waited a bit longer in the evening to start up again with his hands, but he then indeed went way too far again, and I had to push his hands away and scold him once again. This last time actually made me kind of mad, since he knew in advance that I did not want him doing that anymore.

My problem is that some mutual friends have invited us both as a couple to a special holiday party a little over a week from now. I'm very interested in going to this party, but I know that if we can go together on what would be our sixth date, he's likely to pull some of the same unwanted actions that he has in the past. I don't want to experience that again, but on the other hand, I don't want to miss what will certainly be a great holiday party. — Feeling Frisked, via email

FEELING FRISKED: Plan on going to the party, but not as his date. He has forfeited the right to date you due to his most ungentlemanly behavior. See if you can get a ride to the party with some of your other friends. And even if you see him at the party, simply say a very brief hello to him, but don't spend any further direct time with him. He'll likely get the message that his past actions have driven you away, deservedly so.

Once a guy has been clearly told that he is crossing a line, whatever that line may be, he is both disrespecting and devaluing his date by continuing unwanted behavior. Oftentimes larger problems develop later in relationships that manifest themselves on the back of the initial issue that brought about unsavory behavior. Do not expect this type of behavior to simply go away. Value yourself and steer clear of spending social time with people such as this guy.

MY DAUGHTER WANTS TO HAVE DARK RED HAIR!

DR. WALLACE: My daughter wants to dye her hair another color! She has beautiful brown hair, but she wants to have some of it cut and dyed to a deep red for some reason. She's 17, so I feel I still have some say over her for at least another year.

I personally don't like the idea of her changing her hair color. Overall, she's a good girl who does well in school and stays out of trouble, so this recent request has kind of thrown me for a loop, if you know what I mean. Do you feel this is an issue I should challenge her on? Or should I simply let her dye her hair to her "new" preferred color? — Very Surprised Mother, via email

VERY SURPRISED MOTHER: Think about the fact that within a year she will be an adult at age 18 and can change her hair anyhow then to any color she prefers at that time. You've indicated that she's a good student with good citizenship, so why rock the family boat over what is really a minor issue in the big picture of things that many families deal with?

Perhaps tell her that dyeing her hair is not your first choice when it comes to her adjusting her appearance, but that if it's an important issue to her, that you'll support her and her new hairstyle. Over time, she may decide to change her hair back on her own at some point, and what she'll end up remembering years later is that you supported her rather than clashed with her over this issue even though you disagreed at the time with her choice.

I suggest you save any future clashes with your daughter to be held over truly monumental issues that are nonnegotiable on your end. And hopefully the two of you may never have a big clash at all going forward from here. When you're both a bit older, you'll likely have a good laugh over this someday. For now, bite your lip, smile and wish her luck with her new hairstyle.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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